Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR "OFFENDERS" > Straight Talk
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Straight Talk The general Ex-Offender discussion forum. If you have done time, this forum is for you.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-23-2019, 10:12 AM
ABCProviders ABCProviders is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 3
Thanks: 8
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default He prefers masterbation & porn, its affecting my self-esteem

I have an embarassing question. I am new to the ex felon community. Never been around anything like this. Don't mean to offend. Here is my story. Did not realize I was dating an ex con until several months into it. Now we have been together for a year. He has been out for 2. (spent 10 years) My problem is this. He prefers [masturbating] (dry) to having sex with me. I have a healthy sex drive but he avoids having sex with me yet I catch him several times a day [masturbating]. He can't orgasm with me but does immediately after in the shower. It has hurt my self esteem greatly. Our sex life is horrible now. I don't know why he wants to be with me if he prefers porn and [masturbating]. The only thing he will say is that I am too wet?? So sorry for the graphic wording but I don't know who to ask or what to do at this point.??? Why would the man even want to be with me?PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND.

Last edited by patchouli; 09-23-2019 at 03:01 PM.. Reason: Replaced "jerking off" w/"masturbating"
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to ABCProviders For This Useful Post:
jessesgirl1111 (09-23-2019)
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 09-23-2019, 10:24 AM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Panama
Posts: 4,301
Thanks: 4,298
Thanked 4,906 Times in 2,040 Posts
Default

mine only takes "hot soapy showers"
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-23-2019, 10:30 AM
Peacefinder Peacefinder is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 354
Thanks: 132
Thanked 315 Times in 182 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ABCProviders View Post
I have an embarassing question. I am new to the ex felon community. Never been around anything like this. Don't mean to offend. Here is my story. Did not realize I was dating an ex con until several months into it. Now we have been together for a year. He has been out for 2. (spent 10 years) My problem is this. He prefers [masturbating] (dry) to having sex with me. I have a healthy sex drive but he avoids having sex with me yet I catch him several times a day [masturbating]. He can't orgasm with me but does immediately after in the shower. It has hurt my self esteem greatly. Our sex life is horrible now. I don't know why he wants to be with me if he prefers porn and [masturbating]. The only thing he will say is that I am too wet?? So sorry for the graphic wording but I don't know who to ask or what to do at this point.??? Why would the man even want to be with me?PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND.
I would tell him you have needs that need to be taken care of or you are done. I was on a sexless relationship for 10 years. It is draining. If he was having issues I could see it but if he is taking care of himself it sounds like he is just using you. For what, I don't know. It's a horrible way to live. I hope things get better for you.

Last edited by patchouli; 09-23-2019 at 03:05 PM.. Reason: Replaced "jerking off" w/"masturbating" in quote
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Peacefinder For This Useful Post:
ABCProviders (09-23-2019)
  #4  
Old 09-23-2019, 10:37 AM
AnieLove56 AnieLove56 is online now
❤️784❤️
 

Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Both In California (Me: North, Him: South)
Posts: 400
Thanks: 91
Thanked 216 Times in 150 Posts
Default

Oh god, I am nervous for this with T. He's been in so long that I wonder what it's gonna be like. Honestly, I wish he would call me on Saturday mornings when my sister is at work so I can have a little fun time with him over the phone. Well, more fun for me. He just would get to enjoy it.
__________________
You won't see him all over Instagram, or screenshots of conversations, and I don't care if you never know his name. Just know he's there & he's mine.

Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-23-2019, 12:48 PM
jessesgirl1111 jessesgirl1111 is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 584
Thanks: 683
Thanked 368 Times in 254 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ABCProviders View Post
I have an embarassing question. I am new to the ex felon community. Never been around anything like this. Don't mean to offend. Here is my story. Did not realize I was dating an ex con until several months into it. Now we have been together for a year. He has been out for 2. (spent 10 years) My problem is this. He prefers [masturbating] (dry) to having sex with me. I have a healthy sex drive but he avoids having sex with me yet I catch him several times a day [masturbating]. He can't orgasm with me but does immediately after in the shower. It has hurt my self esteem greatly. Our sex life is horrible now. I don't know why he wants to be with me if he prefers porn and [masturbating]. The only thing he will say is that I am too wet?? So sorry for the graphic wording but I don't know who to ask or what to do at this point.??? Why would the man even want to be with me?PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND.
So there’s nothing like the tightness of their hand grip. That’s a long time to learn how to please yourself, by yourself. I would suggest starting with hand jobs, I can guarantee he feels bad too so don’t think it’s about you at all cuz it's not. If you’re open to anal, that’s a really good option. Starting with a hand job and progressing into penetration will help. If you are comfortable discussing with each other then obvi the wetness provides lubrication which “loosens” things up. You can wipe yoursrlf down there if you get too wet so it’s tighter again. You can use the pu$$y shrinking gel too tighten you up. You’re gonna have to slowly reintroduce moistness and those different sensations. It’ll take discussing with one another so get that awkwardness outta the way and talk to each other!! You may have to do handies with him [ejaculating] in your mouth first, then progress to penetration mid way thru... where there’s a will there’s a way. Good luck!!
__________________
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

“I’d like to think that women are Gods, because we resurrect men. We lift them up so high they almost start to believe they can live without us.”




Last edited by patchouli; 09-23-2019 at 03:09 PM.. Reason: Replaced "jerking off" w/"masturbating" in quote & "cumming" w/"ejaculating"
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to jessesgirl1111 For This Useful Post:
408MoonGem (09-25-2019), ABCProviders (09-23-2019)
  #6  
Old 09-23-2019, 12:49 PM
jessesgirl1111 jessesgirl1111 is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 584
Thanks: 683
Thanked 368 Times in 254 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peacefinder View Post
I would tell him you have needs that need to be taken care of or you are done. I was on a sexless relationship for 10 years. It is draining. If he was having issues I could see it but if he is taking care of himself it sounds like he is just using you. For what, I don't know. It's a horrible way to live. I hope things get better for you.
This is not the answer. This will create division and make things worse. This preference isn’t by CHOICE....
__________________
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

“I’d like to think that women are Gods, because we resurrect men. We lift them up so high they almost start to believe they can live without us.”



Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to jessesgirl1111 For This Useful Post:
ABCProviders (09-23-2019), Ms Sunny (09-25-2019), patchouli (09-23-2019), Visitor611 (09-23-2019)
  #7  
Old 09-23-2019, 01:08 PM
ABCProviders ABCProviders is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 3
Thanks: 8
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

But if it is not by choice why wouldn't he make the effort to refrain from doing that while he tries to get use to me? I do wipe etc. I even got checked to see if I could tighten things up or do something about the wetness. My Dr. said could not make tighter and that muscles were working properly. Also put me on meds to try to dry me up but it doesn't do much for anything except dry mouth etc...... I don't know what else to do but it really works on yourself esteem.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 09-23-2019, 01:12 PM
ABCProviders ABCProviders is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 3
Thanks: 8
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

I wish some of the men would respond to this. I really would like real help with this issue or I would have never put a post anywhere like this. Are there men on here? Men that have had to take care of themselves for years? I understand that men do that heck I do but I don't prefer it. Honestly, I can't live like this. I can't be myself and now I feel undesirable.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 09-23-2019, 02:57 PM
patchouli's Avatar
patchouli patchouli is online now
PTO Administrator
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 42,786
Thanks: 43,456
Thanked 36,341 Times in 16,747 Posts
Default

Per PTO policy, let's keep the conversation PG: If you wouldn't say it in front of the neighbor's kids, please don't post it. Ex: use proper names of body parts and bodily functions. PTO is privately owned, but available to the public. We sometimes have minor children affected by the injustice system and/or incarceration (collateral damage) that read and/or post. Thanks!

