Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

tyreens_wifey79 · #1 08-20-2012, 06:52 PM

I don't even know where to post this so go ahead and move the post if need to be.

Well I hadnt heard from my man in a few weeks. Which is not normal at all. I finally called the prison and sure enough they couldnt give me details but said hes in the hole. Yes, this really makes me me so upset, mad, pissed, and whatever else you wanna call it. I'm sure my man is not the first or the last inmate that goes to the hole. I really don't need the negative comments so please only give me support and advise on how to handle this.

I am expecting the worst and its so hard for me. Ever since I found out I been crying my eyes out. I know its not helping anything, and there is nothing I can do to help him either. I love this man with my everything! I just hope its nothing that he is going to get extra time for. That is so not what we need. I am just so confused. He does not affiliate with gangs or fights. I mean he will defend himself if need to be. But he is always telling me he tries his best to stay to himself. I am just really heart broken. I mean I know we will get through this. Its just hard not knowing what happen and not being able to get a call from him. I know I should be getting a letter from him.

I did go to work and took my mind off him a little bit but still thought about it most of the day. I wrote him a 7 page letter. I don't even know if he has paper or envelopes to write to me. Hes not a write. He usually just sends cards on occasions and phone calls a couple times a week. I do normally write him everyday though. And I'm going to continue that because from what I know he can still get my letters. I'm just so confused and hurt.

What happens when they go to the hole? I am so new at this life. I have no clue what he does and can receive while hes in there.

Any support would be greatly appreciated. thank you for reading.

nicenjazzy · #2 08-20-2012, 07:19 PM

I know what you're going through, most of us have been there at least once. Sounds like you already know that some things are unavoidable sometimes with our loved ones...sometimes they have to act out of character or it could be something that he couldn't control. D got an unauthorized movement once even though he had been called to programs, the hall officer didn't hear it and sent him to the hole but he got off of it soon as they figured it out. They can still get mail here but it may take longer to get in and come out because seg tends to do things on a slower pace. Keep writing! While in the hole, they aren't allowed much more than religious materials or hygiene (basics). They can ask for paper, pen, and envelope to send out a letter but like I said, they're at the officers mercy (and some officers could care less if they get it). Just be patient and try to stay positive. Hopefully you'll hear from him soon. In NC we can go to DOC website and it shows on our loved ones profile if they have infractions and what they are...have you checked to see if that's done on yours? Wishing you the best. It's tough but you'll make it. Try not to stress too much (easier said than done right?).

tyreens_wifey79 · #3 08-20-2012, 07:23 PM

Yea you are right. Its easier said then done. I am tryiing my best to stay positive. My kids were at their dads over the weekend so it was the hardest but having them here I am busier with them. I didnt even to think the website. I wonder what it would be under to check. Thanks I appreciate the support

msliberiangirl · #4 08-20-2012, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tyreens_wifey79

I don't even know where to post this so go ahead and move the post if need to be.

Well I hadnt heard from my man in a few weeks. Which is not normal at all. I finally called the prison and sure enough they couldnt give me details but said hes in the hole. Yes, this really makes me me so upset, mad, pissed, and whatever else you wanna call it. I'm sure my man is not the first or the last inmate that goes to the hole. I really don't need the negative comments so please only give me support and advise on how to handle this.

I am expecting the worst and its so hard for me. Ever since I found out I been crying my eyes out. I know its not helping anything, and there is nothing I can do to help him either. I love this man with my everything! I just hope its nothing that he is going to get extra time for. That is so not what we need. I am just so confused. He does not affiliate with gangs or fights. I mean he will defend himself if need to be. But he is always telling me he tries his best to stay to himself. I am just really heart broken. I mean I know we will get through this. Its just hard not knowing what happen and not being able to get a call from him. I know I should be getting a letter from him.

I did go to work and took my mind off him a little bit but still thought about it most of the day. I wrote him a 7 page letter. I don't even know if he has paper or envelopes to write to me. Hes not a write. He usually just sends cards on occasions and phone calls a couple times a week. I do normally write him everyday though. And I'm going to continue that because from what I know he can still get my letters. I'm just so confused and hurt.

What happens when they go to the hole? I am so new at this life. I have no clue what he does and can receive while hes in there.

Any support would be greatly appreciated. thank you for reading.

