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GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions Please post topics or discussions here that do not fit in the appropriate state or federal forums.

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  #51  
Old 10-25-2003, 11:58 AM
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Well I am going to tell you all my story. I read everything in this thread and wish I had read it before my visits. Because my visits were suspended for 30 days due to "numerous" warnings. Though we only had received 1 or 2 warnings per 7 hour visits for 4 visits, our visit 4 and his first visits in 4 years. And most of them were unwarranted. Like we were reprimanded for our legs touching, except they weren't, it just looked like they were from the CO's angle, and she sent another CO that day over to warn us a second time and he saw we weren't touching at all, so that was good. We didn't even notice him coming over. It proved or I thought it did that we never deserved the first or second warning. He was very nice and sat and talked to us both for a while. This was my first visit ever to any prison. So I figured that they would give me a learning curve. Not true!
The next day I went to touch his back but caught myself and didn't even touch him, I was reprimanded again, and I didn't even touch him! So after that I was really careful and the rest of that 2nd day visit went without any more problems. Then the next weekend I went and I was seriously on my best behavior and again I was reprimanded for something I wasn't doing. And every time I was reprimanded valid or not I always said yes maim and yes sir, sorry, I know being argumentative is counter-productive, the CO's have all the power and authority and can and will abuse it if they chose to. It's not right, but I know that fighting the system only makes it worse for me and my guy, and I realized this before our first visit after talking to a rude CO on the phone (same CO that is rude and unprofessional and disrespectful to me in person, even though I have shown her no disrespect).
Then the last time I visited the next day, the CO was mean and yelled at me for having gum in my mouth. I had gum every visit before and she didn't say anything, the lady next to me had gum in her mouth and she didn't say anything. Life is unfair and all of us visitors, I think have to learn that. And I hate it! That is not the type of thing our country stands for. But fighting the CO's doesn't change the system. I am not sure what does, if anything.
Well I got it into my head that if I was going to get in trouble for things I wasn't doing, I might as well do something so I a least get the benefits. Well I thought wrong. No one "caught" us but our visits were suspended for 30 days, based on the mean CO writing us up for numerous and continuous warnings.
I am sharing my story because well I don't want anyone else to make the mistakes I made and then have to do without seeing their loved one. Because it is killing me already and this is day 5. We did get away with some things but we still lost our visits. And other inmates and visitors I know got away with a lot more, but I don't begrudge them. I wish everyone the best. I honestly don't think I made it harder on them or they made it worse for me. I visit a minimum security yard and my guy says they are stricter there then anywhere he's ever been, including maximum and SMU lock down. The CO's can decide to be petty and mean. The one CO that did this to me is rude to all white, female visitors or at least everyone I have spoken to so far. And nothing really can be done to stop her in my opinion. So I feel I've learned something from my experience and hope that it will benefit anyone who reads the book I have just written! I wish all of you the best!
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  #52  
Old 10-25-2003, 12:42 PM
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haswtch....thanks for the laugh! lol
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  #53  
Old 11-12-2003, 09:26 AM
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I'm wondering something....I haven't gotten clearance to see my husband yet, and while I've read the visitation rules, they're not all included on the MN DOC website. For instance, yeah it says how long visits are, what days, etc. It said contact is limited to a brief hug and kiss on the CHEEK at the beginning and end of the visit. That's it. The rest of it, I'm hearing through Eddy and other PTO members with a loved one in Rush City. So, do you know beforehand that you can't use the bathroom during a visit or you're terminated? Do you know that you can't let your 7 year old sit on dad's lap before you get there? Is there some sort of rulebook you get? My fear is, that we'll go on up to visit and wind up terminated over something we didn't even know was a rule, you know what I mean?
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  #54  
Old 11-12-2003, 10:15 AM
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I find it real sad what we have to go thru and put up with in visitation. At the prisons I have visited (3), the rules posted are not always clear and certainly not a complete list. My motto is when in doubt, ask before taking action. If I fear of anything they might not like, I always ask first. So far this has worked for me anyway.
The only problem I have had is with clothes. It seems like even tho, I dont wear see through things, or low cut, sometimes they dont seem to like what I have on. Usually it is up high on my neck and long sleeved. Go figure.
I just pray that our visits go thru smooth without a hitch and try to not do anything that will get them taken away.
Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.
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Old 11-13-2003, 12:47 AM
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I think that it depends on the kind of prison your loved one is incarcerated as well as the reputation of being a hard a## as well. My Honey was in a minimum security prison on another island and we had 2 hour visits, I could wear my wrist watch, earrings and other jewelry on me. Only thing was that I had to sit across the picnic table from him, though the rest of my family could sit on the same side as he (my 60 year old mother, my then 10 year old daughter, my 9 year old son). The guards were really cool and casual. Not much visits going on since it was a major travel out in the boondocks to get there.

