Self-Victimization

[yourself]

HT: I'm in complete agreement.

[Geauxin'KraZee]

Whew! I've read every response to this thread and feel like I've been watching a ping pong match.

To put it simply - I went to therapy for DV. I went and still go to AA for my alcoholism
.I have been sober for nearly 22 years and I can tell you to this day, at a meeting, I DO NOT TALK OR SHARE ANYTHING ABOUT DV! I don't talk about an inner child.or an outer child or anything of that nature. I still go to AA to help the newcomers to achieve sobriety. Nothing more nothing less. I have encountered many women who suffer from domestic violence.and I hand them the phone number of my therapist. If they use it or not, is totally their choice.
As yourself stated- there are people who ha e been in AA for YEARS and have not CHANGED AT ALL. They walk around still blaming everyone else and God for their problems and these people are truly miserable. There also those like.myself who have changed a d learned and choose to take responsible ility for THEIR OWN.actions. BUT ILL BE DAMNED IF I EVER TAKE.RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY FATHER BEATING ME AND TOTURING ME! I am not or never ha e been a predator, either. I'm just a happy joyous and free sober lil ol' alcoholic who is also a survivor of DV! Sorry for all the typos, but I'm to lazy to go back and correct all of them!

[bumblebee37]

Yeah I never meant for it to turn into a ping pong match or a debate. I don't know why I felt the need to try to protect this forum from the logic or steps of AA...maybe because dv isn't a disease like alcoholism. But it is what it is so I will step away from the keyboard on that note...

Have a great day.

[Geauxin'KraZee]

Oh I clearly know, bb,that's not what your intent was at all. I just get aggravated when people try and assume what AA is NOT. As well as the 12 steps and twelve traditions, AA also has a list called the 12 misconceptions. More groups and sponsors need to educate the more recent members of this. This is a domestic violence forum and I would like to see it STAY a DV forum. There is another forum for the other issue of drug addiction and alcoholism and I very seldom go there clearly becåuse my meetings, big book and sponsor is what I use to maintain my concious contact with my higher power concerning my alcoholism. I never brought my big book to my therapy sessions with my councelor.

I come to this forum to try to help others with the issue at hand with domestic violence and I must know a little about the subject since no one has seen "fit" to have to knock the shit out of me since 1992!

[Lunastarz]

As a child of abuse, I agree with you all about not causing myself to become a child victim. I didn't choose to live in an abusive environment when I was a kid. I never said that I deserved what happened to me as a child but, when I became an adult and more aware or right and wrong I still chose relationships that recreated my dysfunctional childhood especially when more than enough signs were telling me to run. This is why I can take responsibility "only" for My actions or in actions to continue to enable the abuser, but not his choice to abuse me. Everyone's situation is different when it comes to DV but I know I had signs just like a lot of other people who fell into DV relationships. We just ignored some of the signs. As far as the AA talk I am not familiar with it because I barely drink alcohol, the closest I came to an alcoholic was my ex who did NOT believe he had a problem and blamed everyone else instead.

Anyways, I don't believe the OP meant harm in creating this thread and if she was misunderstood she should have been asked to elaborate instead of attacked.

However, since the Prison Talk DV Board is meant to help DV survivors then this thread should be deleted because the continuing comments still aren't contributing to a solution for DV survivors since the methodologies in DV and AA can't be exchanged.

[egbdf65]

Right! As kids we had no choice, but we do today.
And blame and guilt are not required! In fact they don't help one bit. It's only about the truth, then changing what we can.

[Free Again]

I am only going to say this.... I am very upset that this ridiculous thread caused any type of friction between two highly intelligent and compassionate ladies. The original post should have been left alone, it was not worth an answer at all and I HATE that it has been allowed to cause dissention. We are all Predators and Victims?... PAH.

[egbdf65]

Always going back for more abuse to the same old people and places...trying to finish unfinished business with my father through others...these things have to be looked at at some point...the huge majority of folks today never did the program of recovery exactly as its laid out and learned how to do a proper inventory or even had a true spiritual awakening...times are changing, it's coming back, grab it before it gets watered down again.

[nimuay]

Hon, the things you are assuming are not so for everyone. You have found your moment and your way, but you're still trying to be 'special'. We have different circumstances, and for me (as an example), I never went back to my mother or my husband for any form of reconciliation or explanation Not worth it. They were poison, and as such they were not permitted into my life again.

Don't try to negate the ways other get free just because they're not your ways.

[yourself]

Originally Posted by egbdf65

Always going back for more abuse to the same old people and places...trying to finish unfinished business with my father through others...these things have to be looked at at some point...the huge majority of folks today never did the program of recovery exactly as its laid out and learned how to do a proper inventory or even had a true spiritual awakening...times are changing, it's coming back, grab it before it gets watered down again.

I am not an addict. I haven't spent my adult life re-creating the violence of my childhood. Tell me, please, since you obviously know the non addiction side of the equation so well, what "program" I'm supposed to be following? I'm not co-dependent. I'm not a repeat victim of dv. I'm not an addict. Perhaps your one size fits all answ doesn't actually fit everybody? Or are you just going to sit there and insist you're right about everything for everybody? If so, then maybe you might want to get in more intensive therapy with somebody who actually challenges you, and doesn't merely agree with everything you say. Might want to pull your head out of the 12 steps long enough to realize that it doesn't apply to everybody, and in fact causes harm to those of us for whom it doesn't apply. Isn't that one of the reasons you have to be an actual addict or member of that select group of people to actually go to those types of meetings? Btw, I have yet to see dv group meetings advertised as 12 step meetings. I have yet to see a dv version of the big book. Why? Becauses it's not relevant to addressing ec issues.

You sure are into predation here.

[only1love]

I have been saying this for years! Now I don't feel so alone! Thank you.

[bumblebee37]

Originally Posted by egbdf 65

Always going back for more abuse to the same old people and places...trying to finish unfinished business with my father through others...these things have to be looked at at some point...the huge majority of folks today never did the program of recovery exactly as its laid out and learned how to do a proper inventory or even had a true spiritual awakening...times are changing, it's coming back, grab it before it gets watered down again.

I'm thinking maybe I have jumped to conclusions here and you are using the 12 steps to help you from returning to an environment of abuse, maybe stopping you from making the same bad choices again. Whatever works for you, to keep you safe in life.

bb

[Geauxin'KraZee]

I agree with BBC. What works for some may not work for others. Recovery is not a one size fits all deal.

[Geauxin'KraZee]

This phone cracks me up! LOL! Sorry bb - didn't want to credit the BBC for your post! LOL!