For the OP, I know its hard not to, but please try not to take it personal. Try pleasuring yourself in front of him at a time when he's pleasuring himself. Mutual masturbation can be erotic for both of you
__________________
prisontalkhelp@gmail.com

patchouli, PTO Admin




Last edited by patchouli; 09-23-2019 at 03:01 PM.. Reason: sp
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 09-23-2019, 03:19 PM
yourself yourself is offline
attorney
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: around
Posts: 12,065
Thanks: 4,364
Thanked 22,131 Times in 7,693 Posts
Default

This is not a reflection on you. It has nothing to do with you as a sexual being save that it prevents you from feeling close to him. If you are having difficulty with this, you need a therapist.

I would recommend that you ask him if he would feel more comfortable talking about sex and transitioning from his hand to an intimate sexual relationship with a woman. Be empathetic - he spent 10 years in stuffing his sexuality and only expressing his needs with his hand as quickly as possible. There is stimulation that goes along with doing something that can get a guy a write-up. This does tickle the same arousal that goes into sex, and he could be stuck on that. Further, porn is not helping him do anything but toss one off. He may be more comfortable talking about this with a male professional who has dealt with sex issues.

Again, it is not you. He is not adapting well sexually speaking to being a free man. He needs to adapt better and not blame you for his inability to perform in an intimate sexual relationship. Look at it this way - has any other man in your life had the same complaints about you? Probably not. If they have, then it is time to talk with your gynecologist. If not, it is all on him. But, it may help you to talk about this relationship and how it is hitting you and your self esteem.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to yourself For This Useful Post:
408MoonGem (09-25-2019), ABCProviders (09-23-2019), choclgs (10-05-2019), maytayah (09-23-2019), patchouli (09-23-2019)
  #11  
Old 09-23-2019, 03:21 PM
Marseille's Avatar
Marseille Marseille is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,916
Thanks: 667
Thanked 3,962 Times in 1,215 Posts
Default

That would be hard and my heart is hurting for you because you feel rejected but I think you two need to just get really real about the subject. He’s probably embarrassed about it too, so sit down with your clothes on and just get awkward. My mom told me ... if you aren’t close enough to talk about sex, you aren’t close enough to HAVE sex.

Tell him how it makes you feel without placing blame or trying to make him feel guilty. Try to be understanding and speak with the goal if finding a solution. Sometimes the solution isn’t intercourse. Maybe the solution is him helping you climax with a toy or manually or orally. Maybe he can show you the way he likes to be touched and you can share that. Maybe the tighter feel of anal intercourse is an option.

I really think the most important thing to remember is that intimacy is so much more than vaginal penetration. But you’ve gotta talk these things out.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Marseille For This Useful Post:
ABCProviders (09-23-2019), choclgs (10-05-2019), maytayah (09-23-2019), MizzyMuffling (09-23-2019), patchouli (09-23-2019), Taliba00 (09-23-2019)
  #12  
Old 09-23-2019, 04:19 PM
Firebrand's Avatar
Firebrand Firebrand is offline
The Cowtown Moderator
 

Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
Posts: 2,710
Thanks: 2,427
Thanked 6,009 Times in 1,593 Posts
Default

Some that get out use women for their resources (home, fiances, vehicle, etc.) it's a come up or a way to get things done and it is not uncommon. I've seen several men over the years who in the attempt to home plan out of the Dallas Transitional Center or the Ft. Worth Transitional Center will find someone at the bus station downtown or college or church or any number of places for the sole purpose of using someone. There's no love or desire to please the person they meet. It's a means to an end and who gets hurt or stepped on is a moot point with them. This is also one of the problems that can come about with MWI relationships, as well. I've seen it happen repeatedly.
The bottom line is he's not attracted to you, but he's also demonstrating some sociopath type behavior in terms of sexual deviation to do with masturbating several times a day and allowing you to be aware of it. There are some things that a person does in private for the sake of being decent as well as sensitive to the needs of those that live with them in the same home. He's without the ability to feel any shame or moral restraint by doing that around you.
You need to leave him or kick him out and needed to do it 15 minutes ago. He's a lemon. STAY AWAY FROM LEMON TREES.
__________________
We're All In This Together
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Firebrand For This Useful Post:
408MoonGem (09-25-2019), ABCProviders (09-23-2019), Itshardtowait (09-30-2019), maytayah (09-23-2019), MizzyMuffling (09-23-2019), priceam (09-26-2019), Taliba00 (09-23-2019)
  #13  
Old 09-23-2019, 04:56 PM
safran's Avatar
safran safran is offline
Owned
 

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Azkaban
Posts: 3,441
Thanks: 1,598
Thanked 4,422 Times in 2,000 Posts
Default

I agree 100% with Firebrand.

