Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

sk_1985 · #1 06-25-2012, 06:24 AM

Hi Everyone

I'm new to this and wanted to come on and say hello!

My bf is looking at 6 years, his trial starts nxt wk. I'm so scared!! Just wanted some advice on how others have dealt with it and also how they keep there partner feeling secure in knowing that when you say you will stand by them that you mean it.

Thanks xx

**lisainengland** · #2 06-25-2012, 12:54 PM

Hi and welcome to PTO. We are always here to help and support each other. Although I dont have a partner in this situation I do have penpals and in the past I have had seen friends and family members incarcerated.

My best advice would be to support him as much as possible with letters, phonecalls and visits. It will be hard for both of you but I'm sure you will get through this together

sk_1985 · #3 06-26-2012, 02:08 AM

Thank you!

BAHK · #4 06-28-2012, 01:31 PM

Heey

hope the trail goes well!

Like Lisa said, support him as much as possible, he'll only truly understand you mean it when your the person still visiting, picking up the phone and writing long after everyone else has faded, and believe me it happens sooner than you'd think. You'll have amazing days and then terrible days. Its okay to cry, to be scared and to not know what to do, its part of the waiting game. If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me

Best of luck

sk_1985 · #5 07-05-2012, 05:15 AM

Thanks for the advice

Well he got sentenced yesterday to 5 years, it was so hard to say goodbye but I know we'll get through this and be together soon. I'm hoping he'll get to phone me at some point today, desperate to speak to him and know that he's ok.

Let's hope the years fly by!!! x

**lisainengland** · #6 07-06-2012, 03:15 AM

Wow I'm so sorry to hear that, I know it will be hard for both of you but I hope the visits, phone calls and letters help the time fly by

sk_1985 · #7 07-07-2012, 04:18 PM

Thank you. I got to see visit him today which was great! Never has a hug and a kiss felt so good but now i'm lying in bed alone for the 1st time in a very long time and I just can't stop crying! I don't want to do this for 2 1/2 years until he can get home visits but now that i've started I cant stop and what makes it worse is that all my friends/his friends/ family dont care how I'm feeling. No texts, no phone calls to see how I am it's just as if it's happened and it doesn't affect them so they forget. It's only been 3 days!! I feel so alone, I just want him next to me, cuddling me, telling me he loves me, falling asleep in his arms. I miss him so much, I just hope it gets easier.

Sorry for the rant xx

**lisainengland** · #8 07-09-2012, 05:09 AM

I'm so glad you got to visit him. I cant say if it will get easier but what I can say is that you will find the strength to get through this. Dont ever feel you are alone. We are all here whenever you need support or to just vent

sk_1985 · #9 07-15-2012, 05:44 AM

Hi Everyone,

Well just thought i'd give an update!! Soon I won't be able to dwell too much on my own feelings as I have just found that me and my bf are having a baby!!!!! Obviously not ideal situation for our 1st child but these things happen and we are both delighted!

xx

**lisainengland** · #10 07-15-2012, 09:23 AM

Oh wow congratulations. At least you now have something to look forward to and focus on. ((Hugs))

sk_1985 · #11 07-15-2012, 12:10 PM

Thank you!

becky7722 · #12 07-16-2012, 08:49 AM

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about the 5 years (better than 6). Will he do half that? Once he settles into prison life it will fly by hopefully. Maybe he can work towards cat D (open prison), encourage him to take the courses.

At my mans prison they do alot for the parents, we have daddy newborns, toddlers mornings and homework dads. They have a park too. Familys first - look for it online and see if a prison near your home do anything like that. These kind of visits are extra ones too so we still get our 4 a week. It's helped keep us close and bonded, beyond him having to stay put in a plastic chair.

Phone calls and letters will get him through it, and you too. It's hard at first, really hard but soon a week turns into a month and months go by. Good behaviour does help, sticking to the rules at visit times.

Good luck, there isn't many of us UK ones here but the US side still offer great support, and it doesn't matter where you live we all still miss them the same.

sk_1985 · #13 07-20-2012, 06:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by becky7722

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about the 5 years (better than 6). Will he do half that? Once he settles into prison life it will fly by hopefully. Maybe he can work towards cat D (open prison), encourage him to take the courses.

