Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

danzgirl78 · #**376** 12-11-2011, 07:26 PM

The truth is they can change but something in them has to change spiritually. When they come home the focus has to be on their recovery. Not a relationship. Yes I love my man but he can't move home until he has at least 90 days clean outside of an institution. In my experience it's hard for any addict to live life on life's terms when first getting clean. Maybe this is his time, maybe not? I will live with no regrets:-)

Billy'sBabygirl · #**377** 12-14-2011, 04:37 PM

I don't know if I can do this again. I am so afraid to love him again...and yet I want to be right there. He's still on probation and still up to his old habits...Damn, why didn't I run???

Babygirl.... · #**378** 12-30-2011, 09:51 AM

My Boo never stole from me or lied to me!! It's the weirdest thing, I hear all of your stories and pain and my boo didnt do those things to me... I didn't like finding out he was addicted to heroin and he was guilty of self-medicating his problems. However he told me and talked to me about his problems.

Never lied or kept secrets from me..... He is also guilty of putting himself in the situation that got him here...

I am grateful we as a couple decided prison was his save and rehab wouldnt be strong enough because he was weak. So he went to prison and has been clean for a year and 3 months now.... He is strong, the prison is full of drugs and he doesnt do them, and he could, he is offered ALL DAY LONG.... He said it's easier to use in prison than on the streets...

They do drug test in there and he will be drug tested when he gets out.... Rehab wouldn't have been disciplined, and he needs restrictions to really become clean and mentally stable. I pick prison over rehab any day.....

My boo's addiction only hurts himself and he has the consequence. The only way this truly affects me, is being apart, watching him hurt and go through his own journey, and how his consequence makes me wait for him.

I am not a drug user and will not be a drug user so it helps him stay focused.....
He self-medicted because he didnt want to deal with lifes tradegies and mishaps (mother died and he is an african american in UTAH,, with a felony fml)..... He says that he knows he has set backs but he can work that much harder to be were he wants to be (goals).. My baby has always treated my like a queen, a great listener, kind, positive, and a special angel that fell from god.

He needed me and I need him. He got in trouble for years before he met me and now we are paying together.... With my support and his will, he should have a fighting chance...... He loves being sober now and he smoked a cigarette the other day and he said he felt dirty. He had nightmare that he f'up and went back in. When he woke up he said he was relieved he was still in prison because he still had his chance.......... I know he is healing and processing life

.....

I am sorry for the loved ones that are truely in misery from there addiction and how they treat them...

daveysbaby · #**379** 12-30-2011, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billy'sBabygirl

Wow reading through this and all the shit I went through....It's hard to believe, that in the past 3 weeks...I am right back here...He doesn't lie for now... I really don't trust him...his past haunts me...But You really never stop loving an addict...I did then and I still do.

I understand what you are saying I know what

daveysbaby · #**380** 12-30-2011, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billy'sBabygirl

I don't know if I can do this again. I am so afraid to love him again...and yet I want to be right there. He's still on probation and still up to his old habits...Damn, why didn't I run???

Stupid smart phone anyway I know him sober he's great but when he's not watch out how do you ever trust them again

daveysbaby · #**381** 12-30-2011, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billy'sBabygirl

Wow, I started this so I could deal and get information. Now three or four years later, I'm without him. And I still haven't figured out how to deal with him or without him. How do you get over loving someone who you cared for in away that you could never care for another. Face it they were/are dependent on us. They came to us seeking answers and we gave them the shelter they needed. And now that they don't need your shelter they leave like the little baby bird leaving the nest. Except this time you know they are not coming back. But as you stare across the room, in the crowd, you see those eyes.... the same eyes you fell in love with, only it's on someone else's face and your heart breaks all over again.

You know what's weird about loving an addict... YOU NEVER NEVER EVER GET OVER LOVING THEM. THEY ARE THERE IN EVERY SONG, EVERY CORNER YOU TURN.

