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  #26  
Old 09-12-2017, 04:06 PM
MJA71084 MJA71084 is offline
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Originally Posted by sisnmo View Post
Hi. My son just got sentenced to prison. I feel as though I am going through a death in family. I just cant not dwell on this..
I have been on this site since February. Gleaning it for information. I have been unable to speak to anyone until now. Your subject line hit me.
It does feel like a death and now matter how much you read or how much you empathize with all the other parents it is still the second most painful thing as a mother, I personally have ever gone through! I have two other adult children as well as my son who is in prison. This has devasted them too. I can't comfort anyone most days. I go from angry to sad to hopeful and back to angry again to start all over. I take one day at a time and I pray A LOT!
All of this is a completely foreign world. The language, the attitudes the entire way of life. I have learned so many things I never wanted to know.
I research (it makes me feel like I'm helping)and I read here how others cope with the situation. Just knowing you are not alone is the biggest comfort some days.
I'm rambling, I apologize. I just wanted you to know you are not alone even though it feels like it and it is a daily challenge.
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  #27  
Old 09-12-2017, 04:52 PM
Mepmom Mepmom is offline
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Originally Posted by sisnmo View Post
Hi. My son just got sentenced to prison. I feel as though I am going through a death in family. I just cant not dwell on this..
I am so sorry about your son..my prayers are with you! I am here if you need to talk. My son is finally up for parole and in the process, quite the process it is in Texas.. Now the next phase will begin of what is he going to be able to do for work when he is out, he wants to leave the country, I am strongly discouraging this and trying to find him work.. It is a new beginning for him and he has realized over the past few years who is truly with him as a person, those who he thought were friends are not and have had no communication with him. Truly sad but I pray he does not reconnect with them as they are not truly his friends..

Praying for you, your son and your family as this will pass eventually..
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  #28  
Old 09-12-2017, 10:28 PM
GaReform GaReform is offline
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Originally Posted by MJA71084 View Post
I have been on this site since February. Gleaning it for information. I have been unable to speak to anyone until now. Your subject line hit me.
It does feel like a death and now matter how much you read or how much you empathize with all the other parents it is still the second most painful thing as a mother, I personally have ever gone through! I have two other adult children as well as my son who is in prison. This has devasted them too. I can't comfort anyone most days. I go from angry to sad to hopeful and back to angry again to start all over. I take one day at a time and I pray A LOT!
All of this is a completely foreign world. The language, the attitudes the entire way of life. I have learned so many things I never wanted to know.
I research (it makes me feel like I'm helping)and I read here how others cope with the situation. Just knowing you are not alone is the biggest comfort some days.
I'm rambling, I apologize. I just wanted you to know you are not alone even though it feels like it and it is a daily challenge.
It really is the end of the life you knew & the start of a totally different one. I imagine it must be what a newborn baby feels but can't express- scared, anxious, then eventually finding a way to go along learning their way. What helps is knowing you have a safe place & the support of people to give you comfort. That is what I've found here & why I got involved in advocacy.

It's tough trying to hold your family together when you are having trouble holding yourself together but we do it. When you need to recharge your batteries or just to vent, stop in. We understand & have been or are going through it too.

I saw this & have saved this quote because it really is true.
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  #29  
Old 09-14-2017, 11:10 AM
MJA71084 MJA71084 is offline
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Originally Posted by GaReform View Post
It really is the end of the life you knew & the start of a totally different one. I imagine it must be what a newborn baby feels but can't express- scared, anxious, then eventually finding a way to go along learning their way. What helps is knowing you have a safe place & the support of people to give you comfort. That is what I've found here & why I got involved in advocacy.

It's tough trying to hold your family together when you are having trouble holding yourself together but we do it. When you need to recharge your batteries or just to vent, stop in. We understand & have been or are going through it too.

I saw this & have saved this quote because it really is true.
Thank you, that's a good one! God Bless you and yours
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  #30  
Old 09-20-2017, 02:55 PM
lmbarker lmbarker is offline
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Originally Posted by sisnmo View Post
Hi. My son just got sentenced to prison. I feel as though I am going through a death in family. I just cant not dwell on this..
I completely understand how you feel as my son recently was sentenced to prison and I have felt the same way.
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  #31  
Old 09-20-2017, 03:07 PM
MJA71084 MJA71084 is offline
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Originally Posted by lmbarker View Post
I understand how you feel as my son recently was sentenced to prison recently and I am feeling the same way.
I'm so sorry. Please know you are not alone. This site is full of people in our situation and it has helped me a lot!
The Parent section is very helpful. Prayers for you and yours.
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  #32  
Old 09-22-2017, 01:33 AM
RaRi RaRi is offline
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my son did too. 18 years old manslaughter. email me if you would like to keep in touch for support mimirob73@gmail.com
My son was 19 when he was sentenced 15-life. I feel your pain. We are almost 13 years into this. I moved 100 miles West to be near my son. I've spent the last 9 years having lunch with him most Friday's. He has remained an active member of the family. Luckily this year my birthday falls on a Saturday, my husband and oldest son are coming with me to have a birthday lunch. We will all laugh, have some pictures taken, eat vending machine food and feel Blessed for the gift of sharing a meal and time together.

