Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered People in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered People in Prison For anyone that has a same sex partner, family member, friend or Pen Pal in prison that is Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgendered.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-18-2017, 04:22 PM
BuffaloBill BuffaloBill is offline
LGBT Spouse
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 5
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
Default My husband is incarcerated overseas

Hi. My husband if from Myanmar (aka Burma), in Southeast Asia. I met him there when I was working years ago. We got married in the US a couple of years ago. Last year he went back to visit and he got caught up in some stupid bust. Now he's in prison for the next 3 years. It's awful. I'd love someone to talk to.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 06-18-2017, 04:25 PM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is offline
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 8,317
Thanks: 10,718
Thanked 14,242 Times in 5,448 Posts
Default

I'm sure the distance makes things all the more difficult. I'm glad you found us. Welcome to PTO.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-18-2017, 06:17 PM
BuffaloBill BuffaloBill is offline
LGBT Spouse
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 5
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by miamac View Post
I'm sure the distance makes things all the more difficult. I'm glad you found us. Welcome to PTO.
yes, you said it. It's really hard. Thanks.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-18-2017, 07:53 PM
patchouli's Avatar
patchouli patchouli is offline
PTO Administrator

PTOQ Editorial Team Member Staff Superstar Two Time Winner Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 36,985
Thanks: 36,782
Thanked 29,535 Times in 13,758 Posts
Default

Welcome to PTO Stay as busy as you can, it'll help the time pass, and write often. Will your husband be able to come back to the states? I hope so!
__________________
2017 Holiday Issue of PTO Quarterly now available to download & print.


Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-20-2017, 04:55 PM
BuffaloBill BuffaloBill is offline
LGBT Spouse
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 5
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by patchouli View Post
Welcome to PTO Stay as busy as you can, it'll help the time pass, and write often. Will your husband be able to come back to the states? I hope so!
Hi. Thank you for your reply. I will try to keep busy. I just want to be with him, wherever it is. Thanks.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to BuffaloBill For This Useful Post:
miamac (06-20-2017), patchouli (06-20-2017)
  #6  
Old 06-20-2017, 04:59 PM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is offline
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 8,317
Thanks: 10,718
Thanked 14,242 Times in 5,448 Posts
Default

What kind of communication lines do you have now? I'll plead ignorance to most foreign incarceration systems. I assume snail mail...do you get calls? I can't even imagine the cost if you do.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-20-2017, 05:07 PM
BuffaloBill BuffaloBill is offline
LGBT Spouse
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 5
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
Default

Viber chat with his family over there. They send me messages from him, i send messages to them for him.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 06-20-2017, 05:11 PM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is offline
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 8,317
Thanks: 10,718
Thanked 14,242 Times in 5,448 Posts
Default

I'm glad you have that connection. There are many members here who aren't in a position, for as many reasons, to be able to visit or have calls with their loved ones. It's tough.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 06-20-2017, 05:17 PM
BuffaloBill BuffaloBill is offline
LGBT Spouse
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 5
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
Default

Completely shut off - that's terrible. I feel so bad for them. Yes, at least I can manage occasional messages through his family. Only a few more years, then we can try to start again.

Thanks for your responsiveness. I appreciate that.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to BuffaloBill For This Useful Post:
miamac (06-20-2017)
  #10  
Old 06-20-2017, 05:35 PM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is offline
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 8,317
Thanks: 10,718
Thanked 14,242 Times in 5,448 Posts
Default

Having an incarcerated spouse isolates you enough on just that level. It's hard for people who haven't experienced to understand. You've got some added challenges that some of us haven't had to deal with. But it's nice to find a place where, at the very least, the "prison" part levels the playing field enough that we don't have to fear judgement and can talk about coping and creating a life around it.

