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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

View Poll Results: Are you codependent?
YES 185 57.28%
NO 54 16.72%
YES IN THE PAST, BUT NOT NOW 84 26.01%
Voters: 323. You may not vote on this poll

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  #51  
Old 01-04-2007, 09:47 PM
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Default Of course I'm codependent....

I actually only fit about 1/2 of the list in the "RU codependent" post, because I'm so self-aware and have been at it so long, I'm almost comfortable with it. I guess I have what some would call a Mommy complex, because I always take the mommy role in a relationship so I'm there to support, help, save, and be walked on and lied to by my significant other. I'm actually to the point where even though I know that, I sabotage relationships in which I am NOT the grown up. Recently married my loving husband and we have discussed this topic (sorta). We are SO codependent that we have fallen into the roles of parent/child to the point of my calling him "baby" and him calling me "momma". Strange? Yep.... A bit on the twisted side? Definitely. But oddly, it's working better for both of us than we ever could have imagined. I guess we have accepted who we are and have decided to role with them. We are both getting what we need, even if a therapist would want us in counseling for several years, I'm sure! It's broke, but I don't wanna fix it....we are happy and it's working for us. This should worry me, but it really doesn't. Somebody for everybody and all that.....
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  #52  
Old 02-05-2007, 09:19 PM
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I know this is old, but i just read it..and yes. I am codependent. All these years Ive been looking for a reason why I was acting this way..and I finally think Ive found the answer.
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  #53  
Old 03-03-2007, 07:27 AM
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This is an old post, but I just happened upon it as well. In the past I would fit the defintion of co-depependent, then I began to change after my daughter was born to independent. Now I am working on the balance of both.
I still have some of the issues, but do my best to keep a balance.
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  #54  
Old 03-17-2007, 11:53 PM
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LoL me not spend money on myself you must be kidding...as for worrying about what others think...ppffft they can sit on it. Im the other extreme now unfortunately. Way to damn independent for my own good...
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  #55  
Old 04-11-2007, 05:16 PM
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My name is Sadie - yes - I am a recovering codependent. Realized it awhile back and have been working on it ever since. I think I have made some major progress.
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  #56  
Old 04-11-2007, 07:08 PM
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Yes, I'll admit it, I'm codependent. I guess that's why I went way, way, way...........over the top in what I did for him (the sky was the limit), and all the abuse I took from him in the meantime(the sky was the limit on that too). Although I kept trying to break away, I would always take him back. The crying and begging and promises worked every time! Well, not every time, because I walked away from him 6 months ago and refused to go back. When he was in county I refused his calls, which was hard, but I got through it. Now I find myself wavering again, missing him again, and I have to remind myself that it was 90% bad and 10% good, and I think even the good wasn't for real. What's out there to help me with this? Any kind of codependent support groups, something. How does one recever from somthing so mentally ..........I don't even know how to put it into words! Anyway, I know I can count on you guys. Thanks
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  #57  
Old 04-30-2007, 04:23 PM
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For anyone who thinks they need help with this, please look up Co dependents annonymous, Or ....Al-Anon (family/friends of Alcoholics) or Nar anon (family/friends of addicts).
there is alot of help out there. the books by Melody Beatty are AWESOME
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  #58  
Old 06-13-2007, 11:37 AM
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Codependents may,
1. Think and feel responsible for other people---for other people's feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, and ultimate destiny.
2. Feel anxiety, pity, and guilt when other people have a problem.
3. Feel compelled --almost forced -- to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice, giving a rapid-fire series of suggestions, or fixing feelings.
4. Feel angry when their help isn't effective.
5. Anticipate other people's needs
6. Wonder why others don't do the same for them.
7. Don't really want to be doing, doing more than their fair share of the work, and doing things other people are capable of doing for themselves.
8. Not knowing what they want and need, or if they do, tell themselves what they want and need is not important.
9. Try to please others instead of themselves.
10. Find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others rather than injustices done to themselves.
11. Feel safest when giving.
12. Feel insecure and guilty when somebody gives to them.
13. Feel sad because they spend their whole lives giving to other people and nobody gives to them.
14. Find themselves attracted to needy people.
15. Find needy people attracted to them.
16. Feel bored, empty, and worthless if they don't have a crisis in their lives, a problem to solve, or someone to help.
17. Abandon their routine to respond to or do something for somebody else.
18. Over commit themselves.
19. Feel harried and pressured.
20. Believe deep inside other people are somehow responsible for them.
21. Blame others for the spot the codependents are in.
22. Say other people make the codependents feel the way they do.
23. Believe other people are making them crazy.
24. Feel angry, victimized, unappreciated, and used.
25. Find other people become impatient or angry with them for all of the preceding characteristics.

This is me all day. Is this a good or bad thing? I see both.
Oneday, did you read all of my post to come up with this? lol These are the characteristic of a Gemini.
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  #59  
Old 06-13-2007, 12:13 PM
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It's good or bad depending on how you feel about it. If someone screams at you every day and it's "driving you crazy", that's NORMAL. If you "feel safest when giving", you might be Mother Theresa (or a Socialist). If you "try to please others instead of yourself", you might just be dealing with your mother. And if you "feel insecure and guilty when someone gives to you", you might have just received a large gift from parents who tend to attach strings to such things.

It's really a matter of context. The set of conditions listed above might well make you neurotic, in which case, doing something about it would be a good idea. It also just might get you a Nobel Peace Prize.
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  #60  
Old 06-13-2007, 12:32 PM
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DaveMoff If you "try to please others instead of yourself", you might just be dealing with your mother.


You hit the nail right on the head. I tried to edit my first response to express my relationship with my mother. And how it has affected me. I had to recently delete my mother from my life. I always worried about what my mother thought. She came at me EXTRA hard. I now know my mother is Bi-polar and has always been. So you know I had/have baggage. Nothing I did could be right. She competed with me and everything. I feel so much better. The month of May, not only did I celebrate my birthday but I celebrated a rebirth. I feel so much better, now knowing my mother does'nt bother me like she has done all of my life.
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  #61  
Old 07-02-2007, 07:48 AM
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Everyone has a little bit of co-dependant in themselves. It's not fair to make a list of symptoms and have people diagnose themselves.

There is more or a process to determining co-dependancy than just a checklist. It is a way of thinking and feeling, a way of expressing your emotions. In my undergrad Program for Marriage and Family Therapy, while we were reading the DSM-IV, our prof always had to remind us to not diagnose ourselves.

Hope this makes sense, but to those of you checking off symptoms, don't get too bent out of shape about it until you talk to a Therapist.
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  #62  
Old 07-02-2007, 11:54 AM
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I am a mother. Doesnt that make me co dependent without really trying?

Personally I think it is a much too over used label
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  #63  
Old 07-02-2007, 01:54 PM
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Unfortunately, with a long enough set of "symptoms", practically everyone can convince themselves or become convinced that they have the "disease".

Borderline personality disorder is a great one for that as well. If you look up the defined "symptoms", you'll be hard-pressed to think of anyone who doesn't have enough of them to qualify. A bit scary, since in some states, borderline personality disorder can be grounds for civil commitment.
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  #64  
Old 07-02-2007, 04:18 PM
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Funny - I am very co-dependent and learned that a couple years ago. Now I just work to not be. A couple months ago, I went and got a red heart tattooed on my chest with a banner that says Co-dependent , everyone I knew thought it was a bad tattoo, but not me. I need it to remind me.
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  #65  
Old 07-04-2007, 02:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveMoff
Unfortunately, with a long enough set of "symptoms", practically everyone can convince themselves or become convinced that they have the "disease".

Borderline personality disorder is a great one for that as well. If you look up the defined "symptoms", you'll be hard-pressed to think of anyone who doesn't have enough of them to qualify. A bit scary, since in some states, borderline personality disorder can be grounds for civil commitment.
]


Hey thanks for postiong that . . Infact the AMA APA both of them do not recognize such "disease " of codepndany . by the list of symptoms it is any one!
I can sum it up this way What used to be Human Kindness is now a disease .
and this Codependany is all to often used by some very disturbed people as a excuse to abuse or kick a person when they are down. great .

I care about people and help others. I do care what others think of me and ,. I have probably done other things that qualfy me as co dependant such as heping people down from a dangreous peak in Co or even horrors carrying a litter with a inured peron on it ! Ihave seen tragedy and deep regret where a family will turn a kid in for pot only later regret it now ther kid is a felon and his or hr life is ruined
No colleg aid loss of voting rights an a lable to folow them all thier life how thoughtful ? Hey you might just need that person later in lifeand ya know what they will remember an say f off you ruined my life now deal with it .

