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Pets & Animal Discussions Man of us have furry (or other) loved ones at home with us. Please use this forum to talk about anything and everything relating to them, hobbies relating to them, etc.

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  #1  
Old 09-08-2004, 02:35 PM
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Default Rainbow Bridge - remembering a family pet

This thread is for all of us who want to remember a family pet. Please post a little bit about that special one that is waiting for you at the bridge.



Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together........
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Sassy went to be with her Granny Dragon 5-7-2008
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Last edited by rottndobelover; 09-08-2004 at 02:53 PM..
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Old 09-08-2004, 10:49 PM
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Thank you for posting this, it's so beautiful! I am in tears because two of my sweet cats that left me in the past come to my mind instantly. The first is my beautiful orange tabby named Bobby...he loved me just as much as I loved him and he was the sweetest kitty I have ever known. He died when I was about 4, he was killed but I never forgot him, and I think about him to this day. Then the second was my cat Honey, she was really my Dad's but I miss her so much. She was a creamy-colored tabby and we had her for about ten years, she died when I was about 13 or so. I miss them both so much, and thank you for posting this, it really is so touching.
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Old 09-09-2004, 04:31 AM
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I have a couple greyhounds waiting for me. One very special ... Bullet. He raced until age 5 then retired to live with me. He was rescued from a farm in Fla where the keepers were arrested for neglecting the dogs. The best dog ever, he never did anything wrong, ever. I had to teach him to do some basic stuff, he never barked and he was loved by everyone!!! Gorgeous sweet gentle giant, I love and miss you very very much. You too Angel, you were so sweet and gentle with the kids.

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Old 09-28-2004, 06:51 PM
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Well I have many pets waiting for me but my string of bad luck comes in the form of Black Labs...I live in a pretty rual area but yet, just outside the city. So, each and every one of my three black labs has been killed out here by a car. Kaylynn who was bought up in Tawas for 20 dollars...Two little boys sitting outside a grocery store with a box of puppies just before Christmas...said they needed to buy their mom a new furnace...bless there hearts. Sold me! She was the best dang dog ever! Then there was Rugar, He was saved from a humane society. No one wanted him because he was part Mastif...I never saw the mastif in him though. He was pretty awesome. Then there was just this latest....Kept driving by the sign that said lab puppies...then the price went down...a month later, the price went down again. My husband just had to go check out this puppy that no one wanted...The house was small and the puppies were getting big! They lived in a small room with no where to move. Misty was only 1 year old and lost her precious life way too soon. Somehow (closed casket type damage) she managed to come back onto our property before she died. Man...I just stopped calling her stupid too! I loved her so! Im sure she will be waiting for me there along with all my other pets. Least I forget my very first dog Springer and her offspring, BINGO...he went down fighting two pitbulls and he was just a little heinz 57 mutt. What a trouper.
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Old 09-29-2004, 07:18 AM
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I have my baby Brutus waiting for me. I flew to Texas to pick him up and can remember waiting for a rental car to drive home because I didn't want his little butt in cargo. He was my shadow for 4 years. I had him certified as a therapy dog so I could take him to work with me even. When I got married to my last husband, I can remember having to put him in his room so he wouldn't get obnoxious. He was intimidating to say the least, a 250 pound rott with a head the size of a basketball. When my husband beat me, Brutus turned his arm and and leg into hamburger. He was hit in the head with a hammer at this time and had to be put down. This was the only dog I've ever had that died trying to keep me safe.
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Sassy went to be with her Granny Dragon 5-7-2008
Dream as if you'll live forever
Live as if you'll die today
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Last edited by rottndobelover; 10-05-2004 at 06:17 AM..
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Old 10-03-2004, 10:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rottndobelover
This thread is for all of us who want to remember a family pet. Please post a little bit about that special one that is waiting for you at the bridge.i have two very swet babies waiting for me at the bridge lovie my pit you can read more on her in pit link if you would get one or not. the other was my suger girl. that my man had the first six years of her life then he gave to me and i ha her up until last year when she died of old age at 15.she was the linkyhat my mansaye in touch with me until his rest.but all those years was before he became my man.that poem kept me intears when she died.ther is a real nice website that you can buy a headstone for your petand put their pic on.



Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together........
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Old 10-05-2004, 10:09 PM
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My precious Midgette was 18 yrs old when she crossed over. She was a Sealpoint Siamese Cat with big blue eyes. I delivered her myself and cut the navel cord. Her mama and litter-mates pushed her out, she was so tiny, I fed her myself with a pet nurser bottle and raised her. She and I were inseparable for 18 yrs.

She heled me raise my two boys, comforted me through two really nasty divorces, laid right by my side when I was re-cuperating from an almost fatal car crash.