Then, he transferred back to another minimum facility prison on island. HULLOOOO...what a difference. Dress code (jeans and t-shirt is the norm), no jewelry, get groped up by prison staff (my kids too), then majorly having to mind my P's & Q's, which I did. Visits are just too precious to lose so I behaved.

Both prisons runned by the same state system but with such different attitudes. And my guy said that the food on the prison off island was a hell of a lot better tasting than the crap they make on this island. Of course he should know, since he worked in the kitchen and they had freshly butchered beef from the cattle and hogs that they were raising off island.

So I would say that it would depend on the prison system that your loved one is incarcerated in and the attitude of the prison staff. Like in anywhere else in society, some people are just so unhappy that they'll do anything to see others as unhappy as they are. Prison staff are no exception to this.
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  #56  
Old 11-15-2003, 01:24 AM
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Ok heres one for you. this is so stupid i cannot help but to laugh. My three year old daughter ( anyone with kids knows how a 3 year old can be) threw a tantrum in the visiting room. she was over tired and we left. after we left a c/o told dave that if she threw another fit in the visiting room our visits would be suspended for 90 days for the inability to parent a child. go figure! you are not allowed to discipling them in ANY way under the watchful eye of candid camera. but yet when they act up you get into trouble too. Our solution to this was/ is I get her a nap before we go. and also if she is showing signs of crankiness i try to maybe find a sitter. or take her and if she gets cranky leave. Luckily I live in the sam town ( 2 blocks away) and see him Very often. but to terminate visits on the account of a TODDLER CRYING is just plain INSANE!
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  #57  
Old 11-15-2003, 08:07 AM
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runt, you are lucky you live only two blocks away. That has to help some. The little ones I feel bad for are the ones who have traveled a great distance and then have to sit there and be perfect angels. It is hard on them.
Good luck with giving her a nap first, that should help some I would think.
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Old 11-25-2003, 12:39 PM
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I have to add my experiences, I have now gone for 3 all day visits to see my man. Since I travel over 500 miles I get an am/pm visit and stay thru "lunch" and at that time it is the nicest.

Basically all the CO's are different, at his prison there is a woman who is a man hater and she is very strict. My last visit was Saturday and we were sitting side by side holding hands approximately 7 feet from the CO desk. I put my hand behind my man on the chair (I wasn't touching him) and the CO saw and just said, can you put your hand where I can see it please. I obeyed. He says that if I did it again or would have talked back we could have gotton a ticket or terminated visit but for the most part if you listen to the warnings they are usually pretty reasonable. I rub his back and hold hands and during that hour we are usually the only all-day people so the CO's usually lighten up a bit. They actually have left us alone in the room for about 5 minutes...BUT neither one of us would want to risk getting caught...we are chicken but it's not worth it. Sorry so long...just wanted to add some positive vibe...listen to the warnings and don't disrespect the co's and your usually fine...

