Brother facing Life

[Kani1130]

I don't even know where to begin. My brother is 28 years old and have been in and out of prison since he was 14 years old. He is my half brother, we have the same father. We did not grow up together and aren't really close. When he was 16 years old he was convicted of involuntary manslaughter and sentence to 5 years in an adult prison. I used to visit him while he was in jail and he promised that he would not return and that when he got out that he would make it a priority to develop a relationship with me. Especially since I was there for him during his sentence. He served his time and was released. Due to his past criminal history when he returned home and was 21 years old, he could not gain employment. He later turned to drugs and that lifestyle and from that point on he was in and out of jail.

In April 2011 he was release from prison after serving 2 years on a violation of probation. Again he promised that he would do right and that we would have a relationship. August of 2011 he was arrested and charged with murder. Last month he was convicted of first degree murder. He will be sentenced in October 2012. He is now facing life without the possibility of parole. Its so hard for me to come to terms that he will be in jail for the rest of his life. Unless he wins on an appeal. (*praying for the best*) although I don't expect it. I really want to be there for him and I have been since day one I found out he was my brother. I have always wanted the best and tried to be a positive role model for him. But every time he was out of jail I never heard from him and when I would try to contact him so we could spend time together he was always busy. Now since he has been locked up since August he has called me so much and I have been spending so much money on phone calls and sending him money. I just don't know if I can do this for the rest of his life or mine. Everyday I think about him and wish I could have saved him from all of this. I just don't know what else to do.

[#1AndOnly]

It's so hard to see the people we feel like we should have saved sitting in there struggling.
I know this is a hard time for you, but I strongly suggest setting boundaries. You can't realistically take his calls and send him $ like this forever. Plus he needs to learn how to support himself while in there and not depend on anyone, this is the life he will be living for the foreseeable future. I would limit the phone calls, write more often and set a certain amount you can send every month and maybe extra on bday and special holidays.
You have done your best ... I think we feel the only thing we can do from out here is keep them comfortable. The reality is that even $ won't make things better, it will make it easier sure, but not better. He needs to start standing on his own two feet.

My brother kept going back as well .. and my family kept supporting him. Finally his last bid they said 1 visit a week (he was literally 5 min's away) and x amount of money a month .. when it was no longer easy for him he learned to adapt and made better choices when he got out. He now says freedom tastes better than any beer or drug ..

So I am not saying this to be mean or judgemental, I am saying it from my viewpoint and experience.

Again I hurt for you .. this is a struggle and both of you will have to find your way as you go.