She was always such a tiny little kitty, never weighed more than 7 or 8 lbs. full grown. She was about 12 or 13 when she survived through the house fire, somehow. We thought she ran out of the house when everyone else did. I was calling to her thinking she ran underneath the bushes, hiding from all the commotion of fire trucks and sirens. One of the fireman found her underneath the bed gasping for breath, just barely alive. She went limp in my arms as my son ran every red light (with 4-way flashers on) to get her to the vet. She was making pitiful little moaning sounds and I was holding her limp little body crying out, "Please God, don't let her die. Please God don't take her from me." He answered my prayers. She lived on for 5 or 6 more yrs.

She was always there for me, loving me unconditionaly, never judging me, not even complaining very much about anything...not till right there at the last. She began suffering with arthritis, and developed skin allergies. Her teeth got bad and she lost some of them, making it difficult to chew. I gave her Gerbers Baby Meats and anything else I could get coax her into eating. She finally was DXed with kidney disease, and just got skinnier and skinnier. She would cry so pitifully 'specially at night, she could barely get up on my bed without help, and would cry out in pain if she tried to jump down. I'd hold her frail old body next to me, stroking her very old fur that had long since lost it's luster. Her sad old eyes lovingly looked up at me, begging me to let her go.

The last trip to the vet...I knew what I had to do. I prayed for strength. I was hoping for some kind of sign, words from the vet advising me against what I knew was the humane thing to do. I stood there holding my precious Midgette wrapped in her pink "blankey" with tears streaming down my face. How can I do this? I just can't let her go. My vet put her arms around us both and gently asked just one question, "I know how hard this must be, but are you keeping this precious old kitty around for you, or for her??? No other words were necessary. I sat there in a chair holding my angel, she looked up at me ever so trustingly with her sad old eyes so full of love...I held her close to me telling her I loved her, stroking her head...while her vet helped her cross over the Rainbow Bridge. She was so brave and was not afraid, but just went to sleep peacefully in my arms.

Her tired old body is no longer with me, but her memory lives on in my heart. It's been 20 years and I still miss her. I take out her pictures and look at them and cry. It was a long time before I could forgive myself for making her stay, selfishly keeping her longer than I should have. I just thought I could not make it without her. She suffered that last year...because of my selfishness. I had to ask God for forgiveness. I already knew in my heart that Midgette had forgiven me.

Well, that's my story and it still hurts, I can hardly see the keyboard for my tears.

C Mom
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Old 10-06-2004, 05:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by C Mom
My precious Midgette was 18 yrs old when she crossed over. She was a Sealpoint Siamese Cat with big blue eyes. I delivered her myself and cut the navel cord. Her mama and litter-mates pushed her out, she was so tiny, I fed her myself with a pet nurser bottle and raised her. She and I were inseparable for 18 yrs.

She heled me raise my two boys, comforted me through two really nasty divorces, laid right by my side when I was re-cuperating from an almost fatal car crash.

She was always such a tiny little kitty, never weighed more than 7 or 8 lbs. full grown. She was about 12 or 13 when she survived through the house fire, somehow. We thought she ran out of the house when everyone else did. I was calling to her thinking she ran underneath the bushes, hiding from all the commotion of fire trucks and sirens. One of the fireman found her underneath the bed gasping for breath, just barely alive. She went limp in my arms as my son ran every red light (with 4-way flashers on) to get her to the vet. She was making pitiful little moaning sounds and I was holding her limp little body crying out, "Please God, don't let her die. Please God don't take her from me." He answered my prayers. She lived on for 5 or 6 more yrs.

She was always there for me, loving me unconditionaly, never judging me, not even complaining very much about anything...not till right there at the last. She began suffering with arthritis, and developed skin allergies. Her teeth got bad and she lost some of them, making it difficult to chew. I gave her Gerbers Baby Meats and anything else I could get coax her into eating. She finally was DXed with kidney disease, and just got skinnier and skinnier. She would cry so pitifully 'specially at night, she could barely get up on my bed without help, and would cry out in pain if she tried to jump down. I'd hold her frail old body next to me, stroking her very old fur that had long since lost it's luster. Her sad old eyes lovingly looked up at me, begging me to let her go.

The last trip to the vet...I knew what I had to do. I prayed for strength. I was hoping for some kind of sign, words from the vet advising me against what I knew was the humane thing to do. I stood there holding my precious Midgette wrapped in her pink "blankey" with tears streaming down my face. How can I do this? I just can't let her go. My vet put her arms around us both and gently asked just one question, "I know how hard this must be, but are you keeping this precious old kitty around for you, or for her??? No other words were necessary. I sat there in a chair holding my angel, she looked up at me ever so trustingly with her sad old eyes so full of love...I held her close to me telling her I loved her, stroking her head...while her vet helped her cross over the Rainbow Bridge. She was so brave and was not afraid, but just went to sleep peacefully in my arms.

Her tired old body is no longer with me, but her memory lives on in my heart. It's been 20 years and I still miss her. I take out her pictures and look at them and cry. It was a long time before I could forgive myself for making her stay, selfishly keeping her longer than I should have. I just thought I could not make it without her. She suffered that last year...because of my selfishness. I had to ask God for forgiveness. I already knew in my heart that Midgette had forgiven me.

