Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Nicholas'ladyy · #1 08-08-2012, 04:40 PM

As some of you may know, my boyfriend is a Meth addict.

Statistics show that there is a 90% chance of never overcoming this drug addiction. Do I base everything on what statistics say? No.
However, it really doesn't make me feel very wonderful hearing such thing.

My question is..

Have you dealt with a Meth addict?

Did/Have they overcome their addiction?

What were the steps and course of actions they took to overcome?

What kind of support/things did you do to help them overcome?

Mrs*Axeslinger · #2 08-08-2012, 05:35 PM

My fiance is also......and to tell the truth, for awhile, being around it so much, I ended up making a habit out of it too. I've since quit using after he went to prison (it's not why he went btw- he violated parole by leaving a rehab center).....but I worry about how easily he'll be able to stay away from it once he's home, which isn't far from now. He still talks about wanting and wishing he could get high sometimes when we talk on the phone, and I always remind him our lives are different now, we have a 5 mo. old son to think of.
He knows this and I believe in my heart he wants to do what is right. But am I sure he'll not go back to his "old ways?" No, I'm not.
The only hope I hold on to is that almost all of the people he used to do meth with are now in prison on drug related charges and will be there for a loooong time (I'm talking like 25-Life- NY state isn't easy at all on drug users/dealers/manufacturers. But where there's a will there's a way, and if he gets it in his head he wants to start using again, he'll find it somewhere.
I wish I could be of more help, but it seems I'm in the same boat you are at the moment.

Nicholas'ladyy · #3 08-08-2012, 06:06 PM

I've never used (not to say you're bad for using. I mean come on..I'm in love with an addict, so please don't take any offense).

I feel that I'm somewhat an inspiration to him, because I've been around people using (not him, he was always in denial of doing it himself) and I never even had the desire to try it.

He knows clearly I am NOT okay with it, but I don't want him to feel like I'm pressuring him to change his ways. Although, if he doesn't, there is absolutely no way he and I can be together.

He brought up change first. Stating he knew he needed to change his lifestyle. All he was leading was a dead end path. He needed church. However, I find myself wondering what IF this is just jail talk? My father has been in and out of prison most of life, and he's an alcoholic. All I ever heard or shall I say ever hear while he (my dad, for no confusion) is incarcerated is how he is going to change, get himself in church and yada yada and it's ALWAYS the same thing when he gets out.
I'm so scared this is how Nicholas is also going to be, but I still have faith.

I'm just...ah. At a mix of emotions!

Nicholas'ladyy · #4 08-08-2012, 06:07 PM

P.S.

I wish all the best of luck to you and yours that he can realize he has an addiction and it's not okay and be able to change it for YOU and YOUR SON! Much love&happiness!

Mrs*Axeslinger · #5 08-09-2012, 09:47 AM

I will admit that although I'm a grown woman able to make my own decisions, I can honestly say that I never had any desire to try it before I met him, and he actually had to "talk" me into it, because I was afraid to- and with good reason! Like I said though, I've since stopped and have no desire to go anywhere near it again....not to sound cliche, but it really does nothing but ruin your life, and your ambition to do much else.
I hope everything works out for the two of you and he can overcome his addiction....just keep in mind it's VERY hard and he's going to need alot of positive reinforcement and support...and distractions

Good luck to you as well and I'll be praying for you

**patchouli** · #6 08-10-2012, 06:07 AM

My Mr is also a meth addict. He's currently serving his 3rd bid for it. He's tired of the pain, I'm tired of the pain and all the bs that comes with loving an addict. When he paroled last year, he was damned and determined to stay clean. However, and he knew better!, after a few months clean he made a fatal flaw.....he ran into an "old friend." And we all know what old friends can/will do

. Seems the first thing they do is whoop out the chicken bone (pipe) as in "here ya go old friend." People, places and things that are triggers, absolutely need to be avoided. One option we're considering: moving several counties away when he gets home. Is it foolproof? Of course not. But it can't hurt.

I've also heard of adderal as a replacement, if you can get a Dr. to prescribe it. However, I've been told that it doesn't work long term for a variety of reasons. I'll be doing research on that before he comes home. I'll also reseach the effects of anti-depressants for meth addicts. After using meth for as long as he has, I'm sure not using causes a depression and therefor using becomes a "self-medicating" issue. JMHO.

