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blueyes.TS · #1 07-23-2012, 09:43 PM

I have been thinking alot about these past couple weeks. I'm almost ready to snap at anyone that tries to even talk to me. I have built up so much anger, bitterness. For my soon to be husband. I have tried to talk to him many times what has been going throw in my head.. But it seems like it does no good.

I have put up with a lot of crap. That I don't even deserve. But I do it because I love him. Today on the phone being today is my birthday, But doesn't matter. I still get yelled at and everything else. Because I didn't call to make arrangement's for the wedding in a couple weeks. Not like a day is gonna matter anyways.. I just feel that nothing I do for him is good enough and Im sick of feeling like that. It's so tiring emotionally and mentally. Tell me if I'm in the wrong, by not going to see him this week along with not talking to him on the phone? I know he is stressed but that doesn't give him the right to yell and everything else to me.. Makes me feel like I can't even do anything right anymore. I'm done giving him or trying to give him everything he wants and me nothing in return. I dont even ask for anything in return that's the thing. I just seriously don't know what to think anymore. Or sorry to say this, Even if he does even love me at all.. Only keeping me around to give him what he wants. I feel so bad for saying and thinking that.. But that has been going around in my head for a few weeks now. Im just so lost and need help.

InmateLover67 · #2 07-23-2012, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueyes.TS

I have been thinking alot about these past couple weeks. I'm almost ready to snap at anyone that tries to even talk to me. I have built up so much anger, bitterness. For my soon to be husband. I have tried to talk to him many times what has been going throw in my head.. But it seems like it does no good.

I have put up with a lot of crap. That I don't even deserve. But I do it because I love him. Today on the phone being today is my birthday, But doesn't matter. I still get yelled at and everything else. Because I didn't call to make arrangement's for the wedding in a couple weeks. Not like a day is gonna matter anyways.. I just feel that nothing I do for him is good enough and Im sick of feeling like that. It's so tiring emotionally and mentally. Tell me if I'm in the wrong, by not going to see him this week along with not talking to him on the phone? I know he is stressed but that doesn't give him the right to yell and everything else to me.. Makes me feel like I can't even do anything right anymore. I'm done giving him or trying to give him everything he wants and me nothing in return. I dont even ask for anything in return that's the thing. I just seriously don't know what to think anymore. Or sorry to say this, Even if he does even love me at all.. Only keeping me around to give him what he wants. I feel so bad for saying and thinking that.. But that has been going around in my head for a few weeks now. Im just so lost and need help.

Sorry you are feeling the way you are, and I can see how being treated like this would bring on the thoughts you have been having.

You commented about a wedding, is this your wedding with this man? Is this who you want to spend the rest of your life with? Why do you feel as though you need to stay in a relationship where you needs and wants are not important? A marriage is supposed to be a union, not a one way street.

Please take more time to evaluate what it is you are getting out of this relationship. It does not sound like to me that you are being fullfilled..and your not being listened to. Have you thought about sitting down and writing a letter, instead of trying to talk to him on the phone? Sometimes when they are given the chance to read something and think about it, they sometimes will see things in a different light.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you do what is best for YOU, because this is YOUR future.

Peace~

blueyes.TS · #3 07-23-2012, 10:19 PM

Yes a wedding that I dont even think I should be doing. I have tried talking to him with letters. So I just don't get it.. What else is there?. I do love him, but I can't deal with him being so selfish.. Marriage is forever there is no such thing as divorce in my world. I guess I'm old fashion I don't know. I just don't want to give up on him nor myself.

InmateLover67 · #4 07-23-2012, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueyes.TS

Yes a wedding that I dont even think I should be doing. I have tried talking to him with letters. So I just don't get it.. What else is there?. I do love him, but I can't deal with him being so selfish.. Marriage is forever there is no such thing as divorce in my world. I guess I'm old fashion I don't know. I just don't want to give up on him nor myself.

