Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

socal729 · #1 07-31-2012, 03:55 PM

Hello to everyone - my son is in prison in California.
I live on the east coast. This is my second time through this and have found much help and compassion and long distance friends from this website. My story is like most others in many ways yet different too.
I just wanted to say I learned a lot the first time so if anyone has any questions about CDCR - I will try to answer them.
My son called me for the first time since he was transferred to his "home" for the next year. I was so happy to hear his voice.
After his release ~ the words interstate transfer never sounded so sweet. I have been through many emotions just like everyone else and realize it is getting through one day at a time that works for me.
I try not to think too far ahead as it only makes me sad. My sons knows I am there for him and love him unconditionally but also knows I can only reach out my hand to him - I can not carry him.
This is a little something I found and I think it speaks for all of us

A Mother's Voice
I came to realize that as a mother with a son in prison, there was no other person that would be there for you, my son, but me. When people turned their backs on you, walked away from you, or the money ran out, I was there for you unconditionally.
When there was no lawyer to hire, or no one else showed up to stand in your corner, I saw that you knew, without a shadow of doubt that I was there for you.
I offered you what seemed a voice in the wilderness, dependable, compassionate, strong, never-ending for you, my son.
I agreed to be your voice, hopefully an effective voice; one that plead shamelessly for your safety. I offered a humble voice that spoke for you, my son. I cried out in the middle of the night to God who listens.
This is a mother's cry.

1bird2 · #2 07-31-2012, 07:43 PM

Thank you so very much for sharing with us...no truer words have been spoken!
I hope to see you posting more!
Love and prayers,
XXOO

LoyalMom · #3 07-31-2012, 10:43 PM

Oh my word - what you said ripped through me! I could not express those feelings as well as you did. All of us Mothers have a very common bond, a strong bond. We all love our sons unconditionally, no matter what they did. We forgive and rely on God to help us and our sons along this challenging journey. I have found much wisdom, compassion, caring, and understanding from this wonderful site. LM

Sheryl P. · #4 08-01-2012, 05:53 AM

God bless all the mothers who have stood by their childeren as they walk this hard road.
Huggs

socal729 · #5 08-01-2012, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1bird2

Thank you so very much for sharing with us...no truer words have been spoken!
I hope to see you posting more!
Love and prayers,
XXOO

There is never a day that passes that I don't stop and think about my son. A song he likes, a car like his goes by, I look at pictures when he was younger and I smile because I love my son. He is a good kid - sure we all say that - but really he is and made a bad choice just like many of your sons. This will not define his future although we know it will be hard, we will get through this and not look back. The last time I saw him he told me not to worry ... but he knows I will ... parents always worry.
Having other parents to communicate with helps ... thanks to you all.

bumblebee37 · #6 08-01-2012, 06:22 PM

Quote: There is never a day that passes that I don't stop and think about my son. A song he likes....

I hear you and I do the same with my son. (hugs) bb

juststaysober · #7 08-01-2012, 08:33 PM

The tears rolled down my face as I read your post. My son is also in a California prison. I have not seen or heard his voice in over a year and a half now. We have communicated through letters. However I have not received a letter from him since July 7th and I am scared to death. I just dont understand how 3 letters a week can just stop.... and nothing! I fear the worst and dont know what to do or who to turn to. I have read the post about lock downs and the hole and mail still runs. I would assume that if something bad has happened someone would contact me. I want to call but fear what I may find out. I have stood by my son and was there for ever court appearance and while he was in county visited him every Sunday. And I will never forget the day in court when the judge sentenced him to state prison, it was like life was sucked out of me. He looked over at me and mouthed the words "dont cry mom, I love you" I have not seen his face since or heard his voice. Its like being in my own private hell! I came to accept a relationship of letters but now Im so scared and lost.

TERRI L · #8 08-01-2012, 09:00 PM

These post are months behind us but the words are still true to this day. I end evry letter to my Son with Always on my mind and Forever in my heart. It may be a little cheesy but its true

amaslow · #9 08-01-2012, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by juststaysober

The tears rolled down my face as I read your post. My son is also in a California prison. I have not seen or heard his voice in over a year and a half now. We have communicated through letters. However I have not received a letter from him since July 7th and I am scared to death. I just dont understand how 3 letters a week can just stop.... and nothing! I fear the worst and dont know what to do or who to turn to. I have read the post about lock downs and the hole and mail still runs. I would assume that if something bad has happened someone would contact me. I want to call but fear what I may find out. I have stood by my son and was there for ever court appearance and while he was in county visited him every Sunday. And I will never forget the day in court when the judge sentenced him to state prison, it was like life was sucked out of me. He looked over at me and mouthed the words "dont cry mom, I love you" I have not seen his face since or heard his voice. Its like being in my own private hell! I came to accept a relationship of letters but now Im so scared and lost.

When I didn't hear from my son for a time period, I called his unit ( he was in a min security buildng) and inquired... The guard had him call me.. He was pissed that I did it..It embarressed him.. I didn't tell the gaurd to tell hm to call me, but he just did.. Oh well...too bad... Have you thought about calling? You could just say you wondered if he was sick.

kevinmom · #10 08-02-2012, 02:12 AM

That was a beautiful poem. Thanks so much for sharing and yes speaks for me as a mom too. Hugs and prayers to you and yours.

