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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 02-05-2016, 12:33 PM
trenner trenner is offline
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Default Is Anyone Dealing With An L&L Addiction

I've looked thru the posts but only seen things related to the usual addiction subjects. Unfortunately there is one addiction that no one wants to talk about and it's rampant in the prisons now days. My husband told me when I met him that he had problems with L&L but that he had gotten over it. Now it's 4 years later and I found out what I had suspected, he hasn't been able to kick it. It's hard to find anyone with experience in this area so I'm hoping there is someone here brave enough to talk about it, even by pm.
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  #2  
Old 02-05-2016, 01:15 PM
Bibbet828 Bibbet828 is offline
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I haven't ever heard of it...What is it?
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Old 02-05-2016, 01:19 PM
Truskin Truskin is offline
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I have no idea what it is either? Can you explain?
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Old 02-05-2016, 01:54 PM
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Lewd & Lascivious behavior, in other words exposing yourself to a female officer or in prison terms, gunning.
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Old 02-05-2016, 02:13 PM
Truskin Truskin is offline
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That is an area I have no idea about, I even googled it and couldn't find an answer. I can't say what I would do or think honestly, but I sure wouldn't put up with it in my life. Sometimes you just can't fix people.
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  #6  
Old 02-05-2016, 03:06 PM
trenner trenner is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Truskin View Post
That is an area I have no idea about, I even googled it and couldn't find an answer. I can't say what I would do or think honestly, but I sure wouldn't put up with it in my life. Sometimes you just can't fix people.

Maybe it's more common in the south than the west.
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Old 02-05-2016, 03:07 PM
Bibbet828 Bibbet828 is offline
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Any addiction...whatever the nature is very hard to overcome...My thoughts are with you!
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  #8  
Old 02-05-2016, 08:34 PM
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trenner.
I dont know either. Never have understood that issue
My husband has also plead guilty to L&L and is currently on parole.
The laws might be different in your state than in mine.
His had nothing to do with indecent exposure (which is what you have described in this thread, but then again, as I said the laws may be different)

You may want to check out the LASO forum.
Here.
http://prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=101

Dont understand this behavior.
Never will, I'd guess.
Unless he has his hands on some chemicals/drugs/whatever, I dont get it either.
especially in prison.
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Old 02-06-2016, 06:50 AM
CenTexLyn CenTexLyn is offline
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I don't buy into it as an 'addiction.' In most cases of the repeat masturbation cases I have seen, there was ALSO a history of sex offense in the community. The ONLY thing that keeps them from being civilly committed was that the in-prison disciplinary sanctions could not be used to get them to the level of commitment if they did not already have the required number of free-world convictions.

In short, they are the true definition of persons who have an inability to control their sexual urges and thus are a threat to the public safety...

If he was just hyper-sexual, he would not have the need to engage in front of other persons and could instead keep his behaviors to himself, in his cell, in his bunk, under the covers.
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  #10  
Old 02-06-2016, 04:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Truskin View Post
That is an area I have no idea about, I even googled it and couldn't find an answer. I can't say what I would do or think honestly, but I sure wouldn't put up with it in my life. Sometimes you just can't fix people.
Really? You know this from your experience? You've had a LO who you were only married to and not related to as father/son/brother confess to this form of addiction, so you KNOW you would never put up with it? When it actually happens to you, let's hear what you have to say, and how broken a person is.

OP, listen, a lot of times this is a much more prevalent thing in prison, where there is no control. The LO feels he has no control over anything - he's told when to eat, when to sleep, when to work, when to shower, and that he cannot expose himself to female COs in a "suggestive" way. So, the female CO who's watching him shower is somebody he has to protect from his male organs, even as he's trying to wash them in record time because he only gets so much time to do the things that he wants. The female CO who starts walking a tier while he's masturbating - he's supposed to stop masturbating, get flacid, shove it in his very loose pants, and pretend that masturbation (and other forms of sex) do not happen, at least around female officers. Anyway, for whatever reason, he decides to take control of the one thing available to him - exposing himself to female officers. Like any addiction, at first it's small (don't go there with the puns) infractions - planning on when a female CO is coming and making sure she gets an eye full (again, don't go there with the innuendo) before he's able to stow his gear. Same in the shower. It's exciting, and he gets an adrenaline dump that probably helps with his ability to masturbate later on. But, like all addictions, the safe exposures quickly become not enough. Behavior that may have initially had some doubt to it escalates until there can be no doubt that he's doing what he's doing for reasons of addiction.

