Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > When the Relationship is Over...
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-06-2017, 10:57 PM
Malaysia212 Malaysia212 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: New York
Posts: 1
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default How can I heal and get over him when I’m there for him as a friend?

Hello Iam new here and need help . My ex boyfriend or boyfriend I donít know what to call him has been locked up for about a year now and he will go to court soon to get sentence . Prior one week before he got arrested i found out he was communicating with another women ( this is the second time ) and this broke my heart and destroyed me . i told him we could continue to live together until he gets on his feet but being with him i just couldnít do it .

Now the next week he gets arrested and calls me . Long story short since heís been locked up i have been there i Contribute to his lawyers fees give him money for Commissary visits him and try to the person who motivates him n be positive. I do all this stuff because i truly love him and what to make sure he is okayyy and he wonít worry

sometimes i cry at night because iam here for this person but this is the person who stole my heart and stomped on it. Any other woman would have said fuck him let the other chick he was talking to let her hold u down. How can i heal and get over him when Iím there for him as a friend


When he gets release on parole he will come back to my home my question is can we live together as friends ???? From the bottom of my heart i just want him to get on his feet and not worry and get his self together I canít be with him he hurt me . But i also know when he get out whenever heís gonna wanna have sex and Iím going to be horny but itís like I canít do it bc im gonna be opening up my wound again

Help please Iím lost, weak and emotionally dead
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Malaysia212 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018)
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 12-06-2017, 11:28 PM
AndyS's Avatar
AndyS AndyS is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Texas US
Posts: 1,148
Thanks: 1,363
Thanked 2,154 Times in 777 Posts
Default

Can you live together as friends? No. As much as you’d like to believe you are holding him down as a friend the truth is you are with him not as a friend but as someone still invested in the relationship. Honestly I think you are setting yourself up for heartache but I don’t know him and just know what you posted. You are giving your hard earned money away to someone who cheated on you just a week before he was locked. My gut tells me he will ride that out as long as he can. I truly believe that when people make posts like this they already know what they should do. I think you do too.
__________________
A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of a sheep.

ďAbsorb what is useful, Discard what is not, Add what is uniquely your ownĒ
Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to AndyS For This Useful Post:
liveweyerd (02-04-2018), maytayah (12-07-2017), MizzyMuffling (12-06-2017), Ms Sunny (12-06-2017), NewTexGal (12-07-2017), Sarianna (12-07-2017), sidewalker (12-08-2017), WARWICKSHIRE (12-07-2017), xolady (12-07-2017)
  #3  
Old 12-06-2017, 11:58 PM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 2,320
Thanks: 2,243
Thanked 2,467 Times in 1,158 Posts
Default

N'uff said... AndyS is on point.
Stop sending money and stuff and move on.
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
AndyS (12-07-2017), liveweyerd (02-04-2018), Sarianna (12-07-2017), WARWICKSHIRE (12-07-2017)
  #4  
Old 12-07-2017, 04:02 AM
JustBeingMe67's Avatar
JustBeingMe67 JustBeingMe67 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 5,378
Thanks: 866
Thanked 1,845 Times in 889 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malaysia212 View Post
Hello Iam new here and need help . My ex boyfriend or boyfriend I donít know what to call him has been locked up for about a year now and he will go to court soon to get sentence . Prior one week before he got arrested i found out he was communicating with another women ( this is the second time ) and this broke my heart and destroyed me . i told him we could continue to live together until he gets on his feet but being with him i just couldnít do it .

Now the next week he gets arrested and calls me . Long story short since heís been locked up i have been there i Contribute to his lawyers fees give him money for Commissary visits him and try to the person who motivates him n be positive. I do all this stuff because i truly love him and what to make sure he is okayyy and he wonít worry

sometimes i cry at night because iam here for this person but this is the person who stole my heart and stomped on it. Any other woman would have said fuck him let the other chick he was talking to let her hold u down. How can i heal and get over him when Iím there for him as a friend


When he gets release on parole he will come back to my home my question is can we live together as friends ???? From the bottom of my heart i just want him to get on his feet and not worry and get his self together I canít be with him he hurt me . But i also know when he get out whenever heís gonna wanna have sex and Iím going to be horny but itís like I canít do it bc im gonna be opening up my wound again

Help please Iím lost, weak and emotionally dead
Why put yourself in this situation? It sounds as though you have trust issues with him, how will those go away once he is sentenced? They won't and NO I do not believe you can have intimate feelings and a relationship with someone and then try to be "just friends". Once someone has lost my trust, it never comes back 100%, as I always question whether they are being honest with me.

