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  #1  
Old 12-21-2005, 06:22 PM
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Default Read this-it's really good poem

I’m Struggling Too!

Today is a bad day. I wish I could say that I've never had one
before, but bad days consume my life. I have no escape from them.
Today is a day when I wonder… Where is the support for me
in-this-struggle?"

When a man asks a woman to wait for him while
he's in prison, does he realize what an incredible emotional
sacrifice it is? Does he realize the pain and never-ending
loneliness that attaches itself to her heart and soul? Does he
realize that yes; we are in this struggle too?

When I made this choice to do this bid with my man I didn't know
what it would mean to consciously hand over the control and
happiness of my life…not to my man, but to an institution. From
the very beginning, my man told me that I had the power in the
relationship because I was the one who was free.

How am I free? What power do I have?

I buy my clothes according to what is
acceptable for visits. At anytime, I can go anywhere my heart
desires, but my heart's desire is trapped within that prison
compound. So, where am I going? I stalk the mailman and won't
leave the house until he comes, waiting for a white envelope with
that familiar handwriting that has taken the place of hugs and
kisses. I check the phone several times a day to make sure it's
working, waiting to hear it ring and see "unavailable" appear on the
caller ID, a sight that has taken the place of the sound of my
doorbell or his car horn.

I set my watch to the clocks in the
prison. I schedule my bedtime around "Count." No, I don't have any
power. The phone company has the power. The prison and the guards
have all the power. Today, I feel helpless and out of control.
Today surely is a bad day, and yes, I am struggling too.


Today, like most of my bad days that pass, I see a little bit of
my life that has slipped away; another memory not made, another
dream that doesn't come true. Another day my son wont know
what its like to have a father in his life, One more day my family is separated.
One more day I'm without a real home. I am so often standing on the
line between sanity and insanity, I have to keep telling
myself, "He's real, this is real, our love is real, and the end will
come."

Today when he called I had to fight off the urge to beg him
to come home to me. "Please come home. If you really loved me,
you'd find a way." Today I blame him for keeping us apart. Today I
am so very angry with him. Today is definitely a bad day, and yes,
I am struggling too.


A good day can turn bad in the blink of an eye, a tick of the
clock, or a beat of my heart. I am on an emotional roller coaster
that changes course without warning or consideration for my mental
state. It never asks permission. Attacks of lonelyness, despair,
confusion, and frustration hit me and consume me from the bottom of
my feet to the top of my head and every crevice of my body in
between. Some bad days I want to curl up in my bed and sleep.
Sleep the days away. Some bad days I can't sleep or even eat.
Sometimes I have to make my heart beat and my lungs take in oxygen.
Suicide is never a thought, but dying from loneliness is always a
possibility.


Today I have no answers that make sense to me for the thousands
of questions running through my head. My mind is cluttered with
doubts and confusion and this makes my heart heavy with guilt and
shame. How could I question the one real joy I have in my life?
There are so many people who are lonely, without love and passion in
their lives, so as difficult as this ordeal is, I know that what he
and I share is the most precious of all gifts.

But today, I can't
remember all the unconditional love, support, and non-judgment that
my man has bestowed upon me. Today I can't remember that my man is
the only one who really understands and accepts me, and the good and
the bad. Today, I can't remember all the desire and passion that my
man has brought out of me. Today, I can't remember that he plays no
games, tells no lies, and wears our love like a badge of honor.
Today, is obviously a bad day, and yes, I am struggling too!


While I wouldn't change one second, erase one tear, or forget
heartache, I can truly understand why a woman would choose not to
wait. The reality is that I am in prison too…I am also doing time
and the only thing I am guilty of is being in love with my man.