Not everybody can be fixed and many don't even think they are broken.
__________________
Owned
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to safran For This Useful Post:
Firebrand (09-23-2019), Itshardtowait (09-30-2019), MizzyMuffling (09-27-2019)
  #14  
Old 09-23-2019, 06:09 PM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
Until the end
 

Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Oregon
Posts: 199
Thanks: 171
Thanked 348 Times in 135 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ABCProviders View Post
I wish some of the men would respond to this. I really would like real help with this issue or I would have never put a post anywhere like this. Are there men on here? Men that have had to take care of themselves for years? I understand that men do that heck I do but I don't prefer it. Honestly, I can't live like this. I can't be myself and now I feel undesirable.
Welp, I'm a man. I can tell you after a certain amount of time (I don't cheat on my wife under any circumstances) that its a mindset. That might be from insecurity about be able to perform, whether that's from physical, or from stamina. I don't know what your dude went through, but demanding that "you have needs" is basically going to end it. Who knows what taunting he took. You're going to have to babystep it if you love him. It's programmed in their brain. Or if you don't have the patience and are unhappy, walk away.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Visitor611 For This Useful Post:
ABCProviders (09-23-2019)
  #15  
Old 09-23-2019, 07:26 PM
Kimimi Kimimi is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: OR USA
Posts: 635
Thanks: 533
Thanked 930 Times in 419 Posts
Default

Your not weird for talking about it and he’s not weird either. This is common and we have had to work through some of this as well. We talked and worked on it for about a year if you don’t you will resent him. It’s a subject that is not best left alone. From what I have learned from my boyfriend is they have no physical touch or Intimacy inside..zero...it took mine a year to be comfortable about it. He had no problem cuddling all the time and he is very affectionate with hand holding and touching in private public or whatever. Sex was slower and most of it was both of us not communicating. He was embarrassed being a man and not being interested. For me I took it all personally and thought he wasn’t attracted. Luckily we love each other and took the time to work it out. He also did some work with his counselor around it. Honestly if we hadn’t worked it out it wouldn’t have been a deal breaker. I would rather cuddle and be held by him for a life time then be with any of the red hot lovers from my past. Those red hot flames burnt out quick. Don’t give up if its important to both of you then you will find the solution.
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Kimimi For This Useful Post:
ABCProviders (09-23-2019), AnieLove56 (09-23-2019), choclgs (10-05-2019), Ms Sunny (09-25-2019), patchouli (09-23-2019), Visitor611 (09-25-2019)
  #16  
Old 09-23-2019, 11:19 PM
e-Tex's Avatar
e-Tex e-Tex is offline
The perfect bad example
 

Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Texas
Posts: 601
Thanks: 215
Thanked 415 Times in 256 Posts
Default

Quote:
Did not realize I was dating an ex con until several months into it. Now we have been together for a year. He has been out for 2. (spent 10 years)
That's not much time together. I'm leaning towards Firebrand's interpretation of him using you for what you have to offer. And it doesnt sound like your intimate needs are in his top priorities of things to do.

You'll have to weigh the pros and cons of maintaining this relationship, but from the limited amount of 411 provided, my viewpoint would be to end this seemingly one-sided relationship.
__________________


Does anyone spiral into control?
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to e-Tex For This Useful Post:
Firebrand (09-24-2019), maytayah (09-24-2019)
  #17  
Old 09-25-2019, 12:21 PM
408MoonGem's Avatar
408MoonGem 408MoonGem is offline
Lifer Found Suitable
 

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: California
Posts: 2,497
Thanks: 767
Thanked 308 Times in 173 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Firebrand View Post
The bottom line is he's not attracted to you, but he's also demonstrating some sociopath type behavior in terms of sexual deviation to do with masturbating several times a day and allowing you to be aware of it. There are some things that a person does in private for the sake of being decent as well as sensitive to the needs of those that live with them in the same home. He's without the ability to feel any shame or moral restraint by doing that around you.
You need to leave him or kick him out and needed to do it 15 minutes ago. He's a lemon. STAY AWAY FROM LEMON TREES.
I agree with everything you wrote, even the 1st part about ex-felons using women to "come up", that goes for any low caliber person in life, male or female - they better figure something out, if it's not turning tricks is using people.