Take a break, relationships are more than just sex, I would like to believe that you want more than FWB. From the bottom of my heart, you need to let him get on his own feet, as you are NOT responsible for him getting his shit together, that's his job. Your job is to get yourself together, take a break and move on without him.
__________________
Be Real, Be You
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to JustBeingMe67 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018), AndyS (12-07-2017), liveweyerd (02-04-2018), Sarianna (12-07-2017)
  #5  
Old 12-07-2017, 05:27 AM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,291
Thanks: 114
Thanked 2,000 Times in 1,268 Posts
Default

If your still in love with him you can't love live together and just be friends. Best thing you can do now is starry to distance yourself from him and eventually cut all ties
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to nygirl17 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018), liveweyerd (02-04-2018)
  #6  
Old 12-07-2017, 07:39 AM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is online now
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 23,802
Thanks: 6,055
Thanked 28,516 Times in 10,363 Posts
Default

What's more important - to heal or to support him?

Once you answer that, you'll know which direction to head. If healing is your primary goal, then stop supporting him. You're teaching him that you'll take anything no matter how awful and still hurting yourself in the process.

If your primary goal is to support him, then I don't know what you'll be able to do about healing.

You need time away from him to heal. Later you may be able to resurrect a friendship, but certainly not for at least a year.

I say that from experience. A couple of years ago I was about to be homeless, and was offered a place in their home by an old boyfriend's girlfriend. He and I had had a 13-year relationship, and they have had one from about a year after we split, up to now, about 15 years.

Mind you, we are all older adults and emotionally stable, but it is doable over a long term, definitely not in the early term.
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018), AndyS (12-07-2017), liveweyerd (02-04-2018), Sarianna (12-07-2017)
  #7  
Old 12-07-2017, 11:34 AM
Rigora Rigora is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 24
Thanks: 1
Thanked 31 Times in 13 Posts
Default

I'm in a similar situation. What I've learned from lurking on here and making one or two posts myself is that I have to let go. I'm also dancing between whether he's my boyfriend or ex-boyfriend. He spoke to plenty of girls while we were together, telling me it was all online so it meant nothing. I've stood by him for his first year incarcerated, but I'm either angry or scared all the time. Angry when I think about how bad those 10 months were prior, and scared of what our future will be like once he's out in one year from now.

I'm not suggesting we're in exactly the same situation, and what is good for me may not be what is right for you. But for my own personal health, and for that of our daughter's, I know I have to let go. We couldn't live together as friends.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Rigora For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018), liveweyerd (02-04-2018), Sarianna (12-07-2017), xolady (12-07-2017)
  #8  
Old 12-07-2017, 12:33 PM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is offline
Lil British Site Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 5,529
Thanks: 5,207
Thanked 7,096 Times in 3,167 Posts
Default

Your not standing by him as a friend you still love him and your clinging on hoping he will change and you will get your happy ending. However he wont change he will be happy to take your money and string you along.
Walk away get your head straight and look for someone else who will love you and treat you with respect.
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army

Last edited by maytayah; 12-08-2017 at 01:04 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to maytayah For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018), AndyS (12-07-2017), liveweyerd (02-04-2018), NewTexGal (12-07-2017), nimuay (12-07-2017), SunshineTym (12-20-2017)
  #9  
Old 12-07-2017, 05:00 PM
Barbeegirl88 Barbeegirl88 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Illinois
Posts: 32
Thanks: 10
Thanked 14 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Baby let him go and Iím gonna be honest. Let the other woman support him. If you keep enabling him to do these things to you he will bleed you and your heart dry. Let go!!!!!
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Barbeegirl88 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018), AndyS (12-07-2017), liveweyerd (02-04-2018), MizzyMuffling (12-10-2017), SunshineTym (12-20-2017)
  #10  
Old 12-07-2017, 07:56 PM
Ms Sunny Ms Sunny is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Northern NY
Posts: 678
Thanks: 1,167
Thanked 517 Times in 263 Posts
Default

You can't.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ms Sunny For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018), liveweyerd (02-04-2018)
  #11  
Old 12-07-2017, 08:09 PM
Tufahije's Avatar
Tufahije Tufahije is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Outer Space
Posts: 244
Thanks: 236
Thanked 229 Times in 123 Posts
Default

I tried to be a supportive friend to an ex - boyfriend. The original reason why I found / came to this site. Supportive in all ways [helping him find a job, manage being on parole] but it turned into a bad relationship without an official title. Finally, I had to come to my own senses and cut ties cause he would continue to use me as I made myself available.