Well, that's my story and it still hurts, I can hardly see the keyboard for my tears. cmomso very sadi sit here with tears in my eyes.reminds of when i had to have my bordercollie suger put down.i sat the night before the vet appt and brushed her telling her what was going to happen next day.that she would go to dr. get a shot then go to sleep and never hurt anymoreyou are stronger than me i couldnt go with her to vet mother took her.i did have her cremated and put in a urn that can be inside or outside . it is sitting on floor by my bed. where she always sleep watching over me.out of all my pets she was the one that always protected me went to 2 divorces with me raised two sons with me.she was always my faithful cmpain watching over me.now im really going. totears land.but i know ill see her aganat the bridgeand so will vicwhen god determines it ts time.for the 3 of us to be together again.

C Mom
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Old 01-08-2005, 08:44 AM
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OH my, there is Max, Casey, Abby, Reza, Cinders, Kelly,--- sad that we can outlive so many!!!!
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Old 03-09-2005, 09:39 AM
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I have seen this poem/story/saying so many times.... It never gets any easier.
Last night we had to put down our 2 babys, they were 10 months old. The vet couldnt figure out what happened to them.

Now i have them, but i also have my very first cat, stubby, my sisters cats lisa & boinka, my rabbit sam, a pet rat, several fish, some more of cats wildspirit, saffire & chatter, & then there is our chameleon sarah, another one of my family cats nusence, onica, fluffy, a dog named riley, several unnamed kittens, an older cat named pepper.
I hope i included & remembered everyone. If i didnt, it doesnt mean that they are not in our family's heart.
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Old 03-26-2005, 01:13 PM
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Default My Last Day with Duchess, March 18, 2005



When I woke up this morning I knew that this would be the last day I would get to spend with Duchess. She was suffering and I knew in my heart this would be it. I came home from work, and sure enough, even though she was weak she greeted me at the door of the laundry room. She would sleep the afternoon away on the ottoman in the living room. I could always see her sitting up when I drove up in the driveway and then she would run to the door to great me.

I spent the afternoon holding her a lot and kissing and hugging her and telling her how much I loved her. I got her to eat some chicken, just a little bit, and I opened up a can of people tuna so she could drink some of the sauce, which she did. She wanted to go outside so I let her out for a little bit. She walked around the yard. It was cloudy out but she got some rays of sunshine. There were birds on the other side of the fence and she watched them for a bit. I picked her up so she could see better over the fence.




When I brought her inside I held her some more and then I brushed her and she purred. She always had such a really loud purr, but this one was soft. She was happy getting brushed. It made her feel good and she looked so pretty afterwards. When we were done I took two pictures of her looking so pretty. I saved the hair in the brush and hugged her and held her some more.



Her appointment was at 4:20 so we left the house about 4. At the vet I held her for a long time. It was so special that as I was holding her and talking to her and telling her how much I loved her, the sun came out brightly shining into the window of the back room where we would put her to sleep. It had been cloudy all day but that moment her face faced the sunshine for awhile. I told her that was God sending his light for her and I promised her that Kitty and Brandy would be there waiting for her when she arrived in Heaven. That she wouldn't be alone when she gets there. I promised her that one day we would all be together again.



We laid her down on a pink towel and I was holding her head in my hand. She did not fight or struggle as she was too tired to fight. It was her time and she was content. Her head fell softly into my hand and she was gone. I cried a lot and my vet gave me a hug and reassured me that I always did what was right and always took good care of her. He told me that these tumors were beyond my control.



The emptiness in the house now is unbearable. There is till chicken on the floor, and the afghan she had been curled up on the sofa where she last slept was still there. The food was still in her bowl that I could not get her to eat. My heart is so empty. I don't understand why these little angels come into our life just to leave us so soon. I got you at Petsmart that day back in September of 1994 after Kitty passed away. You were curled up in the back of the cage with those big gold eyes looking so scared. I promised you that I would always love you and take care of you. I feel I have let you down on so many counts. I hope that you are not suffering anymore and that you are with the angels and Kitty and Brandy. My little baby girl, Duchess.
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Old 03-26-2005, 01:25 PM
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This is a wonderful website, it has the rainbow bridge story written or flash. It also has a wonderful message board when you lose a loving pet. It also has a candle light ceremony.
When I lost my Bethoven, it was wonderful and helped me so much to be around others who understood and who had been where I was at the time.