JuliannRN · #11 08-02-2012, 06:24 AM

This weekend there was a home days in the town that we live in. They had fireworks. I sat with my husband and daughter and SOBBED as I watched them because he loved fireworks so much... Its amazing how one little thing can stop us in our tracks.

socal729 · #12 08-02-2012, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by juststaysober

The tears rolled down my face as I read your post. My son is also in a California prison. I have not seen or heard his voice in over a year and a half now. We have communicated through letters. However I have not received a letter from him since July 7th and I am scared to death. I just dont understand how 3 letters a week can just stop.... and nothing! I fear the worst and dont know what to do or who to turn to. I have read the post about lock downs and the hole and mail still runs. I would assume that if something bad has happened someone would contact me. I want to call but fear what I may find out. I have stood by my son and was there for ever court appearance and while he was in county visited him every Sunday. And I will never forget the day in court when the judge sentenced him to state prison, it was like life was sucked out of me. He looked over at me and mouthed the words "dont cry mom, I love you" I have not seen his face since or heard his voice. Its like being in my own private hell! I came to accept a relationship of letters but now Im so scared and lost.

I suggest strongly to call the prison where he is housed and ask to speak to his counselor. It may be only that he just wants a break from writing. Doesn't he call you? I cherish the phone calls from my son - just to hear his voice and know he is OK. I tell him to write at least once a week even if it is only to say "I am OK". It means so much to us parents. I am sure he is OK - but to put yourself at ease - make that call. I called my son's counselor once becasue it was 2 weeks without a call from him.
I didn't know if phones were down or what. His counselor assured me he was still in the same dorm and OK. I was relieved. I sent you a PM

missdebbie92025 · #13 08-02-2012, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JuliannRN

This weekend there was a home days in the town that we live in. They had fireworks. I sat with my husband and daughter and SOBBED as I watched them because he loved fireworks so much... Its amazing how one little thing can stop us in our tracks.

I so know what your talking about.has happen to me many times.

Debbie. Sent from my DROID2 GLOBAL using PrisonTalk

Sheryl P. · #14 08-03-2012, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by juststaysober

The tears rolled down my face as I read your post. My son is also in a California prison. I have not seen or heard his voice in over a year and a half now. We have communicated through letters. However I have not received a letter from him since July 7th and I am scared to death. I just dont understand how 3 letters a week can just stop.... and nothing! I fear the worst and dont know what to do or who to turn to. I have read the post about lock downs and the hole and mail still runs. I would assume that if something bad has happened someone would contact me. I want to call but fear what I may find out. I have stood by my son and was there for ever court appearance and while he was in county visited him every Sunday. And I will never forget the day in court when the judge sentenced him to state prison, it was like life was sucked out of me. He looked over at me and mouthed the words "dont cry mom, I love you" I have not seen his face since or heard his voice. Its like being in my own private hell! I came to accept a relationship of letters but now Im so scared and lost.

Don't be too frightened.If he is in shu or Ad seg. he may not have anything to write you with.Letters to my man take forever and a day,really! A letter from his mother just took two months to reach him (from 250 miles away)and since I send him writing materials,he will reply but it will take some time before she actually gets the reply.If I did not make sure he had paper,could purchase a pen,had embossed envelopes,etc..he could not have even written her back.They do get an occassional "indigent" envelope,maybe-if they are lucky

He is probably in shu and that does not mean it is a huge deal.
Try not to worry and look him up on the inmate locator.
Perhaps he has been moved also.They have even moved some guys to other states.
He is probably just fine

socal729 · #15 08-03-2012, 05:46 PM

Where does my mother-courage come from? Does it come from some mysterious place inside me? As inexplicable as my courage might seem, I need to use it, rely on it, walk in it, and talk with it. My courage must be exercised so that it comes to the forefront when I need it. My courage should be expressed with positive energy. I've learned that it shouldn't be hidden or left on it's own. I've learned not to tuck it away.
I have to let my bravery show itself; let it be known to others that I recognize it and embrace daring. My courage should make a statement - loud and clear. Valor is very helpful when we need it.
A mother's courage is an important aspect of both her life and her son's life, especially a mother with a son in prison. It takes courage to stand in court and watch your son being escorted out of the courtroom. It takes courage to see him in handcuffs and shackles and not to cry until you get home.
It takes courage to talk to him on the telephone without breaking down, screaming and crying. It take courage to talk to a Chief Executive Officer, a Warden, members of the Parole Board, or other people in high profile positions such as a Judge, or a District Attorney. It took a lot of courage for me to withstand that part of my life, but even more, it took courage to use my courage.
I am the voice for my son - I love my son

xanthra · #16 08-08-2012, 08:01 PM

These posts remind me of the day last year in court when the judge said my son would be in state prison for 12 years. The way out was right by my son and I went to hug him. The female guard told me to back off I was not allowed to touch my son. At the time I had no idea if I'd ever touch him again. I hugged him and said quietly, "It was worth it, arrest me." A tiny spark was in her eyes and she told me she has a son and escorted my son out of court. The stark reality of losing our children for years at a time make us do crazy things. The hug remains 'our' hug. So worth it.