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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Would you stay devoted to ur lockedup loved one if u found out they cheated
Yes, The past is the past. 3 12.00%
Yes, but only as emotional support through a rough time. 2 8.00%
No, he did it twice that you are aware of and he'll do it again. 6 24.00%
No. He deserves to feel what its like to be completely lost and alone. 14 56.00%
Voters: 25. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 02-12-2018, 05:35 PM
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CrystalJoy34 CrystalJoy34 is offline
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Unhappy Confused Cowgirl!!!!

My fiance is currently in jail. On the day of his arrest I was torn apart. We have been together going on 6 yrs and seperated once over so called drama thay he started intentionally to call it off bc hed been talking to my x husbands high school sweetie behind my back. After a cpl weeks he called and after much consideration and almost 2 months apart I paid to move him from Ky to TN where i had moved to pursue a job opportunity. Everything has been great until last Mon (2/5/2018). During the chaos of finding out they were taking him he gives me his personal property for safe keeping including his phone. After alot of mixed emotions and xonfusion and the feeling of being totally lost without him i gained composure and began notifying fam of the unfortunate situation. His phone had been on vibrate n when i got it out to put it on charge n clear all the notifications i c that the fb page hes logged into isnt the one ive been aware of but rather the one he had made when he and i separated bc of indiscretions on his part. Once seeing that I immediately logged into his messenger for that accnt n find messages from before we even separated that he exchanged with my X gf whom i had introduced him too n we actually lived with her and her then husband. My heart was shattered, and the more i read the more it broke bc every word he was telling her hes told me thru out our relationship. He knows that I found this and knows my feelings toward it all. Im lost and confused still as to whether i can even trust him again let alone believe anything he says. They even exchanged nude photos and some of the photos he even sent to me on the same days he sent them to her as we were still together as far as i was being told by him. I was staying with my mother while he worked in a another city 45 mins away n i stayed behind bc before he went to his brothers i was diagnosed with stage 2 cervical cancer and it was spreading to my uterus n a hysterectomy was scheduled to b done aug 16th, needless to say i also found that 4 days before my surgery he was in my town with her at a motel they even have a pic together to commemorate the memory......however the day i had surgery he texted me and called me afterwards to make sure i was ok n continued to talk to me until the end of august, the excruciating break up and gut wrenching accusations that he gave as a reason/excuse then came in a phone call. It was after this that he then started talking to my x husbands high school sweetie and at the beginning of Oct he reached back out to me n from there we r now here. I never knew then that he had been in a relationship with my x gf, so finding out after he was arrested made me question our entire relationship, especially the past year bc 2016 was when the cheating was we have been back together since nov of 2016. Idk if these feelings of resentment, anger and betrayal towards him will go away and if they do will they stay away when he comes home? I love him with all my heart he is my cowboy, n regardless i would never walk away and leave him to deal with this alone even tho he had no issues leaving me when i needed him most. But Idk y i still love him so much, n idk how to deal with or project alot of the emotions and feelings going on in my head. I know my family is getting tired of hearing about it n none of them have ever been theu this with anyone either so the advice they can give me is just an approximate reaction to how they would react to it n of course its not all them telling me to stay focused n do what I feel is right n will make me happy they would rather me just wash my hands completely n focus on myself not giving him another thought. Anyone else been thru this or something similar or just have friendly advice to help ease my mind a bit?!? What do u think u would do in this mess? So lost and confused n just want answers that may never come......
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Old 02-12-2018, 05:47 PM
Ms Sunny Ms Sunny is offline
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You need all you energy to fight your personal medical battle.
Stress is not good.
And sometimes you have see what is real... this seems like a game.
Don't stay with someone who doesn't treasure you.
Nothing wrong with realizing it is time to go. He is a grown ass man, he obviously knows how to survive, and will do so without you.
Go with your dignity.
You know this doesn't feel right, you wrote this story.
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Old 02-12-2018, 06:44 PM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is offline
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What would I do??? I would be gone. He's clearly a cheater and you know this. Ok you love him but why would you keep putting up with it. I can see why your family is tired of hearing about it. They are tired of seeing you get hurt. And he knows your going to stay with him so he's going to continue to do what he's doing. I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 02-12-2018, 06:47 PM
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I don't know and I can only say what I would do. If it was me I'd have to see if I felt I could trust him and if not then why stay and help him. I don't believe in prison makes you a better person, I think prison makes guys desperate and they will say anything to keep someone who they have used before!
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:00 PM
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What would I do, leave. I am not staying with someone who blatantly disrespects me many times. I just had a convo with my 17 year old never accept disrespect and do not be afraid to walk away. We teach people how we are going to be treated, if we dont stand up for ourselves when people treat us incorrectly than they are going to continue. Don't settle for a man who cheats on you and disrespects you so hurtfully, you are worth so much more and he doesn't deserve that kind of faithfulness.