...but I learned about the underwire the hard way too...they let me in though. Just commented...first visit, eh?
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Old 11-29-2003, 10:35 PM
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I have been one of very lucky ones, I have not had a visit ended for anything other than our time being up. My guy is in MCF in Indiana, the last time I did have a visit with him I first hand saw two guys lose their visits, later when my baby called he told me that they lost them for 3-6 mths. What happened - they were talking back n' forth waiting for their visitor to come in. In this prison it's not allowed, once you are at your table you are not to commuicate with any other inmate. I'm not sure if it's like that through out Indiana or heck all over but it is in Bunekr HIll.
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  #60  
Old 11-30-2003, 08:10 PM
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I learned to keep your hands bove the table at all times, im one of those that sit on my hands or just have them relaxed in your lap. The last time I went to visit my man I gave him a hickey probably not the smartest thing to do, but he said the Co's laughed and joked with him about it. But after reading this I am definatley going to do everything I have to do to keep my visits, thats my biggest fear because I dont think I could do it for 3 yrs without seeing him. Hes bad though he tries to rub my tits and ya know, I always yell at him, so after reading this post im gonna write him a long letter. They arent too bad in the visiting room where we go though, I mean he rubs my shoulders I rub his, we french kiss, hold hands, put our head on each others shoulder and the only warning ive gotten was to keep my hands on the table, and they have told him to keep his legs under the table, hes a fairly tall guy so he sprawls all out. So yeah I think a lot depends on the Co's and the facility you are visiting. Respect the CO's and say sorry sir or mam if your told not to do something. Ive been to visit my guy 3 times and its been the same CO's all 3 times. Good luck to everyone
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Old 12-02-2003, 08:47 PM
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I have never had a visited terminated, but i know we are hardly allowed to touch each other. The only time we can touch is in the beginnin and at the real end.. We can not even really sit close together. But i always put my head on his shoulder and nothin is said. But he is not even allowed to put his arm around me. I remember the first time i went and visited my boyfriend in prison, i beeped like 10 times in the metal dectector and then realized i wore jeans with metal buttons on the back of the pockets. It was really embarassing. They had to search me with a wand and used a sweep machine over my pockets. Now i make sure to wear nice and warm sweat pants..
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Old 12-02-2003, 10:42 PM
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Dont you just love it, how we have to dress? Well I guess one good thing, the sweat pants will keep you warm.
It seems like there are several prisons where you can have some touching going on. So enjoy it ladies, I envy you.
Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.
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  #63  
Old 12-08-2003, 08:14 PM
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Thanks to everyone of you for sharing your experiences. Those of us who are new to the prison system can learn easily if we will just listen, use common sense and obey the rules.
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  #64  
Old 12-08-2003, 08:24 PM
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Isabel - Of course you are so right, however, there are so many unwritten rules that it is hard to know what is allowed and what isnt. Also I have seen with my own eyes that sometimes rules aren't meant for everyone. Of course that is the same out here in the free world also, just a little easier to walk away from though and go on your own way.
Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.
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  #65  
Old 12-08-2003, 09:11 PM
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Well heres my story on Visitation . I have had a few close calls.

The first ime I had my grandaughter with me and she likes to roam around and we try and keep her seated but its hard at times.She threw a fit one day and we were told to control her.

Another time my daughter drove me to see my son because i had broken my arm and had just had surgery 2 days prior and was on some really strong pain killers and couldnt drive. they gave me a really hard time going through inspectiona nd search because of the cast on my arm. I told them well i cant take it off!..Well they finally let me in. about 3 hrs into the visit i started to fall asleep while sitting there and they imeadiatly called my son over accusing him that his mother was drunk.He said no sir shes not shes on strong pain meds ( I even brought a drs note with me incase ). Well they said shes going to have to leave and your visit is over. Well he fought them and asked to see the sarg on duty and to make a long story shiort after checking me out and smelling no liquor decided i could stay.

The third time we were sitting a a picknic table and i was not sitting in the right place. visiters have to sit in the middle not on the end...what ajoke . Anyway this is my story
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Old 12-08-2003, 09:41 PM
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CathyFL
It is really sad that you had that experience. It is terrible what the Visitors are subjected to at alot of the prisons.
It is utterly ridiculous that you have to sit in the middle of the picnic table and not at the end, what difference does it make.
Just like where my husband is, I cant sit next to him, even though there is the eye in the sky, each corner of the small room and a guard desk at each end. Along with a guard or two that walks around.
Now if I was his Sister or his Mother, I could sit next to him. Go figure!
Just have to keep on the straight and narrow I guess until they are free and back home with us.
I am sure your son appreciated seeing you after the surgery, so three cheers for you in going and having to endure that.
They only get to keep him awhile though and then he will be back with you.
Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.
Keep on visiting and go there with your head held high, for you didnt do anything wrong. Shame on them for thinking that you did.
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Old 12-08-2003, 09:47 PM
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thank you for the great support. Hell i wish i was drunk i might have felt better!!..lol....I have 6 yrs down with less then a yr to go so the end is soon!
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Old 12-08-2003, 09:48 PM
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Oh i forgot to add that day i walked to a canteen machine and bent down to see what was in it and fell on my A*s...that really threw the guards!!
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Old 12-20-2003, 06:38 PM
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My husband and I were in the outside patio area and you are (or should I say were) allowed to lean up against the walls that enclosed the patio. Its something all the couples did. Anyway, on this particular visit, we were standing side by side and he put his head on my shoulder (we are close to the same height). Thats all it was. We werent even holding hands. Our bodies werent touching. The CO blared over the loudspeaker "________, if you are sleepy, we have a bed back in your cell that you can use - straighten it up!" I was humiliated because of course everyone had to look and see who he was talking about. Things like that make me not want to go visit, but I know it will only hurt my husband and I dont want to do that.
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Old 12-22-2003, 01:34 PM
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I had my first contact visit with my sweetie this past Saturday and he seemed so awkward. It didn't occur to me later that he was uncormfortable because I was very touchy-feely with him. (How could I help myself? I have been dying to touch him.) Apparently he didn't have the heart to tell me to becareful. I went again the next day to see him, and I was alot more restrained. he was more at ease too.