So true very very true I cry at missing him

Billy'sBabygirl · #**382** 01-21-2012, 02:09 PM

Another month has passed. We have our ups and downs... He still faces so many challenges... We have talked about his Wednesday's sick days... He hadn't noticed this habit... I think for the first time ever when we talk, I can hear hope in his voice. His words maybe the same but it's like I can see he is honestly trying... "as I write, he just turned down pills". The intensity of our relationship has grown. He says one day even if it takes him 20 years, I will trust him. Trust with an addict, doesn't comes easy, if it ever does. The thing is you both have to buy into the dreams, their's is soberity and our is freedom. The freedom to know we have put the other woman (addiction) to bed. I know in my heart I love him and we will go through this part of our journey together for good or bad.. He is and always will be my love..

You know what's weird about loving an addict... You always smile when they call you angel!!!

Billy'sBabygirl · #**383** 07-19-2012, 09:52 AM

Well we are back to being to be in jail. This time is for a VOP out of Pennyslvania. But he is/was finally clean. I need to know about how long does it take to transfer him out of Maryland back to PA and all the new phone call to get to collect call to a cell phone

Billy'sBabygirl · #**384** 07-23-2012, 05:31 AM

So I am back with CBS. You know how you know this day is coming and you try to prepare yourself for it. But nothing, nothing in the world can prepare you for this. I can't cry anymore, it feels like I am numb all over. I go to work, come home and go to sleep. I keep thinking the more I sleep the less I will think about how much I miss him. I won't think about the conditions he told me of the prison when he was in there before. I won't think about him sleeping on the floor with mice around him. I won't think about how much time has gone by since we last touch. Maybe if I don't think, maybe I won't feel as much. NUMB is the word of the day

**Nieves915** · #**385** 07-23-2012, 07:05 AM

the aleternative programs such as safp and crtc are only as good as they person in the program makes it to be. They give you thresources, the classes, the quaidance and the counseling but if the person doesnt want to do the program, or refuses to take it serious they will not do well.
There are drugs in there, they come in all the time, unfortuanatly.
It is an apternative to prison and the sad, the really sad thing is that these poeple do not realize the blessing of these programs vs prison,. They have to want it, and really work hard at it for it to help............. My husband is there, and well lets just say I dont know what his problem is,,,,,, prison is not the way i wanna go,,,,,,,,,,,

HeatherVela · #**386** 07-24-2012, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billy'sBabygirl

So I am back with CBS. You know how you know this day is coming and you try to prepare yourself for it. But nothing, nothing in the world can prepare you for this. I can't cry anymore, it feels like I am numb all over. I go to work, come home and go to sleep. I keep thinking the more I sleep the less I will think about how much I miss him. I won't think about the conditions he told me of the prison when he was in there before. I won't think about him sleeping on the floor with mice around him. I won't think about how much time has gone by since we last touch. Maybe if I don't think, maybe I won't feel as much. NUMB is the word of the day

I know exactly how you feel. My husband went to federal on Friday and I have barely been hanging on. Everything has made me cry - songs, tv, the stupid stuff like food (just bought munchies for him on Thursday) that still sits in my cabinets. Can't sleep, can't eat! Don't know who to talk to about it because nobody here truly understands what it is like. Have been together day in and day out for 24 years and now nothing.
Hope you get to feeling better and able to move on a little more each day.

Nicholas'ladyy · #**387** 08-15-2012, 11:09 AM

I love my boyfriend with everything I have, but he's an addict and I'm not. However, I ran across one of the most truthful sayings I've heard in a long time and it was actually on here where I saw it; "If you're with an addict, even if you're not an addict, you'll still live like an addict".

My BF is doing time, as I type this, and I can only hope and pray the words he speaks now and the words he continues to abide by when he gets out. Because if not, there is no way there could be an "us" again. Just hanging on faith...

I hope your problems get resolved, sweetie, and you guys can have a happy, drug-free life together! Best wishes<3

mannysgirl1013 · #**388** 08-15-2012, 05:03 PM

Its sometimes hard dealing with these type of problems. When my fiance went to prison it was worst. He said he had it easy in there, didn't worry about anything. he got drugs, pruno. I knew he drank in there, but when he came out I realize he had done heroine and continue to do out here. He said while being in there they will do drugs just to let time pass, and when he was out here he was doing them because he was hurt, we had a lot of problems, but that was no excuse, he did them because he liked them. since his been out prison,which was last year in july his gone back 5 times to the county for parole violations, all those 5 times in a year. so exactly his only been out for 5 months, and been incarcerated for 7months this whole year. all due to drugs and alcohol. There so much a woman can take, and am fed up already, i been doing this jail thing for many years now, and right now his incarcerated and he realize that he needs to change, finally thank the lord!!! when he went to the parole board he ask if he can get into programs and do his time in there instead of jail, but they didnt let him