The first person you need to support is yourself and this situation you speak of is not good or productive for you. Let him go, take care of yourself, follow your own paths and if you can support him platonically, then support him later on. You cannot heal if you keep picking at what hurts.
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Tufahije For This Useful Post:
AndyS (12-07-2017), liveweyerd (02-04-2018), maytayah (12-08-2017), nimuay (12-07-2017), sidewalker (12-08-2017), xolady (02-04-2018)
  #12  
Old 12-09-2017, 05:53 PM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Illinois
Posts: 142
Thanks: 0
Thanked 84 Times in 53 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malaysia212 View Post
Hello Iam new here and need help . My ex boyfriend or boyfriend I don’t know what to call him has been locked up for about a year now and he will go to court soon to get sentence . Prior one week before he got arrested i found out he was communicating with another women ( this is the second time ) and this broke my heart and destroyed me . i told him we could continue to live together until he gets on his feet but being with him i just couldn’t do it .

Now the next week he gets arrested and calls me . Long story short since he’s been locked up i have been there i Contribute to his lawyers fees give him money for Commissary visits him and try to the person who motivates him n be positive. I do all this stuff because i truly love him and what to make sure he is okayyy and he won’t worry

sometimes i cry at night because iam here for this person but this is the person who stole my heart and stomped on it. Any other woman would have said fuck him let the other chick he was talking to let her hold u down. How can i heal and get over him when I’m there for him as a friend


When he gets release on parole he will come back to my home my question is can we live together as friends ???? From the bottom of my heart i just want him to get on his feet and not worry and get his self together I can’t be with him he hurt me . But i also know when he get out whenever he’s gonna wanna have sex and I’m going to be horny but it’s like I can’t do it bc im gonna be opening up my wound again

Help please I’m lost, weak and emotionally dea5d
You can't get over him until you let him go completely!!
Cut all ties with this no good man!! Of course he's gonna want to have sex and you too, all it takes is one touch one kiss...you need to move on, you're just wasting time and energy.. he's not gonna change.. and you already know this
__________________
lessonlearned

Last edited by Fredslady5; 12-09-2017 at 06:02 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Fredslady5 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018), liveweyerd (02-04-2018), SunshineTym (12-20-2017)
  #13  
Old 12-10-2017, 01:46 PM
careyon careyon is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: FL, USA
Posts: 72
Thanks: 0
Thanked 47 Times in 28 Posts
Default

You won't be able to get over this guy if you don't distance yourself from him. It's great that you want to see him be OK, but he wasn't thinking about you when he cheated on you. It sounds like he's using you. You're setting yourself up to be hurt again. Distance yourself and pray for him. God will send someone else to help him.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to careyon For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018), liveweyerd (02-04-2018)
  #14  
Old 12-11-2017, 01:34 AM
Anna7 Anna7 is offline
I love my Kindle
 

Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 95
Thanks: 52
Thanked 116 Times in 48 Posts
Default

All advice here has been stellar. Going ďno contactĒ is best; if you stay in touch with him youíll never be able to fully separate from him in your head or heart. (Resuming sex with him could result in another pregnancy .. not what either of you need .. any future kids you have should be with ďMr. Right,Ē not this creep.)
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Anna7 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018), liveweyerd (02-04-2018), nimuay (12-11-2017)
  #15  
Old 01-31-2018, 04:50 AM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Illinois
Posts: 142
Thanks: 0
Thanked 84 Times in 53 Posts
Default

Why do women do this to themselves?? You can't change him, or make him love you
__________________
lessonlearned
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Fredslady5 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (02-03-2018), liveweyerd (02-04-2018)
  #16  
Old 02-03-2018, 05:24 PM
a.rare.love's Avatar
a.rare.love a.rare.love is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: California
Posts: 939
Thanks: 4,318
Thanked 575 Times in 416 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malaysia212 View Post
Hello Iam new here and need help . My ex boyfriend or boyfriend I don’t know what to call him has been locked up for about a year now and he will go to court soon to get sentence . Prior one week before he got arrested i found out he was communicating with another women ( this is the second time ) and this broke my heart and destroyed me . i told him we could continue to live together until he gets on his feet but being with him i just couldn’t do it .