http://www.petloss.com/

softie
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Old 06-16-2005, 08:23 PM
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I'm reading all the stories with tears rolling down my face. I miss my doggy too. His name was SweetPea. He was the most perfect dog for me ever.. He was a mutt a big one and maybe just a little fat. From the day I rescued him he was my dog. He never had a accident in the house, never went in the trash, never trampled my flowers, never tried to run away. He was perfect. As the years went on and the bond between us grew, Sweetpea became even more perfect. He developed a gift for telling when I was going to get a miegrain and keeping me safe. One night late , after having a headacke for over 3 weeks I had a pretty bad seizer. SweatPea stayed with me, and when it was over, he went out his doggie door and ran 4 blocks to get my sister. Jack (my sistr) and her husband brought Sweatpea back that night and took me to the hospital. I was there for 4 days and in that first night I had 3 more episodes. I know that my perfect dog saved my life that night. I love him soo very much, and I miss him like no other. But he went to the rainbow bridge 2 years ago. He was very old and very sick.. I was with him in the vets office the last time. And I held him and huged him and sang to him till long after he was gone.. And then I buried him with my family in Decker Mighigan, so he would never be alone.
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Old 06-18-2005, 09:46 AM
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Picked up my girls ashes today. She was my faithfull companion for 14.7 years - minature red dachound. She always wore her ears back like she was in a wind storm - never wore them hanging down.

It was back in December when she had a stroke and I had to put her down.

Here I am crying again.
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Old 08-01-2005, 02:43 PM
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Today I put my Tiggy down. She was only 6 years old, which is young for a healthy Doberman, but not for one that endured what she went through before she came to live with me.
She was starved and left outside on a chain, no matter what the weather, because she wouldn't breed and make her owners money. Someone had heart enough to call on the people and she was taken to a rescue.
When I applied for her, she was 41 pounds and had many patches of hair missing. With love, patience, and a great vet, I had a beautiful red Doberman.
After so much abuse and neglect, her body aged quicker than her spirit did. She acted like a puppy, even though outwardly she was ancient. She was lonely and I got her a puppy of her very own. That baby is lost without her "mama".
Today I lost one of my girls, but I keep thinking that she is out of her pain and in a better place.
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Old 08-07-2005, 12:35 PM
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On Aug 5th,2005 my Sassy girl passed away, i miss her so much. Sassy was a pink nosed pit, she was only 2 yrs old. Sassy was/is the love of my life.The house is so empty without her,very quiet cause I'm not yelling "Sassy leave that alone!" Theres no one to come home to right now, just a dark house after work. My heart breaks everytime I pull into the drive way and shes not looking out the gate at me, wagging her tail, and barking. she always barked when i got home just to say "Hi Mama" I really miss my girl she was like a child to me. Will my heart ever mind.
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Old 08-07-2005, 12:49 PM
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Oh, dear! Buffalo, Mr. Mousebreath, Miss Kitty, Eek, Gibson, Barshoe, Sandy, Miss Piggy, Belle, Bugsy, Mikey, Gawain, Kellin, Mr. Toad . . .
I hope I get a stampede at the bridge . . .
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Old 08-07-2005, 12:50 PM
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rottendolbelover and rue909, I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Both your "babies" were so young but so loved. I know there is nothing anyone can say right now to comfort you because I know all to well how it feels to love a little creature with all your heart and then to lose them. I will keep both of you in my thoughts, I know how difficult it is.
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Old 08-19-2005, 05:30 PM
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Bonnie and Clyde were sister and brother Jack Russells and had never been apart. She loved to run under vehicles, and when my husband was backing out of the driveway she ran under the back tire. He was going very slow, but she was small. Clyde was devastated, they were about a year old. Still miss her
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Old 08-19-2005, 09:53 PM
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On August 1, 05 I also had to put my little "Chantal" down. She came to live with us nearly 16 years ago and as much as it tears at my heart strings I know she is now romping and having a great time in the Meadow along with her best friend "Chikara" who we lost almost two years ago.

Chantal was an all white maltese and Chikara was a black poodle/shih-tzu mix. What a pair!! For 14 years they were such fun. Both of them together weighed a whopping 11-12 pounds but they were 100 pounds of enjoyment - especially the black one!! She was ALWAYS into something.

For such a small package they sure can leave a HUGE hole in your heart. I miss you "baby girls." Will the tears ever stop when I think of them?

I can't see the keyboard either so I will send a ((((hug)))) to all pet lovers.

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Old 08-19-2005, 10:06 PM
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Lisa, that was the most beautiful, touching article I have read. You had me and my husband in tears. We love our dog like a baby, and my husband will not be able to handle it, if something was to happen to her.
I am so sorry for your loss and the many other people that have lost a beloved pet.
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Old 08-19-2005, 11:20 PM
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It's hard, and not like anything I ever expected to feel. It's also a comfort when times get really hard to deal with.
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Old 11-01-2005, 12:23 PM
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She'd been my cuddle-bum. Mine was the only lap she ever wanted...and the only hand other than my one son, that she accepted touching her.
At night, she'd sleep between the top of my head and the wall (after i fell asleep she'd disappear for her night-time cat-patrol). yes, often, i had to scrunch down a tad to insure room for this multi-colored furriness of love. A love that was focused on me.

When i awoke that morning, back in October, 1995 and came downstairs. She was no where to be found! I looked under and behind everything.
In the office/library. under my desk.... there she was. I knelt down to speak with her, "there you are sweetie!"
She lifted her head and i heard a very, very soft....."meow......".
Immediately, i knew something was terribly wrong. Oh, God! No!

