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  #1  
Old 08-07-2006, 03:42 PM
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Default *sigh* His Mother Hates Me :(

Since my baby has been in jail I have been trying to stay in contact per his request, with his mother for updates etc. since I didn't have a landline phone where he could call and tell me himself. Well as of today I got my phone set up and hopefully he'll be calling me today. Anyway I emailed her a few times and got one or two sentence responses and then suddenly she wasn't replying at all. My baby told me that she was getting my emails because he asked her about it. Well last night I emailed her so she could give him my new phone number to give to him and then I said that if she didn't want to give it to him should I call the jail, blah blah blah. Well she finally replied and ripped my heart out. She said, "Do not call the jail. For every favor you ask is another strike against him and you made enough of a specticle by arriving late for your visitation." I've been trying so hard with her to show that I am supporting her son when so many people have rejected him, including my own family. I just don't know what to do. The woman is so frustrating.

Has anyone else been in a situation similar to this, and if you were, was it ever resolved? He wrote her a letter about us saying that he is going to marry me and to please don't make him choose between her and me because he couldn't be happy with anyone else but me. That is comforting to have him say, but I'm worried that with the thousands and thousands of dollars they are spending on lawyers and all of that, they may guilt trip him into saying he can't be with me. I just don't know what to do.
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Old 08-07-2006, 03:59 PM
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I Have And No She Still Doesnt Like We Dont Talk When He Frist Went She Wouldnt Even Call And Telll Me You Know So I Had No Idea Were He Was Until He Remebered My Phone (he Only Had It On His Phone)but Nopw That Hes Out And Trying To Get Me Pregnet She Thinks Is The Wrost Th Ing Ever He Already Has 2 Kids You Know But No Nothings Change After We Move Back In Together She'll Accept The Fact That Hes Not Gonna Leace Me Just Stau Stroung And Am Sure Everything Will Work Out For The Best
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Old 08-07-2006, 06:08 PM
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Default sigh his mother hates me

Dancingflame,has his mom EVER liked you? What does she have against you? How long have you been with your boyfriend? Well obviously your man needs to quit asking you to relay messages and such through his mom,cause she doesn't like it,and you only end up getting your feelers hurt so everyone loses in the situation. I'm sorry that she's rude to you,and I hope that she comes around. Is there any hopes of you and her getting together and having a heart to heart,or is that out of the question? I feel for ya girl,cause being on the bad side of the mama ain't no good and can result in many years of bs,and stress! Good luck!

And to Robertswifey,....girl ya know I adore you! I think you're cool as hell and a total sweetie,but girl I'm sorry I have to say it,....What in the heck are you wanting a baby at 16 years old for??????? You've got plenty of time to have babies!Ok,I'll quit! I just had to say something cause that seriously broke my lil heart when I read that you're trying to get pregnant. I luv ya though!
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Old 08-07-2006, 06:45 PM
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big mama 69. No, she has never really liked me. When all of this stuff happened and he was first arrested (over a year ago), I was upset and told her that if all the things he was being accused of were true, then I wanted nothing to do with him. We've been together for 3 years. For some reason she blames me for the situation he's in right now when I really had nothing to do with it. So I guess she holds that against me for no reason more than she needs someone other than her son to blame. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and made a bad choice, but he's innocent of 4/5 things he is charged with. I apologized for not being there for him when things first went down and over the past year my boyfriend and I have worked through our feelings and we were prepared this time for him spending a little more time in jail, but his mother just can't forgive me I suppose. I just don't know what to do. She talks to him everyday so sometimes I feel like she is my lifeline to him but hopefully once I get that first phone call (hopefully tonight!) we can move on without depending on her so much. Its just important to him that she accepts us and I just feel like its never going to happen.
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Old 08-07-2006, 08:18 PM
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I'm sorry that you're going through this. I have 2 MIL's (one is a step) and I can't say that either one of them really like me. They tolerate me, but they don't really like me.

For example, when we first moved out here (closer to his family & really far from mine) & he got revoked, I was told that my MIL (the step one) couldn't help me with the kids this summer because she was too busy & her car wasn't big enough to tote the kids around with her when she went places. Well, my son goes to daycare every day & the two girls are almost old enough to stay by themselves. Luckily my sister moved in with me, so childcare for the girls hasn't been a problem.

Imagine my surprise tonight when I went out to pick up the girls from a sleepover at the grandparents house - there are 2 cousins (the age of my girls) who have been there almost every day! She babysits for them, but I was told that she couldn't babysit for me. Needless to say, I'm highly offended and hurt - I didn't even know that these two children were there every day until my daughter said something about it on the way home. I just thought that she brought them over to spend the night when the kids were there (my kids go once a month for a sleepover). The bad part about it for me is that the parents of these two kids could easily afford childcare - much more so than I can. If I would have had to pay for someone to stay with the kids all summer, it would have been a financial catastrophe - and my MIL knows that!