If you do not think you should be doing it, then why are you? That does not make sense to me....if you are not happy now, how do you think you will feel once you are married? Do you think he is going to change for some strange reason, because he married you?

I just do not understand where you are at with your thought processes....you say you have tried talking to him and nothing seems to work, why do you keep hanging on to something that is not benefiting you in the least bit.

Truthfully, what are you getting out of this relationship? How long have you been putting up with this shit?

Again, you are saying you do not want to deal with this, but yet you are, and you continue to. Only you can decide what is right for you...I hope you get it figured out.

Peace~

blueyes.TS · #5 07-23-2012, 10:45 PM

I'm not getting nothing from it nor him being like that to me.. I guess I'm just scratching my head like you are.. He says the only reason he is on my ass about getting married because it will give him a sense of security Knowing i'm gonna be there. I just think there is another way to get through to him. Without just throwing in the towel. Well I hope there is anyways.

nimuay · #6 07-24-2012, 12:47 AM

Oh, HIS sense of security . . . and who cares what you feel, eh? Back out NOW! Delay, because if you only have one shot at marrying, this is NOT the way or the one.

He will see it as betrayal, he will be angry, but you (and you're the only one on your side right now) will feel relief. You need time to 'get through' to him - if you can - before you go into something as important as this.

thatwiz · #7 07-24-2012, 02:53 PM

Cancel the wedding for now. There's no reason to rush into it-he's got nothing but time. Until you feel differently than you do now, you will be horribly unhappy.

juss me6 · #8 07-24-2012, 03:21 PM

I believe he has to write a letter to the head of the prison to get approved. They will then give him a packet. I'm not sure my fiance is in the process of finding out. I have been working 16+ hours the last 2 days so I haven't been able to talk to him and see what's up

Momma Ann · #9 07-24-2012, 04:56 PM

I think she knows the process. Her question is should she bother.

juss me6 · #10 07-24-2012, 05:05 PM

Oh well if you have to ask peoples opinions then maybe you shouldn't. This is something you have to decide for yourself. He shouldn't ask you to marry him so he knows. He should already know when he asks you. I went and re read your post the way he yells at you and makes you feel the way you do should be a sign things need to be fixed and you both need to work on your communication first.

Trippie · #11 07-24-2012, 05:26 PM

My ex and I talked about getting married for a year. About 4 or 5 months before the wedding we started having problems very much like yours. I wanted to call it off and wait until things got better. He kept on and on and he loved me blah blah blah and look how much money we spent and it would be magical. I wanted to believe him so I did.

March came and our wedding weekend come up. I wanted to call it off then but he made me feel guilty that people had made reservations and spent money. How could I let them waste money like that? He was a great manipulator by the way. it was the worst weekend of my life. Every reason that I didn't want to get married showed up and in front of all our friends and family. I was humilated! I didn't even want to look at the pictures or anything after it was done. He was high as a kite and I refused to sign the marriage license. Thank goodness I didn't because 80 days later I caught him making meth with with his brother and we split up.

If you are having any doubts I say postpone it until you don't. If he pressures you to do it when you don't feel comfortable what else will he pressure you to do that you aren't comfortable doing?

I know its hard. I wished I would have said no. It would have saved me a lot of money and humilation.

blueyes.TS · #12 07-24-2012, 09:18 PM

Good news came today people.. Thanks so much for your support.. But all those doubts I had. Are all washed away with one single letter.. The one thing I was waiting for him to do and explain everything to me.. He took the time to write a 10 page letter. Plus poem.. Aww . Now I have no doubts at all.. And we are deff going through with it.. Thats all I needed.. Our communication has gotten so much better. With letters, phone calls, visits. It's just a sigh of relief for me today. The letter had things I didnt want to hear, but i rather him tell me the truth then a bs lie. I just sat in cried after I got done reading the letter. I didnt know what to do because it made me so happy. If that makes any since.. Lol. Thank you all again.

I will post the poem soon.