Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

RLF5400 · #1 08-30-2012, 12:56 PM

Not sure if this should be posted in Wives and Girlfriend's section of here. Moderator, Please move it if you wish...

In four more weeks my Lady will coming home. We are not presently married..

Synopsis of our situation: I have known Nichole for two years. She lived with her mother with her oldest daughter in an older section of town. The three other daughters lived with her ex.. Six months ago, when she was taken away, I took physical custody (with no legal authority) of the four girls. And moved them into my place in the country. If you followed any of my postings, We've been having a great time together.. And I have been treating them as if they were my own..

So now it's nearly time for Mother to join us. I had emailed her explaining what I thought would be my ideal homecoming.. The girls started making banners and other party decorations for the house.. I'll putting a turkey in the oven, and have all the fixings to go along with it.. The girls picked out a bunch of DVD's. And picked out new dresses for the occasion.. I along with her four daughters (12 to 16 years old) will arrive in style to pick up Mother at prison and take her home with us. I have made arrangements to pick her up with a stretch limousine, chauffeur fitted with a white tuxedo and all. Then bring her home to get reacquainted to the family and new surrounding. And simply chill!

Here's where the problem arises... I purchased the sexiest black lacy lingerie that I could find at Victoria Secrets.. And once the girls were asleep. We would consummate our new living arrangements, and our commitments.. When she heard my plans,, she said she'd rather sleep with the girls! After all she hasn't seen three of them in a year! And would follow through the following Monday when they were off to school... I asked, “What about my needs?” “I've been holding down the fort and taking care of your four girls for over six months now...” “And it's been months since I had the touch of a woman” “And I was tired of going to bed and waking up to a pillow laced with your perfume!”

I'm totally baffled. She claims the girls are used to her sleeping with them. And not her sleeping with a man. I may be old; and may be old fashioned. But what's with this? Am I out of line? Why do my desires need to wait three days? I particularly like to hear from the ladies on their take of this..

MitchsLady2010 · #2 08-30-2012, 02:50 PM

What a tough situation...I will try my best. I am the single Mommy with my man and littlest one's Daddy incarcerated so I cant speak from experiience BUT what I can say is if I were seperated from my babies, they would be my FIRST concern as far as building that bond back and wanting them as happy and as comfortable as possible. BUT at the same time, her kids have been with YOU the past 6 months so she wont have to worry so much about warming them up to her new man or to their home and it may have been true BEFORE she was incarcerated that they were used to sleeping with her but NOW they are used to sleeping in their home in their beds alone.
As a woman who has had 3 children I will say that even though my man thinks I am the most beautiful and perfect woman in the world, I personally have some self esteem issues about my naked body. While I was reading your post I got a little uncomfortable about the sexiest langerie because majority of women feel a little self conscious in some of the lingerie out there. What im getting at is maybe she is just feeling unintentional pressure in that area like she wont be as amazing or look as sexy in the lingerie as you imagine her to be. I know that prison is built to dehumanize people and make them feel worthless so shes stepping out of that extreme and right into the EXTREME opposite with the limo and everything and being treated as a queen. So she may have some anxieties about all of that. I know that they say to SLOWLY introduce your incarcerated loved one to the outside world. Maybe all of it just seems overwhelming and scary so to speak and she feels she will not meet up to your expectations. I could be TOTALLY wrong in al of this but that's what makes the most sense to me. You sound like a WONDERFUL MAN and the world needs more men like you!!

DP's Girl · #3 08-30-2012, 07:19 PM

I am a single mother who has never dated during my kids lifetime.I was married to my son's father and since our divorce I reunited with Dee who was already locked up. So I don't know how I would feel but I would probably feel uncomfortable having sex with someone who is not their father with them in the house. But because the girls have been with you without her you must have a very special relationship with them. That might make me feel differently. I do know spending time with my kids would be my first priority. But your girlfriend saying her daughters are used to her sleeping with them is clearly untrue since 3 of them weren't even living with her before she went in. I don't think your expectations are unreasonable and you should definitely have an honest talk with her. Hopefully you can both get what you want and need to feel happy. Maybe she can lay down with the girls until they're asleep and then join you. Good luck.

