Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

theshanefactor · #1 06-15-2012, 05:44 PM

My fiancee and I have been together for 9 yrs. We have 2 children together. One who passed away from SIDS She has been locked up for a year now. She gets out in like Oct. She got into some major trouble for contraband and got thrown in lock in April. Well, I read a letter she wrote to her sister a month later and she is talking about how in love she is with this girl and is planning on getting out and letting me get her straight and then leaving me and taking our kid. My fiancee has never liked girls. And the week before all of the lock stuff happened, I had visited her and gave her the most passionate kiss I have ever done before. We still had the spark.

I know I am driving myself crazy on nothing, but I don't want to be caught off guard and lose my kid. Right now the ball is in my court, but I love her so much. I have never loved someone more than I love her. I also just lost my mom in March to cancer very unexpectedly. I don't know what exactly I am expecting to hear. Her best friend told me that she is not gay and never has been and I need to not worry. I wrote her a letter and am being supportive. I really do not care. I just want to be w. her. The other girl has another year and months after my fiancee gets out. I talk to my friends and they say go get custody. Her friends tell me to wait. I am just stuck. I guess I just need to hear someone who went thru something similar and it worked out. HELP save my sanity!!

MRS.GRIFFIN · #2 06-15-2012, 05:50 PM

Sorry to hear that....i havent been in that situation before. It just might be a phrase she going thru, being all lock up..... But i can send you prayers for strength.

theshanefactor · #3 06-15-2012, 06:05 PM

That would be great. My son is flipping out cuz he overheard me talking about it and it's just like WTF!!

DougsCandy · #4 06-15-2012, 06:11 PM

Honey if I were you I would file for custody. Just to be safe

DougsCandy Sent from my LG-P509 using PrisonTalk

missingdee · #5 06-15-2012, 06:14 PM

Could just be the situation where she gets out of it and goes "woah, what the hell was I thinking?" It's not easy in there. I kind of did a pre-emptive strike on my girl and said "if something's going down, you gotta be real with me, because I'm going to find out at some point, and better I hear it from you and we decide what to do together than me hearing it from someone else." Especially since I know my address floats around in there (got a letter from some girl who said I was on a "hook-up list," which pissed my gf off.)

But yeah, I think you do need to approach her and tell her straight-up "look, I love you more than anything, I've stuck by you through a lot. If you're going to leave me, you owe it to me to tell me straight-up and not use me and go." Put the ball in her court. And tell her how you found out. In short, let it be known to her "what you're doing's not cool and your own family's giving me the heads-up because they know I'm doing right by you and you're doing me wrong." She'll probably be pissed at her sister, but you know, that's a risk that she took when she gave her the information.
Talk to her, find out what the deal is, and make your judgment from there. Good luck to you.
-E

theshanefactor · #6 06-15-2012, 06:22 PM

E, That is wonderful advice and exactly what I need to do. I did it today. I sent her 2 letters saying hey I am cool with this, but wtf! We both had "hall passes" so I don't care. She has no choice but to lie to me or tell me what is up. I know I just gotta wait and see, but I am too impatient. lol I do know if I feel like something is up in July, I will be making a trip to the courts.

MRS.GRIFFIN · #7 06-15-2012, 06:28 PM

Hey just for your son sake, dont talk about this in front of him. Do what you have to do for the sake of your son.

Klewis · #8 06-15-2012, 06:37 PM

Its good you wrote your woman and asked her whats up. I do think its a phase. A lot of women want to claim being gay while locked up or when they come out. Just talk to her and let her know how you feel and what you will and won't put up with. This is a sensitive subject so everytime I write something I erase it because I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings so I will just leave it at this.

theshanefactor · #9 06-15-2012, 07:29 PM

I know I just gotta wait and see what she says. I think the mail goes super slow when u are waiting.

agomez84 · #10 06-17-2012, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theshanefactor

My fiancee and I have been together for 9 yrs. We have 2 children together. One who passed away from SIDS She has been locked up for a year now. She gets out in like Oct. She got into some major trouble for contraband and got thrown in lock in April. Well, I read a letter she wrote to her sister a month later and she is talking about how in love she is with this girl and is planning on getting out and letting me get her straight and then leaving me and taking our kid. My fiancee has never liked girls. And the week before all of the lock stuff happened, I had visited her and gave her the most passionate kiss I have ever done before. We still had the spark.

I know I am driving myself crazy on nothing, but I don't want to be caught off guard and lose my kid. Right now the ball is in my court, but I love her so much. I have never loved someone more than I love her. I also just lost my mom in March to cancer very unexpectedly. I don't know what exactly I am expecting to hear. Her best friend told me that she is not gay and never has been and I need to not worry. I wrote her a letter and am being supportive. I really do not care. I just want to be w. her. The other girl has another year and months after my fiancee gets out. I talk to my friends and they say go get custody. Her friends tell me to wait. I am just stuck. I guess I just need to hear someone who went thru something similar and it worked out. HELP save my sanity!!