I flew around the house. getting her carrier ready... getting her blanket...her toys... some food...some water. Into the car they went. called the vet to let them know that i was bringing her in. I ran back to the library.
She still lay in the same place. and at sight of me, that ohhh so soft....... "mew".

I put her in the car on her blanket...on the front seat. The carrier in the back seat.
We rushed down the highway. Me talking to her. She just laying there. So quiet.
I'd steer with one hand (tears fogging the road in front), gently stroking her with the other... and saying, "it'll be alright honey. i promise. it'll be alright. moma and the doctor will fix it. you'll be alright."
I thanked God for the lack of cops/highway patrol as i rushed my little friend to the emergency room.

The prognosis was not good. She had an enlarged liver. And was very weak.
I asked, "why didn't i know something was wrong?! how is i could not know?! how?! why?!" and......she purred.
I asked if this can be treated? I asked if he could help her? I told him..... "i promised!!"
He said, gently, "we'll do what we can.... but, you have to ready yourself to let her go......."

"No!!" ...and, i cried.

they kept her. i drove the 58 miles back home. alone. sooo alone.
I called as soon as i got to the house and they told me that she was resting comfortably... that she now had an IV. and, i cried.

The next day, i drove back. I visited her. stayed with her for hours. Talking, stroking, holding. She purred. With half-opened eyes, she looked at me with that ohhhh soooo familiar love. and... purred.

I drove home, alone.
This went on for 4 days. Me driving there and back. Her being there.... plugged in, and so alone in that strange place. with those strange people. And, those damn needles.

On day 4, the vet took me into his office again. for the fourth time. We talked for nearly two hours. Him explaining. Me holding to ... grasping for.... miracles... straws.
My comment before going out the door....."You can fix her! You are the best Vet in this area! Please! make her well. let her come home... I Promised that You Would!"
I left his office. went in to say my daily goodbye to Patches. Laying there, so weak. Needles in her little legs. Eyes almost half-open.... looking toward me, my voice... trying to focus on me. that soft "mew..." and there was no.... purrr.

When i got home, the phone rang. It was the vet. "Please, I know you love her...and she loves you. Please let her go."
We talked. Sobbing, i said, "ok........."
He said... he promised... "it'll be alright".
But, i already knew about promises!
He said, "i'll call you back in about 15 minutes."
I sat there, waiting.... sobbing.

Then..... shhhhh..... there! by the ceiling! the corner!
a something.....
then the 'feeling'. the 'thought', "moma, it's alright. i'm fine now. i love you......."
I watched that spot by the ceiling...the corner.
I held that feeling and that thought,
and i 'felt' her..... purrrr.
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Old 11-01-2005, 12:40 PM
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Default A Shawl for Blacki

He'd been coughing. A thing he has done throughout our life together.

When he'd first come to me from the humane shelter in October,1993, while trying to hide back in the corner of the couch........ as far from me as he could be........ eyes never leaving me....... watching..... watching........ he coughed. Then his lil head ducked down as if ashamed, or afraid.

He refused to eat. So i tried coaxing him with pan fried Bratworst.... the pale ones. The ones i love. Even the smell of a fried or grilled Brat makes my mouth water....... i figured it'd do the same for him.

He turned his head. And coiled back into that circular ball with black-black eyes and nose facing me. Watching.

I watched this little fella..... such a small critter with curly black hair..... they'd said that by looking at his teeth during his examination at the shelter, that they thought he was about one year old.

"He needs a quiet place..... with people who care...... a calm place.... where maybe trust can grow again. We believe he's been severely abused." is what the shelter people said.

I watched the lil fella watching me. Me healthy. Him looking like road-kill.

"It's time for us to take a walk.... and for you to go potty...." i said as i attached the new lease to his new collar.

We walked the periphery of the back yard. Me walking, him prancing as if trained-to-show. And always watching my hand..... as if waiting for signals.
My hands said nothing cuz they didn't know the lingo....my mouth said, "go potty sweetie....." and, he didn't.

We went back inside the house. I unhooked his pretty blue leash..... and he jumped up on the couch.... and curled in that skinny circle.... in the corner furthest from me.

So, i laid down a large sheet of plastic.... and then laid down four blue puppy pads. In the living room.

I placed his food dish with the Brats, and a bowl of water by the door to the kitchen. In the living room. The room with the couch. The couch with the corner....... where he lived. Watching.

Then i went to bed.

In the morning, i found that some of the brat was gone, water had been drunk.... and the blue puppy pads had been used.

He was on the couch ...... curled in that ohhh so thin circle.....in the far corner. Watching.

That became his routine. During the day, he ate nothing....drank nothing.... and never pottied. At night, when the lights were off.... the house dark..... he ate a lil, drank a lil..... and pottied on the blue puppy pads. In the living room.

I talked to him. Calmly, quietly, gently.... and said, "i promise you.... that never again will you ever be hurt..... i promise you, that you can be and become whatever you decide to be....... this is my promise to you. And, i'm going to call you.......Blacki......."