My other MIL doesn't live near me, doesn't ever call, not even for the kids' birthdays - my husband & I have been married for over 13 years...I've gotten used to her ignoring me. My "new" MIL I just can't handle. She's bull-headed and says the meanest things to me sometimes. Its hard for me to be around her - I guess it's a good thing that my kids only go over there once a month, huh?

If you want to chat about it, just pm me. I understand completely!
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Old 08-07-2006, 08:28 PM
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My advice is to leave her out of the loop.

I would explain to your fiance that you cant be a go-between.

It seems like his mother is possessive and jealous.

I wish you luck. You can try to reach an agreement, but I think no matter who he choose, she wouldnt be "good" enough.

I hope all goes well for you both. There isnt any reason to have her in your relationship.

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Old 08-07-2006, 11:50 PM
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Girlfriend, Have your man handle it. If he doesn't protect you from his mother that is a warning sign. And if he does thats a headed in the right direction sign.
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Old 08-07-2006, 11:59 PM
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You have gotten great advice already......You are in a relationship with HIM NOT HIS MOTHER!!! If she can't accept you and respect you then don't deal with her! You have your phone now....let him call you and when he can't you just gotta wait on snail mail. It eventually comes!

Just let her toxic relationship go. You can't make someone like you....remember in high school.....all the drama and no matter how much you tried some folks just didn't like you. I don't think that lesson ever changes.
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Old 08-08-2006, 01:03 AM
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Default sigh, his mother hates me.

Oh My Goodness, This Will Blow Your Mind, I Have Known My Boyfriend And His Family For Some 22 Years, His Mother And I Had
Always Got Along Really Really Good, Through The Years She Had
Let Me Know That Her Son And I Would Be Good Together, It's Her Only Son, Well, In 2004 Him And I Were Both Single And Got Together, Things Were Going O.k. Until Him And I Would Start To Argue, She Always Butted In, She Was Always Yelling At Me Along With Him, And She Would Even Cause The Fights Sometimes,
She Even Let His Ex Girlfriend Come Stay For Like 4 Days At A Time, And He Allowed It Also, And Never Told Her To Leave, So I Would Leave, His Mother Would Call Me Names, And Treated Me Like Shit, When He Went To Prison In 2005, I Let Him Know That I Needed To Matter, That He Needed To Tell His Mom To Butt Out,
Well He Never Did, When He Wrote Me Letters She Would Open Them, When He Called She Would Use Up The Phone Time, She Reported Everything I Did To Him In Letters She Would Write, And She Sent Him Hundreds Of Dallors Behind My Back And Sends Him Packages Left And Right, When I Have Discussed This With Him In The County, He Will Be In Prison Until 2008, He Expects Me To Stay Isolated At His Moms, Wants Me To Go Nowhere, He Will Not Help Me Financially, Instead Wants Me To Go Collect Cans And Bottles For Money, And His Ex Girlfriend Has Still Not Been Told To Stay The Hell Away From There,,,,so I Went To See Him And Told Him That He Had Nerve In Defieing Everything We Discussed, I
Told Him That He Should Be Grateful To My Friends For The Financial Support To Make It Possible To Go See Him When In Fact That Is His Responsibility, Not Theirs, And That I Was Moving Out Of His Moms, And He Could Keep The Ex... I Left, Went And Packed My Belongings, He Called Me Two Days Later, He Told Me That I Lied To Him About A Friend That Took Me To See Him, In Which I Did Not,,,,let Me Tell You, I Told Him, I Am Hanging Up, Moving Out, And To Quit Writing Me, That His Mother Is Getting What She Wants,,,,,,her Son Unhappy, And The Ex Girlfriend,,,,
I Called A Friend Moved Back To My Mom's, And I Am Getting Ready To Back To School For Real Estate,,,,don't Get Me Wrong, I Am So In Love With My Boyfriend, But Then Again So Is His Mother, And He Needs To Know That Its None Of Her Business When It Comes To Our Relationship, And She Needs To Respect That,, If He Loves Me Like He Says He Does On Paper, Then He Will Fix The Problems, If Not, Then I Guess I Made A Right Choice,,,,,,his Mother Even Calls Him Her Husband(roy),,,,,and She Don't Even Realize It,it Really Is Sick,,,,,,,,,,so Good Luck,,,,,,,,,,keep Me Posted
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Old 08-08-2006, 01:11 AM
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I can relate to your problem Dancingflame 41, my mother-in-law hates me as well, she often acts like she's a real sweetheart but, she's evil! Me and my husband have been together through all this time that he's been incarcerated and before then and I am the only person that writes to him and sends him money and still that woman can't stand me! She claims that she can't write to him because she can't see very well, he has 12 brother's and sisters from his mom including him and has 12 brother's and sister's from his dad including him and none of them bother to write him or go and visit, he's been incarcerated for almost nine years and I'm the only one that worries about him! I have five children and of course I am a single parent until my man comes home and she never bothers to try and help me with my kids either, and that's that she has a lot of grandchildren and most of them are always at her house! My sister is married to his older brother and my mother-in-law always buys my nephews gifts for their birthday's and gives them money and mine never get that lucky! A while back, I had a conversation with his mom and well my husband has two other sons from a previous relationship and his mom usually has those little boys with her as well and I have no problem with that but, anyways when I talked to her, she was talking about his sons mom and was saying a lot of nice things about her (and well I am over weight and always have been and my husband has never had a problem with it,) well she was telling me about how thin that lady was and that my husband never really liked fat girls when he was younger and that she has a really good job and she spends a lot of time with that lady and well all his family does, well I told her that obviously her son does like fat girls because he was with me and still is, I was all upset and wrote to my husband telling him that I was tired of all that, that his mother does and says. He wrote me back and apologized for the way his mother is and had told me that his mother has never said anything to him about not liking me! When I wrote him, I was so mad that I told him that I felt stupid because I'm his wife and that other lady shouldn't be over there with his mother all the time and that maybe he was married to the wrong woman! I also told him that I Love him enough to let him go! I talked to his mother the other day because she called me all worried because he hadn't wrote to anyone over there in over a month and she thought that something might have happened to him, and I said, "No, he's doing fine and I know he is because he writes me twice a week" and she asked me to tell him to write her and I just laughed and told her that I would tell him but, if she wants to hear from him, she should write to him! I know that he's upset with her because of the way she is with me, when I'm the only one that's there for him! I don't understand why so many mother-in-laws are that way, they should be thankful that we are there for there sons! I guess, I know now that he is never going to choose her over me, I was always so afraid that he would tell me that he couldn't be with me because of his mother not liking me but, well we got married while he was in there knowing that she didn't approve, I know that he knows that she doesn't like me but, he tries to keep the peace between us! I know that his mother means a lot to him but, obviously the family that we have together means more to him! I'm glad now that he knows and sees who is there for him! Back then he was a real momma's boy, when he wrote me the other day, he told me that he's a grown man and that nobody not even his mother is going to choose who he's going to be with because he has a mind of his own and knows what he wants! Much Love, Val
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Old 08-08-2006, 01:17 AM
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I know exactly how you feel. Ricky always asks me to email her, that way she can get to know me, but she never answers. Her computer is down, or she just doesn't have time. It's rough to try and be friends with someone who doesn't like you, and she's never met me face to face. My friends tell me not to worry about it, but come on now, it's his Mother, how can i not worry about it? It just makes things rougher on him with this uneasiness between us. I just keep trying for him, because even if she doesn't like me, he loves me.
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Old 08-08-2006, 07:43 AM
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join the club...
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Old 08-08-2006, 09:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amanda8088
My advice is to leave her out of the loop.