. Now i hope when his out eventhough i wont see him i know is best if he goes into a program as soon as he get out of jail. honestly i belive that being jail doesnt help at all, its worst for them, because they come without getting that help they need,they come out still being weak, feenin for that drug again. and when they do the program it helps them a lot. that is my opinion though, theres some many people and can overcome their addiction, but then again there are a some that arent like my honey. so i just hope and pray that my love finally does the right thing gets in a program and gets the help he needs. If he really trying to change and I see all the effort than i will nver give up on him, I will stick by his side helping through this. I just hope all you girls' men get through it too, and gets the best help, and what best fits them. God Bless You All<3

msandre88 · #**389** 08-18-2012, 06:37 PM

I dont even know how i feel about my man getting out....ofcourse excited...but so so scared.....he wants to change.....but loving an addict is scary

mannysgirl1013 · #**390** 08-21-2012, 08:03 AM

I know tha feeling

confused: I'm excited but at the same time am scared to see he doesn't change it will only break my heart, keep your faith. God is good, just pray <3

Billy'sBabygirl · #**391** 08-22-2012, 11:34 AM

I've been with him for 8 years now, off and on. Is this time different. It sure felt that away. He seems more in tune with "US". Tomorrow we go to the revocation hearing (sentencing for all other states besides PA), he's looking at 2.5 to 7 years. He'll get 17 months backup time. But to be honest I don't know if I can do 7 years. I can see it in his eyes as well. He's not sure if I'm strong enough. Love has nothing to do with this. 7 years is a long time to be away from anyone. The whole damn world can change in 7 years and usually does. But for now, every morning I wake up I know, that this is where I need to be by his side.

I have to say I'm against the rehabs centers they have in prison. Only because if your loved doesn't want it to work, and takes it as a joke as most addicts do. It's a waste of time. Been there done that!!!

Hang in there Only Time will Tell.

ex-mrsp · #**392** 02-03-2013, 12:57 PM

the title is 'you know what is weird about loving an addict'. I think everything about it is weird. It's my first experience. I'm not letting mine come home. I told him he is the worst thing that ever happened to me and he said but he's going to be the best. I believe that he meant it (desire to be) but cannot actually do it.

He is a very special person in a particular way that is very difficult to find. I miss many things about him but I read on here somewhere someone saying they don't want to stash the car key and hide their cash in their sport bra while they slept anymore.

That is almost exactly what I have been saying to people - that if I let him come here I'd have to hide my car keys and money/cc's. I'm not going to do that.

If he didn't steal (he doesn't see it as stealing I don't think - what's mine is his, lol) I could give things a chance. But he does, so I can't.

Things haunt me though. I wish I had not gone off on him when he went to jail and told him it's over you did this you did that and BLAH!

Pages of reaming him out. He deserved it but ....... well I did want some closure and now I'm not getting it because of that letter.

He can't believe I dumped him and is basically all 'f-u' about it.

I miss him. Why did he have to steal? It made everything impossible :-(.

thisfamily · #**393** 02-03-2013, 01:39 PM

It's weird when one feels relieved to be dumped by addict LO. That way, there's no guilt about terminating the relationship while he's still in prison. Of course, I feel sadness and devastation because of the way he chose to not seek help and to act like everyone is against him.. and to seek help from questionable characters. He chose to not be honest and to have an open communication with me which was the only way he could have found his way back to us.... me and our infant daughter. I would have forgiven him anything with a bit of time and action on his part. Now I'm a single parent and I'm kinda ok with it. I will find love again and make sure the next person is trustworthy 110%.

Billy'sBabygirl · #**394** 02-19-2013, 06:45 PM

Wow, it 's going on 7 years since I started this... has it been that long??? How could I still be in the same place? But I am, because I have allowed myself to be. Just as an addict allows themselves to be in the right place at the right time to score what they need. I have allowed myself to be in the right place at the right time to score what I need.. him. I'd like to think I have grow over the years, I'd like to think I have mature and gotten wiser, but truth be told, I have just learned all of his tricks... I can bullshit the best of them, even him, I can placate just about anyone. He taught me well. Oh and the games the addicts play, I have master them just has he taught. A worthy opponent. Maybe that's why I am still here, everyone likes a good challenge. What better challenge than to love an ADDICT?