He watched me.

But the watching was........ watch the human....ooops....human looking.... look away!.....ok, human turned.... watch the human....... ooops..... human looking......Look Away!"

I scratched my head. Instantly, he quivered. I began to speak to him, as he lay there shaking....after a short time, the shaking stopped.... and the quivering ceased.

The quivering, shaking would happen if i raised a leg to cross my legs. Pick up a broom to sweep the floor. And, the belt...... omg..... the belt. Such fear! So, i'd gently tell him the promise again..... and again..... and again.

One night, a coupla weeks later, i was laying in bed.... reading a book..... with a bowl of Animal Crackers beside me on the bed. Blacki jumped up on the bed. Wow! He's off the couch! And laid at the end of the bed in the far corner.... watching.

I put an animal cracker on the bed further from me.... but, closer to him. He ate the cookie!!! I went back to reading my book.... and ocassionally placing a cookie on the bed......never looking directly at him.

That became our routine. Day time on the couch.... far corner. Night time..... eat a lil, drink a lil....potty on the blue puppy pads........ then go lay on the far corner at the foot of human called-mama's bed.

Six months later he finally wagged his tail. I wanted to celebrate! Two months after that...... he actually barked. That was another celebration.

But the only time he came by me was when i was laying down.

Zip forward 10 years........

He runs. Bounces. Barks....... sometimes annoyingly. And loves to hear mama say....."go fast baby..... go fast!" so he takes off running..... up the stairs, or around the house. Coming back to mama as if his world is nothing but joy.

During the daytime.... anytime....... he eats whatever is close. It took 9 years to get him to accept food from my hand. Drinks whenever he wants. And, potty's on the blue rug when ever he needs to...even though he knows mama gets irritated. In the kitchen. By the back door.

Over the last six months..... first thing in the morning...... i let king out.... then suki...... then blacki comes downstairs...... stands looking at me..... waggin his tail. "want to go outside sweetheart?" as i open the back door. Out he goes. Potty he does. And comes running back to the door tail all awag.... as if having accomplished something wonderful.

Through the years, his running.... and sometimes for no reason apparent.... he coughs. The vet never found anything wrong....... so, i figured it was just like us.... we cough when we need to clear our throat..... sometimes, just cuz. And some people do it out of nervousness. So can critters.

His most favorite spot during the day is when i sit down and he gets to come sit or lay on my lap. It's as if, all is right with his world.

At night.... i turn off the TV.... and he's immediately beside me. i turn off the lights.... and he's right there. then i say, "it's nitie-nite time honey.... time for bed......" and he bounds up the stairs. Some times right along side me..... sometimes, just behind me....... when we reach the bedroom..... he jumps on the bed..... sits there watching me with those black-black eyes....

He waits for me to crawl under the covers.... turn out the light...... then he snuggles down beside me..... head on my shoulder....or my arm. and, i hear him sigh. i pet him.... and whisper, "i love you too honey...." he kisses my chin or cheek.....snuggles down again...and, we go to sleep.

Last week he began coughing a lil more. Last night in bed.... snuggled by me..... i listened to his click click clicking when he breathed. I was going into fargo today to do more job hunting and would stop at the vet's to see if i could make payment arrangements.... and bring blacki in.

This morning... he wasn't interested in going outside.... and laid by my desk. He coughed.... i petted him....."i'm seeing the vet today honey......" and prepared to leave. I considered taking him to the vet... dropping him off.... and picking him up on my way back..... but, there was such a nagging nasty feeling......... so i didn't. He hates the vet's.... and being left anywhere i'm not.

I left the house at 8:30 am this morning.and headed for fargo. on interstate 94..... at about 9 am.......... suddenly he was in the car with me.... as if i could look down and see him cuddled so close against my side....as he always did when he was in the car with me. the car doing 70 mph down the interstate.... was full of him..... yet softly.....

"No! blacki! don't go! please!".......thought about going back to the house.... a thought came...."you can't do anything...." and immediately refused to allow myself to think this. immediately i tried focusing on the jobs i was going to. and felt/heard......"it's ok mama".

twenty minutes later, I picked-up my sister.... we went to all the places on our job-hunt itinery.... she treated me to lunch. at 3:30, i dropped her off at her place.... and headed home. telling myself that what i'd felt was only my concerns. nothing real.

I stopped at the vet's on my way back to the house. then continued home.

I got to the house at 4:30 pm. suki and king quiet barked at the back door. no blacki bark.

"that's ok.... he sometimes doesn't...."

i cleaned up the blue rug..... cleaned the floor. and went into the living room. he sometimes sleeps in my rocker. he wasn't there.

