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Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehabilitation For those whose lives have been touched by addiction to drugs, alcohol or otherwise. For addicts and those who care about them.

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Old 02-10-2019, 05:00 PM
littlebeach08 littlebeach08 is offline
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Default Addicted to heroin

Hi everyone havenít been in here in forever my husband and I have gone through so much. He is supposed to be getting out in Dec of 2020. Recently he refused to drug test. He has been using heroin big time for about 2 years now. He gets money from a settlement and his family sends it to him I donít send him anything. Yesterday I blew up because he had 3 red welts on his arms with large bumps. It was a day that I brought our child and just went off on him. I feel bad now. He told me he wasnít high but he couldnít even talk. He didnít nod mid sentence this visit but after a while he would close his eyes and his head went back idk if he was nodding off or being a jerk. Anyways Iím sad and feel bad I went off on him. I just am confused. Help or advice or encouragement is needed idk
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Old 02-10-2019, 06:14 PM
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miamac miamac is offline
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I've been wondering how you were. Happy to see you back, but wishing it wasn't with this type of update.

I'm going to say what I've always said to you-- you have to put yourself and your kiddo first. He's put a value on his addiction that is greater than your relationship right now.

Has he been written up over the refusal yet? Will he be maxing out his sentence? 2020 used to sound so far off, but now...it's around the corner. If he's maxing out, this will be it. Do you know what his reentry plans are?
He needs to find his rock bottom and it sounds like he's still searching for it. You have time to protect yourself and your home from his choices before he is released. I know it's tough.
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Old 02-10-2019, 07:15 PM
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patchouli patchouli is offline
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My heart just sank ....I know that place you're in, been there - more than once. Drove myself crazy with worry about something I had no control over (daughter's heroin addiction).

How close are you with his family? Are they aware he is active in his addiction? Do they understand what enabling means and/or that they are enabling his addiction?

Other than not sending money (or sending money to outside parties / other inmates on his behalf), I'm not sure how I'd handle it while he's still incarcerated I do know that *I* and/or our home would NOT be his home plan unless / until he stopped using and got some help.

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Old 02-10-2019, 07:21 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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I'm so sorry. I hope no one is sending him money. If he is using, he is just taking advantage of all of you.

For you and your child, please know that he will continue this behavior once he comes home as well. Drugs are the mistress in your relationship. I doubt he would be willing to go to rehab voluntarily.

Dont be mad at yourself for getting upset. You have every reason to feel the way you do. Addicts will blow you off or get super defensive. You know the signs. Trust your gut.

Im so sorry you have to go through this

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Old 02-11-2019, 01:27 PM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
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Do not feel bad. To me its clear he was using. How many users really admit it?
Its hard battling for your husband to drugs. Pray the best for you.
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Old 02-11-2019, 09:44 PM
joyjoy22 joyjoy22 is offline
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I am so sorry that you have to go through this situation, it is not your fault. I hope that soon he will realize how bad it is to use drug especially now that you have a kid to raise. I am praying that God will give you more strength to pass this challenge.
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Old 02-12-2019, 08:21 AM
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nimuay nimuay is offline
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Start planning now for where he's going to stay once he's out. It can't be with you and a child! You will have to be very strong to enforce this, and you'll feel horrible, but all the the little ghoulies and ghosts that will crawl into your mind about 'not supporting him', not giving his best chance once he's out are WRONG! You aren't responsible for his addiction, and the only recourse you have to salvage things is for him to stay away from your child. He's not a fit parent, and you're not going to turn him into one by accepting him home. If you have to start divorce proceedings and child custody arrangements, now is the time.

Protect your child at all costs!
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
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Old 02-12-2019, 11:01 AM
gvalliant gvalliant is offline
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He refused drug test knowing he'd fail. I don't blame him for that, prison tests are often punitive when you fail, just like refusing to take test is punitive. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

He was high when you visited. What you described verified that. You likely know that, went off on him, don't blame you. He likely would not have survived the few hours of a visit if he didn't take some heroin right before coming out to see you. That's how bad shape he is in now, he can't even visit with you and his own child without heroin to help him through the visit. He has a long way to go.

Between now and Dec 2020 is almost 2 years. If, and only if, he got clean now and can stay clean that whole time, could you consider allowing him to be in your and your child's life. Weeks or even months of clean is not enough. He has just enough time. Stay clean, take all drug tests, you must be convinced throughout the whole time. I'd lay that out to him. He does it, or make it clear he is on his own forever. You and your child will move on.

That reality might be, as Miamac put it, his rock bottom. Or it won't. If it does not become his rock bottom you know what to do and should not feel guilty.
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