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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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Old 10-05-2017, 09:55 AM
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Default After five years, I ended it

After two years on the outside and three years on the inside, I had to say goodbye. I realize that no matter how much I've sacrificed, it will never be enough. I realize no matter how much physical pain I endure, he refuses to understand. I realize I cannot give someone my all and continue to break my own heart. I also know that he will probably go off the deep end but I can't feel responsible for that either. I've lost a lot of people in my life but I can't hold on to something that isn't good for my mental health. This isn't about lack of love for him, but rather about loving myself more. It took reading over old posts and all the emotional abuse and manipulation he has put me through and I realize love is blind to that. My children deserve to see me happy. I deserve to be happy. He was always supportive as long as things were going his way. I've had to block his calls on my phone and I can be on the phone and I know it's him calling me thirty times in a row. I know that's not healthy and honestly don't think he's stable. I pray for him and hope he opens his eyes to see that he needs help but I can't help him. God knows I've tried. But I'm at peace with my decision. From now on, I'm loving me.
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Old 10-05-2017, 09:59 AM
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Best decision ever! To look after yourself and take care of yourself and aim for a better and happier life!
I applaud your strength and perseverance and wish you all the best!!
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Old 10-05-2017, 10:19 AM
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I'm so proud of you!!!! You have come a long way since you first came here!!! I know your decision didn't come easy, but generally the best things in our lives are hard. Stay here and vent and help out others it help you become stronger.
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Old 10-05-2017, 10:28 AM
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Well done you for looking after yourself and your children in a way that many women never do.I wish you every happiness in the future.
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Old 10-05-2017, 11:03 AM
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Hey, a woman has to do what a woman has to do. I know it wasn't easy for you, but you have to come first, along with your children. You will heal and life will get better for you. Hang tough!
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Old 10-05-2017, 02:19 PM
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Brava! Kids first, you a very close second. Nobody else on the chart! Yay!
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Old 10-06-2017, 06:46 AM
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It's hard after five years not to unblock and answer the phone, but I know deep down its for the best and I have to remain strong. I really thought he was it for me. And I know with time it will get easier. Gotta go through the tough things first.
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Old 10-06-2017, 06:50 AM
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Little steps... that's what it takes. Really little baby steps. Take one hour, one day at a time.
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Old 10-06-2017, 07:05 AM
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Sometimes we go through hell in order to see the light. I am happy to hear you are moving on and doing what is right for you and your children.

May you be find peace in your healing journey.
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Old 10-06-2017, 07:51 AM
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I think my kids telling me that if I have anything to do with Tim when he gets out that if they are grown, they will not have anything to do with me was a hard reality check. He hurt all of us so bad and he knew my boys had lost their dad yet he hurt them too.
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Old 10-07-2017, 07:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timntisha2012 View Post


I realize that no matter how much I've sacrificed, it will never be enough.


I realize no matter how much physical pain I endure, he refuses to understand.


I deserve to be happy.
He was always supportive as long as things were going his way.

SO SAD... Five long years he threw it down the drain, chica, pero si (but yes) you are to love YOU 1st n foremost,and that is why i shall never EVER again allow any man to keep me from doing so.
-
In red, it sound like the typical narcissist/sociopath is he?Has he ever gotten treatment/therapy if he is, and or has he ever had drug/alcohol issue,
inside prison or outside et.al.,

Either way, you're going to be alright. .God finally allowed you to see what so many of our fellow women here and in our personal life can't see,and or do not want 2 see."
I pray for you and PM me anytime you want. You're going to be just fine. God Bless and Hugs -n- Blessings for you tonight.I personally am VERY PROUD of you,even if the love you're having for him has not by any means dissipate that fast. #staystrong and it will ...1 day.Give it time chica."
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LAST NOTE:

If he try to call u and yes he is going to continue, you're going to have to remain firm/strong, and not answer. I know it's hard. It would be for me too.Pero,i would force mi self to stay
STRONG."So try your hardest to do so. Even if you're going to pick up "1 day"let's hope you're strong enough to stay firm,remain steadfast and not take him back.I hope he get help too.I really do because life is too short to live how he is and not appreciating the right woman/the best woman GOD has blessed him with, so many years to have in his world....Remember chica, it's HIS loss.Not yours...Good night."
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Last edited by a.rare.love; 10-07-2017 at 07:44 PM..
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Old 10-07-2017, 07:53 PM
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I can say I feel the same exact way right now. After almost two years the where I am too. It's all manipulation. Nothing is ever enough for him. And I'm so emotionally drained. Most times I don't even say how I feel cause it's just not gonna matter anyway. I can't understand it?????!! You have someone who loves you and is here for you through the worst time of your life and you just emotionally drain that person? Idk. I feel for you and I commend you because as much as I'm trying I can't stop picking up I can go weeks but then one Monet he catches me off guard and bam.
I pray for us both.
God bless <3
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Old 10-11-2017, 10:10 PM
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I can say I feel the same exact way right now. After almost two years the where I am too. It's all manipulation. Nothing is ever enough for him. And I'm so emotionally drained. Most times I don't even say how I feel cause it's just not gonna matter anyway. I can't understand it?????!! You have someone who loves you and is here for you through the worst time of your life and you just emotionally drain that person? Idk. I feel for you and I commend you because as much as I'm trying I can't stop picking up I can go weeks but then one Monet he catches me off guard and bam.
I pray for us both.
God bless <3
Sometimes it takes more courage and strength to walk away. I hope you find that your happiness and mental health is more important than anything else in your life. If what you do for him now isn't enough, it will never be.
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Old 10-12-2017, 02:05 PM
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Well he sends back a letter I had written prior to all of this then highlights parts I had written. Scribbles a little note telling me how he deserves to know its over. I mailed him telling him specifically that it was over more than two weeks ago. I know he's received it by now. Then he's back to calling repeatedly. I believe he's trying to play the manipulation game yet again. I am standing my ground on all of this. I'm not talking to him so he can either try and change my mind or talk down to me. It's over.
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Old 10-12-2017, 02:50 PM
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I ended it with my husband not long ago as well. Because even after I obeyed all his crazy rules, alienated myself from friend to try to help his trust issues, visited like clockwork, multiple calls a day, mail every single day, money on his books...it still was never good enough. He still questioned me and my love and loyalty constantly. If I was out to eat with the kids (a rare occurrence with the medical problems my son has) and he called and I wasn't able to answer he would call over and over and over and then call my mom. Insanity! I told him if he couldn't trust me what was the point? If I did everything he wanted and he still insinuated that I was cheating...what was the point? So he told me that's the way he is, and he didn't know why I have a problem with it now. To go and find happiness elsewhere. Then when I went to dinner with a guy he accused me of cheating on him. I still take our daughter to see him...and sit there with all the sideways glances of those who think I'm a cheater...and that's fine I guess. I'm at peace.

You are absolutely right...sometimes hanging on does far more damage than letting go.
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Old 10-12-2017, 05:06 PM
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I ended it with my husband not long ago as well. Because even after I obeyed all his crazy rules, alienated myself from friend to try to help his trust issues, visited like clockwork, multiple calls a day, mail every single day, money on his books...it still was never good enough. He still questioned me and my love and loyalty constantly. If I was out to eat with the kids (a rare occurrence with the medical problems my son has) and he called and I wasn't able to answer he would call over and over and over and then call my mom. Insanity! I told him if he couldn't trust me what was the point? If I did everything he wanted and he still insinuated that I was cheating...what was the point? So he told me that's the way he is, and he didn't know why I have a problem with it now. To go and find happiness elsewhere. Then when I went to dinner with a guy he accused me of cheating on him. I still take our daughter to see him...and sit there with all the sideways glances of those who think I'm a cheater...and that's fine I guess. I'm at peace.

You are absolutely right...sometimes hanging on does far more damage than letting go.
I had an epidural yesterday that's really affecting my legs today. I do not have time to deal with his pity party or else his talking down. Last summer I had to block his calls over a weekend because he was pissed that I went to a concert that was pre planned with all women. He even called me 'whore' when I finally spoke to him. He thought I should drop everything and visit him when he finally got moved from jail to prison. I look back now and don't know why I ever talked to him again after that ordeal. I bet he called 150 times before I had to block his calls that time. My phone will still ring through IF I'm on it and he calls nonstop in the afternoon if I'm on the phone talking to someone. I know he got the letter and if he didn't, it's just not my problem anymore.
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Old 10-13-2017, 08:46 AM
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Well he sends back a letter I had written prior to all of this then highlights parts I had written. Scribbles a little note telling me how he deserves to know its over. I mailed him telling him specifically that it was over more than two weeks ago. I know he's received it by now. Then he's back to calling repeatedly. I believe he's trying to play the manipulation game yet again. I am standing my ground on all of this. I'm not talking to him so he can either try and change my mind or talk down to me. It's over.
Seriously he is critiquing your letters??? I honestly don't get how someone as sweet as you ever fell his his SHIT. He does sound like a sociopath. Hang tough and forget him.
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:46 AM
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Seriously he is critiquing your letters??? I honestly don't get how someone as sweet as you ever fell his his SHIT. He does sound like a sociopath. Hang tough and forget him.
Yeah he's still calling too.. Must be nice to have nothing more to do than call someone repeatedly over and over and over again. It just sounds completely outlandish to me.
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Old 10-13-2017, 10:02 AM
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Yeah he's still calling too.. Must be nice to have nothing more to do than call someone repeatedly over and over and over again. It just sounds completely outlandish to me.
This is beyond outlandish!!! I'd be beyond angry at how he is acting, I'd send him one last letter saying to stop writing and stop calling and send a copy to his CO, the warden, and any other person I could think of.
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Old 10-13-2017, 10:46 AM
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This is beyond outlandish!!! I'd be beyond angry at how he is acting, I'd send him one last letter saying to stop writing and stop calling and send a copy to his CO, the warden, and any other person I could think of.
I'm about to go to a prepaid phone to cut costs anyway and he won't have that number. Neither will any of his family.
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Old 10-13-2017, 10:55 AM
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I'm about to go to a prepaid phone to cut costs anyway and he won't have that number. Neither will any of his family.
GOOD IDEA!! He has burned his bridge and you need to move on in peace.
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Old 10-13-2017, 12:10 PM
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I had an epidural yesterday that's really affecting my legs today. I do not have time to deal with his pity party or else his talking down. Last summer I had to block his calls over a weekend because he was pissed that I went to a concert that was pre planned with all women. He even called me 'whore' when I finally spoke to him. He thought I should drop everything and visit him when he finally got moved from jail to prison. I look back now and don't know why I ever talked to him again after that ordeal. I bet he called 150 times before I had to block his calls that time. My phone will still ring through IF I'm on it and he calls nonstop in the afternoon if I'm on the phone talking to someone. I know he got the letter and if he didn't, it's just not my problem anymore.
I too have gone back to exes after their behavior and actions were horrendous. I was ashamed with that part of my past for a long time. It's ok the important part is that we don't let otherw treat us like that presently or in the future. I am so glad you have seen the truth of him and have moved on. Keep on doing what's best for you and your family, let king baby sit in prison and have no one to give him instant gratification. He will of course call you over and over, you took your power back and he can't handle it......this type of adult child rarely changes I've had many, but not anymore thank god!!!!
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