Now the next week he gets arrested and calls me
. Long story short since he’s been locked up i have been there i Contribute to his lawyers fees give him money for Commissary visits him and try to the person who motivates him n be positive. I do all this stuff because i truly love him and what to make sure he is okayyy and he won’t worry

sometimes i cry at night because iam here for this person but this is the person who stole my heart and stomped on it.
Any other woman would have said fuck him let the other chick he was talking to let her hold u down. How can i heal and get over him when I’m there for him as a friend

Help please I’m lost, weak and emotionally dead
I've never been emotionally weak to the point i didn't know what to do if a guy like him mistreated to the point of yours, and betraying you with some other chick.I am not 1 to wonder what to do with a situation like that. I also would know to leave/not look back. Keep him wanting' wishing he was with me, but ended up with some 1 who clearly has nothing over me, nor can compare to me. I would just GO and not look back at all because i know what i deserve in life.
-
Chica, so i send u a hug tonight.I can tell its bothering you, you're confused but don't be. The answers are right in front of you.
-
I always knew when it was time to say adios and NOT look back after getting also some therapy and i began to realize my true worth." You deserve better.
-
I see you're only posting, one time. You're not returning?I will still leave a msg.,for you, through a post.
-He stomped, and treated you so bad. Why in the world would you think of still "letting him live with you til he get on his feet?"Let some 1 else have this headache disrespectful no good man and move on."Let him be some 1 else problem. You're going to have to be strong/get strong/learn how to simply say NO and move on to a greener pasture without being at ANY level too involved or involved at all with a man who can do this to you. He is the one who will keep "winning and shall benefit"from your "friendhsip"more than you, so move on, pray on it, GOD shall bless you when you are doing what you know "deep down" you should be doing and that is to not be his friend."

-I feel when it's over, chica?It's over, no turning back, that is how i feel and it works for me,after years of bad relationships(2) of them over 10 yrs ago and i am strong and an astute woman who will never let ANY man again stomp on mi heart, (using your word) or use me,to a point of me feeling so weak and emotionally dead(using your words again.)PM me anytime,and i hope by now you're realizing you truly DESERVE HAPPINESS and LOYALTY, & RESPECT and i don't believe it'll happen with a man like that. Hugs and Blessings.Adios.
__________________
#TAAS ...(There are always signs.)
-
Do NOT ignore the signs. Don't let the "I love u's,cloud your better judgement."
-
Do not give your "all" to some guy who is not showing you through "action."
-
Remember, he is #J.A.M.("Just another man.)

"DON'T let him break you.".God knows what es best for all of us."#Smile #LiveWell #DontSettle.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 02-03-2018 at 05:31 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 02-04-2018, 03:55 AM
judiwoo's Avatar
judiwoo judiwoo is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Nevada/UK
Posts: 972
Thanks: 228
Thanked 892 Times in 518 Posts
Default

I agree with what most of the other ladies have said - cut contact and move on. I have tried being friends with a couple of ex's and it just didn't work. I always say an ex is an ex for a good reason.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to judiwoo For This Useful Post:
liveweyerd (02-04-2018), Ms Sunny (02-04-2018), xolady (02-04-2018)
  #18  
Old 02-04-2018, 12:12 PM
liveweyerd liveweyerd is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Bristol TN
Posts: 116
Thanks: 763
Thanked 116 Times in 68 Posts
Default

I found going no contact was the best way for me to separate myself from "him" and not be vulnerable to the love for him I still had. I stayed no contact for 2 years.

He is the only one of my exs I did later renew a friendship with...but I was only able to do that by moving on first.

Now is the time to invest your resources in yourself.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to liveweyerd For This Useful Post:
Ms Sunny (02-04-2018), nimuay (02-04-2018)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Hurt Before you Heal Menia Remembering Those That Passed While In Prison 2 10-31-2009 06:03 PM
Michael Jackson tried to adopt ‘Octomum’s’ Nadya Suleman’s eight babies. crisco California Member Introductions & Bull in Session Lounge 11 07-10-2009 05:35 PM
For you, what are you doing to heal? ButterflyDancer PTO Lounge 31 06-25-2005 02:17 AM
Article:Inmates tell students ‘It’s all about choices’ California Sunshine New Jersey Prison & Legal News, Info & Events 1 05-21-2005 08:56 AM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:50 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics