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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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Old 05-18-2016, 03:24 PM
Ryan1210 Ryan1210 is offline
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Default First Real Sign of Recovery?

As many here may already know my girlfriend Carlie is serving 9 months for probation violations involving Heroin. She is currently at 1 month inside.

I feel like in all the time I've known and loved Carlie, seeing her attempt to get clean with rehab and whatnot and it always failing within weeks something REAL has happened just the past few days.

I talked to Carlie Friday night and she sounded different than usual, she sounded, well almost happy? I mentioned that to her and she said she had been put on anti-depressants her 2nd week in and she thought maybe they were starting to have a positive effect of her. I knew she suffered from depression and had mentioned many times she see a doctor about it, but it just never happened.

Then Saturday we talked and again she sounded great, not happy about being in jail mind you, but her tone was so positive. Sunday I got perhaps the best news of all. She was so happy and so proud when she talked to me. She said she dreamed about me the night before and this may not sound like much to most, but for Carlie I feel like this was a huge step. This was the first dream she has had in YEARS that was not about getting high or Heroin.

I went to visit her yesterday and she really looked good, I mean she just had this positive, glowing look about her, she seemed confident and smiled more than I ever think I've ever seen. She said she still thinks about heroin, getting high and wanting to, but could this be a sign that maybe with more time being sober she may be on recovery road? or, could it just be the anti-depressants masking as recovery?

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  #2  
Old 05-18-2016, 05:06 PM
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Getting clean is hard work. And not quick. Could it be a beginning? Yes. But it's only the first step on a long, hard road, and slips can always happen. The best you should be feeling is a very guarded hope.
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Old 05-18-2016, 05:46 PM
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Addiction is a difficult thing to beat, and often plagued with setbacks and relapses.

If she was using drugs before and now has been incarcerated for a month she is probably just now getting clean. I suspect that this might be the first time that you have really seen the person, verses the addict.

Unfortunately, getting clean is not the same as beating the addiction. If you are not a drug user you might say "okay, she is rational now and should know that using drugs is bad." A rational person might think that having such foresight would deter her from using again.

But it doesn't work that way. There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. Her body will still crave it. There will be triggers that will tempt her to use again. A relapse can occur in days, weeks, months or years. The reality is that she will have an uphill battle for possibly the rest of her life.

The good news is that addiction can be beat. But she has to want it, and all those around her must support her in this. It is very possible that the only way she will beat it is to remove herself from the environment that led her into drugs in the first place. That may require a physical relocation and a completely new circle of friends.

You will probably need help in order to help her. Seek it out, now.

Good luck.

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Old 05-18-2016, 05:55 PM
Steph&gene16+ Steph&gene16+ is offline
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Default Re:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan1210 View Post
As many here may already know my girlfriend Carlie is serving 9 months for probation violations involving Heroin. She is currently at 1 month inside.

I feel like in all the time I've known and loved Carlie, seeing her attempt to get clean with rehab and whatnot and it always failing within weeks something REAL has happened just the past few days.

I talked to Carlie Friday night and she sounded different than usual, she sounded, well almost happy? I mentioned that to her and she said she had been put on anti-depressants her 2nd week in and she thought maybe they were starting to have a positive effect of her. I knew she suffered from depression and had mentioned many times she see a doctor about it, but it just never happened.

Then Saturday we talked and again she sounded great, not happy about being in jail mind you, but her tone was so positive. Sunday I got perhaps the best news of all. She was so happy and so proud when she talked to me. She said she dreamed about me the night before and this may not sound like much to most, but for Carlie I feel like this was a huge step. This was the first dream she has had in YEARS that was not about getting high or Heroin.

I went to visit her yesterday and she really looked good, I mean she just had this positive, glowing look about her, she seemed confident and smiled more than I ever think I've ever seen. She said she still thinks about heroin, getting high and wanting to, but could this be a sign that maybe with more time being sober she may be on recovery road? or, could it just be the anti-depressants masking as recovery?
I wish her and you all the happiness in the world. Just don't be delusional about the reality of things. On the 13th you asked for advice. On the 14th friday night you posted how you just spoke to her and asked her what she wanted when she got out and where upset she stated heroin instead of you and your relationship. It's going to take more then a couple days for her to really have a first step. Yes it's encouraging as she told you she dreamt of you. The thing is you are looking hard for love from her. That she lives you more then heroin. While inside she's living a restricted life. Choices are being made for her. Whats going to really show the first step of her facing her addiction is when she gets out and the choices she makes. The choices you make with her are going to either enable her or help her. She needs to sign up for NA while in there and other self help groups that will help her handle her urges and why she choose or chooses to continue to use. Nobody here knows Carlie like you do. This is only advice from people who aren't bias. I too have a LO who's an addict and im going off just my own personal experience. I don't believe that because my LO is incarcerated that hes going to come home not an addict. I just hope that he continues to stay sober. (Alcohol is his drug) I can't do it for him nor can i be his reason to stay sober. I won't be his reason or enable him either. He knows i have rules about this behavior and theres consequences. ( hes not allowed here home if he chooses to drink..in 2 years hes had to spend 3 nights away). One thing ive learned is not to allow his addiction to cause drama at home. I hope she really is realizing and making a first step. I think you also need to but things in place to benefit you both when she comes home.
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Old 05-18-2016, 06:01 PM
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Nimuay is correct staying clean is hard work. It's great that your girl friend is sounding so good. There really is no such thing as "recovered" your girl friend will always have to be on guard and work to stay clean. The longer she can stay clean the more clear her thinking will become. Being in prison may keep her away from drugs but the real test is when she is released. For now she is able to give her mind and body a much needed break and that is a blessing!
I'm cheering for your girl friend and you too! Continue to read and educate yourself all you can! Check out the soberrecovery.com I have not been there in a few years but there is good information on addiction etc.
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Old 05-18-2016, 08:08 PM
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Ryan, have you started looking for your own meetings yet? if you haven't, then you're thinking only in the short term. This is a long, long battle and you're a green recruit. if this were the army, you'd just be getting your head shaved now.


Now is the time to get started training . GET TO A MEETING!
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Old 05-18-2016, 09:52 PM
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I'm going to be honest...

Happiness out of nowhere is a big red flag for me. You know what causes sudden happiness out of nowhere? Opiates.

Not to be negative because she could genuinely be happier...if she's dry, she's probably showing more signs of the lovely personality that you fell in love with.

But honey, that's not a sign of recovery. That's a sign of not having drugs in her system at the moment. Signs are recovery are hard work. Pain. Dealing with issues we've pushed aside and numbed for years.

I agree that you need to look into Nar-Anon meetings. This is going to eat you alive without some support and a solid knowledge base.
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Old 05-19-2016, 04:45 PM
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I agree with the others. You need to get to a meeting and/or educate yourself about addiction now. I'm sure we've all heard and seen the same things you're experiencing at this moment, but do you know how many times we've been where you are and have been disappointed time and time again? Being an addict and getting clean IS a long, hard process but DEALING with an addict is a long, hard process as well. Make it easier on yourself and learn all you can now. You will save yourself a lot of grief later.
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Old 12-22-2016, 01:34 AM
hopeafterelease hopeafterelease is offline
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Default sadly agree....

[quote=WeepingWillow;7534324]I'm going to be honest...

Happiness out of nowhere is a big red flag for me. You know what causes sudden happiness out of nowhere? Opiates.

Not to be negative because she could genuinely be happier...if she's dry, she's probably showing more signs of the lovely personality that you fell in love with.

But honey, that's not a sign of recovery. That's a sign of not having drugs in her system at the moment.

Not to be negative...but that was my FIRST THOUGHT as well....My brother is an addict...we have been through some really tough times with him. I too am praying that he stays clean when he is released in June of 2017. He has been in DOC since May, 2016. He is in a DOC treatment center as of this week. I also have seen a whole lot with him, though. He has been to several rehabs but he didn't WANT to go. He went out of being pressured by our family. This is his first time in prison, but he has done several stints in county. I am hoping that he will truly work the program while he is inside because I also know that awful feeling of being afraid the coroner will call.... and I guess that is why I am hopeful after he gets released. I definitely know that she is very correct, while they are inside, it is not as much of a choice. It is when they come out and it will likely battle this for many years to come. It can be done, though. Good luck to you, please keep us posted. Eyes wide open, though.
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