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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

View Poll Results: Does it make it easier because you have a child/children with them???
Yes, the kids keep my mind off of it 18 21.69%
No, the kids make me think about it more 16 19.28%
They Help sometimes 31 37.35%
Other 18 21.69%
Voters: 83. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 08-01-2012, 12:50 AM
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Default Does it make it easier because you have a child/children with them?

Lonely days don't seem to go away... All the letters, phone calls, and visits don't take away from the void that I feel with my husband being in prison... I was wondering does having children with them make it easier to deal with the lonely days.. I would think naturally a kid would keep you busy...
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Old 08-01-2012, 12:55 AM
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My children keep me over busy but they don't take away the pain I feel when I am missing him. I guess its just they can't replace the love I have for him because its a different kind of love. They keep me going where depression just don't eat me up but I still miss my fiance' alot.
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Old 08-01-2012, 01:03 AM
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My children keep me over busy but they don't take away the pain I feel when I am missing him. I guess its just they can't replace the love I have for him because its a different kind of love. They keep me going where depression just don't eat me up but I still miss my fiance' alot.
Wow... I thought that it was easier for you guys
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Old 08-01-2012, 01:08 AM
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Sometimes it is a bit easier I guess because of the staying busy factor, but when they are missing him and having issues with him being gone it just makes it even harder because then I have to try and heal their broken hearts as well.
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Old 08-01-2012, 01:16 AM
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Well I don't have 'his' children but I have 2 of my own.who are very hyped kids lol they keep me busy but I still miss him like crazy, it hurts.. :-/
Don't get me wrong my kids are my life.. they complete me.. and make me happy but there still a void in my heart & life without him here every night & morning. Different kind of love (& no not of a sexual way)

Plus they constantly remind me of him.. so that don't help LOL

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Old 08-01-2012, 11:47 AM
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Having his baby does make the time go faster in my opinion (7months have flown by) but on the other hand it also makes the days very hard physically and emotionally. Things were very hard especially through the night feeding stages, majority of them would just bring me to tears being so tired and almost angry at him for not being here to help me. Things like living on a 3rd floor flat and having to go food shopping. Shesh it's very hard doing the day to day things with a baby alone.(as you all prob know). I kept going through stages really o being very happy with my baby but other times almost annoyed I have a baby because it was so hard being alone and exhausted. That sounds terrible said out loud, of course I love him and wouldn't change him for the world it's just it's not my fairy tale family that I always imagined. Now hes older sleeps trough the night ect we are all good But this 'experience' has certainly given me a new found respect for single parents! Well done everyone, keep at it and they will be home soon to do everythinggggg and we can finally have a lay in!
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Old 08-01-2012, 11:15 PM
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having kids makes the day go by faster but it didn't make me miss him any less but probably more. i have constant little reminders of him running around, they look just like him, and when things get rough and i wish i could have a break my partners isn't here to lend a helping hand, and even when times are great and we are making memories he isn't here to share them, he is missing out on all their milestones, memories that you can never get back, he just gets to hear about them through me and if we are lucky a picture or two. so while i feel having kids makes the time go by quicker and they can help distract me a little bit they don't make it any easier, they don't take away the lonely nights, and the emptiness from him being away.
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Old 08-04-2012, 01:16 AM
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Yes it does (: my son s my world...n while I miss his daddy sooooo much I can honestly say having my lil man with me makes everything easier...
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Old 08-05-2012, 12:41 PM
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focusing on my unborn son has helped me so much. I know he will look like his Daddy and once he arrives and my fiance is released, we will be a happy family again.
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Old 08-06-2012, 06:43 AM
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The answer is yes and no for me...


In my first family I was a single working parent and raised five of my own children to adulthood. So I know the territory and demands of household with a single parent rather well.. This is my second go around though. And it doesn't get any easier with past experience. I'm older and wiser now and able to take in stride looking after Nichole's children on my own.. In fact it's been a blast a good part of the time... And even though they keep me hopping,, I continue to feel the hurt of missing my Nichole most every hour of the day.. And I get a double whammy because so often I feel the hurt that they are going through.. But when one of the girls catch me whimpering,, they always come to my rescue with hugs...