RLF5400 · #4 08-31-2012, 06:45 AM

You have to have been on my end of the phone to appreciate how I have come to feel. I'm a very calm even tempered person, that takes a lot to get me rattled. And I kept my cool, and never raised my voice in anger.. Besides the tone of her voice and the “Oh that's the way it's going to be attitude.” “And that I was only concerned about myself and not her kids..” When I asked, “What about my needs?” I didn't say this; but she knows that if it wasn't for my intervention, she'd be facing another six months. Plus the children would have been placed in foster care! I REALLY DO CARE about her children. After all I took it upon myself to put them under my roof. Feed then, bought them all new clothes, took all of them on an exciting two week vacation, got then registered in great school system, and took care of all their medical and dental needs as well. She hung up on me in mid call.. Then called back an hour later saying that she didn't go to work because I she was so upset with me. And if she gets thrown in the hole, it'd be all my fault!

I have a big house with four bedrooms and two bathrooms on one one end of the upstairs that the girls occupy. And a bridge that connects to the master sweet... Noise doesn't travel in the house.. So that's not a problem, she simply doesn't want her kids to know that she sleeps with me... That we have to sneak around and can only be intimate when they are off to school... Nichole and I discussed the new living arrangements before she was taken away. And I assumed that sharing the nights with me in our bedroom was part of it..

I have dedicated my life to Nichole. I quit my job so I could devote all my efforts to her and her children.. I saw that all her needs were taken care of. Both inside and outside of prison. I wrote her over three pieces of mail each and ever day she was gone. And saw to it that the girls did too. And always kept her informed with writings and pictures of every place and everything that the girls and I did. Sadly her stand on the issue has taken the wind out of my sails. And it's sure difficult to sail on yesterday's wind... I sent two letters and a card this morning to Nichole.. But I don't know if I can muster up enough gumption to write tomorrows... I feel so depressed, and used...

As far as Nichole being self conscious about being in sexy lingerie. She Loves anything Victoria Secrets. Claims I always have great taste. While she was self conscious about her body when we first met. I eventually made her feel comfortable displaying it to my eyes.. Indeed she has some minor issues in her stomach. After all she gave birth to four children.. I consider them medal's of motherhood. And last summer she had no qualms wearing a Bikini...

I know this may sound childish. If I don't get my way,, I'll stomp off.

I sure don't wish that to be the case... But the other side of the coin.. If she cared for me, as much as I do for her, she want to meet my needs. At least meet me somewhere in the middle..

ccyoung52 · #5 08-31-2012, 07:27 AM

I don't think any of us here in the free world can understand what is going thru her head. But you can't expect her to jump into the free world without feeling like a fish out of water for awhile. Give her this time she needs but also don't be used without feeling love in return. I know a guy who spent time in prison and a woman on the outside gave him everything he needed but he didn't love her an dumped her when he got out. He said people in prison often use someone on the outside to get what they need to survive while incarcerated. And people may get angry for me saying that but we all know it is true. It's just hard to admit. I also know a woman who stayed married to a guy in prison and she was totally faithful to him during those seven years but when he got out he dumped her because she got very heavy during his incarceration. Be careful, don't set yourself up for heartache. You sound like you have alot to offer a woman. Surely that woman will be smart enough to realize that but love can't be bought. You certainly deserve love, and if it doesn't work out, well you have done alot to help those kids and their mom. But you will find out soon what the truth is. Be careful and just give her time and space to see what's up. Don't pressure her into anything. She will need an adjustment time. LOVE IS PATIENT

Quote:

Originally Posted by RLF5400

You have to have been on my end of the phone to appreciate how I have come to feel. I'm a very calm even tempered person, that takes a lot to get me rattled. And I kept my cool, and never raised my voice in anger.. Besides the tone of her voice and the “Oh that's the way it's going to be attitude.” “And that I was only concerned about myself and not her kids..” When I asked, “What about my needs?” I didn't say this; but she knows that if it wasn't for my intervention, she'd be facing another six months. Plus the children would have been placed in foster care! I REALLY DO CARE about her children. After all I took it upon myself to put them under my roof. Feed then, bought them all new clothes, took all of them on an exciting two week vacation, got then registered in great school system, and took care of all their medical and dental needs as well. She hung up on me in mid call.. Then called back an hour later saying that she didn't go to work because I she was so upset with me. And if she gets thrown in the hole, it'd be all my fault!

I have a big house with four bedrooms and two bathrooms on one one end of the upstairs that the girls occupy. And a bridge that connects to the master sweet... Noise doesn't travel in the house.. So that's not a problem, she simply doesn't want her kids to know that she sleeps with me... That we have to sneak around and can only be intimate when they are off to school... Nichole and I discussed the new living arrangements before she was taken away. And I assumed that sharing the nights with me in our bedroom was part of it..