When this first began I cried every day, I couldn't think of anything else. My son, the crime, the courts, the fear, prison, trying to figure out where everything went off the rails consumed me. I've worked through all of it, I've made the best of a bad situation, If my life was divided up like a pie chart a small piece of that pie would be me having a son in prison. We are starting to think (worry) about going in front of the parole board now. In all honesty the time has gone by much quicker than I expected. It has helped tremendously living 15 minutes up the road from my son, Jpay has helped a lot too~ if you aren't as lucky to live near your loved one video visits are great. My father lives in Florida and visits every other Thursday morning via video.
My son has focused on using his time to take any and every class he can. He has earned his journeyman's papers for carpentry, he's a certified dog trainer, he's taken all kinds of classes and now he is earning credits towards a college degree. When your son is at his parent institution look up their web sight and see what classes are offered, encourage your son to participate and learn a trade while he's there.
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  #33  
Old 09-22-2017, 12:42 PM
Doinaight Doinaight is offline
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This post makes me feel bad for what I put my Mom through. She has said the same thing about me being in prison "atleast i know your safe". My Mom was the only person who came to my sentencing. Her and my step dad did come to visit but since i was in the Federal system it wasnt very often as i was so far away. Anyways I too was an addict and since my release to halfway house on this same date two years ago I have accomplished quite a bit. I have held the same job for 2 years, bought a new car, and bought my first home. I have stayed clean since my release and was even let off supervision (kinda like parole for the feds) over a year and half early.

So really was just thinking that you guys could use some encouragement that it can get better. Also one of the best things I did was release to a different part of the state. First I had a job lined up here, and some family. But the great part is that all of the people that used to use with are 2 hours away, Im not gonna just randomly run into one at the store. Sure I have seen some old friends when i went home for a visit but its different than being in a small town full of the same people as before.
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  #34  
Old 09-27-2017, 07:15 PM
georgiagrama georgiagrama is offline
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It's like a death, and then again it isn't. When a family member dies people hug you and bring casseroles, call, give support. When someone goes to prison people talk about you ( speculate if you're an enabler is a popular one), drift away, give stupid advice, or act like it didn't happen, when your world's crashing. This forum has been a life saver for me. And I agree with some of the others: the beginning is the worst. Then you learn to accept the new reality and healing begins. One saving grace is that SOMETIMES ( maybe more than not) the prison experience changes your child for the better.And life gets better all around. Keep the faith.
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  #35  
Old 09-28-2017, 04:17 PM
Juniesgal Juniesgal is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sisnmo View Post
Hi. My son just got sentenced to prison. I feel as though I am going through a death in family. I just cant not dwell on this..
How are you? Seems funny to hear someone say that, doesnt it? Such a routine question, for such an abnormal situation.

I saw so many wonderful responses to your post, and I wanted to just check in with you. You are , and need to , grieve the loss of the "normalcy" of your relationship. There is no time line for grief. You may go thru one stage, progress to another, then go back to one you thought youve been thru. Thats normal. But thru this all, you will create a new "normalcy". Be it a letter, phone call, a visit, a game you play thru the mail-- youll make the new normal. Youll start taking care of yourself, and in turn, when he sees that, he'll develop his normal. As bizarre as this may sound, my son and I have never been closer. This new "normal" for our family, has brought us closer. Thinking of you....
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  #36  
Old 09-30-2017, 09:00 AM
lmbarker lmbarker is offline
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[quote=georgiagrama;7665945]It's like a death, and then again it isn't. When a family member dies people hug you and bring casseroles, call, give support. When someone goes to prison people talk about you ( speculate if you're an enabler is a popular one), drift away, give stupid advice, or act like it didn't happen, when your world's crashing. This forum has been a life saver for me. And I agree with some of the others: the beginning is the worst. Then you learn to accept the new reality and healing begins. One saving grace is that SOMETIMES ( maybe more than not) the prison experience changes your child for the better.And life gets better all around. Keep the faith.[/QUOTE.

When my son went to prison I found out who my true friends were and it wasn't who I thought it would be. People do judge us and talk about us when this happens. I would not go anywhere except to work and back home. You really find out who is here to support you thru everything that is happening and who isn't. They don't understand that it does feel like you have lost someone to death. That is exactly how I felt. It gets a little better day by day and I try not to let it consume my life. Thank you everyone for listening.
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  #37  
Old 10-19-2017, 01:45 AM
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Wow, reading these posts is like a trip through my own experience. My therapist has suggested trauma therapy. Trauma! Who would have guessed - unless you see any one of us parents on a 'bad day' - or even on a normal day in the beginning...

My son was a respected soldier in the army when he was arrested last January. Had never been in trouble. Now he's in a state prison. Still asking myself how this could have happened.
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  #38  
Old 12-07-2017, 02:15 PM
Mepmom Mepmom is offline
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Wow, reading these posts is like a trip through my own experience. My therapist has suggested trauma therapy. Trauma! Who would have guessed - unless you see any one of us parents on a 'bad day' - or even on a normal day in the beginning...

My son was a respected soldier in the army when he was arrested last January. Had never been in trouble. Now he's in a state prison. Still asking myself how this could have happened.
I am sorry to hear about your son..my son was also a respected soldier in the Army for many years until an accident occurred. He served 3 years in prison and is scheduled for parole. Meeting with parole officer tomorrow to begin the process. Another new normal...

I am here if you need to talk. My son is is prison in Texas and I live in Arizona . He will be transferred to AZ to complete his parole. prayers...

Laura
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