Sadly it's the girl's biological father that make's my life the most difficult.. Twice I had caught him and his newest bimbo showing the girls their mother's prison mugshot.. And reminding them how terrible their mother is... I'm in a position and feel intimidated to do anything to them for fear of retaliation... Like turning the girls into Children Services and have them swept up by the county. As I don't have any legal rights to these children. And took it on myself to look after them while their mother is away...
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Old 08-08-2012, 06:28 PM
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In our circumstance, we get our niece every other weekend. My brother is locked up. But when we see her, we see nothing but my brother. she is a spitting image. Although it makes us happy to know a part of him is with us, it still doesn't take away the pain that we feel because he is not around.
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Old 08-25-2012, 10:20 AM
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At times it does make it easier because of being busy, but then you also think of all the stuff their missing out on with their children too. And all the things your children are going through with their mother or father being away. There's no easy way to get through it, every day has its ups and downs children or no children.
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Old 08-29-2012, 02:26 PM
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I am blessed every day to have a beautiful little piece of him with me (Our 14 month old baby girl Bella.) I cry almost every night and every single milestone she reaches and her first birthday that he hasn't been there for. Some days it's easier and some days it's a million times harder. I know that having her has made his time locked up a million times harder thinking every second of everyday how much of his baby girl he's missing.
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Old 09-12-2012, 03:30 PM
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The kids keep me from falling apart and just not caring. I have his daughter and a newborn with him. Our newest addition has been a huge distraction and positive focus for myself, his step-daughter, and the whole family. However, it hurts. He is missing out on the little one in his earliest time, and there is so much I cannot share with him. I also feel the pain his daughter feels and there are certain things we cannot provide for her because of the circumstance.

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Old 09-14-2012, 09:10 PM
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Most definitely. I miss him so much. But because we have a baby girl together.. it makes my days go by so much faster.. but I will have to say that I miss more at night when baby girl is sleeping nd I'm sitting in the couch at home by myself thinking of him.

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Old 09-18-2012, 01:07 AM
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Sometimes it helps and sometimes it can bring me down. The positive outweighs though.

They keep me really busy which is good and we both love our kids to death. Knowing that they are his little minions puts a smile on my face.

The hard part of course is that they look just like him. And there are just the days that are tough to handle and adjusting to being considered a "single" mom sucks.
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Old 10-14-2012, 01:45 AM
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Most days I think its harder. To watch our kid's come home from school asking when is daddy coming home. All they want is for daddy to be at a birthday party, school event. Our oldest misses playing and sleeping with him. When nights are really hard we lay in bed talking about all the fun times we had when he was home. Some night's I cry myself to sleep.
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Old 06-14-2014, 04:59 AM
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Its hard because our son is a year and a half. My guy got locked up when our son was only six months old. We visit as often as we can but it usually only once a month. My son doesn't know his dad and his dad is missing all the important firsts in his life, milestones that can't be shared, like first steps first tooth, first word, watching the lil guy sit and play with his toys, daddy misses all of it and it can never be given back to him. Yes the lil man keeps me busy and yet everything about him reminds me of his daddy from his looks to his gestures and such, he is daddy's lil mini me. That makes it sad sometimes too, all that he is missing out on, and when we visit it takes a while for the lil guy to warm up to him and realize who he is all over again. It makes me wonder what will happen in 7 years when he is released, will they have an issue bonding as father and son or will it all come together. The missing him is never easy but you have the responsibility of realizing that your child is also missing out on the interaction with his father and its different than divorced parents because they get weekends and holiday visits. Jail visits once a month are so structured and guarded we can't even take toys or anything for the lil man to do for those visits. We drive 3 hours each way for the visit so we can sit in a cafeteria style room and talk and it feels cold and not kid friendly. It makes for a long hard day for a child and not a good way to bond with his dad.
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Old 06-14-2014, 06:57 PM
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no matter what it sucks . and yeah its not going to be a instant bond when he comes out. but it can happen. my kids were 9 when there dad went in . it was gut wrenching seeing them miss him . not understanding why . id have much preferred they were infants and didn't know him to miss.even they have had a hard time rebonding to him.
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Old 06-18-2014, 10:14 AM
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Its hard because our son is a year and a half. My guy got locked up when our son was only six months old. We visit as often as we can but it usually only once a month. My son doesn't know his dad and his dad is missing all the important firsts in his life, milestones that can't be shared, like first steps first tooth, first word, watching the lil guy sit and play with his toys, daddy misses all of it and it can never be given back to him. Yes the lil man keeps me busy and yet everything about him reminds me of his daddy from his looks to his gestures and such, he is daddy's lil mini me. That makes it sad sometimes too, all that he is missing out on, and when we visit it takes a while for the lil guy to warm up to him and realize who he is all over again. It makes me wonder what will happen in 7 years when he is released, will they have an issue bonding as father and son or will it all come together. The missing him is never easy but you have the responsibility of realizing that your child is also missing out on the interaction with his father and its different than divorced parents because they get weekends and holiday visits. Jail visits once a month are so structured and guarded we can't even take toys or anything for the lil man to do for those visits. We drive 3 hours each way for the visit so we can sit in a cafeteria style room and talk and it feels cold and not kid friendly. It makes for a long hard day for a child and not a good way to bond with his dad.
Wow this breaks my heart! I could not imagine going through this but you are strong and I pray for better days for you guys. I hope you guys is home soon
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Old 01-25-2015, 11:05 PM
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no matter what it sucks . and yeah its not going to be a instant bond when he comes out. but it can happen. my kids were 9 when there dad went in . it was gut wrenching seeing them miss him . not understanding why . id have much preferred they were infants and didn't know him to miss.even they have had a hard time rebonding to him.
Being infants doesn't help. My baby crawls down the hall (8months) saying Dada and looking for him and in those moments he wants dad and not me and he is to little for me to explain to him why his daddy isn't coming to him. I've done this with him before baby and this time it is more gut wrenching.
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Old 04-20-2016, 04:22 PM
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Wow... I thought that it was easier for you guys
Its not easier. I love my four children and I'm happy to have them but they look just like him and it hurts him much more missing out on their silly little moments. Knowing how much he hurts for them, makes it hardest.