I have dedicated my life to Nichole. I quit my job so I could devote all my efforts to her and her children.. I saw that all her needs were taken care of. Both inside and outside of prison. I wrote her over three pieces of mail each and ever day she was gone. And saw to it that the girls did too. And always kept her informed with writings and pictures of every place and everything that the girls and I did. Sadly her stand on the issue has taken the wind out of my sails. And it's sure difficult to sail on yesterday's wind... I sent two letters and a card this morning to Nichole.. But I don't know if I can muster up enough gumption to write tomorrows... I feel so depressed, and used...

As far as Nichole being self conscious about being in sexy lingerie. She Loves anything Victoria Secrets. Claims I always have great taste. While she was self conscious about her body when we first met. I eventually made her feel comfortable displaying it to my eyes.. Indeed she has some minor issues in her stomach. After all she gave birth to four children.. I consider them medal's of motherhood. And last summer she had no qualms wearing a Bikini...

I know this may sound childish. If I don't get my way,, I'll stomp off.

I sure don't wish that to be the case... But the other side of the coin.. If she cared for me, as much as I do for her, she want to meet my needs. At least meet me somewhere in the middle..

JuliannRN · #6 08-31-2012, 08:00 AM

RLF, sadly I think this line says it all " I feel so depressed, and used... "
I am afraid that may be the case. Although I hope it isnt the case, i just feel that it may be.

ilovehim09 · #7 08-31-2012, 10:29 AM

you seem like a great guy, you have taken 4 children in that are not yours and stepped in as their father, which i assume is not in the picture. Yes they need their mother and she needs them too -- but at the ages they are, and they are used to sleeping in their own beds, how about a compromise? camp out - the girls in one tent and you and nicole in the other.. She can spend time with them until bedtime and then spend time with you when they go into their tent. May not be the most romantic thing, but it is certainly a start.

nimuay · #8 08-31-2012, 12:33 PM

OK, here's my take - you're over-doing.

It may scare her.

It may turn her off.

You have clearly focused very, very exclusively on her and her kids, and it may be that you need a little outside interest to take the spotlight off her so strongly. You're making it entirely clear that you've completely taken over what used to be her life, and, apparently are doing it better than she did, since you've got all the kids back together. Frankly, I'd partly loathe someone who did all of that to me. I couldn't stand the pressure, the contrast, the feeling of owing you.

She well may be different from me, but that's what would give me the willies.

Sheryl P. · #9 08-31-2012, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nimuay

OK, here's my take - you're over-doing.

It may scare her.

It may turn her off.

You have clearly focused very, very exclusively on her and her kids, and it may be that you need a little outside interest to take the spotlight off her so strongly. You're making it entirely clear that you've completely taken over what used to be her life, and, apparently are doing it better than she did, since you've got all the kids back together. Frankly, I'd partly loathe someone who did all of that to me. I couldn't stand the pressure, the contrast, the feeling of owing you.

She well may be different from me, but that's what would give me the willies.

I agree.It seems you have her life all figured out without even taking her desires into consideration.I would be very uncomfortable.

marie8899 · #10 08-31-2012, 12:39 PM

This is one of those situations where, not knowing the people involved, I think we can all project our own interpretations into it. I don't know if your fiancee is a user or not, but assuming she is not (and I hope she is not)--My first thought about your desires is: Well you've waited 6 months, what's wrong with 3 more days, everything else being equal? Second thought is that this woman lost control of her life and her family for 6 months and now, she does not even have control of her homecoming. Did you discuss with her how she would like her homecoming to be? I agree it must be very overwhelming to go from nothing to everything. I think you should have a good, non-accusatory talk and evaluate from there. It's true you have helped her alot, but I can also understand her not wanting to feel she has to pay you back with sex the day she gets back! I hope she will show you her appreciation in other ways. Good luck to you and please, no stomping off until you have a good grasp of what her needs are as well as yours.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RLF5400

Not sure if this should be posted in Wives and Girlfriend's section of here. Moderator, Please move it if you wish...

In four more weeks my Lady will coming home. We are not presently married..

Synopsis of our situation: I have known Nichole for two years. She lived with her mother with her oldest daughter in an older section of town. The three other daughters lived with her ex.. Six months ago, when she was taken away, I took physical custody (with no legal authority) of the four girls. And moved them into my place in the country. If you followed any of my postings, We've been having a great time together.. And I have been treating them as if they were my own..

So now it's nearly time for Mother to join us. I had emailed her explaining what I thought would be my ideal homecoming.. The girls started making banners and other party decorations for the house.. I'll putting a turkey in the oven, and have all the fixings to go along with it.. The girls picked out a bunch of DVD's. And picked out new dresses for the occasion.. I along with her four daughters (12 to 16 years old) will arrive in style to pick up Mother at prison and take her home with us. I have made arrangements to pick her up with a stretch limousine, chauffeur fitted with a white tuxedo and all. Then bring her home to get reacquainted to the family and new surrounding. And simply chill!

Here's where the problem arises... I purchased the sexiest black lacy lingerie that I could find at Victoria Secrets.. And once the girls were asleep. We would consummate our new living arrangements, and our commitments.. When she heard my plans,, she said she'd rather sleep with the girls! After all she hasn't seen three of them in a year! And would follow through the following Monday when they were off to school... I asked, “What about my needs?” “I've been holding down the fort and taking care of your four girls for over six months now...” “And it's been months since I had the touch of a woman” “And I was tired of going to bed and waking up to a pillow laced with your perfume!”

I'm totally baffled. She claims the girls are used to her sleeping with them. And not her sleeping with a man. I may be old; and may be old fashioned. But what's with this? Am I out of line? Why do my desires need to wait three days? I particularly like to hear from the ladies on their take of this..

RLF5400 · #11 08-31-2012, 04:57 PM

Yes Nichole was a user, off an on for maybe ten years. Possibly more on though.. You would not have ever guessed it if you casually met her.. When I first met her two years ago, I recognized it within a few weeks. And called her out on it. Not surprisedly, she wouldn’t admit to me... So I said my good-byes, wished her well, and drove off.. She called me withing the next fifteen minutes. Crying and asked me to return ASAP. We talked about her addition through the night, and made plans for her to be hospitalized. I went to all the orientation and ever step of the way through detox and the best in patient rehab programs in the area. She was clean this time, and went down on a stealing charge. Instigated from a girlfriend... And since she had a bad record, the judge wasn’t about to give her probation...

I’m an executive, and run mid-size manufacturing plants for most of my career. So delegating authority comes easy for me. But I’m also a good listener, negotiator, problem solver, and know how the importance of communications...But I am not a micro-manager.. And relied on Nichole to come up with an outlined plan. Hence we have been planning her homecoming once she was out of admissions.... She was the one that wanted a turkey dinner the first day. And grilled steak he next.. Plus we always kept her up on the progress of implementing her ideas.

It was I that assumed that she would want to sleep together in our bed the first night, and thereafter.. And it hit me like a sack of cement that I was not in her plans.

mothersharon · #12 08-31-2012, 06:42 PM

I have always heard, whomever cares the least is in control of any situation. I think you need to back off a little and let the girl BREATH.......You are not in control that seems clear to me, even though you want to be. Good luck

kevinmom · #13 09-09-2012, 06:29 PM

You sound like a great man and that homecoming is gonna be so nice! You are defnitely in her plans it just may take a minute for her to settle in and feel part of the family again. It may work out great with the girls out of the house the first time you guys are back together. More freedom and fun when the kids are gone and can have eachother's undivided attention! Just food for thought.

prisonlady · #14 09-09-2012, 08:15 PM

Your celebration plan is really sweet but it would have been nicer if it was a surprise. As a woman, I would expect the sex, too, to happen as if by chance, perhaps when the girls are somewhere else or asleep. I realize that waiting for a few days may be hard, but it's more fun when it happens by chance and you don't know when it is.

However, the limousine may present a problem if she doesn't want to advertise that she was in prison. Someone may just happen to see her get out of the limousine and wonder why. The idea of getting a limousine may also seem very odd to someone who did not get one for happier occasions or whose family and friends were not particularly supportive. If my family wanted to take me out of prison in a limousine (hypothetically speaking, as I am not in prison), I would think that they are either up to no good, or just making fun of me. I did not have a limousine for graduation.

CenTexLyn · #15 09-09-2012, 08:29 PM

No offense intended to the OP, but I see too much here that comes across as controlling in nature. Not only is that off-putting to a lot of women in general, continued scheduling of everything after even the relatively short time of incarceration described here is NOT something most people are going to want upon release.

There are just too many red flags here that suggest that HER needs, wants and desires are not being taken into account. And yet we read that because you might not get to sleep with her for a few days, you are set to walk? I'm sorry, but that just rubs me the wrong way. And admittedly, also sends red flags priming for a return to injurious behaviors...

RLF5400 · #16 09-10-2012, 06:57 AM

Seeing that I needed room for four girls, Nichole's mother, Nichole and myself,, I needed a seven passenger vehicle. (all wanted to go) The maximum capacity of my vehicles is five. Other than my 40 foot motor home and boat. But I sure didn't want to be stuck behind the wheel, and there's no water access there! A friend of mine owns a Limousine service, and I called in a long overdo favor.. All I need to do is pay for the gas and tip the driver.. A lot cheaper than renting a huge van. And I still would have to fork out for gas and be stuck driving.. Plus he told me it's not as uncommon as you may think...

And don't get me wrong,, I'm not about to split over not having sex with her! I was just hurt that she wouldn't want to share that first night together after the girls were sleeping...

xanthra · #17 09-10-2012, 08:41 AM

Before you she did not live with three of her children, she was an addict and now she is in jail. You lead with your pocketbook to take care of 'everything' for her. What does she want from your relationship? For me my kids take priority over money. If she is with you because you take care of her kids and her is that enough for her?
You seem like a nice guy who has taken care of things financially from your house, boat, 40-foot motor home, bridge to the bedroom.....all monetary things. She wants to sleep with her girls the first weekend. To reconnect with them? To just be a mom? To postpone sleeping with you because?????
What your relationship is too complex to post here but I'd be careful not to control through 'look at all I've done for you now you owe me' means.
Money is secdary to family. It seems you expect to pay for things and she is expected to sleep with you for her part of it.
Don't get used, don't use.

CenTexLyn · #18 09-10-2012, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RLF5400

Seeing that I needed room for four girls, Nichole's mother, Nichole and myself,, I needed a seven passenger vehicle. (all wanted to go) The maximum capacity of my vehicles is five. Other than my 40 foot motor home and boat. But I sure didn't want to be stuck behind the wheel, and there's no water access there! A friend of mine owns a Limousine service, and I called in a long overdo favor.. All I need to do is pay for the gas and tip the driver.. A lot cheaper than renting a huge van. And I still would have to fork out for gas and be stuck driving.. Plus he told me it's not as uncommon as you may think...

And don't get me wrong,, I'm not about to split over not having sex with her! I was just hurt that she wouldn't want to share that first night together after the girls were sleeping...

It would seem that your ideas are not her ideas...and that is just part of the coming home process. But some of what I see in this thread is disturbing at a different level because of all the focus on THINGS instead of EMOTIONAL needs.

It comes across as you seeking to structure HER life as though it was another business meeting or that she was to be managed just like another asset...and is not something that most people take well to in the free world, much less someone coming out of an environment where their every waking moment has been structured and they had no control over their actions.

Step back and think this through HER eyes...and some of the comments may then make more sense to you.

DarkAngel1962 · #19 09-10-2012, 06:18 PM

I read through all the posts here and read all three of your posts. It seems to me that you went from portraying a very loving homecoming to portraying someone that is very controlling and a little immature in my opinion. She has just spent the last six months in prison. Yes, you've been holding down the fort for her, doing what she could not do while she is in prison and before. What I read and this may not be how you meant it to come off but I read, I did all this for her and now I expect sex. How dare she deny me this one thing I've been waiting for after all I've done for her. Again, this is how "I" read it. She has spent the last six months having people control her EVERY move. I'm sure the last thing that she wants is a play by play schedule of how things are going to be when she comes home. She wants to spend time with her children. Children that sounds like she may have not given her all to when she was free. I can imagine that she feels some sort of guilt for not being there for them. Give her some time to readjust to her new environment. If the relationship is meant to be the sex will be there. What about just holding her or cuddling on the couch? Give her a chance to want to make love instead of insisting. As a woman I would be running very quickly to the nearest exit if my guy put as much emphasis on sex as you have here.

Slow down, nix the limo and go rent a nice van to bring her home in. If that were me I would feel that I would have a lot to live up to and the added pressure would give me plenty of anxiety.

lesliew32 · #20 09-10-2012, 07:04 PM

I couldn't imagine spending six months in prison not having any of my personal belongings. Clothes, make-up , hair products, lotions, perfumes. Then walking out those doors to a limo filled up with family dressed to the nines. I would want to run and hide. Not only that but to return to a place that was never mine and then begin to readjust to my surroundings. Women want sex from a mental stand point. Her head is going to be all over the place from all this change. Let her relax and she will come to you.

