Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Tumamita05 · #1 07-24-2012, 09:33 PM

ive been in a very hard relationship before with the father of my kids but now i found out that my friend was charged with dv charges he got a year nad half becase of prior charges on this same act and i didn know this before when i met him he came off as such a smart huble sweet guy but he has opened up to thru letters that he is as i say very intelligent huble seeking man but has a very short temper i havnt asked him what happen that night that this recent inncident happen but idk do you think im just in a cycle of keep meeting guys with bad problems toward women idk i just thought id put my story out here if anyone has gone thru this or is

InmateLover67 · #2 07-24-2012, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tumamita05

ive been in a very hard relationship before with the father of my kids but now i found out that my friend was charged with dv charges he got a year nad half becase of prior charges on this same act and i didn know this before when i met him he came off as such a smart huble sweet guy but he has opened up to thru letters that he is as i say very intelligent huble seeking man but has a very short temper i havnt asked him what happen that night that this recent inncident happen but idk do you think im just in a cycle of keep meeting guys with bad problems toward women idk i just thought id put my story out here if anyone has gone thru this or is

I have been in one too many DV relationships and it was not until I sought counseling that I rose above it and learned that I was better than what I was getting. I was not being loved and respected in any way shape or form. It took me years to know who Karen is....once I did that, I no longer sought out abusers.

It is quite common for women to go from one DV relationship to another when they have not had counseling. Have you had any?

I am sorry you seem to be attracted to abusers, and YES they most all say the right things and come off as charming as hell...that is how they reel us in. It is a vicious cycle.

I suggest you not get involved with another man, until you have sought counseling for yourself.

Peace~

Free Again · #3 07-25-2012, 12:46 AM

Humble and short tempered are kinda opposites, I don't think he can be both. So, which is he?. I think you know the answer already, don't be fooled again....

hisbabygurl2014 · #4 07-25-2012, 01:40 AM

Please dont be fooled by this one. Work on yourseld first before you start a realtionship with dv member.

becky7722 · #5 07-25-2012, 02:27 AM

Aww sweetie, I have had 2 DV relationships and yes they are sweet as hell and they know what to say to make you do what ever they want and talk you into it being your own idea!

I think you need to make a deal with yourself that you will go talk about this with someone (I haven't done this but I think it could help), and most importantly if he loses his temper with you that you are prepared to walk away for the sake of your children or even take it very slow when he comes home instead of jumping right in.

To me I know that in my past relationship there wasn't anything I could have done better or differently to have changed it. How he was - it wasn't my fault. With my man now, he isn't like that so I know I'm not drawn to abusers. But I did do it twice that amounted to the last 18 years of my life so I know the attraction of this kind of guy.

nimuay · #6 07-25-2012, 03:43 AM

Let me totally agree with InmateLover! If you don't start some therapy, you'll keep doing this over and over . . .

This is absolutely NOT the man for you (or for anybody, really). A conviction for DV speaks loud and clear about how much else is wrong in his past . . . because we can all testify from our own lives how many times we HAVEN'T gotten caught for things we did. He's been ugly before, many times, without having been put in jail.

You don't want this, and he's not going to change for you, his conviction wasn't an accident. Words on paper are pretty, but his conviction is real.

mrs kirk · #7 07-25-2012, 04:31 AM

Please END what ever type of relationship you might have with him now before it's to late. Get yourself into counseling please. It took me so long to understand that it wasn't my fault, I didn't cook his dinner on time,it wasn't seasoned to his liking, I had to many trips to the hospital for falls, broken arm, tooth knocked out ect ect. Way to many black eyes. And like he said I ask for it, That's not love at all. I got counseling for me cause I AM SOMEBODY, not a punching bag. Yes I divorced the so called man after 15 years of HELL. I have cents remarried to a wonderful caring man that gives me the respect that I never thought I deserved. Take Care

photoholic808 · #8 07-25-2012, 12:36 PM

It's hard shoes to be in your head is telling you to run, your heart is telling you to stay, Jail talk is easy and follow your gut which seems to know something isn't right. If they have dv support groups I know they have done wonders for me, In healing and realizing not only is it a pattern I find myself in, but a pattern that I was born into that has been around me all along.

yourself · #9 07-26-2012, 07:25 PM

Another thing to think about - he's in prison. He doesn't have much going on. Shmoozing you is a great way to spend his time - he can be everything you want him to be for the short periods of time that it's required. You're not seeing his reaction to letters or phone calls. He only has to be a good boy if you visit. AND, the bonus - if he does it well, he can parole into the life of somebody he can sponge off of, who's already invested in the relationship when he really hasn't.

I'm concurring with people - get into therapy. Anybody who's been in a DV relationship has NO BUSINESS getting into another romantic relationship until s/he's been through serious therapy. I'm talking victims and offenders. I'm talking more therapy than just sleeping through a batterer's class. I'm talking real, long term therapy where you pick apart your needs, your relationships, your past, your upbringing and heal past emotional injuries so you DON"T NEED violence in your life anymore.

Tumamita05 · #10 07-26-2012, 08:00 PM

To answer the question is he short tempered or humble ? He never even when out he was always calm humble chill never got loud raised toned or voice never even got mad At me ever idk what happend in that house that he was with his ex we were just friends n we still are n I'm just wondering ppl advice n opinion I would of never thought he was even a angry type of person trust me thus guy never came off that way

nimuay · #11 07-26-2012, 08:49 PM

Luv, he already has 2 convictions for dv . . . that's not an accident. Doesn't matter what he's shown to you, it's what he's shown in those two instances (and probably the many others that didn't get reported) that matters! That's not just a short fuse, that's a willingness to resort to violence any time he's frustrated. Very, very ugly way to have to live if that's who you choose as a life partner.

yourself · #12 07-26-2012, 09:54 PM

I have a short fuse at time. Really. I string vociferous obscenities when I get going, enough to make a sailor's mother blush. It's bad, and I feel guilty about it after.

But, I can say this: I don't call people names. I've never hit another person. I've never been tempted to hit another person when angry.

You can have a short temper - lots of people do. But even those of us with short tempers don't abuse others. Batterers are batterers, whether they have short tempers or long tempers - batterers are batterers. Blaming it on a short temper is NOT taking responsibility. It's a demonstration of his unwillingness to even address the issues, let alone change.

Anytime a batterer says something, substitute "aliens" and see if it makes sense.
I hit her, but I have a short alien.
I hit her, but I was on aliens.

If you can't buy that aliens made him do it, why would you buy these other excuses? That's all they are - excuses so he doesn't have to acknowledge HIS conduct or do anything to change.

usednabused · #13 07-31-2012, 10:06 AM

Follow your insticts, if he is in jail there is a reason for it.

In my own experince I am having trouble believing all the sweet talk coming from a man. My husband used that with me, I was an easy pray, and I remember that he lifted me up to the air with all his charming and "love" that the fall to the ground was harsh.
Listen to this ladies and trust your insticts.

Maya2007 · #14 08-05-2012, 03:20 AM

I agree he has lots of time on his hands to say all the sweet things you want to hear. I am pretty sure it is all jail talk. Those 2 convictions are red flag, take that as a warning to run.