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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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Old 04-27-2019, 12:59 PM
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Default One Day At A Time: Inspirations

In an effort to deliver more value to this board, I am going to start to make daily (or as close to it as I can, schedule allowing) posts with thoughts, quotes, short stories if applicable, and inspirations. I welcome others to also post their thoughts as well.


There is one guideline I request we all follow: be respectful of the experience of others. Take what you can use, leave what you cannot. We have plenty of other threads for helping other members, levying (hopefully constructive) criticism, and giving thoughts. I would like this thread, specifically, to be a place where we help and take care of ourselves. In the spirit of NarAnon...which states, loosely in our meetings, that this should be a place where we take care of ourselves because we spend so much time caring for others. In our groups, we understand that when a member speaks, they speak for themselves, and not the collective. Although I am not involved with AlAnon, their mission and purpose are very similar.



Thought for Today: Real recovery involves healing not just for the addict/alcoholic/substance abuser, but for those who care about them. Sometimes that care needs to come even if the person in our lives who we see struggling does not care for themselves, as it is good for us to remember that care is needed for those who struggle with coping with the effects of their struggles on us. Real healing is a slow process. We take life one day at a time when the idea of looking beyond that becomes too overwhelming. We must be strong within ourselves. We cannot care for our loved ones if we do not first care for ourselves.
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Last edited by missingdee; 04-27-2019 at 02:04 PM..
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Old 04-27-2019, 01:16 PM
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Thank you for this. I'm an alcoholic with 20 months sobriety and I always forget I need to take care of myself. I really needed this reminder
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Old 04-27-2019, 02:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
Thought for Today: Real recovery involves healing not just for the addict/alcoholic/substance abuser, but for those who care about them.
My husband and I were talking about how we both felt like this lock up was meant to happen not just to help him but me as well. I was so lost in trying to save him from his own monster that I forgot to care for myself. Iíve never been an addict but grew up with addict parents. Iíve always been the savior. His addiction was never so bad before. There came a point I knew there was nothing I could do so I gave up. Gave up on everything. I was pregnant and lost focus of my baby. Never eating or sleeping. Constantly stressed about when I would be getting another call from jail saying heís been picked up again. A month of in and out of jail before they finally just kept him in there.
Itís been 6 months since heís been in prison and Iíve finally started focusing on myself. Heís helped me to treat myself better and open my eyes that I need to love myself as well and remember to simply breathe

We are both healing together.
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Old 04-29-2019, 05:55 PM
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Hello everyone....well, I'm going to try to add a new thought daily. There may be some days where I'm good about it and some days where I'm a bit tied up, but I'll try to be at least somewhat consistent.


Let's go with this thought for today: We have to bear in mind the three C's of addiction when it comes to dealing with our loved ones: We didn't cause it, we can't control it and we can't cure it.


What do these three c's mean?


We didn't cause it: No matter what the nature is of the substance abuser in our lives and no matter what role we have taken or not taken in their use of substances (even if we have used substances right along side them,) ultimately we are not the ones who caused them to use. Each of us has a choice. They've made theirs.


We can't control it: We can manipulate, bargain, hide things, keep our money out of their hands and monitor their every move. The reality is, if they have decided to follow a course of substance use/abuse/addiction, nothing we do is going to stop it.


We can't cure it: There is no "magic cure." We can't get our loved ones to take a pill. We can't "love them so much that they recover." It is important for addicts to know that they have love and support. However, for many of us, getting stuck in a pattern of enabling can be difficult to avoid. By recognizing we can't cure the problems that afflict our loved ones, we become free to solve the problems that we do have control over and leave the power to use or not use in the hands of our loved ones.
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Old 05-01-2019, 05:52 PM
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Thought for today: The notion of a Higher Power is not a set religious concept, but the idea of "God as we know him (or her or it.)" It does not even have to be a God if that does not conform to your belief system. It's simply the notion that some power greater than you (and separate from you) has the ability to take on your problems and struggles. Sometimes the best thing to do, when we come to the conclusion that we cannot control a situation, is to give up the attempt to control it and instead focus on controlling and changing the things within our power: namely our own thoughts, habits and behaviors.
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-Thomas Jefferson
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Old 05-06-2019, 04:27 PM
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A weekend out of town..I'm doing pretty bad at this every day thing. LOL! I'll try to do better.


Thought for today: our personal progress is something we ultimately have to measure for ourselves. Just as our addicts are ultimately accountable for themselves, so too are we. Don't forget to do things that keep you healthy, happy, and moving in positive directions. If you aren't, it may be time to consider making changes.
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Old 05-06-2019, 07:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
Thought for today: The notion of a Higher Power is not a set religious concept, but the idea of "God as we know him (or her or it.)" It does not even have to be a God if that does not conform to your belief system. It's simply the notion that some power greater than you (and separate from you) has the ability to take on your problems and struggles. Sometimes the best thing to do, when we come to the conclusion that we cannot control a situation, is to give up the attempt to control it and instead focus on controlling and changing the things within our power: namely our own thoughts, habits and behaviors.


What ever your higher power is. This is the thing(s) that has helped me stay clean(16 years now) Trust me I have pushed my higher power to its breaking point a few times. Yet it never broke or let me down. I have slipped a few times but it was never with my main devil (cocaine)
Sometimes I just want that nice cocktail after a disappointing day full of rejection. As long as I keep the jones under control for cocaine I am doing great in my eyes.
I still have amends to make and some amends can not be made. As long as I can look in the mirror everyday and face me I am doing what is right for me.
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Old 05-13-2019, 01:37 PM
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Thought for Today: The most important thing you can have with an addict in your life is hope. This does not mean that you have to save them. Ultimately their life is on them and yours is on you, no matter how much you love, no matter how close you are. But hope is a good thing. Hope springs eternal. As long as our addicts have a pulse, there is hope for their recovery. "The Miracle" is always possible. But they are ultimately responsible for their Miracle, just as we are ultimately responsible for our own.
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