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  #1  
Old 09-11-2019, 02:51 PM
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Default Dealing with arguments

I had an argument with my man yesterday. It was so frustrating that we couldn't continue the call and kept waiting for the call times to resolve it. We sent a few emails, well I did but it's so frustrating that for minor arguments it takes like 2 days to resolve them. I know that it's how it's gonna be and I can see how difficult it is not to have him in front of me. That one kiss would make up all the difference. We are good now but how do you deal with situations like this? Being mad and sad waiting for calls is very annoying. I think that working my ass off is the only thing that kept me sane
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Old 09-11-2019, 03:25 PM
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Glad that y'all resolved y'all differences, and are good again.

When me and my guy had an argument, and waiting for him to call me so we could talk it out. Is heart wrenching waiting for him to call, I'm more sad about it and I find myself forgiving him before we can even talk over the phone. The realize I'll gone head and forgive him is to release whatever it was that we got into that fuss about in the first place. It's hard when he's incarcerated and you're not able to just sit down, look each other in the eye and say "what are we doing?" (hug, kiss and work through it). While I wait for him to call I'll write him a long letter explaining everything. I manage to get through my emotions by staying busy. It's not easy but I do what I can to stay sane, until our next phone call.
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Old 09-11-2019, 03:34 PM
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We have arguments most couples do and its so annoying when the call ends and things are unresolved.
We decided a long time ago that we dont ever put the phone down on each other and we dont give each other the silent treatment.

Usually he calls me back as soon as he can to sort things out. Its hard that we cant always control our communication and we cant hug things out.
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Old 09-11-2019, 04:02 PM
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The things that you hunger for in life make you appreciate them enough not to complain just as the things that you take for granted in life are always easy enough to complain about. Stop calling so much....stop with the "sense of urgency" in what you do for him....let him hunger and want for you just a little bit....just a little bit
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Old 09-11-2019, 04:04 PM
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We have decided no phones down or silent treatment either. I actually find both childish. We talk about everything and work it out together. The wait to resolve something is just so frustrating. A hug and kiss would be perfect right now. I can't wait. Less than 2 months for my big trip from Greece to Jersey
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Old 09-11-2019, 04:05 PM
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In county he would make one call after the other til we fixed it but sometimes it wouldn't even work.
When he came home I realized he's the type that needs to calm down, have space and think first so he doesn't say things to make the situation worse.
Now in prison, we only have 2 15min calls. I've found that not having another call allows us both to think on the situation better. Sometimes I wont answer the 2nd call right after the argument just to give him time to think about it. It helps us.

Find out what works best for you two.
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Old 09-11-2019, 04:07 PM
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I've found that not having another call allows us both to think on the situation better.
That's me, too. I used to run myself into the ground with upset after a snippy phone call. And then if he didn't call at the next usual time, oh the whole world was falling apart. Now? I appreciate the distance. We're both hot heads and stubborn. It's saved us more than once and is something we're going to have to work on when he's home. We'll need to create a walk-away plan so we don't say or do anything that we don't mean.
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Old 09-11-2019, 04:17 PM
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We're both hot heads and stubborn. It's saved us more than once and is something we're going to have to work on when he's home. We'll need to create a walk-away plan so we don't say or do anything that we don't mean.
That's us..
The very first bad argument we had, when we first met, he was telling me to just leave him alone and I wouldn't cause I wanted it to be done and over with. He said some things and I left him alone because his words hurt. After leaving him alone, he came in, apologized, told me to sit with him and we talked. That's when I learned that I need to just shut my mouth sometimes. When he tells me he needs to be alone, I respect it now and during his alone time I would write out on paper my frustrations.
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Old 09-11-2019, 04:24 PM
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We're both hot heads and stubborn.
That's so us!!!!!!!! So me and him had to come up with an agreement. To just walk away and cool down. A little distance to get our thoughts together, and not go to bed mad at one another.
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Old 09-13-2019, 11:37 AM
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Yes actually the distance is what calmed us both down. He told me not to write emails when I'm angry and he was right cause I wrote stuff I did not mean. Everything is sorted and we are happy again Yeah I think the time apart gives each of us time to think and our conversation was a lot easier afterwards
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Old 09-13-2019, 12:01 PM
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Originally Posted by kellydavid410 View Post
I had an argument with my man yesterday. It was so frustrating that we couldn't continue the call and kept waiting for the call times to resolve it. We sent a few emails, well I did but it's so frustrating that for minor arguments it takes like 2 days to resolve them. I know that it's how it's gonna be and I can see how difficult it is not to have him in front of me. That one kiss would make up all the difference. We are good now but how do you deal with situations like this? Being mad and sad waiting for calls is very annoying. I think that working my ass off is the only thing that kept me sane

My wife and I had the same problem for a while after she went in. We solved it (more or less) by agreeing to discuss serious issues face to face on visits rather than try to do it in 15-minute increments on the phone.
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Old 09-14-2019, 09:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Firebrand View Post
The things that you hunger for in life make you appreciate them enough not to complain just as the things that you take for granted in life are always easy enough to complain about. Stop calling so much....stop with the "sense of urgency" in what you do for him....let him hunger and want for you just a little bit....just a little bit
I like that. We have to have some sort of sense of balance. I have had to share with partners out here...when I am at work, we do not argue. If we need to talk about something and it is not an emergency we can come up with a time and place to talk. Everything does not get resolved instantly. Sometimes things take time. Life comes first. This truly helps to build patience.
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Old Yesterday, 06:28 AM
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My wife and I had the same problem for a while after she went in. We solved it (more or less) by agreeing to discuss serious issues face to face on visits rather than try to do it in 15-minute increments on the phone.
I wish we could too but I live in Greece for now and he is New Jersey We are also very lucky cause he has almost 3 hours phone time
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Old Yesterday, 06:42 AM
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Originally Posted by kellydavid410 View Post
We have decided no phones down or silent treatment either. I actually find both childish. We talk about everything and work it out together. The wait to resolve something is just so frustrating. A hug and kiss would be perfect right now. I can't wait. Less than 2 months for my big trip from Greece to Jersey



It's great that you are able to visit soon. This is a huge step and you will enjoy this moments together. Waiting positions are always a little tough. Its something we need to live with it aslong we have close ones in prison. You have a lot to looking forward to - a wonderful moment. I enjoyed my visit in the US in June too and just for relaxing my mind I came back from Greece last weekend. Best wishes. Stay focused and be patient.
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Old Yesterday, 04:16 PM
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I can't wait. Less than 2 months for my big trip from Greece to Jersey
Wowzers, now that is quite a distance! Will this be your first visit to Jersey? Either way, I'm excited to read about it

Uff, the arguments, I think they are adorable now - I mean that's just because hubby and I don't argue, these days. Right before marrying him and a few months after were some of the only arguments we've had, so far - I'm actually preparing for post release / future arguments, but our arguments really bent me out of shape.

I was very fortunate to live a few doors down from his dad and not far from other family members that I vented to and visited weekly. His family is very much involved in his daily life, which meant they were informed when we were fighting or in a disagreement. Our longest disagreement lasted about 5 days in 2010 - we had both said awful things, each hung up one anther and then finally his dad took the call at my place and told Jr he was out of line - I think that was our last major fight / argument we've had.

The phone systems in California have changed so much since then, there is such little time to even catch up on the week let alone argue, but still, I go through high anxiety and mood swings when I have great news to share with him and he hasn't been able to call for 3-5 days, drives me so mad

Glad you guys smoothed things out - soon you'll get your hug and kisses
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