Get custody...asap...follow ur gut feeling

Jenrietta · #11 06-18-2012, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougsCandy

Honey if I were you I would file for custody. Just to be safe

DougsCandy Sent from my LG-P509 using PrisonTalk

I agree. I think that would be the smart thing to do. If she's not planning on going anywhere when she gets out it won't be a problem. Until then atleast you'll have peace of mind with that young'un.

billysbutton · #12 06-18-2012, 09:04 PM

Its HER friends telling you to hold off on going for custody or are they mutual friends? If your getting a bad vibe then id go with my gut instinct. The way I look at it cover your ass first and foremost. If you even think there is a slight chance she would try that with the kids id file for custody. If she comes out and things get better then great but if things go south its better to cover your own butt. It very well could be a phase but if it were me I wouldn't bank on it. I hope for the kids sake everything works out...God bless you and your family....

tatjanasmom · #13 06-26-2012, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klewis

Its good you wrote your woman and asked her whats up. I do think its a phase. A lot of women want to claim being gay while locked up or when they come out. Just talk to her and let her know how you feel and what you will and won't put up with. This is a sensitive subject so everytime I write something I erase it because I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings so I will just leave it at this.

Totally agree. My daughter found a woman in there and a mother? WT? And I guess they build these sort of family relationships cause it's all they have...for now. My daughter shocked me when she told me she fell for a she (who she calls a he)...and she's straight when she went in. Broke my heart but to keep it real...this is normal I guess in Prison. I watched Lock-up return to Valley state and it is very common. Try try to watch for this show on MSNBC - it usually comes on on Saturdays and Valley State shed a lot of light on the "Family" they build in Prison...

theshanefactor · #14 06-27-2012, 03:47 AM

I used to work at a prison in FL and know this whole thing happens. She was taken out of lock and we talked on the phone and at one point it was civil, but once her gf got in the background, it became an all out war. She says she loves me but is not sure she is "in" love with me and blah blah blah. I need to send her money or she will start letting her gf take care of her. She even put the girl on to our son without mentioning it to me. I know that really isn't a big deal, but it still made me mad. She could not tell me really anything except that she was mad over money. I am going to move from FL to CO for awhile or forever (not sure lol) and I need to kind of look into custody rules and what I need to do to get joint custody primary residence or full custody. I don't know what to do. I do know I NEED to protect my kid. If I were to move w/o getting any kind of custody, I know she technically can't report me for kidnapping or anything, but what can she do if she gets out? I want to protect myself, but I honestly don't have very much money. I never saw this coming AT ALL. Can anyone point me in the right direction or website to find these answers or does anyone know???

patientmuslimah · #15 06-27-2012, 08:54 AM

First Im sorry you are going through. I will pray that things will get easier for you.

Like you said earlier you first step is to def protect your child. She could go either way when she gets home...however no on knows what is to come so secure your situation in the meantime. Go to the family court website where you are now and file for full custody. You will get it because she is incarcerated. Then go from there. If you move it should not matter if you have full physical or legal.

You may love her very much but you have to love yourself more at this point. You cannot let her drive you crazy. Try to keep in mind that it sounds like at this point she is not the woman you were in love with. She has become someone else..maybe as a defense mechanism to make it inside or whatever. She also does not seem to be strong willed enough to hold firm to who she is or how she feels..if she changes on you as soon as her girlfriend comes around. I'm not telling you to give up on her but understand that the reality is she is with this other woman 24/7..so dont be surprised if her influence on her is stronger than yours.
Also regarding money..I would be careful..you said you are worried this other woman will take care of her.. well me personally I would be like if thats who you want..let her take care of you...better than them both eating off of your money..cause there is a good chance whatever you are sending her she is sharing..but more because people only do what we allow them to do to us..sometimes we have to set boundaries ..and not for nothin..but it can also be done to show her guess what..the grass is greener over this side! let them struggle together..it may change the relationship dynamic when things get hard..I know u love her...and its hard..but just remember what Tina said...Whats love got to do with it?

Try to use your head regardless of what your heart is telling you at this point...

thatwiz · #16 06-27-2012, 09:53 AM

If she wasn't gay or bi before, she's not going to turn that way in prison. (thats a poor excuse to justify being a lesbian)If you're straight, you're straight and it just wouldn't happen. That being said, who knows what she will do and do you really think she's going to tell you thats she's going to use you for awhile and then take the kids, if that is her intention. I would look after your own interests first. if she stays with you-it doesn't matter-and you, her and the kids are together. If she wants to try some underhanded stuff-which you are not going to know until it happens to you-best be prepared. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Right now, you have a clear head and I would definitely be taking to a family law attorney at this point and be honest with them. She said or you heard what you did and you want to protect your interests.