All in all, I wish you & yours a better tomorrow and a meth-free future. I hope the same for My Mr and myself. There are no easy answers; I just know that he's damn a good man. A damned good man with a serious addiction.

ford123 · #7 08-10-2012, 09:21 AM

I know it is difficult... my husband was not on supervision of any kind. After 6 years of not touching the stuff, he (common factor, it seems) ran into an old friend. He was locked up within 6 weeks....

forEvEr99 · #8 08-10-2012, 09:33 AM

My husband went to prison for meth the first time he was in prison. He was shooting up and doing all the wrong things. He prayed everyday while in prison for that 3 years. Everyday. I don't know if you are religious or not but it cant hurt. I know my husband is a very strong man and has a lot of will power but when he got out he never touched it again. He shot up for 5 years and never touched it. I know it's not the norm. But I believe prayer has a lot to do. So pray and be supportive. Remove the people that can tempt.

He is my only and forEvEr

dixiebelle1973 · #9 08-10-2012, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by forEvEr99

My husband went to prison for meth the first time he was in prison. He was shooting up and doing all the wrong things. He prayed everyday while in prison for that 3 years. Everyday. I don't know if you are religious or not but it cant hurt. I know my husband is a very strong man and has a lot of will power but when he got out he never touched it again. He shot up for 5 years and never touched it. I know it's not the norm. But I believe prayer has a lot to do. So pray and be supportive. Remove the people that can tempt.

He is my only and forEvEr

Saying prayer isn't the norm? U just showed how God can deliver a person. It is possible. Maybe not easy to deal with the physical and mental side affect and desires but God is bigger! Nothing is impossible with God. Putting trust in Him we can do anything!

tripsgirl · #10 08-10-2012, 10:40 AM

I was a meth addict for a year and a half. It's definitely not easy to overcome but it is possible. People, places, and things have to change in order to stay clean.
I worry about my fiancee coming home and using all the time. At our last visitation he said he was done with meth but mentioned something about LSD. You can't substitute one drug for another. He's only been in prison for 8 months and we have 11 more to go so I'm hoping and praying he will open his eyes.

Nicholas'ladyy · #11 08-10-2012, 11:41 AM

God is certainly a huge part of my life! I know through God, all things are possible.
He's also a believer and prays, but I can't help but to have that little voice in my head saying "What IF this is just jail house religion?" Given, I believe whole-heartedly that Nicholas believes, but is he going to be able to change his lifestyle and keep God first when he's not behind bars?
I know most will say well, if you're already doubting him, why are you even waiting?
I guess I am some what doubting, but really..I'm just praying for the best and expecting the worse. I just don't want to be let down. I've seen my father in and out of jails and prisons most of my life, chargers he usually gained from his Alcohol addiction and every time he was SO for God and AGAINST alcohol and every time he got out, the first thing he wanted to do was stop at a liquor store. Let me also put it out there, him and my father are two different men and two different addicts, but seeing what my father has done obviously makes me wonder if Nicholas will be the same.

As most addicts, mine had a big in denial problem. He knew I didn't use nor did I agree with using. I've witnessed too many lives go to sh!t all for this drug. He can now finally admit he did have a problem. First step is admitting it IS a problem and it IS/WAS destroying your life.

Friends, most definitely! I didn't even like his friends before (They all looked at me as the harsh, over-controlling girlfriend. When in reality, I just didn't like them because I saw they were only enabling my boyfriend.) He's now realized that's all they were doing and they were only around for the drugs, money in his pockets, and just down right dragging him down in every direction and aspect in life. So again, another step I am proud he has made! But we still have a long road a head..Friends isn't the only thing that has to change. Pretty much everything from "before jail life" is going to have to change, in order to stay clean.

I've also worried, but yet have mentioned, the issue about employment after he gets out. He had a fabulous job, with a great boss man at a landscaping company, and I know his boss man will hire him back as soon as he gets out. Most people would jump for joy, knowing at least they'll be able to help with fiances, etc when they're released, given most with a criminal record have a difficult time finding employment. But me? I worry that if he gets this job back (some of those old friends also work there) and he's going to try to pull the "Babe, it's a job. I have to work. And I can't help who I work with" card. and of course they're going to associate with him and most likely drag him back to where he was. So in my belief, it will be best to find a new place of employment. Am I wrong for this?