For every one of us who stands by our man, that can endure the
bad days and savor the good, there are many who can't. Many just
don't even try. To the men whose women have chosen to move on, you
must always remember that there are always two sides to every
story. Your women might not tell you what's in their hearts, but if
you listen hard enough you can hear them. You can hear their
confusion and their fear pleading with you to understand, to
forgive, to accept, and to remember…


Not every woman is strong enough to endure the bad days that the
struggle brings. Thank God, I'm strong enough!
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  #2  
Old 12-21-2005, 06:40 PM
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OMG, I sooooooooooo needed that right now. THANK YOU!!!!!!!
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  #3  
Old 12-21-2005, 06:41 PM
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That is a really good poem. It sure hits home. Thanks for sharing that.
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  #4  
Old 12-21-2005, 06:42 PM
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that was good
i thank God also that I AM strong enough
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Old 12-21-2005, 06:44 PM
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Today is one of those bad struggling days. Thank you for sharing.

Last edited by Retired-25; 12-21-2005 at 07:32 PM..
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  #6  
Old 12-21-2005, 06:48 PM
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Words well said.....I'm glad I'm strong enough too!!
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  #7  
Old 12-21-2005, 06:49 PM
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Thank you for sharing.
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Finally...2008!!
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  #8  
Old 12-21-2005, 07:29 PM
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This is so real to the point. This is something that we need to look at and remind ourselves why we are doing this and it's because the love that we have for our men. The love that we have for them is what's Keeping us strong. Love is Strong and very powerful. Thank you for this! BIG HUGS!
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  #9  
Old 12-21-2005, 07:44 PM
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oh I really needed that!!!! I had such a very bad and lonely couple of days!! Thank you I think I am gonna send that to him, maybe he will understand it more in someone elses words.
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  #10  
Old 12-21-2005, 07:56 PM
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Thank you.... I needed that yesterday today and I will need it again tomorrow.

God bless you,

Maggie
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  #11  
Old 12-21-2005, 08:28 PM
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Thank you. thank you. thank you.
Beautifully said!
We are all so strong!
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  #12  
Old 12-21-2005, 08:37 PM
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WOW!!!!!!!!! Words cannot express how I feel about what I just read. All I can say is, Thank You Monique.
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Old 12-21-2005, 08:38 PM
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That was amazing...I definitely needed that
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  #14  
Old 12-21-2005, 09:33 PM
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That left me in tears today has been one of those days that I have thought am I strong enough to do this again. And for him yes I am.
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Old 12-21-2005, 10:02 PM
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Thank you for sharing that poem. I am so glad I have this site and people like you who understand what we are all going through. This put into words so many things I could not bare to express or feel. I have become numb, thank you for helping us to realize why we really are doing this and that we are all STRONG! I have respect for you all.
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  #16  
Old 12-21-2005, 10:59 PM
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All i gotta say is this thread was awesome and so deep Thanks so much for sharing this!
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  #17  
Old 12-21-2005, 11:42 PM
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what a pretty poem
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  #18  
Old 12-21-2005, 11:58 PM
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WOW!

What a great poem! It was really inspirational i'm sure to all the women here. Some part of it hits all of us in some kind of way. I know some things you mentioned i think about each day. I believe every member of this forum is strong if your a girlfriend or mother or sister or cousin. We all are strong because we sacrifice and put our lives in hold each day until our loved one returns back in our arms.

Very nice job!
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  #19  
Old 12-22-2005, 02:38 AM
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gosh, that hits home for me almost exactly. all of it, thank you
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  #20  
Old 12-22-2005, 02:47 AM
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Wow... thank you for such beautiful words... you are indeed gifted in expression. Tears are running down my face as I write this...
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Old 12-22-2005, 08:27 AM
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What a wonderful poem!! I'm going to be sharing it with some of my close friends so they can possibly get a better understanding of what we go through. Thanks for sharing!!
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  #22  
Old 12-22-2005, 09:54 AM
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Thank you for sharing!
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Old 12-22-2005, 10:01 AM
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wow that was really good!
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  #24  
Old 12-22-2005, 10:25 AM
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All I have to say is....THANK YOU..I have copied this and mailed it to Maurice, and I have explained that this is how I feel, I also told him that I received it from another wonderful strong woman who shares that same bad days I do and I am not alone..Thank You so so much! {{hugs}} Shay
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  #25  
Old 12-22-2005, 11:14 AM
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This poem was such a testimonial to my life. Thank you sooo much for sharing it. I for the longest time thought that no one could feel how I feel and yet this poem said everything I have ever felt. THANK YOU!!
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