Anyway, it starts in prison as a way of gaining some control over his environment and some of the people in it. Instead of feeling exposed and small when female COs are looking at him while taking a dump or getting strip searched, he's reversing the matter and controlling her, and the males around by controlling her - forcing her to see him as a powerful, sexual being. If the behavior is continuing after prison, he really needs to get into therapy and come up with different methods of obtaining the same level of control, and alternative behaviors for when his life feels out of control. Sex Addicts Anonymous can also help him as L&L is usually considered a sexual addiction. You can help him by not diminishing the significance of his addiction - if he's doing it in the real world, he needs to get ahold of it (again, in innuendo, people, really!) before he becomes a sex offender as L&L in the real world will get him stuck with that particular tag. If he's continuing to do it in prison after getting more than one ticket for it, he needs to get into therapy for it. You can get him info from SAA and similar organizations that will help him deal with his problem. Mindfulness meditations and the like will give him a different way to connect with and take control of his environment (okay, not so much take control of it, but allow himself to be within that environment without losing himself). You might find workbooks for sex addiction that will help him understand his addiction and give him alternatives that are best for him, that suit him better than L&L. He needs to address it pretty quickly if he's already pulled a few tickets for it - egregious enough and he will face real world charges for the behavior, do more time, and walk out of prison a sex offender. Encourage him to get help. He needs therapy. Nobody gets over this sort of addiction without help and a lot of effort.
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  #11  
Old 02-06-2016, 04:45 PM
trenner trenner is offline
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Yourself,
Thank you for the time you took to write your response. Your info closely matches what I know about it from my husband trying to explain to me how it got started etc. This is a hard place to be for a wife who loves her husband because there is pretty much no one you can talk to about it. Other woman are so horrified by the idea that their response is pretty much across the board to dump him. My husband in most other respects is an amazing man who has built a ministry where he is and spends most of his time teaching Bible studies and trying to help other men to turn their lives around. The guilt he has been carrying over not living a godly life in all respects was what finally drove him to tell me about it and ask for forgiveness and help. Unfortunately there is no help to be found in a prison in this state and I haven't been able to find anything online related to this type of problem. I've printed out materials that I thought would help from websites dealing with pornography addiction. I don't know how common this is in the other states but in Florida there are about 50% of the inmates who engage in "gunning" and the prison admins have no idea of how to deal with it either.

Thanks for the referral to Sex Addicts Anon and I will check that out. He's already taken the first step to fixing this issue and interestingly it was also the first step I read from a man who had conquered the same problem. That being don't touch yourself except for the necessary things. Daily masturbation can also become an addictive behavior so that's the first thing a guy needs to stop I think.

You're right about where you can end up because a guy he knows actually got outside charges for it while he was in prison and they were going to hang another five years on his sentence. It's a horrible thing to get caught up in but with God's help and my husband's desire to beat it, I'm praying we will get past this and not ever have to deal with it again.

Thanks again for your valuable input
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  #12  
Old 12-01-2016, 08:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yourself View Post
... OP, listen, a lot of times this is a much more prevalent thing in prison, where there is no control. The LO feels he has no control over anything ...
Anyway, it starts in prison as a way of gaining some control over his environment and some of the people in it.
It's 10 months after the above posts, but I really want to thank @yourself for a most excellent attempt at explaining addiction - ANY addiction.
I say "attempt" only because while there are millions of different explanations and descriptions, no one explanation will ever fit each addict.


nox
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  #13  
Old 12-02-2016, 04:17 AM
trenner trenner is offline
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I'm happy to report that after some serious struggles, I think my husband has finally got himself straightened out. I say I think because until he shows me a couple of years with no problems, I'm aware there could be a relapse. When a man makes the decision to give his life to the Lord, he has to be willing to give 100% and become a new man. That can be a very hard thing to do, especially in prison where they are surrounded by evil activity and bad behaviors.
While I do know that few men are able to walk away from the L&L habit, with God all things are possible.
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Old 12-02-2016, 06:50 AM
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Thanks for sharing the update. Best wishes.
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