Funny I never realized that at any point for any reason I could have lost my visition. But I am aware now.

Thanks for all the info. PTO sure does make this experience alot easier.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

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<script language="JavaScript" src="http://webapps.nerdsonsite.com/utility/countdown.cgi?year=2004&month=8&day=13&offset=-6"></script> days until we are together again!!! I miss you baby!

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Old 12-22-2003, 05:03 PM
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jps - Oh yes, please do be careful. He probably was enjoying your touch and didnt want to spoil it for either of you by saying anything.
But visits have been lost for alot less.
Trust me Contact Visits are alot better than Non Contact Visits, so just be careful.
Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.
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Old 12-22-2003, 06:28 PM
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Yes, I know. I am learning anyway. This is all new to me so I guess you could say I have just learned to "step lightly". I will definitely be more careful in the future. It sucks we gotta live this way, but he is worth my just 'taking what I can get' for now.

Merry Christmas!
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<script language="JavaScript" src="http://webapps.nerdsonsite.com/utility/countdown.cgi?year=2004&month=8&day=13&offset=-6"></script> days until we are together again!!! I miss you baby!

<script language="JavaScript" src="http://webapps.nerdsonsite.com/utility/countdown.cgi?year=2004&month=1&day=30&offset=-6"></script> days until my sweetie's 38th birthday. Happy Birthday Baby!
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Old 12-22-2003, 06:50 PM
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Yea and you will learn just how much you can take and get from each other and be grateful for it. Even the small things.
Every prison is so different. Some you can do alot more than others. They usually have visitation guidelines printed out that explains ALOT, but NOT all.
So just be careful.
Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.
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Our dear friend Rosa passed away on 7 November 2014.
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  #74  
Old 12-23-2003, 08:59 AM
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yes babygirl, i am thankful. Thankful that he only has 7.5 months left. But like I said, for now I will take what I can get.

Have a great day!
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<script language="JavaScript" src="http://webapps.nerdsonsite.com/utility/countdown.cgi?year=2004&month=8&day=13&offset=-6"></script> days until we are together again!!! I miss you baby!

<script language="JavaScript" src="http://webapps.nerdsonsite.com/utility/countdown.cgi?year=2004&month=1&day=30&offset=-6"></script> days until my sweetie's 38th birthday. Happy Birthday Baby!
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Old 01-05-2004, 05:38 PM
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I for one am starting to get pretty sick of what I have been seeing lately.

I don't get it. My boyfriend gets a verbal warning, on our very first visit, for having his arms around my waist while standing in line for the vending machines. Then he gets a written warning 2 months later for giving me a hug and kiss on the check. Meanwhile, I'm seeing couples having sex right before my eyes and the CO's seem to have their backs turned or looking the other way. I'm no prude but really, there are children around and frankly my boyfriend and I are sexually frustrated enough without having to see two people going at it right next to us. And I mean RIGHT NEXT to us! Everybody saw it, except the Co's. (Hmmm, right. All of a sudden they're blind).

It really pissed me off for two reasons: 1) This is not some adult, peep show club. Show some self respect and restraint. And remember the children. That type of behavior ends up making the prison enforce more strict rules that effects all of us. 2) The fact that the CO's are all over some visitors for harmless, innocent acts and turn their backs for the outrageous behavior.

Well anyway, thanks for letting me vent. It just really bothered me this past weekend.
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