When Help Is Needed

[Forever_Lovers]

Ruth is an attractive 35-year-old woman who is married to a man who seems to have no major flaws. Pete has rarely raised his voice throughout their 15-year marriage, has never hit her, is a faithful provider, and is good to the kids.

But Ruth is bored. She feels dead inside. Untouched. Missed. "He really doesn't have the slightest idea of who I am. He rarely pays any attention to me, to what I am wearing, to my perfume, or to how I may be feeling. He never asks how my day went."

Ruth and Pete are both Christians. They know God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16). But for the first time in her life, Ruth is questioning how long God expects her to endure the boredom of this relationship. She feels as though she can't continue like this anymore.

This isn't the first time Ruth has felt the pangs of boredom. In the past she would remind herself of the commitment she made to love, honor, and keep him "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live." She would firmly recommit herself to try harder and then occupy her every waking moment with the myriad of tasks of being a housewife and a mother of two preschool children.

But once her children were in school, she had so much free time on her hands that it intensified her loneliness. So Ruth went out and got a part-time job as a secretary for a small business. Her boss, Bill, is a sensitive man who enjoys talking with her. He listens attentively, drawing her out with his questions. Occasionally he takes her to lunch, where they laugh and talk about things Ruth yearns to be able to share with Pete.

Ruth feels both wonderfully alive and terrifyingly vulnerable when she's at work. This sensitive man has made her feel special again, not unimportant and taken for granted. She even has fantasies of being married to Bill, which frightens her. She asks herself if she is being drawn into an affair. Part of her says she would never do that. Yet the consequences of an affair pale in comparison to the vitality she feels when she's with Bill. All she knows is that she feels more alive now than she has felt in years. And she doesn't want it to end.

What if Ruth were your friend and she confided in you about her struggle? What would your reaction be? What if instead of marital boredom and extramarital temptation, she told you a story of:

• eating disorders or sexual addiction
• uncontrollable outbursts of anger
• alcohol or drug abuse
• debilitating depression
• anxiety that steals one's sleep
• paralyzing fears
• obsessive/compulsive activities
• loneliness
• workaholism
• uncontrollable spending

Would you be inclined to think that Ruth's problems were spiritual or psychological? Would you refer her to a pastor or to a counselor? Would your pastor have time? Would you expect the counselor to talk about the reality of sin and the need for repentance and obedience to God?

More important, if Jesus were walking on earth today, do you think He would advocate going to a counselor for help with one's struggles? Or would He see the "counseling industry" as something that is missing people's real needs and distracting them from pure devotion to God? (2 Cor. 11:2-3). Tim Jackson, a licensed counselor in Michigan, is the senior counselor for the RBC biblical correspondence department.