"that's ok.... he's sometimes upstairs on my bed........... Blackiiiii?"

i went upstairs.... into the bedroom. he wasn't on my bed. i walked around the bed to put my earrings in my jewelry box........ and saw him on the floor.

legs stretched out. eyes open. mouth open. tongue slightly protruding. and pale pink on the carpet beneath his head.

i think i might have yelled. i'm not sure.

he didn't move.

i was on my knees.... my hands on him...... about to lift his lil head.... then, i noticed that he was cold. he was stiff.

i think i yelled. i know a groan came out that must have waited all day somewhere deep inside. and it kept coming out.

that's where the grandchildren found us.

amanda dropped to her knees holding me, saying.... "it's alright grandma.... it's alright........" and we rocked and cried together. "can i do anything, grandma? do you want me to do something?".... and we continued to rock and cry.

Later, i found a box. placed a clean blue rug inside, and placed my lil friend's body in that box.

my mother had knited me a beautiful shawl. white. soft. i placed it over blacki like a blanket of white cloud.....tucking it under his chin. as if to warm him. i'd worn the shawl once.... but, it never felt "mine".

my emotions were raw.... and still are.... and, will be. my mind keeps reminding me of the visit..... 30 minutes after i'd left the house this morning.

"it's ok mama........"

my mother thought she was kniting that shawl for me..... i now know it was for Blacki.

there is a "wake" in this house tonight. tomorrow, after the children leave for school...... Blacki's body will be "laid to rest"


that evening (january 7, 2003) i'd called my sister to let her know what had happened... there was no answer, so i called my mother.....told her, and asked her to please get the info to karen.

karen called back later that evening. she's loved her dogs as i have mine..... she knows the feelings..... she understood. "kate, what do you want to do? where do you want to bury Blacki?.... we'll help...... you don't have to do this by yourself....."

i couldn't answer. and the crying wouldn't stop. she said she'd call me in the morning......"i'm here for you....... we'll talk again, tomorrow morning......"

that evening, i'd walked around like a zombie. stiff jointed. without direction. unable to focus on much of anything.

for dinner that night, my family had cereal. silence accompanied their eating.

the house is now occupied with myself, my adult daughter, two grandchildren, two dogs and two cats.

it felt empty. the slightest sound echoed.

the couch is empty. and there was no-one so excitedly dashing up those stairs when it was time to go to bed.

no one sitting on the bed waiting for me to crawl in...... turn out the lights.... and hear......."mama loves you too......"

yesterday morning finally arrived after a very long night-time...."grandma, i already let out king and suki.... they've already gone potty this morning..." my daughter had left for work, and the kids later left on the school-bus.

king, suki, tiger, madison, and myself were all that was left in the house..... a house that feels empty.

the phone rang...... it was karen. "kate, have you decided what you want to do? we can bury him if that's what you want.......Brewer Lake is a pretty place.... he'd like it there..........."
"karen, Blacki is gone.... he's no longer in that body...... it's now just a shell.... it doesn't even look like him.......there's no "feel" to it..... "
"honey, you have to do this.... it's part of the healing process you need.....let me help you.... you always try to do everything by yourself.....let me be there for you...."

the thought of him being buried here.... in this place.... filled me with something tantamount to raging anguish. i have no idea where i'm going to be.... but, this place is not where i want him.

he'd learned to feel safe when we lived in akeley.....

i'd be out in the yard.... and he'd sit on the front porch whining. days would go by .... and him so scared to step off the porch away from the house without me by his side..... so, he'd sit there and cry.
eventually.... he did step off, and made it as far as the circle of wildflowers i'd set loose on the world......... but with me further out with the plum trees....... there he'd sit....by the circle..... whining.

suki and king would be walked in the tall grasses down by the pond..... Blacki would sit at the top of the hill.... crying.

time passed........ that lil fella bravely stepped out.... further and further.... till he was running the whole yard........ in the tall grasses.... under the trees.... everywhere. "go fast........go" would send him scampering off, running around the house one, two times.... to stop at my feet, panting.... grinning. and, so happy.

this place of no trees.... a foreign landscape that even breaks mama's heart.... is not where i wanted him buried.

yes. i know that the body's an empty shell. and i know that once love is born it IS.

but, like everyone else..... the last couple of days has been pure emotion... with me struggling to find a balance between emotion and what i Know.

karen said, "kate, you know he can't be buried back in akeley..... honey, you know that......."
of course i knew that...... but, that didn't stop me from wanting it to be.

if buried..... that's where he needed to be....somewhere in that area...... cuz somehow....someway...... mama's going to go home.... and, he'd be there.

karen asked, "how do you feel about cremation......?"

i told her that i couldn't imagine taking him to that vet....that i'd never know if that actually happened. i didn't trust that.

she said, "i'm going to make a couple of phone calls and talk to bill......i'll call you back.."

about ten minutes later, the phone rang again. it was karen.

"honey, marty...bill's friend...... has a brother who does taxidermy. kate, he also does cremation for pets. and, he understands......"

so, it was arranged.