I am proud to think of other sand help out as ican with out hurting myself. I care an yeah i do feel bad when other hav ea problem it is called being human
I think anyone feel awlward when givensomething it is normal .
we all have gooddays and bad days ,

that is just a few .

Yeah Ican say otherw can make you feel crazy alot of people can do that . not so hard . Your actions Do affect others weare not islands
and pleases how me some real data that supports thease books .
it isdangerous to pathogizeall human behavior .
A somewhat dated book
by Wendy Kraimer (SP) Im co dependant yourcodepantant . a good read
and the dieseaing of America .
Notall behavior is bad and
ter isa biloogical reaon for ustocare . where would we be if we all just said to hell with you your "diseased " porbably not here posting .

It is not a good idea to have some all encompassing list that has every virtually any huiman behavior on i tas a diagnotic crtieria . dhaving people make a DX of themselves . a honest psycholgist or psychaitrist
will not even utter Co dependant he or she can be sued for making a DX not recgonized by any medical organmzation . infact thet is grwoing
thought that addcition is not a disease but a complex social and problem
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  #66  
Old 07-04-2007, 03:06 PM
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ive been there, and im still there. what i mean by this is that i went to the meetings for both addicts and codependents, we did it together, i never used anything, but the person i love is now a recovering addict, and he will be that for the rest of his life. each day he wakes up it will be a challenge for him. this is not something that will ever go away, and i chose to stand by his side.........
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  #67  
Old 07-04-2007, 06:51 PM
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Yeah I need help.
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  #68  
Old 07-04-2007, 09:09 PM
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oh yea all of the above and then some. You learn to live with it and hope it doesn't cause to much harm to your own life
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  #69  
Old 07-04-2007, 11:36 PM
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This describes me (my life) in a nutshell! And I'm not even involved with an addict! Just as Username987 said..."it's anyone". My man get's SO MAD at me (well, more concerned) because I'm ALWAYS doing, helping, "fixing", taking care of everyone but ME! I thought I just had a giving heart...that it wasa in my nature to be this way. #23. "Believe other people are making them crazy". I can't tell you how many times I've said that..."so & so is driving me C-R-A-Z-Y!!!!! But I guess it's because I allow them to. Very interesting. Thanks for sharing.
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  #70  
Old 08-04-2007, 09:45 PM
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Co dependant or enabler. Whats the difference? I am a little of each I guess. I try and be strong each day, and some days are better than others
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  #71  
Old 04-06-2008, 12:36 AM
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It sucks to be codependent.
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  #72  
Old 04-23-2008, 06:58 PM
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I always new I carried a few of the characteristics, but reading that again, thats me ALL OVER!
Guess I better get my book out again. Co Dependent no more


Have a great night ladies
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  #73  
Old 04-23-2008, 07:19 PM
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Yes, I am! This is the best explaination of codependency that I have ever read..
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  #74  
Old 04-23-2008, 07:49 PM
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A little co-dependant humour-

Three people, one of whom was a codependent, were in line to be executed at the guillotine. The first person stuck his head in the hole, the rope was cut, and the blade fell, only to stop an inch above the person's neck. The executioners saw it as a sign from God and so decided to let the person go. The next person put his head in the hole, the rope was cut, and again, the blade stopped an inch above the person's neck. That person, too, was released. As the codependent walked up for his turn at the guillotine, he turned to the executioner and said: "You know, I think I know how to fix that."

How do you know when you are in bed with an codependent?
They wake up, roll over, and ask, "Am I OK?"


What is the last thing to happen to an codependent before they die?
Someone else's life flashes before their eyes.



How many codependents does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one - she keeps flipping the light switch repeating "_This_ time it will come back on"


How can you tell you're at an Alanon meeting?

Someone spills their coffee and everyone gets up to clean it up.




What did one co-dependent say to the other co-dependent after they got done having sex?

It was good for you, was it good for me?
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  #75  
Old 04-23-2008, 07:58 PM
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I'm not. I am who I am and that's just fine. If people don't like me, then that's not my problem. That would be theirs. The only people I live for are God, my children, my family and of course my fiance! Other people don't got to live my life, I do. So my life is what I make of it and I'm making the best of it!!!
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