I'm so sorry for what you are experiencing. I am also new to this life. My King is also in the hole and has been there for a while, long while and it was hard at first because I hate to see him like that. To be honest, if being a prisoner is not bad enough, being in the hole is even worse but he still appears to be in decent spirits most of the time. Are you far away from your man? As of now we are in the same city so even though he's in the hole he can still receive my visits but the difference is that he is behind a window and he has to visit in shackles (which I don't understand because he's locked in a small room behind a window). They are in the process of transferring him away for a while because he got in trouble until he gets his status dropped again. Anyway, just continue to put that pen to use. My man can receive 3 stamped envelopes at a time so try sending those just in case he does not have any. I hope and pray the best for you and for you to get and stay encouraged.

tyreens_wifey79 · #5 08-20-2012, 07:30 PM

I guess my mind is so out of it, I never thought about these things. I am 16 hours away from him. so visiting is out of the question. Well good thing is I sent him about 4 books on is religion so he must be reading that up. I will have to check into sending him some stamped envelopes. I wonder who I would contact to find out? Thanks for the info. Much appreciated.

lil peep · #6 08-20-2012, 07:51 PM

I've been there as well hon...a few times! My love has been in the hole for a couple days to a few months. If it's for a disciplinary where he's at, then they do not get visits. They don't get phone calls. They can have paper and a pen, but they don't have their property. Hopefully he'll write you while he's in there if he can get an envelope...if he has one in his property, he might be able to request it. My love was always able to write me, so even though we didn't have calls, we still had our letters. There's nothing I could do, so once I knew what was going on and where he was, that he was okay, I just kept it moving. The unknowns are the worst thing about this type of situation. Chances are if you sent anything into him through the mail like a package, he won't get it til he's out of the hole. He'll be able to get regular mail, but pretty sure nothing else will go through. I hope you hear from him soon! Hang in there hon *hugs*

amsani22 · #7 08-20-2012, 08:29 PM

Don't be upset or panic too much! My bf got sent to hole one time too and I was mad/pissed wondering where he was and what he did.. And getting so angry at him.

But turns out he wasn't fighting or anything, a female officer was cussing him out and he bowed to her and said "your majesty" and then got thrown in the hole. Sometimes the officers can find any small reason to flex their arm and throw an inmate to the hole and it's not even his fault you know? So... I think you should try to occupy yourself and think of your daily routine (though it gets hard) and don't get angry at him yet, cos it may not be his fault. *hugs* been where you are and I know how you feel!

NatesGurl · #8 08-20-2012, 08:33 PM

Sorry to hear about your man I know it has to really be hard (I haven't and hope to never experience that with my many knock on wood) but I did have to deal with it with my adopted step-dad and that was difficult in Indiana they can have visits but there is glass between us not able to have regular visit's every prison is different... I hope he writes you soon, but Ditto to everyone else's comments write positive things and pray that it doesn't add more time to him (not always does being in the hole add time).. good luck and I would like to think that is what this website is for comfort and friendship.. hugs!!

rsoutherland04 · #9 08-20-2012, 08:44 PM

I know its hard but the best thing to do is keep writing and let him know you are there for him. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

loyalchick · #10 08-20-2012, 09:13 PM

I'm kinda new to this myself but kinda not, It's hard girl i've been there before but keep your head up and keep writing him letting him know your there for him that's the best thing you can do and all you can do at this point.
*hugs*

Lotus4him · #11 08-20-2012, 09:27 PM

Its not easy. I have been there as his friend and now his fiance and its so hard when you are used to all the other forms of communication but you have to keep writing and thinking of creative things to keep his spirits up while he is there cause they dont get out much and mine was only allowed 1 phone call per month. He was so grateful and appreciative of all the mail. He said it kept him positive and felt good to know I was by his side and not just forgetting about him. Keep your head up and best wishes hun

tyreens_wifey79 · #12 08-20-2012, 11:06 PM

Thanks. I am in better mood now. I plan to keep writing him every day. He is a very positive person, so I know it will help him even more. Thanks for the support and advise ladies. I appreciate it alot and means alot.

Sheryl P. · #13 08-20-2012, 11:17 PM

I'm gald you will write him often.Try and send whatever supplies they are allowed,put money on his commissary if you can then send whatever books are allowed to keep his mind busy.They get very bored and it can get pretty tough for them if they don't have something to do besides stare at four walls.
I would not assume the stay there was his fault.A lot of crazy things happen in prison!Maybe it was and maybe it wasn't,either way it is too late now so just support him.

Danny'slove · #14 08-21-2012, 02:24 AM

I know how you feel, I went trough something similar a couple of weeks ago and my MWI was in the hole as well. He wasn't alowed to bring paper/envelopes etc. He was there for 2 weeks, and I was just as worried, scared and freaked out like you.

Keep writing him, he will need your support! Hang in there :-)

Lily Blaise · #15 08-21-2012, 05:11 AM

I've been going through something similar to you myself at the moment and so, I can really relate to the feelings of despair, worry and sadness. It's awful to feel disconnected from your loved one and to not know what is happening and whether they are ok. I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. It is hard, especially when it comes as a shock, and I even get angry at myself for sometimes focusing on my own experience of loss and pain when I know the experience must be so much worse for my man. But, from having been through this a few times now, I can tell you that feeling upset and worried is normal. Waiting to know what is going on and getting in touch again is perhaps the hardest part, but in time you will re-connect and that for me is always a relief. No matter how hard it feels, somewhere inside, you will find the strength to get through it and be there for your man. Just like the way you went to work when it was feeling awful, you will manage and adjust and maybe there is something to learn from the difficulties you will ultimately overcome together. For me at the moment, I'm learning how much I truly love my man and how strong we are together. Since he doesn't have his property in the hole, I like to send him a 'hole survival kit' with lots of photos, past letters, stories, puzzles/games, books, I write him a 'hole' exercise program with body weight exercises he can do in his cell etc. to comfort him and keep him occupied. I really hope you hear from him soon and this difficult time passes quickly for you.