"do you want me to come out there and get you.... you're in no condition to drive....... i don't think you should go.... i think this might be too difficult for you........"

i knew she meant well..... her words were coming from her love and caring. i also understood that she still hadn't grasped that Blacki and his body are seperate. One forever, the other....transient.

she still doesn't understand my way of thinking.... but, she loved me enough to not bother with the details.

i loaded the car with the things i usually take with me when i leave the house........ and, gently placed the box with the blue rug, Blacki, and the while shawl....in the back seat. then drove to fargo to my brother's house....karen would be there waiting.

they asked me again if i wanted to go....."we can take care of this for you...." Bless their hearts, they were trying so hard.

when surrounded with this much kindness and caring..... for me everything busted loose.....and all of my thoughts, regrets, resentment came pouring out.

"bill, i've been looking for a job... there's so little left..... i didn't have the money to take him to the vet..... he might have been helped.... i'll never know.... if he were a human child, i'd be arrested.... but no.... people still don't see all life as precious..... bill, i failed my baby...... " and racking sobs erupted.

my brother, ten years younger.... held me..... "it's alright honey.... it's ok.... you don't know that...... it was his time to go.......and, you do know that...."

i stood in that protective circle of his arms.... for a wee moment safe from an outside that seemed so bleak. then, i realized, "i'm getting snot all over your shirt....." he held on, "it's ok....let it out......."

i pulled back..... a lopsided grin on a swollen face....."you do mean the feelings.... not the runny nose....?"

"i am going with you...... i will be the one who hands over blacki's body."

my brother, sister, Blacki, and i...... left in my sister's car. they knew the way.

my brother's friend's brother lives in the far south eastern edge of ND....close to MN.....

we arrived. my brother went into the taxidermy shop.... he and karen didn't want me to go in.... they know how i feel about critters.

bill and a man came out...... i was introduced, but i don't remember his name. i got out of the car.... leaned back in....... and carefully brought out the box that contained Blacki's body.

the man gently took the box from me...."i am soooo sorry..... i know how difficult this has been......."
"thank you..."
he placed the box in the cabin of his truck.....
i started to get back into the car..... then turned........and walked toward this kind person.....
"in that box.... is Blacki..... he's laying on a blue rug.... and, he's covered with a white shawl......."
"do you want the rug and shawl to go with him?"
tears flowing again, "please........ yes........... please........"
he smiled....."then that is what will be. do you want his ashes?"
i said, "no...... the ashes aren't him.... he's gone......."
he said, "i understand. i want you to know that over there is a river....edged with trees all along it's banks.... that's where i sprinkle the ashes of pets when their people don't want the ashes....... that's where i sprinkled the ashes of my dog....."

we returned to bill's home and my mother. she mentioned that there was a sale at a store and that she'd needed one of those egg-crate bed support thingies. i said that i'd take her. i knew it was her way of wanting to spend some time with me. that silent support that says, "i love you.... i care...."

karen said that when i'd cried in bill's arms, that my mother had left the room.... and that she had followed her......"mom was crying kate..... she loved Blacki too..... and, all of this..... well, she was crying too.... i thought you should know...."

i took mom shopping. it was much quieter than our usual outtings.

tuesday night..... i'd cried for Blacki. Raged against a something that i Know isn't supposed to be.
yesterday, i'd cried for the disappointment in self..... for all the things that we know that we:
coulda done..... and, couldn't.....
shoulda done.... and, shouldn't.....
did do........ and, didn't.......

that for all that he became...... for all that he was while here.......

i could have made even better.

if i'd had only him.... he'd have had all of my attention. but, i'd later adopted two other dogs that needed a home...and someone to care. my attentions were so divided.

the night before he died/left..... he'd come over to my chair and did his motions that ask to be permitted to be up on my lap. i'd said, "no Blacki.... go lay down......"

i'd give anything to say....."come on baby......."


the children have learned about death. questions are asked, and answered. i'm sure there'll be more. they've learned that it's normal to cry.... and cry when someone you love leaves.

he'll be waiting for me when i arrive. we'll walk again. and, we'll snuggle. my sweetie and i.

but, today..... i needed to write to you..... about my lil friend, a sweetie named Blacki. a blue rug. and, a shawl for Blacki.



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Old 12-29-2005, 08:03 PM
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magnum von thunder: he was a red doberman.he loved kids and kittens. he smiled alot and people always thought he was growling at them when he showed his teeth like that. he helped raise up my 5 boys and would chase them down for me and hold them till i got there. he would sneak up on the bed and curl up in a tiny ball so you wouldn't notice him. he had to be put to sleep at 10 because of bone cancer.
little bit: he was my husband's dog that we inherited from his ex after the neighbor shot him. it paralyzed him from the "waist" down. we had to put a diaper on him with a hole cut out for the tail! he was still a happy dog but we finally had him put to sleep because his quality of life was going downhill.
garfield: a big oranged striped long haired tomcat
buddy:a cocker/lab mix. he thought he was a cat and would sleep on top of the cars! he loved my son and followed him across the street one day and was hit by a car.
binky: the tiniest dog i ever saw. she was playing by the pond and an alligator grabbed her. we used a mailbox for her doghouse.
baby: the puppy in my avitar. she got hit by a car.
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