Truth be told, I love him with all my heart...The good and the bad. The years we've spent together and the years we've spent apart... The many prisons I have visited, the many friends I have found throughout this network (almost a forbidden society)... The guards who know me by face, if not be name... I wouldn't trade it for the world. Because I have learned the "Weirdest thing about loving an addict, is you grow.

You grow to know who you are through them. You grow stronger than anyone else,and you are able to handle more than the average person. You grow intellectually and spiritually (because without your prayers, then where would you be). You grow to know your weaknesses and just how much you can take. You learn to weed out all the bs in the world. Oh you grow so much!!

So grow my friends, flourish in whichever path this may take you. My prayers are there beside you.

**IfIAintGotU** · #**395** 02-21-2013, 08:17 PM

This is such a powerful thread. And also a very sad one. Addicts can absolutely change their lives, no doubt about that. But you have to truly want it. You have to be sick and tired of the lifestyle and disgusted by every aspect. Unfortunately it's a very crazy thing to escape an addiction and to not think like an addict anymore but it's not impossible by any means. Good luck to everyone here who is dealing with addiction in some form. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

jharp4 · #**396** 02-23-2013, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ex-mrsp

the title is 'you know what is weird about loving an addict'. I think everything about it is weird. It's my first experience. I'm not letting mine come home. I told him he is the worst thing that ever happened to me and he said but he's going to be the best. I believe that he meant it (desire to be) but cannot actually do it.

He is a very special person in a particular way that is very difficult to find. I miss many things about him but I read on here somewhere someone saying they don't want to stash the car key and hide their cash in their sport bra while they slept anymore.

That is almost exactly what I have been saying to people - that if I let him come here I'd have to hide my car keys and money/cc's. I'm not going to do that.

If he didn't steal (he doesn't see it as stealing I don't think - what's mine is his, lol) I could give things a chance. But he does, so I can't.

Things haunt me though. I wish I had not gone off on him when he went to jail and told him it's over you did this you did that and BLAH!

Pages of reaming him out. He deserved it but ....... well I did want some closure and now I'm not getting it because of that letter.

He can't believe I dumped him and is basically all 'f-u' about it.

I miss him. Why did he have to steal? It made everything impossible :-(.

Sorry, you're in pain, relationship pain is the worst I think, especially if when you've been wronged, but instead of other party just making things right, manning up to whatever he has done, tries to make you feel guilty. Don't let him! I believe without being able to be honest, a person lacks a lot of morals, & everyone deserves to be loved, really loved!! Good Luck! Prayer is a Powerful Tool, also.

Billy'sBabygirl · #**397** 02-26-2013, 02:44 AM

Up early and decided to drop by here. You have to know your limits. What I will/would do only pertains to me and my life situation. Your heart knows him the best. He may or may not do these things. An addict is a genius. They have to be. It is the hardest thing in the world to love someone who is addicted. Yes there is pain, and mistrust. There are lies and deceit. That's part of being an addict. We didn't say when we were little "I'm going to grow up loving an addict". But at some point we got here. How we deal with it depends on who we are.

Again I started this post to help me learn. As a venue to get my thoughts out to help not only myself but others.

My heart goes out to each and everyone of you. If you need a shoulder, a place to search for the answers, a place to share you're most inner thoughts. Please don't hesitate to write.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Billy'sBabygirl · #**398** 03-31-2013, 07:50 AM

Got the best news on Thursday night, his parole was granted!! So now we need an approved home plan for Pennsylvania and then he can come home to me. Which means I will be quitting my job and moving up there within a month to two months, the sooner I make this happen the sooner he comes home.

So why am I so scared.... Because I am leaving everything and this is the first time of his many times of being released that he is coming home to me. This is the first time he will be clean.

I have to get my car back on the road, I have to find us a place to live, I have to find a new job. For once this isn't about him, it's about me. And I'm sooo super scared!!!