I would explain to your fiance that you cant be a go-between.

It seems like his mother is possessive and jealous.

I wish you luck. You can try to reach an agreement, but I think no matter who he choose, she wouldnt be "good" enough.

I hope all goes well for you both. There isnt any reason to have her in your relationship.

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Old 08-08-2006, 09:41 AM
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Dancingflame41,
I feel for you girl, all i can really say is kill her with kindness . Dont got out of your way to inform her about whats going on between you and her son, no emails or anything. Just go about your business with him and show HIM that your here to stay. As long you and your man maintain a strong relationship and he sees by your actions that you mean business, he will tell his mom what a great woman you are and i believe, eventually she will give lose the rudeness. Every mother wants there child to be happy no matter what and if you will make him happy, she will see it. I know you dont want to be in a situation like this and who does? but sometimes you need to cutt the middle man out and in this case it just happens to be his mom.

Trust me girl, its works

I wish you and yours the best
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Old 08-08-2006, 10:35 AM
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It makes me so sad to see how families act some times. My guy's mom is dead but she wouldn't have been a factor anyway as she walked out on her family and 3 children when my guy was 5 years old. My mom was a grump for the first year of us being together but she has finally come around because I've made it clear that I can't take the negativity. Life is too short for all that nastiness. I can understand the spot you're in since your guy's family is paying the lawyer bills so steer clear of his mom as much as possible. Your guy has shown that his heart is in the right place. You two can work out the mom problem (or not) at some future date.
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Old 08-08-2006, 05:08 PM
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Thanks everyone, wow, I wasn't prepared to have so much to read! I have decided to just let things be with his mother for awhile. This whole thing really just started for all of us and emotions are still raw. She needs someone to blame for all of this and since her son can do no wrong in her eyes, then that someone is going to be me. I'm not going to try to go out of my way for her so I just replied to her email, apologized for any trouble I've caused by my being late for his visit. (I can't imagine what trouble it could have caused but anyway.) Hopefully he'll call me soon and we can just do our own thing and concentrate on our relationship. Hopefully someday she'll realize that I am standing by him when so many people would have just walked away and realize that I do love him.
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