How to have him in my childs life

[Ms. Tazzie]

As I said in a previous post,, I wouldn't PURPOSEFULLY keep the kid away.. I would give him EVERY OPPORTUNITY to be a father,, even if it is with the support if the mother and/or girlfriend.
I understand you don't want your child hurt or disappointed by the what you think he (father) MIGHT do,, but my Sponsor told me a longggg time ago, when I way struggling with MY children and the choices THEY were making, that you (parent) CAN NOT DENY THEIR PAIN.. Our children are going to have painful situations that are UNAVOIDABLE, but we as PARENTS have to EQUIP them to deal with hurtful situations, but denying him his father would only make u just as much at cost for his (da child) pain too.
We are ALLLLLL here because we SAY we believe that ppl has the capacity to change,, AT SOME POINT. This is for your child,, REGARDLESS of if you like him or not,, he is the father and in AMERICA,, he has rights if he pays child support or not. Any court in America would grant visitation be it supervised or not..
Don't be the reason your child don't see his father or the fathers side of his family.
It's just not fair...

[La Divina]

Originally Posted by Onedaycloser13

Don't kick yourself, many of us fall for men who are not good father's. My oldest child's father has not seen him since he was an infant. He is an adult now, did I not try because the father was not interested. No, I tried over and over again. I had seen so many times when the parent did not try and it ended up backfiring and the child ended up blaming the parent that was there. I let my child write letters(we lived in two different states). I encouraged the father to write back(he rarely did) and I allowed my child to make his own opinion about the situation as he got older. Heck,if the man ever came here he could have seen my child, albeit supervised by someone. He wants absolutely nothing to do with his father now, and I believe that is because he saw for himself what his father was. I said no negative words about the father, never had my child involved with anything that went on behind the scenes...he didn't find out about those things until he was much older. I would like to mention another aspect, while making this decision also remember courts take support and visitation completely different and do a parent keeps a child from another parent(even if they don't pay child support as that is a completely separate issue in the courts eyes). If he is a bad parent or you are worried, have someone else present when they visit. Please keep that in mind, as the last thing I want for you is problems with courts in the future.

Im keeping all u said in mind and i will def keep it in consideration thank u for taking ur time to help me

[La Divina]

Originally Posted by Zachary's Woman

As I said in a previous post,, I wouldn't PURPOSEFULLY keep the kid away.. I would give him EVERY OPPORTUNITY to be a father,, even if it is with the support if the mother and/or girlfriend.
I understand you don't want your child hurt or disappointed by the what you think he (father) MIGHT do,, but my Sponsor told me a longggg time ago, when I way struggling with MY children and the choices THEY were making, that you (parent) CAN NOT DENY THEIR PAIN.. Our children are going to have painful situations that are UNAVOIDABLE, but we as PARENTS have to EQUIP them to deal with hurtful situations, but denying him his father would only make u just as much at cost for his (da child) pain too.
We are ALLLLLL here because we SAY we believe that ppl has the capacity to change,, AT SOME POINT. This is for your child,, REGARDLESS of if you like him or not,, he is the father and in AMERICA,, he has rights if he pays child support or not. Any court in America would grant visitation be it supervised or not..
Don't be the reason your child don't see his father or the fathers side of his family.
It's just not fair...

I understand ur point i will let him be in my sons life as long as he looks for my son ....but i wont in anyone go in search for him to see his son ..he needs to put some part in being in his childs life...thank u for ur words sweety

[skellerton]

Only we can make these guys fathers, and I have always felt (even though I struggle with it too) that it is my responsibility to make the best of the result of MY choice. Our children deserve this consideration because they are not able to make decisions about who they are, because they are OF him and you are not. I don't say to chase him down, but allow your child to know what you once loved because then they can love that part of themselves. I know its hard, and it probably always will be- because you were betrayed, but your child will be hurt just like you if you don't learn to practice the discipline of separating your life from what is good for them.

I pray for you because I know how hard it is, but also know you will be forever grateful if you follow this advise. Your child's happiness and respect for you will make you glad that you didn't retaliate and devolve into a bitter, hateful person. Rise above it girl, and set yourself free from that. Its probably what made your man who he is today.

[La Divina]

Originally Posted by skellerton

Only we can make these guys fathers, and I have always felt (even though I struggle with it too) that it is my responsibility to make the best of the result of MY choice. Our children deserve this consideration because they are not able to make decisions about who they are, because they are OF him and you are not. I don't say to chase him down, but allow your child to know what you once loved because then they can love that part of themselves. I know its hard, and it probably always will be- because you were betrayed, but your child will be hurt just like you if you don't learn to practice the discipline of separating your life from what is good for them.

I pray for you because I know how hard it is, but also know you will be forever grateful if you follow this advise. Your child's happiness and respect for you will make you glad that you didn't retaliate and devolve into a bitter, hateful person. Rise above it girl, and set yourself free from that. Its probably what made your man who he is today.

Omg u know whats crazy u just reminded me that his father an mother had a real bad relationship they brokeup cuse his father cheated on his mom with her niece smh well from there she hated him and she would talk about all his dad did to her son he ended up hating his father and would even try to fight him at times..he then took u p da streets from young age..so yes he didnt have a good relationship with his father ...i would never want my son to end up like that because of us

[skellerton]

Originally Posted by La Divina

from there she hated him and she would talk about all his dad did to her son he ended up hating his father and would even try to fight him at times..he then took u p da streets from young age..so yes he didnt have a good relationship with his father ...i would never want my son to end up like that because of us

That's it, exactly. Its the last thing you want. If you show love and understanding, while at the same time showing disapproval of his actions, then your son will have a way better chance at becoming like that. U Don't want a kid filled up with hate and feeling sorry for himself, which is the recipe for disaster.