BUT, this guy... if he's not pleasing the gal either orally or with toys, something man anything to get her off before he starts wacking it, then YES there is a major sociopath issue she's dealing with.

It's known that many years of manual stimulation will desensitize a mans sex organ - vagina just isn't the same as a tight dry hand thank goodness for vagina surgery but still... even a tiny cookie isn't enough for some with a web of mental issues.

Look, I was with a man who never did time in jail, BUT he spent 23 years with a girl who had mental issues and could not have sex with him, bit*ch got her masters degree and made some pretty damn good money for them, hence why he stayed with her (red flag #2, #1 was his business bankrupt after 12 years) - well, at my very first intimate interaction with him, I knew "he" had an issue - mid way through sex, he went limp - I'm sexy and pretty damn exciting when it comes to sex, I was not the problem nor would I allow my self to even think it!

This guy did not have an issue with jerking off in front of me and though I knew I wasn't the problem, having him around was my problem - At first you don't want to break things off with someone because of their erectile dysfunction, but there's so much more to this dysfunction - there is a web of mental reasons that cause the dysfunction in the first place (aside health issues).

If you're going to keep him around, make sure he gives great head!


Last edited by 408MoonGem; 09-25-2019 at 12:24 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to 408MoonGem For This Useful Post:
Firebrand (09-26-2019)
  #18  
Old 09-25-2019, 03:20 PM
Ms Sunny Ms Sunny is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Northern NY
Posts: 999
Thanks: 1,972
Thanked 1,020 Times in 446 Posts
Default

Prison changes people deeply. It can take just as long for him to adapt to a human touch. Don’t take it personally, it really has nothing to do with you. Either you can roll with him or you can’t.. Sometimes love isn’t about only sex. But it’s your choice if you can be in this relationship
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Ms Sunny For This Useful Post:
choclgs (10-05-2019), maytayah (09-25-2019), MizzyMuffling (09-27-2019), patchouli (09-25-2019), Taliba00 (09-25-2019), Visitor611 (09-25-2019)
  #19  
Old 09-25-2019, 06:29 PM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
Until the end
 

Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Oregon
Posts: 199
Thanks: 171
Thanked 348 Times in 135 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms Sunny View Post
Prison changes people deeply. It can take just as long for him to adapt to a human touch. Don’t take it personally, it really has nothing to do with you. Either you can roll with him or you can’t.. Sometimes love isn’t about only sex. But it’s your choice if you can be in this relationship
I agree with this way more then the others. This whole idea he's some sociopath is a bit extreme in my opinion. Can't really judge this or him without knowing the entire story either. Its a learned behavior. Finding out why he does this, and talking about it, is a better option then jumping to some wild ass conclusion its because hes some sociopathic user. And if you can't talk about it openly, then that's a bigger issue then the no sex.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Visitor611 For This Useful Post:
choclgs (10-05-2019), jessesgirl1111 (09-26-2019), MizzyMuffling (09-27-2019), patchouli (09-25-2019), Taliba00 (09-25-2019)
  #20  
Old 09-25-2019, 06:55 PM
Firebrand's Avatar
Firebrand Firebrand is offline
The Cowtown Moderator
 

Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
Posts: 2,710
Thanks: 2,427
Thanked 6,009 Times in 1,593 Posts
Default

