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Old 04-11-2019, 10:01 PM
KiwiPP KiwiPP is offline
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Default How do you deal with those "Post Visit Blues?"

Hi team

As some of you already know, I just got back from my first trip over to the states to see my darling. Our visits were amazing, such an incredible experience. However, now I am back home I am miserable lol I am missing him so badly. Even though I couldn’t see him everyday I was there, there was something very comforting about knowing he was just down the road.

I guess this is more applicable to long distance couples, but willing to here suggestions/advice from everyone. I’m tempted to sulk and rug up on the couch with my fluffy son and binge watch Netflix while eating shitty food, but being a sad sack probably isn’t the smartest idea lol.

What are you favourite/effective ways of dealing with post visit blues?

TIA xx
Kiwi
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Old 04-11-2019, 10:54 PM
filmgirl123 filmgirl123 is offline
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I know that feeling very well! I still feel that way after a visit but now it's not as bad. What helped me with the post visit blues actually was planning the next one even if it was a ways off! Just knowing that I would see him again really comforted me.
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Old 04-11-2019, 11:55 PM
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Originally Posted by filmgirl123 View Post
I know that feeling very well! I still feel that way after a visit but now it's not as bad. What helped me with the post visit blues actually was planning the next one even if it was a ways off! Just knowing that I would see him again really comforted me.
Thanks for your response hun <3

Yes, I had been home 18 hours and had already booked my next plane tickets haha 108 sleeps to go

We put in a special request for visit photos (his prison doesn’t do photos at visit, only a few times a year), so once we get our pics back I’ll be able to look at them which I’m sure will help too.
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Old 04-12-2019, 05:11 AM
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O.K., this reply does not belong under „ Husbands & Boyfriends ”, so, do not make any distortions about it.

However, I get „ post - visit blues ” over my brother. It is a pain in the arse to get out to see him so I can never really know „ when ” I will see him next. And to be honest, the ~ 21 hours [ typical flights ] and the subsequent 2 hrs drive [ where I have to book a local driver : eeep! ] to his place of incarceration is unbelievably taxing.

Obviously the heartache is different than that of some one with romantic love but, writing helps, a lot. I write him all sorts of letters about mundane things as if he were in the same room, when I feel that way. At least, I can kind of „ imagine” he is in the room and does not feel so far away.

I try my best to avoid getting entranced researching where he is currently located. Such as the area, not exactly the facility. I have the city on my weather app and one thing led to another : I got very, very sad.

To be honest, I simply try to keep my emotions in check. Since I cannot easily book a visit just like that, I do not raise my expectations. Thank goodness I have another buffoon in prison [ my husband] to keep my mind occupied as well as work and hobbies.

Yes, I get post - visit blues for my husband too, but he is a 1 hrs flight / 3 hrs train ride. Definitely not the same as I can visit 2x / week or go insane like I did with 3. But, it is a different dynamic.

Although it is the blues, try to remind yourself about the positives too. You are able to fly out to see him, the visit was great and you will be back out to see him again. All of that would put beams of happiness into you that should overpower the blues. Turn the blues into butterflies!
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Old 04-12-2019, 05:57 AM
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Oh I know what you mean and going through... After my last visit I always cry in the car... never know when I'll see him again... I haven't seen him in almost one year but hopefully soon. Then repeat.... total high & happiness, then tears and feeling so homesick for him. Damn you J.D. come the f*** home...-
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Old 04-12-2019, 06:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ne Plach’ View Post
O.K., this reply does not belong under „ Husbands & Boyfriends ”, so, do not make any distortions about it.

However, I get „ post - visit blues ” over my brother. It is a pain in the arse to get out to see him so I can never really know „ when ” I will see him next. And to be honest, the ~ 21 hours [ typical flights ] and the subsequent 2 hrs drive [ where I have to book a local driver : eeep! ] to his place of incarceration is unbelievably taxing.

Obviously the heartache is different than that of some one with romantic love but, writing helps, a lot. I write him all sorts of letters about mundane things as if he were in the same room, when I feel that way. At least, I can kind of „ imagine” he is in the room and does not feel so far away.