At my mans prison they do alot for the parents, we have daddy newborns, toddlers mornings and homework dads. They have a park too. Familys first - look for it online and see if a prison near your home do anything like that. These kind of visits are extra ones too so we still get our 4 a week. It's helped keep us close and bonded, beyond him having to stay put in a plastic chair.

Phone calls and letters will get him through it, and you too. It's hard at first, really hard but soon a week turns into a month and months go by. Good behaviour does help, sticking to the rules at visit times.

Good luck, there isn't many of us UK ones here but the US side still offer great support, and it doesn't matter where you live we all still miss them the same.

Thanks Becky.
Yeah he should only have to do 2 1/2 max which isn't so bad. His PO said he could maybe get moved to an open prison in 18 months if he keeps his head down.
He has been moved to a new prison which seems a lot better and I can notice a difference in him already which is good. Seems a lot more settled. They do have family visits which is good and they also don't have any restrictions on the amount of times I can go see him which is brilliant!!
Anyway with the news of our wee one on the way I'm feeling a lot more positive about everything and I know that we'll get through this.

becky7722 · #14 07-23-2012, 09:26 AM

Yeah open prison is a good thing for you all to look forward to, he has to prove he can be trusted and keep out of trouble. He needs to take the education courses or anything relating to any problems he might have. Or should I say problems his PO thinks he has, with my man it's drinking - but he stopped that way before we met. But he is still taking the courses.

sk_1985 · #15 07-24-2012, 05:21 AM

Well he doesn't have any drink or drug problems but his PO wants him to take a decision making course as he thinks this will help. I do too as making the wrong choices is whats got him into trouble all his life! He says he wants to get his english and maths qualifications too so that he has a better chance of getting a job when he gets out so that he can support us. I hope he keeps his word coz I work full time but my wage alone can't look after us two and a baby! Just have to keep supporting and encouraging him along the way.

becky7722 · #16 07-25-2012, 12:17 PM

At marshgate they do a early years course or anything to do with babies he should go on it. The decision making course yes as that was mentioned in my mans parole file. Amazes me how they can just say commiting a crime is bad decision making - there could be a reason for the crime. Such as my man was struggling to live in a flat and manage on Job seekers money as well as putting to the rent. He didn't even have a fridge or a washer. When he did get a washer I had to show him how to use it. He has spent the last eight years in and out so he was completely unprepared to cope with life outside - funny enough there was no help for him (not that he would ask anyway) but it pissed me off as they just class this as bad decision making. I mean yes commiting crime is wrong.

Have you heard of a parole packet?

sk_1985 · #17 07-26-2012, 04:58 AM

Nope never heard of it? What is it?

I know what you mean about them just saying that any crime committed is bad decision making but in my mans case it is. He walked away from the situation and then went back and done the crime so in my eyes he made the wrong choice BUT that was a over a year ago that happened and he hasn't gotten himself into anymore trouble and I could see that he was really trying to stay away from it all and the people that he used to hang around with. He told me that he's getting older now and doesn't want to still be in jail when he's 30 (he's 26). He's been in and out since he was 15. I have every faith in him that he'll do it this time.

becky7722 · #18 07-27-2012, 02:46 PM

Ah! Mine has been in the system since he was about 14, his own dad has failed him in a major way that has shown him it's ok to do this kind of thing whilst wagging a disapproving finger!

Anyway maybe it's a good thing he is realising he has been wasting his life with crime, and that in the end it doesn't pay. Mine says he's never had anyone there for him like I have been, he's been used and discarded by women and 'so called friends'. Most of his crimes have been committed so he could help others. Then these friends have ratted him out in the end.

But he was out last sept on license and doing well, we got together then my ex put in a false statement. That is all it took, but we have trial coming up and chance to prove my ex is lying. An alibi as well as a paper trail as proof (bank statements and solicitors papers). He says every other time he was inside it was a joke, but now at 30 he is feeling it and never wants to go back.

sk_1985 · #19 07-29-2012, 12:34 PM

Sounds exactly like my man!! He says that about me too but I cant imagine not being there for him and standing by him. I know he's not a bad person despite what others say and they only see him as someone whos been in and out of jail which doesnt define him. It really annoys me!

I really hope it works out for you both and you can prove that your ex is lying! You need to keep me updated on how it goes. Good Luck