Power of Attorney questions.

[Tyler's Momma]

Yourself,

Thank you so very much. You are very right though...i will have to do some hard soul searching to know if I can handle a medical POA.

[yourself]

Originally Posted by Tyler's Momma

Yourself,

Thank you so very much. You are very right though...i will have to do some hard soul searching to know if I can handle a medical POA.

Glad you're aware of this. It's important that everybody knows a POA for healthcare is not about love, or respect or anything about how closer or not closer you are - it's about who can execute the desires of a person during a time of medical crisis. Not being able to do that is not an indication you don't love a person. It has nothing to do with value judgements. It has everything to do with knowing yourself, knowing your strengths and your limitations.

Too often people think it should go to a spouse or the closest person to a guy. I always figure that's a helluva burden to place on somebody you love - they're already reeling from some major medical catastrophe, and you'd be asking them to put their feelings on hold to execute your wishes at a time when all they are is a bundle of raw emotion. And that's whether or not the person's actually naturally capable of acting according to your wishes.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for a loved one is put the decision in the hands of somebody you trust, but who has enough emotional distance that they can actually deal with such a situation.

Anyway, it's important for everybody to know; whether you get a person's POA has nothing to do with whether or not he loves you. It has everything to do with whether or not you can function as an agent for the person. In the medical realm, this absolutely means functioning as an agent for a person who's in medical crisis and can't speak for himself. People shouldn't take being appointed POA or not as a slight or an indication that a p's on loves somebody else more. It's not about that. Really. Please, everybody understand that.

And, there's absolutely no sin in turning down appointment - it's a big job. Knowing your limits and letting a person know before it becomes a crisis is a very loving, responsible thing.

[Tyler's Momma]

Thank you very much. Yes, I know I will have to do some very deep soul searching and praying to know if I will be able to handle his medical POA. I would not want his brothers or grandparents to ever have to deal with any medical crisis that could come up. His dad, my ex, I know would not follow through on our son's wishes. It very well may be me after all even though I know it would be very, very difficult.

Originally Posted by yourself

POA doesn't make you liable for his debts - it just means you can pay his debts from his accounts, file for bankruptcy, sell assets, etc.

POA for property will get you what you need for his property. This will allow you to do as he instructs as to his property.

POA for healthcare is only applicable when he cannot make healthcare decisions for himself. In other words, he'd be under a mental disability and unable to tell doctors what he wants. Such a disability would include coma, brain injury, that sort of thing. Disability for POA for property includes things like being imprisoned - he can't take care of stuff because he can't be there to take care of things.

Anyway, a POA for healthcare is a good thing to have, but you have to choose who to give that power to very carefully. The person you give that power to has to be able to put their own emotions, wants, and needs aside and act as you've instructed that person to act (spelled out in the POA, or in a Living Will). Some people can do that, others can't. So, for me, I'd never have my mom with that sort of power - she's unable to put her needs aside, and she'd pull the plug the first chance she gets because she really doesn't believe in medical care. My father, on the other hand, was quite capable of doing what would be necessary - putting his own needs aside, keeping my mom at bay, and acting according to my expressed needs. Since he died, I don't have an effective POA. Instead, I just have a Living Will, and I know that MA is a state that doesn't recognize a Living Will as binding. This puts me in a less than optimal position, but it's what I have.

So, if your son wants you to be POA for healthcare, you have to ask yourself if you can really do what he wants you to do in a time of an extreme medical crisis. There's nothing wrong with refusing to be POA for healthcare if you know you're the type who has a hard time acting when emotional, you're the type who has a hard time putting your own needs aside, or any other factor that would interfere with your ability to act. Think of it this way - if his POA for healthcare instructed you to pull the plug in certain situations, could you honestly do it?

Anyway, it's not a position to take up lightly.

[yourself]

Originally Posted by Tyler's Momma

Thank you very much. Yes, I know I will have to do some very deep soul searching and praying to know if I will be able to handle his medical POA. I would not want his brothers or grandparents to ever have to deal with any medical crisis that could come up. His dad, my ex, I know would not follow through on our son's wishes. It very well may be me after all even though I know it would be very, very difficult.

That is a very, very tough place to be in. Hope there's an uncle or somebody who can help in the unlikely event that ever happens. But, it also is something you should consider for yourself - who would you want making those decisions for you as you express them in a POA should you be unable to voice your choice?

[Tyler's Momma]

True. I've been so focused on my son that I haven't thought about my needs. Thank you Yourself.

[yourself]

Just an FYI and reminder to everybody: have a POA for healthcare. Do it. A few months ago, I lost a friend and fellow attorney after he had a heart attack. Deprived of oxygen for too long, the ER put him on a respirator. He had a POA for healthcare - his doctor and his law partner knew about it and they brought it in quickly. His family gathered, heard what he wanted (though they already knew - he'd done their POAs for healthcare, too, allowing each to express his or her own desires). They said their good-byes and the machines were turned off. He lasted less than 5 minutes - 99% of his brain was gone. He was 48 years old.

Hopefully it never happens to you or anybody you love. That is my fervent prayer for each of you (and for me; let's face it - I don't want to be in that position either). But, because there's a possibility it might happen, take care of it now so there is no doubt, no regrets no matter how you want things.

It was hard, hard, hard, watching my friend and his family go through that. It would have been much worse if he hadn't made his wishes known.

Please, take care of these issues. It's one of the most loving things you can do for those you love.

[cmsb]

I never had to sign my POA, it was drawn up by his court appointed attorney. I also was able to go to the bank and have my name added to his account prior to going to the county clerks office to get it registered. The only problem I have had was with his brother who hopefully will still be in federal prison by the time my heart comes home. *slanderous epitath added here!*

[yourself]

Originally Posted by cmsb

I never had to sign my POA, it was drawn up by his court appointed attorney. I also was able to go to the bank and have my name added to his account prior to going to the county clerks office to get it registered. The only problem I have had was with his brother who hopefully will still be in federal prison by the time my heart comes home. *slanderous epitath added here!*

You don't need to sign. A POA is a document appointing another to care for things when you can't. The person who can't attend to things has to sign. Should you decide you don't want that responsibility, you should deny appointment in writing and sign your name. That would require a signature.