I believe we'll need to find some hobbies, he and I are both interested in such as going to the gym, etc. I love working out as does he. Just to keep his mind busy and off the thought of possibly wanting to get high. (knowing this thought will often cross his mind)

And also meetings. I'll be there to support him and I feel like it'll help him to meet new people who are also dealing with the same problems as him, as ones who have overcame this awful addiction.

I'm trying to take this one day and step at a time. Not too seem to pushy, but more so supportive, because that's all I'm trying to be. A positive, supportive influence.
As much as I miss him and want him home, I sort of wish and hope I can talk him into signing himself into a 28 day rehab facility after he does his time. Of course I'm ready for him to be home, but I want a new and improved him to come home! Again, is it bad for me to suggest this??

Thanks ladies for all the input! It is much appreciated and I hope all of your men can overcome their addiction, as well! And a much brighter to future to you all! Much love, xoxo! Sorry for such a long post, I just want to make sure I'm doing my job as his support system efficiently.

**OffenderNoMore** · #12 08-10-2012, 12:31 PM

My husband and I were at one time, considered "Meth heads." We have both been clean and sober since June 2008. I am not sure that the word "overcome" is useful here. He and I made a joint decision to get clean, although we did it in different ways.

For him, he was tired. He had a list of crimes that he committed and he was tired of the lifestyle and he knew that he had some major thinking errors. We both ended up gong to prison after we got clean (we still had to pay for those crimes we committed while using.) For him, he went to SAFPF. He worked the system, learned how to deal with those emotions he had and went from there with it. Every now and then, he has issues and I will find him working step four and building up.

In my case, I chose to go with God. I also use meditation as a way to cope. Under no circumstances do I want to go back because for me there is no "social" use, it's either all the way in or not at all.

In a sense, I will always be a meth head because at times, the thought of using is overwhelming but it is a choice that I choose not to partake of. I have many reminders, one of the biggest is my son, Justin, who is using and every time I see him, I see the life slipping away out of him. I want Justin to get clean but the truth is that until he makes that decision for himself it will not happen.

I do not want that for myself or my husband so this is something we work on. I will say that having my hubby as a sounding board helps. If I am feeling weak, we talk about it and work through it together. We do not condemn each other for our thoughts, we just help each other to see what is behind those and how to deal with them.

I hope this helps some.

forEvEr99 · #13 08-10-2012, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dixiebelle1973

Saying prayer isn't the norm? U just showed how God can deliver a person. It is possible. Maybe not easy to deal with the physical and mental side affect and desires but God is bigger! Nothing is impossible with God. Putting trust in Him we can do anything!

No. I meant that he shot up for 5 years and then just stopped. No relapses. Not even one. That's what I mean is not the norm. But I know that god helped him. I worded it wrong.

He is my only and forEvEr

Mrs*Axeslinger · #14 08-10-2012, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tripsgirl

I was a meth addict for a year and a half. It's definitely not easy to overcome but it is possible. People, places, and things have to change in order to stay clean.
I worry about my fiancee coming home and using all the time. At our last visitation he said he was done with meth but mentioned something about LSD. You can't substitute one drug for another. He's only been in prison for 8 months and we have 11 more to go so I'm hoping and praying he will open his eyes.

I'm right there with you....I'm scared to death that he'll come home and pick back up where he left off- and scared that I'll be influenced to do the same. I just hope after seeing and/or hearing about most of the "old friends" he used to hang out with go to prison on drug-related charges, he'll think twice before going down that path again. He got lucky the last time.

tripsgirl · #15 08-10-2012, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs*Axeslinger

I'm right there with you....I'm scared to death that he'll come home and pick back up where he left off- and scared that I'll be influenced to do the same. I just hope after seeing and/or hearing about most of the "old friends" he used to hang out with go to prison on drug-related charges, he'll think twice before going down that path again. He got lucky the last time.

Yeah, I'm definitely worried. I'm on drug court and get drug tested every week but by the time he gets home I wont be anymore so if he starts using again it's gonna be really hard on my recovery.
I guess I'll never know til he comes home.