Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Tupezzy · #1 08-18-2012, 05:44 PM

so today was my first visit with my husband since he was sentenced. the visit went great but toward the last 30 mins.his eyes got watery cause he knew i was going to leave without him. of course i got emotional also and he thought it was best to end the visit early cause the emotions were high.my question is does the visit ever get easy? And how do you not cry when they cry? I am so lost and hurt cause all i can think about is the hurt and sadness in his eyes..any advice or encouragement? I love my husband very much.

JLSC · #2 08-18-2012, 07:06 PM

From my personal experience, I don't know if open visits are any easier. But When my guy was sentenced, before he was moved out of London and up to Brockville. It felt to me that Emotions Ran high in every visit. But with Mike, as they came to get them we'd say our I love yous and he'd remind me to write. And then he'd be gone. He'd just take off before I could react. He said it was because it was so hard for him to watch me walk away from him and him knowing that it'd be some time before we'd get to hold eachother again.

So From personal experience...It gets tolerable...but not easier...at least it didn't for me.

Isaacsweetie · #3 08-18-2012, 07:12 PM

Well I am still kinda new to visits. It gets more tolerable. It is hard leaving them behind in there when you jut want them out here with you. Um I didnt cry at the last visit for the first but my heart felt overwhelmingly sad and I was fighting back tears. Now I am going to visit him next weekend for the first time in a month bc he said it was getting too hard to watch me leave him. We were seeing eachother like every other weekend. But it just got to be to much on him so now we are only gonna do once a month for the weekend. But I am sure next weekend it is gonna be like starting all over again with visits and I will cry again. Its hard but spending that time with them is so great it is just the end that really sucks!

dalesgirl · #4 08-18-2012, 07:24 PM

I don't know it they get any easier. I love my visits and I hate leaving. I usually do pretty well when he is there in front of me. Its after I get to my car and I am alone that it is the hardest. What I do to get through it is keep looking forward. We do a lot of countdowns and that works for us (some people hate the counting). Its 1 day till our next visit, 2 days to the next phone call, 33 days to a social, 62 days to another social, 65 days until we get married and 460 days until he's home. That was I am thinking about seeing him or talking to him again, not just that I had to leave him.
I also write a LOT. I write him everything even the emotions that I feel being apart from him.
We both try hard not to cry in the visiting room, though we haven't always managed. He has a rep to maintain -- all men do in prison.
So easier- no but you will learn to hang on.

missinmrreyna · #5 08-18-2012, 07:35 PM

Visiting my husband for the first time was the best thing ever...until it was time to leave. I cried and cried...and cried. He called me right after and told me to be strong...but it was just so hard. I was able to visit my husband every weekend...so the more I saw him...the less it hurt. Knowing that the next visit was just a few days away was exciting. I haven't seen my husband for over 90 days now because we had our visits suspended...that's a whole nother story...but I was recently allowed to reapply. I know the first time I get to see him again its gonna be super emotional but eventually I'll be counting down the days again til the following week...with excitement!

JLSC · #6 08-18-2012, 07:43 PM

I almost broke down one day in the visiting room and Mike though his own eyes were somewhat teary, looked at me and said "Don't you start crying". So he never saw me cry in there and because I had to take cabs most of the time, I never let myself feel it until I was back home in the confines of my bedroom and then I'd cry a little bit and we'd start all over again in a week or two.(he was on scheduled visits so it was touch and go if you ever got at visit at EMDC)

Tupezzy · #7 08-18-2012, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dalesgirl

I don't know it they get any easier. I love my visits and I hate leaving. I usually do pretty well when he is there in front of me. Its after I get to my car and I am alone that it is the hardest. What I do to get through it is keep looking forward. We do a lot of countdowns and that works for us (some people hate the counting). Its 1 day till our next visit, 2 days to the next phone call, 33 days to a social, 62 days to another social, 65 days until we get married and 460 days until he's home. That was I am thinking about seeing him or talking to him again, not just that I had to leave him.
I also write a LOT. I write him everything even the emotions that I feel being apart from him.
We both try hard not to cry in the visiting room, though we haven't always managed. He has a rep to maintain -- all men do in prison.
So easier- no but you will learn to hang on.