It’s important to know that some who get out of prison will leave there with a victim mentality and never realize it. With that mindset, what we experienced inside can set the tone for what follows once released. Victims most often seek to change everything around them in some shape or form. Those that drink & use in access do so to change the way they feel. Those that turn to pornography or deviant sexual behaviors prove to be a dark lot that often are obsessed with the issue of CONTROL rather than anything to do with intimacy or passion. Some are into gaining control and some are into being controlled. There’s nothing erotic about it nor is there any desire for there to be. It’s a perpetuation of the victim mentality in such way that anger and/or control become the focal point of what’s taking place.
If someone has been out of prison for 2 years and carries on in such a fashion that they have no interest in their soulmate, but rather masturbates several times a day then, it’s obvious that life after prison has involved traveling down a dark path of some sort. I’m here to tell you one thing, he didn’t masturbate several times a day in there because if he did, he’d get his head split open. There’s some things in prison that will forever remain no matter what safeguards or norms are put in place and this is one issue that you won’t do very long no matter what prison it is you’re talking about or the people who are there doing time. Sure, we all have our needs in prison to do with this issue, but most often everyone finds a way, time and place to do so in such a way that it’s not on display or obvious.

There’s no excuse for what is being done to the OP to do with this thread. Its one thing for someone to get out and be rough around the edges or a bit coarse in some matters that call for a time to transition, but it’s another thing for someone to have been out of prison for years and carry on like that. That’s not to do with being coarse, that’s sexual deviant behavior which has been built upon after release or its behavior that has remained hidden in prison and never dealt with to begin with.

Sometimes, our loved ones and friends without realizing it, cosign our bullsh%t by making excuses or coming up with some type of passive rationalized thinking that is anything, but the truth. “He just needs time to adjust” or “We have to take it slow” or “Prison did something to him” and I get that, OK? It did something to me, too. It changed me in a lot of ways and some not so good at times. BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS I’M MAN, I’M NOT A KID. The same holds true for all of us, men or women. We’re adults and if you don’t want end up back in prison or somewhere in a field pushing up daisies then, you best remember that. There’s no excuse for getting out and making the lives of others around a prison for them to live in just because you spent time in there. And what winds up happening in those relationships where we take from the lives of others instead of adding to them…..YOU KNOW HOW YOU STOP HURTING THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU? YOU LOSE THEM.

Stop drinking lemon juice and planting lemon trees in your personal garden to with relationships because lemons make lousy soulmates.
__________________
We're All In This Together
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Firebrand For This Useful Post:
408MoonGem (09-25-2019), 4Bobby (09-26-2019), Itshardtowait (09-30-2019), LifeTraveler (09-25-2019), MizzyMuffling (09-27-2019)
  #21  
Old 09-25-2019, 07:42 PM
patchouli's Avatar
patchouli patchouli is online now
PTO Administrator
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 42,786
Thanks: 43,456
Thanked 36,341 Times in 16,747 Posts
Default

Just my

If the relationship is good over-all, if he's good to her in all other ways, works, contributes to the home & the relationship in ways other than physical sex, if she is his priority and he hers....sounds doable to me. If the OP wants something different in a partner, then, yes, she may need to end this relationship and move on. However, if she can please herself (in his presence or not, whatever works for them), the relationship may be salvageable.

I agree that they need to discuss this, as awkward as that may be. But we really don't know enough to diagnose a condition as severe as anti-social.
__________________
prisontalkhelp@gmail.com

patchouli, PTO Admin



Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to patchouli For This Useful Post:
408MoonGem (09-25-2019), choclgs (10-05-2019), jessesgirl1111 (09-26-2019), Kimimi (09-26-2019), LifeTraveler (09-25-2019), MizzyMuffling (09-27-2019), Visitor611 (09-25-2019)
  #22  
Old 09-25-2019, 07:52 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 3,017
Thanks: 466
Thanked 3,896 Times in 1,826 Posts
Default

I think his age going into prison makes a difference as well. Did he have sexual experiences before that? If this is all he knows, then this may be his preference.

I dont see doing it in the shower as flaunting it. She used the phrase caught him, so it sounds like he is hiding it from her so to speak.