Tyler's Momma · #21 09-10-2012, 07:31 PM

My input is that if you are wanting to be with her the first night and she and the kids want to be together also then make a huge pallet in the den/living room floor, put a movie in, make popcorn and all sleep there for the night. That way everybody is together and enjoying the time with no pressures for or on anyone.

Sent from my SCH-I500 using PrisonTalk

RLF5400 · #22 09-11-2012, 08:57 PM

What I'm reading is,, “What's good for the goose may not be good for the gander! In the recent poll of what woman plan to do with their man first arrives home is overwhelmingly “Make Love”,, by a whopping 91%... http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=411326

Now I come forward with a same request of my lady, that was quickly shot down. And I have to wait three days when the kids are in school! My, my,, I detect a little discrimination here.. You may call it what you wish.. But I felt that I was doing this journey right along side of my Lady. Each and every step of the way! I may as well be the one that was locked down. At least I could be looking forward to being rewarded for being in prison.. And not the supported person holding down the fort while my Nichole is being incarcerated...

Ladies there are far more to this story than what is written... And besides being hurt by my woman.. So many members have chosen to trounce on me as well...

CenTexLyn · #23 09-11-2012, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RLF5400

What I'm reading is,, “What's good for the goose may not be good for the gander! In the recent poll of what woman plan to do with their man first arrives home is overwhelmingly “Make Love”,, by a whopping 91%... http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=411326

Now I come forward with a same request of my lady, that was quickly shot down. And I have to wait three days when the kids are in school! My, my,, I detect a little discrimination here.. You may call it what you wish.. But I felt that I was doing this journey right along side of my Lady. Each and every step of the way! I may as well be the one that was locked down. At least I could be looking forward to being rewarded for being in prison.. And not the supported person holding down the fort while my Nichole is being incarcerated...

Ladies there are far more to this story than what is written... And besides being hurt by my woman.. So many members have chosen to trounce on me as well...

Aside from the fact that it was a multiple choice poll that has been up for three and a half years and only has 311 people who comprised that 91%, you also conveniently overlook the fact that there are differences in the manner by which males and females prioritize sex and where the emotional needs happen to fit.

I am not going to read through all of the responses in that other thread but I saw several on the first page that included spending time with family and basically taking things slow.

You claim you were being trounced upon when I, as I look across the responses to the thread, see a number of responses that came from female members...in other words, precisely the group that is most apt to have the same manner of looking at this as does your significant other. And it STILL comes across as this thread being one where it is all about YOU and YOUR needs, not what she needs to help decompress from the hell that has been the past year of her life...that you aren't seeing that, despite even your significant other having essentially communicated precisely that, says there are communication issues that you need to work out with her.

If you really want the relationship to thrive and, more importantly, SURVIVE, then you need to spend some more time LISTENING to her. In the course of that listening, my guess is that you would find that some mutual nurturing of the emotional needs of BOTH of you would take place.

While I don't have kids of my own (my partner has two from a prior relationship), I cannot at all fault her for wanting to reestablish her bond with children that she bore and that she feels that she has let down through her prior actions. To put your wants above that emotional need is just something I find absolutely appalling...

nimuay · #24 09-11-2012, 10:20 PM

RLF, I think the exchange in this thread is a perfect example of what's wrong. . . we're all telling you something and your instinct is not to attempt to understand, but to defend your prior arrangements. That's not communication . . . you're not good at it (at least not in this context). You're used to managing and telling people what to do, not teamwork, apparently.

We're telling you, with no intent of discriminating, that you're missing the point. Your point continues to be what you've done for her and ours is that you're controlling and hyper-managing. She gets no input. When she does say something, it upsets you as a failure to acknowledge the excellence of your preparations. She's resisting your control of everything. You're even controlling the when and where of having sex, without any chance of natural, mutual, gentle interplay and exchange.

I don't think a man would react much differently. In fact, if you read a lot more around here, the issues of coming home are often about women having too much arranged and the resentment of the men who are just coming out of prison.

Klewis · #25 09-11-2012, 10:37 PM

I just want to say I feel for you. It sounds like a lot is going on and I think a part of this woman is more in love with what you provided then in love with you. I can understand her wanting to come home and spend some time with the kids but come on now if my Fiance' came home and did not want to sleep in the same room with me I would definitely be having a fit and wondering what the hell is wrong.