**OffenderNoMore** · #17 06-27-2012, 09:54 AM

Hi. My first thought as I was reading the posts was "gay for the state." I have been incarcerated twice and seen what you are experiencing happen over and over again. My advice to you is to get custody of your son. Do it immediately.

In reality, she will probably change her mind when she gets out due to the fact that her g/f has to be there for so long after her. The problem is that since you have no idea if she is being real in this or if she is just playing, you need to protect yourself and your son.

My suggestion would be if she wants to talk to her son, that is fine, but if she continues to put her g/f on the phone, then there will be no more phone calls. In reality, when in the world, we are leery when the ex meets someone new and wants to expose our children to them, at this point in time, given the volatility of the situation, that needs to get nipped in the bud until she gets out and if she stays with g/f, until you find out that g/f is ok. Next, since she used the threat of letting her g/f take care of her, let her. I am almost willing to bet that the g/f hooked up with her in the first place because she really does not have a whole lot of resources and I'll bet your girl does, thanks to you.

With all of that being said, prison is a whole different world. Offenders will "forget" the world beyond the walls in order to be able to survive. Unfortunately, it sounds like your girl has not only done that, but she has lost who she is and what she believes in. Unfortunately, you and your son are the ones to have to deal with the heartbreak of that situation and I hurt for you tremendously. When she gets out, she will be different, especially after having made the decisions she has made.

I know that you are hurt and your are confused, who wouldn't be? But at this point, get legal custody and if possible, get a child support order. I say all of this because if she truly has changed, you want to ensure the safety of your son and to let her have him after she has changed so much will be detrimental to him. After all, if she has changed that much then she does not know herself and how is your son supposed to know mom?

I don't want to be mean or spiteful here, but we have to protect our children, and sometimes we have to protect them from the other parent. Under no circumstance am I insinuating that she would intentionally hurt your son, but at this point since everything is up in the air, it is up to you to protect him until the results of her incarceration can be seen in the free.

I hope this helps some.

theshanefactor · #18 06-28-2012, 11:27 AM

Wow. You guys are GREAT! Every single one of you have helped me so much. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate every one of you. I am trying to find a lawyer in FL to talk to about it all cuz I don't want to move and her pull something and my son get yanked out of a great school to have to fly back to FL and it become a bloody messy fight

theshanefactor · #19 06-28-2012, 11:27 AM

Someone told me that since I have had custody of him for over a year, I can legally move with him and not have to worry about it, but I would rather cover all of my bases before I do anything.

missingdee · #20 06-28-2012, 11:52 AM

Good idea Shane, get the bases covered. I also hope that she comes to her senses about what she's saying and doing. But if not? You've gotta make sure your kid is protected.
-E

photoholic808 · #21 07-10-2012, 09:44 AM

best thing to do is just confront her .. I myself only want open relationship with honesty, and second file a parenting plan.. just to protect you and your son.. I am not sure how old but you should explain something to him, since he overheard.
Also it might just be a phaze I think prison can be lonely and I think more so in a woman prison its easy to mistake feelings..
good luck.

photoholic808 · #22 07-10-2012, 09:47 AM

yes if you have full custody and no stipulation in a parenting plan you can move where ever you want and I don't foresee a judge havin to much sympathy for her in her situation as to up root your son. If you have to it isn't hard to change the parenting plan especially with her in the situation she is in. IT isn't about either of you it's about what's best fro your son.. I am sorry your hurting sending love and prayers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by theshanefactor

Someone told me that since I have had custody of him for over a year, I can legally move with him and not have to worry about it, but I would rather cover all of my bases before I do anything.

negretelove · #23 07-10-2012, 03:09 PM

file for full custody and she can petition the court for visitation when she gets out. you have the upper hand as of right now she has no parental rights.

jandj10 · #24 07-22-2012, 04:22 AM

You can move with your son,shoot my ex wasn't in prison we got a divorce but he was mia for awhile,we lived in cali and i moved to nv. Then when he wanted to see the kids i told him to come to nv. we went to court here in nv.

Hypnotizinbabe · #25 07-26-2012, 07:46 PM

Hey have you ever heard gay for the stay? She is lonely and even if she hooked up whoever the girl she's with usually 8 out of 10 times r usually different on the outside. But you shouldn't be stressed out I would confront her and tell her she is destroying your mind and for her to think long and hard about what she is doing because I can tell u when i was in there ( Framingham prison) I would've died for a loyal man like you and she needs to realize if she is making that choice you shouldn't wait around just to be hurt in the end