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  #1  
Old 04-30-2018, 03:14 AM
Gabriela2927 Gabriela2927 is offline
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Default Should I just leave him?

My LO gets out early July. Before he went in, we were only friends for years. Thereís always been feelings there but the timing was always off. Weíve gotten really close and have even been trying to be more than friends. Iíve visited him twice. Up until recently, everything was going really good. Iíve met his family and they loved me. At one point I was the only contact he had to his family because they screwed up his phone list to where I was the only person he could call.

Recently for the past few days we havenít been getting along at all. It all started because he makes comments about starting his own business when he gets out. Thatís fine. But he keeps telling me that he doesnít see himself getting with anyone for at least a year or two. By ďgetting withĒ, he means a relationship.
Itís confusing because he talks about all of our dates when he comes home. He constantly talks about how he ďshows me offĒ to other inmates (donít worry heís only got selfies). One night on the phone he asked if we could agree to only see eachother when he gets out. I told him I donít want to waste my time and that I feel disposable to him. He got mad and said he never said I was disposable. If heís saying that he doesnít want to be with anyone for a year or two when heís out.... I mean Iím not going to let anyone use me for sex obviously. I was saying that I want to know that Iím cared about he kept saying I am and that Iím not disposable to him.

The argument thatís been lasting for days is because he wonít say that he wants me to leave or stay. Only that heís not stopping me.... he never says how he feels. Heís told me on many occasions especially recently, that he wonít open up about how he feels. Like for instance, a few weeks ago I couldnít visit him. He said it was cool but he was very dry on the phone. It took him a few days to finally open up and say that he was acting that way because he was upset because I couldnít come. So it was a few days of him being mean and I didnít know why. Sometimes he threatens to have my number removed from his list when he gets mad. Which I feel is manipulative. He does it in a way that he tries to use it to control.

Yesterday in the evening the argument ended with him saying ďhave fun at the beach (Iím at the beach) , I wonít be calling you for awhileĒ. He didnít call last night. I didnít expect him to. Now Iím thinking about just never answering again. I feel really unappreciated and that heís not willing to even see how I feel and maybe thereís nothing else I can do here.... Iím tired of crying for days and feeling low because of him and how he is. I donít know when ďa whileĒ is but I feel maybe I should just leave him there . He comes home in July anyway.
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  #2  
Old 04-30-2018, 04:37 AM
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Why are you doing this to yourself? He's got his ideas about what he wants when he gets out and you need to get the message. Doesn't seem like you two will be riding off into the sunset anytime soon. He seems to want to only see you when he's in the mood for a date and you are right, you should not be "disposable" to him. Either or unless you like those games. Let it go... let him do what he wants and move on.
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Old 04-30-2018, 04:44 AM
Gabriela2927 Gabriela2927 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
Why are you doing this to yourself? He's got his ideas about what he wants when he gets out and you need to get the message. Doesn't seem like you two will be riding off into the sunset anytime soon. He seems to want to only see you when he's in the mood for a date and you are right, you should not be "disposable" to him. Either or unless you like those games. Let it go... let him do what he wants and move on.
Thank you so much for saying it. It was what I needed to hear. I felt like a mean person for considering blocking his calls.
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Old 04-30-2018, 04:52 AM
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Sounds like he wants you to be his "sometimes".
You aren't a mean person for expecting more for yourself. Of course he's not gonna agree on you being "disposable" even tho his actions prove different.

Let him be. I hope u find happiness.
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Old 04-30-2018, 08:14 AM
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Possibly as he is reflecting, he wants to get his life in order before fully committing. Maybe he is afraid of failure and failing you. Mayne it is all too much to handle.

You have to evaluate your wants, needs and desires. If he has had issues in the past and needs time, can you wait? Maybe be he feels you'll want to get married soon and am that stiff and isn't ready for that.

Write for him your needs. What you need from him and see how he responds. The pho e is the worst bc you can't have that conversation in a few min. It is impossible. Let him reflect on your needs. Hear his needs. Then go from there.
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Old 04-30-2018, 09:47 AM
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Hi there - we all have to make our decisions in life so I can't tell you whether or not to leave him.... but judging by your previous posts he has attempted to tell you before that he isn't ready for a serious relationship. If I understand it correctly you two were friends & he was in a relationship last year only to be dumped by this then girlfriend when he got arrested (?) --- again, your decision, but if I were you I would definitely take a few steps back and give him his space. Let him come to you when and if he's ever ready for a relationship and wants it with you...right now it sounds like you two want different things.
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Old 04-30-2018, 11:41 AM
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So, I offer this as my opinion, and the way I have always been with anyone who I care about. When dealing with someone who I care about, I have always made sue to do whatever I can to assuage any negative feelings they may have, and to assure them that they matter a lot...This would be reasonable guidance for how to treat someone, whether they are a significant other, a lover, a potential mate, etc. It takes some kindness, but that commodity costs nothing. We all like to feel valued to some degree, and he just seems really ambivalent as to your "worth" to him. Were I you, I would seek someone who makes me feel important in the future, whatever that future may engender. I would seek someone who wants to have someone special...
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  #8  
Old 04-30-2018, 01:26 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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I take back what I said before. There is nothing to leave. There is nothing here and he has told you this. I'm sorry.
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  #9  
Old 04-30-2018, 04:12 PM
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Repeat after me: He's not into you.
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Old 04-30-2018, 05:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriela2927 View Post
My LO gets out early July. Before he went in, we were only friends for years. Thereís always been feelings there but the timing was always off. Weíve gotten really close and have even been trying to be more than friends. Iíve visited him twice. Up until recently, everything was going really good. Iíve met his family and they loved me. At one point I was the only contact he had to his family because they screwed up his phone list to where I was the only person he could call.

Recently for the past few days we havenít been getting along at all. It all started because he makes comments about starting his own business when he gets out. Thatís fine. But he keeps telling me that he doesnít see himself getting with anyone for at least a year or two. By ďgetting withĒ, he means a relationship.
Itís confusing because he talks about all of our dates when he comes home. He constantly talks about how he ďshows me offĒ to other inmates (donít worry heís only got selfies). One night on the phone he asked if we could agree to only see eachother when he gets out. I told him I donít want to waste my time and that I feel disposable to him. He got mad and said he never said I was disposable. If heís saying that he doesnít want to be with anyone for a year or two when heís out.... I mean Iím not going to let anyone use me for sex obviously. I was saying that I want to know that Iím cared about he kept saying I am and that Iím not disposable to him.

The argument thatís been lasting for days is because he wonít say that he wants me to leave or stay. Only that heís not stopping me.... he never says how he feels. Heís told me on many occasions especially recently, that he wonít open up about how he feels. Like for instance, a few weeks ago I couldnít visit him. He said it was cool but he was very dry on the phone. It took him a few days to finally open up and say that he was acting that way because he was upset because I couldnít come. So it was a few days of him being mean and I didnít know why. Sometimes he threatens to have my number removed from his list when he gets mad. Which I feel is manipulative. He does it in a way that he tries to use it to control.

Yesterday in the evening the argument ended with him saying ďhave fun at the beach (Iím at the beach) , I wonít be calling you for awhileĒ. He didnít call last night. I didnít expect him to. Now Iím thinking about just never answering again. I feel really unappreciated and that heís not willing to even see how I feel and maybe thereís nothing else I can do here.... Iím tired of crying for days and feeling low because of him and how he is. I donít know when ďa whileĒ is but I feel maybe I should just leave him there . He comes home in July anyway.
It seems he is not in a good headspace. Maybe he is trying to get his life together before he can commit to anyone? Maybe he feels he would not have much to offer you? Don't feel bad about not answering the phone if you need space. Its up to you if you want him in your life and in what sense. I hope this helps.
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Old 05-16-2018, 01:03 PM
mksnides mksnides is offline
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I say don't worry about it. As hard as it is, try to distract yourself with other things and try to move on. If he really cares about, he'll reach out. If not, at least you didn't waste any more of your time or tears on him.
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