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Old 04-20-2016, 04:42 PM
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having kids makes the day go by faster but it didn't make me miss him any less but probably more. i have constant little reminders of him running around, they look just like him, and when things get rough and i wish i could have a break my partners isn't here to lend a helping hand, and even when times are great and we are making memories he isn't here to share them, he is missing out on all their milestones, memories that you can never get back, he just gets to hear about them through me and if we are lucky a picture or two. so while i feel having kids makes the time go by quicker and they can help distract me a little bit they don't make it any easier, they don't take away the lonely nights, and the emptiness from him being away.
Thank you this is close to my feelings as well. My husband and I have four children ages 6 and under. It's emotionally draining to write it all out but every single day is a struggle. I am doing hard time with him as a outmate. He misses our kids so so much it really is eating him up, hurting his heart. My issue is since I am raising 4 alone, I am always exhausted and emotionally suffering. The kids give me a reason to smile about something but most days I am less patient with them than I used to be ( when my husband was home )because I have no help and my heart hurts all the time. My husband is a good daddy always played with them and was patient and kind. I am doing good just to make dinner every day, and even that is an effort. The hard part is I can't even express these feeling to my husband as I should be able to, but I worry about making him more upset at himself so I don't.
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Old 09-17-2017, 09:40 PM
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Thank you this is close to my feelings as well. My husband and I have four children ages 6 and under. It's emotionally draining to write it all out but every single day is a struggle. I am doing hard time with him as a outmate. He misses our kids so so much it really is eating him up, hurting his heart. My issue is since I am raising 4 alone, I am always exhausted and emotionally suffering. The kids give me a reason to smile about something but most days I am less patient with them than I used to be ( when my husband was home )because I have no help and my heart hurts all the time. My husband is a good daddy always played with them and was patient and kind. I am doing good just to make dinner every day, and even that is an effort. The hard part is I can't even express these feeling to my husband as I should be able to, but I worry about making him more upset at himself so I don't.
You took all the words right out of my head. Exactly how i feel, he already misses them so much i try not to complain or get angry so i dont talk about it. I only have 3 but the last 2 are only 14 months apart i literally have 2 babies. Our daughter is 20 months and our son is 6 months. Its frustrating and does not necessarily make it easier bc we have kids together they are constant reminders of my husband.
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Old 09-30-2017, 12:34 PM
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No because he missing out our 10 month olds firsts and will probably miss his first birthday and I’m currently 5 months pregnant and He might miss the birth
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