this was our first contact visit..to feel that hug seemed like we were the only ones in that room for that brief moment and then when it was time to go it seemed like that hug went soooo fast...i didnt think it would be this hard..fighting back tears was hard...we do write a lot and always keep each other informed on our feelings that is why i didnt think it would be that hard today..and what really is hard is that towards the end of the visit he kept looking at the clock and looking at me and the more he saw that time was getting closer to the end the more his eyes got watery and the more he started talking negative..llike how his life sucks..i told him not to think negative and not to say that but he kept saying it...what do you say when they start talking negative

mallafri · #8 08-19-2012, 04:09 AM

I'm with missinmrreyna, it gets easier when you can visit every week! I come over from Europe every third month and we have wonderful visitation days up until our last two days, that's when I usually start crying because I know we only have a couple of more days together and then we don't get to see each other for three months!

Your guy's just been sentenced and this was your first visit, give it time and you'll get into a routine and get used to the whole experience, then the visits will get easier too.

jackdact · #9 08-19-2012, 06:46 PM

For me it's getting harder and I see my Hon 3weekends out of a month. Just today after I left him, it was like I was having a terrible breakdown. It was God's Mercy that got me home. I think it's the good time I have with him in the visting room with the kisses, hugs, holding his hand and just being with him that makes me want more and more of him. I just look at it as each day passing, is one day closer to him being home.

Tupezzy · #10 08-19-2012, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackdact

For me it's getting harder and I see my Hon 3weekends out of a month. Just today after I left him, it was like I was having a terrible breakdown. It was God's Mercy that got me home. I think it's the good time I have with him in the visting room with the kisses, hugs, holding his hand and just being with him that makes me want more and more of him. I just look at it as each day passing, is one day closer to him being home.

I agree..the touching is what makes it harder cause you want more,not meaning sex but more time,more laughter,and the list goes on... I saw my husband again and it was easier today but still hard..i lost it once i got in the car.one thing that makes this hard for us is because he is sentenced to life.

kevinmom · #11 08-19-2012, 07:07 PM

I don't know if visits get easier or harder. It's so hard to leave them there. My last visit with my son was the hardest for me so far cause it was one of those days. yeah I sometimes lose it in the car or when I get home. Just glad for the small quality time we have and that I get to see his face and visit. Lots of hugs and prayers to you all.

JonesysGirl · #12 08-20-2012, 09:01 PM

I don't know if they'll ever get easier, it's always hard walking away and leaving your LO there. I know I try to control my emotions until I'm gone, but I normally have a hard time trying. He just tells me to be strong and that we can get through this. I always find it kind of ironic that he is the one comforting me when he is the one that is stuck there. So no advice from this end, but lots of hugs!

NeverDull · #13 08-24-2012, 01:02 AM

I'm not sure if me leaving was harder on me or him...gosh it sucked. I shed lots of tears in that visit room and it tortured my poor man. But it was worth every tear to see him and touch him. Now it's been almost 7 weeks since our last visit (he's in transit) and I don't know how much longer I'll have to wait to see him again.

One thing that started to help is he would call me about 15 minutes after I left to make sure I got home ok. It was super sweet of him to do that and it made that separation a little less intense because when I left he would say "I'll call you in a few minutes" so it gave us something small to look forward to. It was usually a short call so we still had minutes for our usual longer call in the evening, but it made him feel like he was protecting me and making sure I was ok.

ladii_luck · #14 08-27-2012, 10:19 PM

I've been visiting my fiance for over 4 years and I thought it would get easier as time passed but every visit brings very different emotions. I didn't cry our 1st visit but I did during the 2nd. He is always the strong one - never bye always see you later or talk to you soon. For me visits will never get easier and as much as I love spending time with him, it's hard to walk away knowing he's going back to the cell.