I try my best to avoid getting entranced researching where he is currently located. Such as the area, not exactly the facility. I have the city on my weather app and one thing led to another : I got very, very sad.

To be honest, I simply try to keep my emotions in check. Since I cannot easily book a visit just like that, I do not raise my expectations. Thank goodness I have another buffoon in prison [ my husband] to keep my mind occupied as well as work and hobbies.

Yes, I get post - visit blues for my husband too, but he is a 1 hrs flight / 3 hrs train ride. Definitely not the same as I can visit 2x / week or go insane like I did with 3. But, it is a different dynamic.

Although it is the blues, try to remind yourself about the positives too. You are able to fly out to see him, the visit was great and you will be back out to see him again. All of that would put beams of happiness into you that should overpower the blues. Turn the blues into butterflies!
This was very insightful, thank you! I totally agree now about writing! I sent him a letter earlier tonight after I posted this, and I felt a lot better after writing it. I also agree about turning it into positives. I’m not sad because visit didn’t go well, I’m sad because it went better than we could have ever expected and I had to leave him behind in there, and that’s a wonderful thing.

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Oh I know what you mean and going through... After my last visit I always cry in the car... never know when I'll see him again... I haven't seen him in almost one year but hopefully soon. Then repeat.... total high & happiness, then tears and feeling so homesick for him. Damn you J.D. come the f*** home...-
Yes! Tears in the car, tears in bed, tears on the plane haha 😂 homesick. That’s exactly the feeling. Glad so many people can relate, I feel less like a sooky la la now haha. I hope you get your next visit soon! <3
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Old 04-12-2019, 08:37 AM
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I know the feeling.

I go through the phases of missing him too. Tears everywhere.

The last day of visits I hate it. It seems the clock is moving like the road runner.


I can't wait to see him next month..
Miss Him Soo Much..
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Old 04-12-2019, 09:06 AM
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Hey, I moved your thread to our MWI forum - not that it's a huuuge deal but still

I've only been able to visit my LO in the States once within these 4+ years, so I'm just experiencing a non-stop "no possibility to visit"-blues Some days are harder than others but when there's no alternative I just tend to go on with my life, and cherish our phone calls (so yeah, I guess not really the sulky type generally )
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Old 04-12-2019, 04:13 PM
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“I guess this is more applicable for long distance couples, but willing to hear suggestions/advice from everyone.”

I do not want advice and support from only MWI couples about their first visit, I want advice and support from ALL couples about feelings after ALL visits. Hence why the post was titled “Post Visit Blues”, in the husbands and boyfriends sub forum.
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Old 04-12-2019, 09:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KiwiPP View Post
“I guess this is more applicable for long distance couples, but willing to hear suggestions/advice from everyone.”

I do not want advice and support from only MWI couples about their first visit, I want advice and support from ALL couples about feelings after ALL visits. Hence why the post was titled “Post Visit Blues”, in the husbands and boyfriends sub forum.
....Yikes! Moved again I've moved your thread to the general Visitation forum. Perhaps a few parents or other siblings will chime in with their technique for beating those blues as well as MWI & MBI

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Old 04-13-2019, 04:15 AM
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Default How do you deal with those &quot;Post Visit Blues?&quot;

I get you girl I really do. I am not long back from visiting my husband in Colorado and I am in the uk.
I love our long special visits being in the same room smiling and laughing and talking face to face. Eating and playing games it’s very special.

Our last visit is on a Sunday and that visit flies I swear something happens to that clock. That last half an hour we both feel it I try so hard not to cry when I leave as I know he hates to see my tears and know he can’t comfort me.

I now drive back to Denver on the Sunday night as driving past the prison on Monday knowing I couldn’t see him was hell.

I love being so close to him even when I can’t see him. Being on the same zone is a plus.

I know about the feelings of leaving him in that place and the long sad journey home.
When I get back home I miss him like crazy. I feel out of place and lost.
My way of dealing is treasuring our phone calls writing loads and planning my next trip that always picks me up.
I am going again
in June and and it’s not long.
Prison relationship are full of ups and down but being in different countries adds another level of sadness.
Stay positive and I hope you get pictures next time they are lovely memories.
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Old 04-13-2019, 12:51 PM
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Start writing to him. An actual snailmail letter. I have only visited my pen friend thus far and was strangely upset on arriving home in the UK. So I just set about writing. It took weeks to not feel upset. Hasn't put me off visiting him again neither.
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Old 04-13-2019, 02:39 PM
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Yes snail mail is a good thing to do. And I have a reason for calling it that. Sometimes he gets the lettersintwo days and some five days from when I mail it. My fiance is just a half hour away only takes the mail two days. They take forever going through the mail sometimes. Look up on the prison website and see what isn't and what is aloud for letters. Somethings they don't allow. I write and visit and talk on the phone. When I visit I don't like leaving him behind it's just not how it's supposed to be.
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Old 04-23-2019, 01:01 PM
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I think for anybody it is hard after a visit, whether local or long distance. I miss him even more after our visits and it does remind me how much I can't wait until I can see him again. Usually he will call me later that day or the next day after the visit so the "coming down" feeling (sadness, loneliness, missing him) from the high of the visit is not so bad.


Quote:
Originally Posted by KiwiPP View Post
Hi team

As some of you already know, I just got back from my first trip over to the states to see my darling. Our visits were amazing, such an incredible experience. However, now I am back home I am miserable lol I am missing him so badly. Even though I couldn’t see him everyday I was there, there was something very comforting about knowing he was just down the road.

I guess this is more applicable to long distance couples, but willing to here suggestions/advice from everyone. I’m tempted to sulk and rug up on the couch with my fluffy son and binge watch Netflix while eating shitty food, but being a sad sack probably isn’t the smartest idea lol.

What are you favourite/effective ways of dealing with post visit blues?

TIA xx
Kiwi
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Old 04-23-2019, 02:57 PM
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Post-visit blues are really no joke. I always did the best I could. Played happy songs, planned the next visit, drank coffee out of our souvenir mugs from a trip we took (still do), wrote letters. FORCED myself to list the good things about the situation...(His actions got him there, but he is safer there than on the streets, he's got access to food and a bed, I hhad a nother day with him when he was in a clear mind set, blue is a good color for him because it brings out his eyes, the bald head look keeps him from skin troubles etc.) just anything at all.
When I left my husband after visit, I always cried too (but then I cried on the way there, during the visit as I was leaving..I should've bought Kleenex stock!)

Although we downplay it, the very real possibility is that our loved ones may not come home. The worst visit departure I ever had was the day my husband died.
As I left, I called the Warden's office and reported that my husband looked bad and needed medical attention. Eventually, my husband did get medical attention, but it was post mortem care.
Don't mean to be a Debbie downer, but enjoy your visits, cherish them and work really hard to stay positive. The good memories can sustain you.

(((HUGS)))
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Old 04-23-2019, 04:29 PM
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I am glad I came across this post..i hate the "post visit feeling"...almost to the point of dreading the visit, bc I know I'm going to miss him so much more afterwards if that makes any sense, but will always take advantage of any opportunity to visit! I completely agree-before I'm even driving out of the prison parking lot, I'm planning and figuring how I can make another visit happen lol I also write him asap (like when I get home) and that helps a little...I have to say, having this website, hearing from others going through similar situations really helps take the sting out of it too... really grateful for PTO! : ) It is so good to have a community that understands and gets it!
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Old 08-13-2019, 08:19 PM
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My first visit comes to an end tomorrow. We’ve spent a total of 22 hours together since Saturday and I could spend another 2222222222 hours with him. I mean hell, after this in person visit I want to spend a lifetime with him.

I know I’m gonna be a huge huge mess leaving him tomorrow... a huge mess. I’m no doubt going to sob as we end our last visit. Trying to get that all out right now in my hotel but...
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