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  #1  
Old 09-01-2019, 09:19 PM
Marie_blank Marie_blank is offline
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Unhappy Bad day today

3 years down 5 more to go. Felling super down today. I hate this roller coaster. I’ll be so happy when I’m off of it. 5 years feels like a life time I commend anyone who’s dealing with a LO that is lwop or has an excessive sentence. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t feel that way I do about the time that is left because there are so many people who’s situations are worse. I pray some type of change comes to the 3 strike law soon. Just needed to vent a little
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Old 09-01-2019, 09:29 PM
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I understand how your feeling. I hope & pray my LO can get off of deathrow & be able to come home
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Old 09-01-2019, 11:04 PM
gvalliant gvalliant is offline
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I understand how your feeling. I hope & pray my LO can get off of deathrow & be able to come home
That's tough. I don't want to raise false hope but this has flown under the radar. It was introduced earlier this year, nothing has happened since.

http://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/fa...201920200ACA12

A constitutional amendment has to pass the legislature. I believe it requires a 2/3 vote. That is possible with "progressive" CA legislature we have. Then it goes to the voters. Probably the toughest part, having to convince our woefully ignorant California public to vote for it.

In addition to hoping and praying, do some research and learn what you can do to help advocate for it. This year's legislative session is over. 2019 was year 1 of a 2 year legislative session so it may get some activity next year's 2020 session.
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Old 09-02-2019, 03:11 AM
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My girl get enhancements. It is terrible and wrong on so many levels to punish someone for past crimes. I won’t get into her situation because it’s stupid but the mass incarceration strikes was Joe Biden’s claim to fame and I won’t forget it. I too only have so much to worry on for the sentence length, march2021 (so far) but the messed up thing is if some fancy new charge develops sometime in the future then she is at risk for 25 to life due to strikes law. I see all these horror stories of someone stealing a pair of socks or something trivial and getting a robbery charge ending in 3 strike. She doesn’t do drugs get violent or steal but who knows what could happen. The world and what happened to get her there was ridiculous enough already. I’ll likely have to leave California for her peace of mind.

I ache every day waiting for my girl and it’s short time compared to you even. I am sorry and wish you the strength to press on. It’s damn tough.
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Old 09-02-2019, 06:59 PM
missingmybrat missingmybrat is offline
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I feel you. Been waiting 20 years and 3 months for my husband. He's down to 5 months left, but still seems like a lifetime. Be strong. Time does keep moving, even though at times it may not feel like it.
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Old 09-02-2019, 08:27 PM
Ladybug98 Ladybug98 is offline
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Living in cali is a trip. They tax the hell out of us & leave our LO's in messed up situations. I try to stay positive for him & I can see the changes he has made but deep down I know he might die in there & I think that's what makes it so tough. These guys on the row get treated so badly & dont have a lot of freedom like the main line.
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Old 09-03-2019, 10:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Marie_blank View Post
3 years down 5 more to go. Felling super down today. I hate this roller coaster. I’ll be so happy when I’m off of it. 5 years feels like a life time I commend anyone who’s dealing with a LO that is lwop or has an excessive sentence. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t feel that way I do about the time that is left because there are so many people who’s situations are worse. I pray some type of change comes to the 3 strike law soon. Just needed to vent a little
Right there with you Marie. Only had 2 meltdowns this week, so that's a mild improvement. It's tough. Then you read a letter or get a phone call, or hold a hand.. and you make it to the next day.
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Old 09-03-2019, 10:17 AM
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I have to tell myself....

No whisky
No oldies
REALLY don't play her songs either!!!

She called me the other day, I visit her the other day. Its always a cycle too, after a call of visit there's a high for a while then the depression sinks in. I talk to myself alot, I tell myself to carry on, breathe, stuff like that. I might look like a crazy person in public if I am whispering to myself but I don't think I been doing that in public.

I'm DEFINITELY humbled by the strength of the members here waiting longer than I and with grace and keeping a healthy active and vibrant lifestyle. I have tons of respect.

This pain is worse than something you can be public about, its worse that I have to suffer in silence. That's the worst part.
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Old 09-03-2019, 10:29 AM
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3 years down 5 more to go. Felling super down today. I hate this roller coaster. I’ll be so happy when I’m off of it. 5 years feels like a life time I commend anyone who’s dealing with a LO that is lwop or has an excessive sentence. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t feel that way I do about the time that is left because there are so many people who’s situations are worse. I pray some type of change comes to the 3 strike law soon. Just needed to vent a little
You know what’s wrong, dear? When it’s all said and done……..you’re in a prison of your own that transcends bars, locked doors and razor wire. And what you feel is so very real. The prison he is in has name, but your prison has a name, too…..its name is LONLINESS. Your needs are not being met. No one can fault you for your efforts or loyalty to your loved one who is locked up, but you need someone and you need them in a way that all the visits, love letters, poems and phone calls cannot satisfy…..your needs are not being met. Do what you gotta do or what is best for you…..but also know this…..loneliness will starve you in a way that is subtle and quiet…. It’s a type of slow death from within whose power is beyond words.
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Old 09-03-2019, 10:36 AM
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Look there are good and bad days. Milestones are bitter sweet. You have more done, so you guys are on the downward track. There is some solace in that.

Make some short term and long term goals for yourself. You guys can start to plan his homecoming a little. Think about things that need to be done beforehand and ideas of what will come later.

Acceptance of this life makes it easier. Fighting against it makes it harder. It is all mental at the end of the day.

I really enjoy my own company now. I keep super busy so the days fly. But there are down moments. Just breathe. A new day comes around quickly.
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Old 09-03-2019, 04:36 PM
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You know what’s wrong, dear? When it’s all said and done……..you’re in a prison of your own that transcends bars, locked doors and razor wire. And what you feel is so very real. The prison he is in has name, but your prison has a name, too…..its name is LONLINESS. Your needs are not being met. No one can fault you for your efforts or loyalty to your loved one who is locked up, but you need someone and you need them in a way that all the visits, love letters, poems and phone calls cannot satisfy…..your needs are not being met. Do what you gotta do or what is best for you…..but also know this…..loneliness will starve you in a way that is subtle and quiet…. It’s a type of slow death from within whose power is beyond words.
That's a pretty dark view of the whole situation. Doesn't seem like we could call this message "supportive"
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Old 09-03-2019, 05:37 PM
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That's a pretty dark view of the whole situation. Doesn't seem like we could call this message "supportive"
Ouch!!! sorry about that. Yes, you have a point. There is a place for support. Sometimes, I'm a bit callous to that having been in and out so much. And along with that, that's why I rarely became involved with anyone when I was away because I know it's hard. I'll be more mindful of what I share in the future. Please forgive the oversight.
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Old 09-03-2019, 05:43 PM
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3 years down 5 more to go. Felling super down today. I hate this roller coaster. I’ll be so happy when I’m off of it. 5 years feels like a life time I commend anyone who’s dealing with a LO that is lwop or has an excessive sentence. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t feel that way I do about the time that is left because there are so many people who’s situations are worse. I pray some type of change comes to the 3 strike law soon. Just needed to vent a little
My deceased husband always said "you can't let Time do you". That goes for us too. We can't let this time get us. Keep in mind your own descriptive words. You called this a "roller coaster". So since you know there will be "downs"--that means there will also be "ups". Hang on to your hat, here comes an "up!"
Hang in there my friend.
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Old 09-03-2019, 05:47 PM
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That's a pretty dark view of the whole situation. Doesn't seem like we could call this message "supportive"

The word support does not always mean "happiness and light". Support can also mean validating someone's words and emotions by sharing stories of your own.

That is what Firebrand did. He illustrated that he understands through his stories.

Thank you for sharing your perspective.
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Old 09-03-2019, 06:06 PM
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That's a pretty dark view of the whole situation. Doesn't seem like we could call this message "supportive"
It is supportive because it is real. This is all mental and we have choices. A lot of people lock themselves up and isolate because their loved one is locked up. Not sure if it intentional, but due to stigma and criticism.

Also, you have to operate your relationship differently. It gives you the greatest opportunity to work on communication. It gives you the opportunity to be with yourself and know who you are. There are plenty of good take aways if you use the time wisely.

Yet, most of us, have. Different perception as to how to operate in a relationship. We see others in relationships around us. There is a lacking of anything physical. Some days are harder than others. We all have those dark days.

Being reflective to see if your needs are being met is important. But, you need to keep other things realistic as those needs are met in new ways. You have to have meet your own needs and essentially be your own best friend through this. Hopefully, your partner is doing the same and learning and growing.

To me, this way one of those days that felt like this will never end. So much time has passed. Yes there is an end date, but 2 more years of this crap!

Mine has 3 opportunities for early release, but if he doesnt get it we are at the 1/2 way point. So I get it completely. The end of the ride is near, but not close enough.

Then the next week passes and it gets better again. You get some good news on a program. Something you are working on starts to move forward again. Life continues.
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Old 09-04-2019, 09:31 AM
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The word support does not always mean "happiness and light". Support can also mean validating someone's words and emotions by sharing stories of your own.

That is what Firebrand did. He illustrated that he understands through his stories.

Thank you for sharing your perspective.
Agree to disagree then. "needs aren't being met" "loneliness will starve you" "a slow death" to me, are things every single one of us know, is it not? Your LO is in prison. No one's needs are being met in these types of relationships. Is it not why we have a forum? Who hasn't been lonely in this fun journey? Every single one of us knows EXACTLY what this means when we stay with a marriage, or for others who MWI. OP came into this asking for a crutch to lean on, not be reminded that this is like "a slow death." I'm pretty confident we already knew this.
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Old 09-04-2019, 09:38 AM
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Ouch!!! sorry about that. Yes, you have a point. There is a place for support. Sometimes, I'm a bit callous to that having been in and out so much. And along with that, that's why I rarely became involved with anyone when I was away because I know it's hard. I'll be more mindful of what I share in the future. Please forgive the oversight.
Nothing to apologize for Firebrand. You have your opinion/views, and I have mine. Clearly this person was feeling it more then other days. While the comment you had was actually 100% accurate, I don't think that's what he or she was looking for. I know if I wrote a message "Hey I really miss my wife today, and could use some virtual hugs", the last thing I would want to read is reinforcement of how shitty this life can be.
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Old 09-05-2019, 07:39 AM
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I think you can validate that someone feels a certain way, and discuss how you have also felt similar. And that it does not often stay that way. Some days are good, some not so good, and others downright shitty.
I know when I was going thru it ......it somehow made me feel better when I read someone else felt the same way. That it was *normal* to feel that way. Normal to be angry, sad and frustrated.
I think the trick is......to know that this too shall pass. Keep moving and eventually you WILL get thru it.
I think its good to read of others struggles, and often? You realize that your situation isnt all that bad after all. Someone's always got it worse. It sort of made me say......girl you gotta suck it up. Sure it feels bad, but its not as bad as it could be.


Somehow that is comforting.
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