I'm glad you're here.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to miamac For This Useful Post:
patchouli (06-20-2017), Sarianna (12-07-2017)
  #11  
Old 07-11-2017, 12:50 AM
Vorlon007's Avatar
Vorlon007 Vorlon007 is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 28
Thanks: 2
Thanked 33 Times in 20 Posts
Default

Hi Buffalo Bill: My partner is in prison here and this has been a very trying experience for me. I can only imagine what it must be like for you. He went back for a visit and got caught up in something in Myanmar? Have you thought about going to visit him? That might be tough. Though at the very least if you were to be there when he gets out, that would be the most beautiful show of support. I've whiled away the time by writing letters to him. A lot of them I don't send because often all I want to do is get stuff off my chest, and you know how it is when you write something you make it real! It's really important you continually let him know you are there for him to the best of your ability and that you never forget him. It's a totally different life in prison, and in Myanmar I can only imagine how basic it is. You are a good man for sticking by him, and I hope when he gets out you are there to greet him.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Vorlon007 For This Useful Post:
She'sMyAngel (12-09-2017)
  #12  
Old 12-07-2017, 08:00 AM
IMissJosh IMissJosh is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Indiana US
Posts: 42
Thanks: 4
Thanked 14 Times in 11 Posts
Default Try to make him feel human

Hi, BBill. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I hope that this small, weak thing I have to say makes a difference.

Josh has been in here in the US for 7 months and has 5 months to go. Parole violation - he's been in before, so he and I know a lot more about how it all works than 7 months' worth (which is way too much in itself).

The big thing in the US and I suspect this is general is that a combination of no funding and a punitive attitude makes Josh and other inmates get stripped of their humanity. Very little is done to make them feel like individual people. Some say this is the plan, and since I'm out here I can't argue. But it happens anyway.

The biggest weapon against that is your presence, in whatever form. Because I know that this is very important, I spend somewhere near $700 a month making as sure as I can that I am minimizing it. About $450 of that is direct, like phone, stamps, commissary, visiting in person. The rest is the difference between doing some things at home (he lives with me when he's out) his way instead of mine.

I go to this extent because I think it's critical to him and because I can. Not everyone can do this, but it's still a critical thing IMHO - I'm wide open to any comment that constructively (i.e., educates me) says otherwise.

I'd like to suggest that you do the same. That amount of money isn't necessary. You might focus what you say in your letters toward making him feel like he has a say in what is going on at home.

Early on, Josh's biggest complaint was that he had no effect, no power to do anything, and nobody cared what he thought. There were other things but they were things I could not do a single thing about. But I figured I could do something about those because I could get info about what he wanted to be happening out here and execute some of these things for him.

Now I know that the $450 part of what I did and am doing would be $4500 from here to Burma if you could do them at all, but you do have a communication line open and these kinds of things are something relatives would not balk at conveying between the two of you. You don't have to share a home either. You could get his input (and adhere to it sometimes and let him know whether you did) about even a thing like if you are getting a new phone, moving to a new place, taking your car to a mechanic or fixing it yourself. Just some input on a few things, some of which you might do his way and some not, with honest feedback so that he doesn't hear you saying yes to everything and end up figuring you're patronizing him.

This has worked wonders with Josh. It's between thanksgiving and christmas, and he's always on jpay chattering about things I should try and when he gets out - i.e., not the depressed man I knew before I got this going. He gets input (and again, I can send screen shots and stuff to him, but use your imagination) into finances from the spreadsheet I use, into whether we are getting a new bed or redoing the living room floor this month, whether or not I'm going to invite ex-fwb-ben over to play while he's still gone (my vote no, his vote yes but.. no, but .. ok yes) - i guess that's one that wouldn't fly well if family is privy to message content. I'll entertain anything he suggests and if it's not really a problem I'll do it his way, and if it is I'll explain that it's going how I want and why.

He tells me that he spends a lot of time thinking about what he wants to happen out here and how to persuade me. and that is exactly what I want him to be doing.

With the open communications we have, it has boiled into a couple fights. I'd rather him be thinking alternately that he has some influence and thinking how stubborn I am than thinking about how many minutes he has left inside, so I'll fight the fights. They've gotten to the point where we don't really get that mad anyway.

Even if doing something like this isn't what you think will be good for you two, I hope something happens to make the time seem faster for you both.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to IMissJosh For This Useful Post:
She'sMyAngel (12-09-2017)
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
lgbt, married, overseas

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Mwi husband injured/I'm overseas mrscalabrese Georgia General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat 2 06-05-2016 06:42 AM
Husband is locked up overseas for a long long time.... Euro40 Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 17 10-22-2015 04:31 AM
My husband is incarcerated and I've met another man forever1 Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 87 07-20-2011 08:25 AM
Husband incarcerated kgirlly Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 6 02-24-2009 05:14 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:46 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics