Im New!!

[bayleem13]

Heyyyyy! I'm Baylee. My dude is in the Estelle unit serving a 25 year sentence, of which 12.5 he has to do. I came to this forum for advice on how you guys did years and years without him around constantly. I know my join date says "Nov 2012", I probably joined back when my kids father first went to jail... however, that is over and done. Story time.


I met him when I was 12/13 or so on myspace (ha, that's how you know its been a while)... He was my first puppy dog love, seriously. We'd always stop talking and then start back up. We'd have people in our lives but we managed to link back up ALWAYS. In 2012 I met my kids father, we split in 2013 for a brief moment and I saw KR (guess that's what I will call him lol) one night. Nothing happened, we hung out for a few hours and then went our ways. Didn't hear from him our about him for a year or so. That's when I seen he was in Tarrant County for his charge. Again, I was with my kids father and didn't want to cause issues so I left it alone. Fast forward to 2016, I have left my kids father, had two babies, and was living on my own. KR crossed my mind, so I got his info to write him and sent a letter off. A week later, I got his letter back. We were talking on off up until June or so. I would see people every now and then, there was gaps we wouldn't write or anything. On July 6th, I went down to see him for the first time in 6 years... Man, I was so happy, I couldn't believe we'd connect back on that level. I've seen him two more times since then and plan on going back down next weekend... But i'm curious how do ya'll deal with being alone? I am okay when I think about today or tomorrow but when I start thinking "6 years, i'll be 30, that's a lot of time that i'm waiting on someone" I scare myself into thinking I can't do it. I'm looking into trying to get his sentence reduced but from what i'm seeing that's very hard to do if the case/evidence was pretty solid but until then, I need help.

Thank yall!

[Firebrand]

Glad you're here. I'm familiar with Tarrant County Jail. Hope everything works out. Welcome to PTO

[bayleem13]

Originally Posted by Firebrand

Glad you're here. I'm familiar with Tarrant County Jail. Hope everything works out. Welcome to PTO

Thanks!

[maytayah]

Welcome to PTO

[fbopnomore]

Welcome to Prison Talk Baylee, and thanks for sharing your story.

[Visitor611]

You don't really "deal with it". Its been a few years for me, and its not really any easier for me now, then it was when this all started. I have 5 years left to go. You feel isolated, alone, sad, angry, depressed, frustrated. The relief...? Is a 30 minute phone call, a random letter, an email and then none of it matters. I would lose my mind if I couldn't go in person to see my wife. Your entire mindset changes. What clothes can I buy, that I can wear in visitation is a perfect example. You miss that person, all the time. None of it is easy. I made a vow when I said "I do" and I'm not in the business of breaking it. It is the worst experience I've ever went through in my life. But.. I love the shit out of her, and I refuse to abandon her, just like everyone else in her life. I accept the life, because I chose it despite the tears of frustration I get sometimes, when I have to go to bed alone every single night. You are much younger then me (I'm 40 tomorrow), so I know there is no other woman for me. I'd rather have 35 years with her, then 40 years with someone else.

[Peacefinder]

I don't have years, just months. It still sucks. I just try to stay as busy as possible and make sure to live my life.

Hope your time goes quickly. Stay positive and happy!

[onedayatatime13]

My advice is to go slow. Make no promises just yet until your sure you can do this. It is in the best interest for the both of you.

This life is doable, but challenging. 12.5 years is very different from 2 or 4 or even 8. Watch how you react and how it wears on you.

Also, how committed is he to you or the idea of you? Sometimes we want something so badly we are happy with however it arrives.

Get to reknow each other. Enjoy it without all the pressure and see where time takes it.

[Abbtomlin]

Focus on your kids,be a strong independent brave woman be an example to them.i want my kids to be proud think I’m brave strong and independent

[Kimimi]

My boyfriend being in his 40’s and growing up in the system and I have talked a lot about this. At our age I I think I could be fine. He said when the young ones come in that are doing five years or more the older inmates would take them aside for a talk. They would say your gonna have to let your girl have some affection on the outside or else you will have a lot of fights. If my math is right you are 24-25 years old you are young and in an exciting part of your life. Go slow like one day said. Even at my age I second guess if I could go on endlessly without affection and intimacy. Be sure, he is in a very vulnerable spot right now. You want to be sure before making promises. Heartache out here is far different than in there. Many men go to the hole over women. That’s not fair. I did my time on the outside for the last ten months of my boyfriends 5 year bid. Honestly I probably could have gone another year and I do to know how hard it would have been. It was tough holidays alone, stalking the mail man, I knew the pick ups for three post offices so I could get a letter out promptly. I worried when he went on lockdown. I worried when there were issues on the yard. I worried about the many sadistic or just mentally off CO’s. I spent hours at events not even present in my mind because I was thinking about a phone call or a letter. My advice re a quaint yourself with him, get to know each other truly for the reality of who you are.make sure your compatible, talk about all subjects. stay on here for support make sure he is making good use of his time inside. I’m glad you are here seeking advice it shows your cautious. I wish you all the best!

[bayleem13]

Originally Posted by onedayatatime13

My advice is to go slow. Make no promises just yet until your sure you can do this. It is in the best interest for the both of you.

This life is doable, but challenging. 12.5 years is very different from 2 or 4 or even 8. Watch how you react and how it wears on you.

Also, how committed is he to you or the idea of you? Sometimes we want something so badly we are happy with however it arrives.

Get to reknow each other. Enjoy it without all the pressure and see where time takes it.

Thank fully only got 6 years left, but it still is a really long time considering I am young. He tells me he loves me and we’re destined for each other because God brought us back together, which is true and I believe the same... I really do. But it still is a scary situation thinking about the future. He wants to get married but I told him we’d have to wait until he gets out just because once I do marry him he gets all the benefits I get from the DOD which also means they run his background and he’s not here to speak to them about what happened so I don’t know what will happen. I will talk to him about this at next visit. Thank you ❤️

[bayleem13]

Originally Posted by Visitor611

You don't really "deal with it". Its been a few years for me, and its not really any easier for me now, then it was when this all started. I have 5 years left to go. You feel isolated, alone, sad, angry, depressed, frustrated. The relief...? Is a 30 minute phone call, a random letter, an email and then none of it matters. I would lose my mind if I couldn't go in person to see my wife. Your entire mindset changes. What clothes can I buy, that I can wear in visitation is a perfect example. You miss that person, all the time. None of it is easy. I made a vow when I said "I do" and I'm not in the business of breaking it. It is the worst experience I've ever went through in my life. But.. I love the shit out of her, and I refuse to abandon her, just like everyone else in her life. I accept the life, because I chose it despite the tears of frustration I get sometimes, when I have to go to bed alone every single night. You are much younger then me (I'm 40 tomorrow), so I know there is no other woman for me. I'd rather have 35 years with her, then 40 years with someone else.

Phone calls would make this so much better, it really would... he’s in medium custody and he said the day room is sooooo loud the voice can’t pick up his “voiceprint” so he can’t call out. I can see my mindset changing the last time I went to a visit, I was out shopping for the perfect “outfit” 😂 and which perfume I wanted to wear, since we don’t get contact visits but he can still smell it through the glass. We’ve always been around for each other for about 11/12 years now, we tried dating, didn’t work in high school, we had too much going on at the time but now i feel like it’s our time which it just sucks because this is how it has to start.

[bayleem13]

Originally Posted by Kimimi

My boyfriend being in his 40’s and growing up in the system and I have talked a lot about this. At our age I I think I could be fine. He said when the young ones come in that are doing five years or more the older inmates would take them aside for a talk. They would say your gonna have to let your girl have some affection on the outside or else you will have a lot of fights. If my math is right you are 24-25 years old you are young and in an exciting part of your life. Go slow like one day said. Even at my age I second guess if I could go on endlessly without affection and intimacy. Be sure, he is in a very vulnerable spot right now. You want to be sure before making promises. Heartache out here is far different than in there. Many men go to the hole over women. That’s not fair. I did my time on the outside for the last ten months of my boyfriends 5 year bid. Honestly I probably could have gone another year and I do to know how hard it would have been. It was tough holidays alone, stalking the mail man, I knew the pick ups for three post offices so I could get a letter out promptly. I worried when he went on lockdown. I worried when there were issues on the yard. I worried about the many sadistic or just mentally off CO’s. I spent hours at events not even present in my mind because I was thinking about a phone call or a letter. My advice re a quaint yourself with him, get to know each other truly for the reality of who you are.make sure your compatible, talk about all subjects. stay on here for support make sure he is making good use of his time inside. I’m glad you are here seeking advice it shows your cautious. I wish you all the best!

Thank you!!! We are getting to know each other again and that’s what made me realize I want him, I just am impatient and hate waiting lol I’m driving myself crazy looking at all the possible ways we can reduce his sentence, lawyer fees, how I can pay it.... I’m literally going insane. I just want to hear his voice 😩 I’ve been trying to see it someway as a small number.. “6 more christmas without him or 6 more bdays without him” something instead of 72 more monthly visits 😩 it just seems like an eternity. I keep praying every night when I close my eyes when I wake up, it’s 2026 and he gets out. Thank you for the advice I really do appreciate it.

[bayleem13]

Originally Posted by Kimimi

My boyfriend being in his 40’s and growing up in the system and I have talked a lot about this. At our age I I think I could be fine. He said when the young ones come in that are doing five years or more the older inmates would take them aside for a talk. They would say your gonna have to let your girl have some affection on the outside or else you will have a lot of fights. If my math is right you are 24-25 years old you are young and in an exciting part of your life. Go slow like one day said. Even at my age I second guess if I could go on endlessly without affection and intimacy. Be sure, he is in a very vulnerable spot right now. You want to be sure before making promises. Heartache out here is far different than in there. Many men go to the hole over women. That’s not fair. I did my time on the outside for the last ten months of my boyfriends 5 year bid. Honestly I probably could have gone another year and I do to know how hard it would have been. It was tough holidays alone, stalking the mail man, I knew the pick ups for three post offices so I could get a letter out promptly. I worried when he went on lockdown. I worried when there were issues on the yard. I worried about the many sadistic or just mentally off CO’s. I spent hours at events not even present in my mind because I was thinking about a phone call or a letter. My advice re a quaint yourself with him, get to know each other truly for the reality of who you are.make sure your compatible, talk about all subjects. stay on here for support make sure he is making good use of his time inside. I’m glad you are here seeking advice it shows your cautious. I wish you all the best!

Also, he has told me he knows I have “needs” lol (I’m assuming this was probably from one of the old heads advice, he speaks about them often in his letters..) but I’m his and he is mine... honestly, this has never felt so right. Normally when I date someone , I get a gut feeling, which is telling me that it’s wrong for me. (Women’s intuition, I’m sure aware of it lol) but not this. It feels right.