What bothers me is her seeking the medical treatment to make it ok for him. Something seems off to me about tahat. Personally, he should do therapy and lay off on self stimulation for a while. It is like his brain and nerve endings needed to be rewired.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 09-25-2019, 08:32 PM
408MoonGem's Avatar
408MoonGem 408MoonGem is offline
Lifer Found Suitable
 

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: California
Posts: 2,497
Thanks: 767
Thanked 308 Times in 173 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Visitor611 View Post
jumping to some wild ass conclusion its because hes some sociopathic user.
Oops, I used the word sociopath earlier not fair to the guy or anyone suffering from this.

Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 09-27-2019, 03:46 AM
Firebrand's Avatar
Firebrand Firebrand is offline
The Cowtown Moderator
 

Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
Posts: 2,710
Thanks: 2,427
Thanked 6,009 Times in 1,593 Posts
Default

You know......it dawned on me earlier that some of you who are women have gotten to a point with some issues similar to what this thread is about that reveal a very sad truth about some of you......YOU'VE GOTTEN TO THE POINT THAT YOU HAVE NORMALIZED YOUR OWN PAIN AND SUFFERING in circumstances much like the OP is expressing and because of that you can't empathize or be of help to someone that suffers from the same malady. And......I understand the why of it, too. Still, I admire you because I know that much of my problem to do with PROBLEMS in general centers around acceptance. Some of you accept the situation with your loved ones or soul mates simply because you love them for better or worse. If not that, you cling to the prospect or the hope for hope itself.

Still, I don't appreciate the callousness that some of you have shown in this thread to the woman that started it. She is in pain and some of you have have basically excused or made excuses for the manic masturbator in her life.

You would do well to watch the documentary that came out awhile back called "The Hunting Ground" to do with sexual assaults all across college campuses in America. Some of you are blind.
__________________
We're All In This Together
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Firebrand For This Useful Post:
408MoonGem (09-27-2019), safran (09-27-2019)
  #25  
Old 09-27-2019, 09:06 AM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
Until the end
 

Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Oregon
Posts: 199
Thanks: 171
Thanked 348 Times in 135 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Firebrand View Post
You know......it dawned on me earlier that some of you who are women have gotten to a point with some issues similar to what this thread is about that reveal a very sad truth about some of you......YOU'VE GOTTEN TO THE POINT THAT YOU HAVE NORMALIZED YOUR OWN PAIN AND SUFFERING in circumstances much like the OP is expressing and because of that you can't empathize or be of help to someone that suffers from the same malady. And......I understand the why of it, too. Still, I admire you because I know that much of my problem to do with PROBLEMS in general centers around acceptance. Some of you accept the situation with your loved ones or soul mates simply because you love them for better or worse. If not that, you cling to the prospect or the hope for hope itself.

Still, I don't appreciate the callousness that some of you have shown in this thread to the woman that started it. She is in pain and some of you have have basically excused or made excuses for the manic masturbator in her life.

You would do well to watch the documentary that came out awhile back called "The Hunting Ground" to do with sexual assaults all across college campuses in America. Some of you are blind.
Well, don't you think people in these situations, who have waited a long time for their LOs to get out get a bit more patience? We're also hearing one side of the story, and the "manic masturbator" has his own. I mean, it's pretty simple right? They talk and they fix it, or she isn't happy with no hope, and she ends it. Just get the feels here, we're pretty quick to dismiss people and relationships, just because we can't talk about problems. Sure, this dude could be one lost soul you can't fix, but it's also possible, that understanding and communication can turn it around too. That doesn't just apply to this situation, it applies to all of us. People expect, demand, and try to control people that come out of prison (with a lot of pressure added to be "normal" immediately) who have been treated that way for years, then get surprised when they pull away, leave, or melt down.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Visitor611 For This Useful Post:
408MoonGem (09-27-2019)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
USA -- Male / 28 / Latino / prefers to write in spanish karlakarla Prison Inmate Pen-Pal Ads - Submit yours here! 2 01-05-2012 05:35 AM
Italy: Man prefers jail to being at home with Grandpa DLM European Prison & Criminal Justice Topics 0 07-03-2006 02:00 PM
Article: Genova prefers South Dakota prison Phil in Paris SOUTH DAKOTA Prison & Criminal Justice Discussions 0 09-10-2004 07:34 AM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:55 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2019 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics