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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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  #1  
Old 06-28-2020, 09:27 AM
Bongzilla Bongzilla is offline
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Default MWI & In love for almost 6 years. Now what?

Hi everyone. Not sure what I hope to gain from this but I need to let it out.

My man and I have been pen pals for almost 6 years. I live in Canada and he lives in the US (Texas). He became my best friend and now my lover. We talk for 2 hours on the phone every single day. I am madly in love with him. He will be finishing a 10 year sentence this october. There's no doubt in my mind we want to be together.

Here's the thing. He will never be able to move to Canada (cause his criminal record). And I have a daughter from a previous relationship. I would move to Texas in a heartbeat!! But I would never leave my daughter behind obviously. And her dad would never let us move to another country.
We are devastated. We feel stuck and being together seems impossible. But I will never be truly happy if we're not together. I'm so broken .

Thanks for listening.
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  #2  
Old 06-28-2020, 09:56 AM
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Take it easy, heís not out yet and you are already driving yourself crazy with stuff that hasnít even happen yet. Youíre not Romeo and Juliet, there might be a solution after all but please.... let him come home first.
Have you met in person during those last 6 years?
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  #3  
Old 06-28-2020, 11:25 AM
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I agree with Mizzy he isn't home yet and you are already stressing yourself out. His homecoming will be a new chapter in your relationship not necessarily the end of it.

If you havent met him face to face to you will need to do that and maybe you can do that when your daughter is with her father.

You may not be able to be together in the short term but use that time to see how things go in the free world it will be a very different experience to a penpal relationship. You dont need to have it all at once. I can see why your ex partner would not want his daughter to be relocated to live with an inmate you have only really known through letters. Take your time to build your relationship through visits and contact in the free world and see what happens.
You dont need to be broken just have realistic expectations and work on things rather than focusing on day dreams of what maybe so what being in a long distance relationship in the free world actually looks and feels like.
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Old 06-28-2020, 12:10 PM
Bongzilla Bongzilla is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
Take it easy, heís not out yet and you are already driving yourself crazy with stuff that hasnít even happen yet. Youíre not Romeo and Juliet, there might be a solution after all but please.... let him come home first.
Have you met in person during those last 6 years?

Thank you. Yes we have. I've been to visits 4 times in the last 2 years.
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  #5  
Old 06-28-2020, 12:12 PM
Bongzilla Bongzilla is offline
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Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
I agree with Mizzy he isn't home yet and you are already stressing yourself out. His homecoming will be a new chapter in your relationship not necessarily the end of it.

If you havent met him face to face to you will need to do that and maybe you can do that when your daughter is with her father.

You may not be able to be together in the short term but use that time to see how things go in the free world it will be a very different experience to a penpal relationship. You dont need to have it all at once. I can see why your ex partner would not want his daughter to be relocated to live with an inmate you have only really known through letters. Take your time to build your relationship through visits and contact in the free world and see what happens.
You dont need to be broken just have realistic expectations and work on things rather than focusing on day dreams of what maybe so what being in a long distance relationship in the free world actually looks and feels like.

Thank you. Yes we have met 4 times in person in the last 2 years.
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Old 06-28-2020, 01:41 PM
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Don't be heartbroken. As painful as the circumstances are, he is getting out very soon. Maybe the silver lining to the situation is that you won't in fact be able to move in together immediately upon his release. So many mwi relationships fall apart when the partners are suddenly thrown together, never having had the time to adjust, to approach the blending in of each other's lives gradually -- despite their best intentions and efforts to the contrary. After 10 years in prison, he will have some huge adjusting to do, just on account of being out, never mind in a committed intimate relationship. Your daughter won't stay little forever. With time, and her older age, things will become more flexible on the ex factor front.
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Old 06-28-2020, 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Taliba00 View Post
Don't be heartbroken. As painful as the circumstances are, he is getting out very soon. Maybe the silver lining to the situation is that you won't in fact be able to move in together immediately upon his release. So many mwi relationships fall apart when the partners are suddenly thrown together, never having had the time to adjust, to approach the blending in of each other's lives gradually -- despite their best intentions and efforts to the contrary. After 10 years in prison, he will have some huge adjusting to do, just on account of being out, never mind in a committed intimate relationship. Your daughter won't stay little forever. With time, and her older age, things will become more flexible on the ex factor front.
Thank you so much. You're absolutely right
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Old 06-29-2020, 03:38 AM
She'sMyAngel She'sMyAngel is offline
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I know it's off topic, but I love your name Bongzilla ����
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Old 06-29-2020, 09:10 AM
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Can you move closer to the border so you two can visit more? No, your child should always come first but I understand your heartbreak. I agree you should have real life visits for a while. See this as an opportunity to not accidentally take things too fast lol
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Old 06-29-2020, 09:17 AM
LsGarcia LsGarcia is offline
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Yeah, would it be possible to relocate close to the Canadian border and the 3 of you reside in the US? Has he met your daughter yet and how old is she?
Maybe it would be best to take things slow once he is out and see how it goes? It might be more beneficial for you all in the long run.
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Old 06-29-2020, 09:42 AM
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Personally I would not do anything until he comes home and has time to adjust and figure things out for him. Don't put all this pressure on yourself, on him, on you both.
One step at a time. You are way ahead of yourself. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead...
I cannot "be broken" by something which I made up in my head. You're painting a very black picture and it might not even be that way.
Snap back into real life, you have a child and he needs to come home first.
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  #12  
Old 06-29-2020, 06:10 PM
Bongzilla Bongzilla is offline
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I know it's off topic, but I love your name Bongzilla ����
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  #13  
Old 06-29-2020, 07:07 PM
AnieLove56 AnieLove56 is offline
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My love gets out in June next year, and as much as I want to rush down to where he will be living, I'm not doing it. He needs to learn to live on his own, figure himself out as a person again after 15 years in prison.

So don't rush into it. Let him find himself, his personality, his temper, he needs to rebuild himself into that person he lost before going in (without all the bad shit he did to get there). Visit as often as you can, spend time with him outside of the walls to see if you can handle who he will become.
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Old 07-04-2020, 10:08 AM
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Visiting 4 times in 2 years isn’t a lot time spent together. Thinking about living with this man while you have a child yet he needs to figure things out for himself when he’s released. Allow him to have his freedom when he’s released so he can adjust. Don’t start thinking about picking up moving and dragging your child away for someone she doesn’t know very well. Not to sound harsh but that would be irresponsible as a mother. Once he’s released and in time if he still wants to be with you, allow him to build a relationship with your child so she can Get to know him and be comfortable with him. Yes you would have to think about the impact of your child’s relationship with their father.
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  #15  
Old 07-04-2020, 12:59 PM
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I agree the child comes first. I don't think any of us are saying that's not your mindset either. I certainly am not. But sometimes you need to hear confirmation from another. I have difficult decisions ahead of me. Thanks to my God, these decisions didn't come until after my son became this age and would not be affected by my decisions. I couldn't imagine the pain you will be in, trapped with your man almost in arms reach but just not. Torture. But think of the good. Ease into the relationship this way, make it stronger. He gains independence. You get more time together with him being out. Full contact, unsupervised visits, unlimited texts and calls, etc. There are some things to look forward to. This too shall pass <3
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Old 07-04-2020, 03:51 PM
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Take it one day at a time and the details will work out, if they’re meant to. I understand what you are feeling but you have your whole lives to figure out how to make it work. Enjoy the love.
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