tyreens_wifey79 · #16 08-23-2012, 05:35 PM

Well I have left messages with his case manager and counselor. Still no response. I'm not sure what else to do. I'm hoping to get a letter soon. I been writing him everyday but not sure what else to tell him.

krc1abc1 · #17 08-23-2012, 06:07 PM

Mine has been in the whole almost 120 days and was put uop for transfer last week now I havent heard anything from him since he let me know about the transfer I didnt think they would transfer him so soon our lives have so many unknowns and to add hole time os really hard

The bestvthing is to keep writing and sending cards and pictures that helps keep them goimh

lil peep · #18 08-23-2012, 06:47 PM

Honestly it doesn't matter who you talk to...they can't/won't tell you anything. They are not allowed to say what he's in the hole for or give you any details. You can leave messages, but chances are they won't get back to you b/c they can't tell you a thing. The most you'll probably know til you hear from him is that he got locked up.

tyreens_wifey79 · #19 08-24-2012, 08:01 PM

I guess I got all worked up and worried for nothing. He did go to the hole. He got out yesterday. I got a call, and omg I was so excited to hear his voice again. I did receive two cards and a letter today. awwww, I love this man so much. Well he was in another building he wasnt supposed to be in. It was all a misunderstanding and the DR is being dropped. Thanks for being supportive and next time I wont get all worried but sometimes its just hard.

Love.D · #20 08-26-2012, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tyreens_wifey79

I guess I got all worked up and worried for nothing. He did go to the hole. He got out yesterday. I got a call, and omg I was so excited to hear his voice again. I did receive two cards and a letter today. awwww, I love this man so much. Well he was in another building he wasnt supposed to be in. It was all a misunderstanding and the DR is being dropped. Thanks for being supportive and next time I wont get all worried but sometimes its just hard.

That's good that he got out. My guy just got sent there earlier this week and it's my first time dealing with it because we would talk everyday, and then all of sudden he didn't call me after his dinner. His mom found out from one of the other wives that he was sent to the hole.
anyways how long was he in the hole for?

tyreens_wifey79 · #21 08-27-2012, 10:29 PM

He was in for 5 days. Just like you we talked everyday. And then bam after his yard call he didnt call. I knew something was up. I got one of his letters he wrote when he was in there.

Hope you hear from your man real soon. Stay strong

Love.D · #22 08-27-2012, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tyreens_wifey79

He was in for 5 days. Just like you we talked everyday. And then bam after his yard call he didnt call. I knew something was up. I got one of his letters he wrote when he was in there.

Hope you hear from your man real soon. Stay strong

I just heard from him today via the letters he wrote to me.
They put him in the hole and moved him from a medium pen to maximum pen.

He's gonna be in there for a few month now. I'm just waiting for them to activate his calling card so he can call me and his mom.
I can't believe this... I guess on the inside you are automatically GUILTY until you are proven INNOCENT.

chrisnlove · #23 08-27-2012, 10:52 PM

I went threw this also! Mine was in for 30 days really sucked... so they transfered him to hole than to a max custody level? So he is no longer in the hole? Being in the hole no phone calls are allowed only writing back and forth u can send him paper and etc expect pencil. U are so guilty until proven not guilty which from my understand most are never proven not guilty. Its hard they lose game time visitation everything its hard to bounce back... but can be done. Best wishes

EDMI · #24 08-29-2012, 11:22 PM

Prison is so damn unpredictable! You never know they decide what goes on and when. When I started to accept my man was in prison the rules of the relaitonship are different only then did our relationship blossom.
I have condition myself too know 100% he loves me and I have to trust him. If he is not calling or writing something is preventing that. You have a bunch of men together all day every day. Look at sports everytime men play a sport sometimes someone gets head butted on a team. Men are very aggresive. He could have been minding his own business and went to chow and some a butt hole was in a bad mood and messed with him. Or something so stupid and simple that we think nothing of. Mine has gotton in trouble for taking an extra salt packet. Depending on the prison some are easy going why others are like a camp. I always look back and feel bad at times when I was being mean or nasty expecting the same behaivor as a guy in the free world. Mine always says "its prison how do you think my day is going" And he is right they got to fight for everything. Those phones go on when they want they have too stand and wait for someone to get off too call. Think about it we are relaxing on our couch and our guy just got done standing for an hour waiting for someone he cannot stand too hand him the phone. When he calls or reads a letter he just needs emotional support thats all. Real men arent going to go into detail as too worry you as too whats going on. If you care deeply just be there too support him emotionally. Being in prison is tuff. You got to fight for your right for everything. Most of the CO's are on ego trips they like that power. Be patient everything will work itself out. But be prepared prison is unpredicatable it takes a strong women too be in this type of relationship