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:02 PM
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Ms Sunny hit the nail on the head. Some of this echos a past experience I went through. I have written about some of it on here somewhere. In my situation I stewed about it the first yr he was gone. The second yr we started working through it or so I thought. He promised me the world and of course no more cheating. He came home and 4 yrs later I found out his promises lasted about 6 months. I was unaware for a awhile and then started suspecting again. By then I was pregnant so again tried to work it out. Long story short I don’t think he ever stopped cheating. We now have a daughter who is 3.5 yrs old and he is back in prison. Ironically enough, he is in for domestic violence against the woman he was cheating on me with. He was dating her the entire time we were together, yes including while I was pregnant. I knew then he would never change so I walked away. The last straw for me was finding out he was dating her the entire time he was trying to win me back, when he gave me a ring and asked me to marry him and while I was pregnant and after our daughter was born. He had a double life. Needless to say she is done with him (he beat her to the point of a brain bleed) and still whines about wanting me back. I have moved on and am happy with my first love now. Not really advice but you asked if anyone has been through this. I have and I’m here to say at one point I loved him unconditionally to the point of my own blindness in the situation. So I know how you feel. I have been there and am here to say trust your gut. I could never trust him again so knew it was over. Thankfully he never hit me but the lies and emotional abuse was enough. I only wish I knew sooner.... but then I wouldn’t have my daughter. He and I will never be anything more than co-parents now. Men like this don’t change. Not saying some men can’t but he never will. For what it’s worth good luck and listen to your head in this situation, not your heart because your heart tends to miss the good and forgets the bad after a while. Be honest with yourself and ask if you stay and given the chance down the road would you check his phone again? Would you trust him with your females friends? Do you trust he cares enough about you and respects you enough that he would never do this again???? Focus on you and heal yourself physically and emotionally.... him not being there for your surgery, but instead in a hotel with her speaks volumes. I personally don’t think him calling after being intimate with her makes up for that, but that’s jmo. Again, good luck!
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Old 02-12-2018, 11:50 PM
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Why are you confused?? If he's a cheater he's not gonna change , you know what to do ...you just don't have the strength to do it.. walk away and don't look back..God has better for you!
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Old 02-13-2018, 05:24 AM
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You need to focus on you and your health. That should be your priority. As for him he is a liar and a cheat what is there to love?
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Old 02-13-2018, 07:41 AM
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I think everyone pretty much said what I would do.
I'd pack up his things, and send them to a family member and be done with him.
You said it right in your post.....he was not there for you when you needed him the very most.
Its likely to be that way in the future as well.

Instead I'd focus on you getting healthy. Healing both physically and emotionally.
Maybe get into some counseling.
Im sorry for all the drama in your life right now.
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Old 02-13-2018, 08:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrystalJoy34 View Post
My fiance is currently in jail. On the day of his arrest I was torn apart. We have been together going on 6 yrs and seperated once over so called drama thay he started intentionally to call it off bc hed been talking to my x husbands high school sweetie behind my back. After a cpl weeks he called and after much consideration and almost 2 months apart I paid to move him from Ky to TN where i had moved to pursue a job opportunity. Everything has been great until last Mon (2/5/2018). During the chaos of finding out they were taking him he gives me his personal property for safe keeping including his phone. After alot of mixed emotions and xonfusion and the feeling of being totally lost without him i gained composure and began notifying fam of the unfortunate situation. His phone had been on vibrate n when i got it out to put it on charge n clear all the notifications i c that the fb page hes logged into isnt the one ive been aware of but rather the one he had made when he and i separated bc of indiscretions on his part. Once seeing that I immediately logged into his messenger for that accnt n find messages from before we even separated that he exchanged with my X gf whom i had introduced him too n we actually lived with her and her then husband. My heart was shattered, and the more i read the more it broke bc every word he was telling her hes told me thru out our relationship. He knows that I found this and knows my feelings toward it all. Im lost and confused still as to whether i can even trust him again let alone believe anything he says. They even exchanged nude photos and some of the photos he even sent to me on the same days he sent them to her as we were still together as far as i was being told by him. I was staying with my mother while he worked in a another city 45 mins away n i stayed behind bc before he went to his brothers i was diagnosed with stage 2 cervical cancer and it was spreading to my uterus n a hysterectomy was scheduled to b done aug 16th, needless to say i also found that 4 days before my surgery he was in my town with her at a motel they even have a pic together to commemorate the memory......however the day i had surgery he texted me and called me afterwards to make sure i was ok n continued to talk to me until the end of august, the excruciating break up and gut wrenching accusations that he gave as a reason/excuse then came in a phone call. It was after this that he then started talking to my x husbands high school sweetie and at the beginning of Oct he reached back out to me n from there we r now here. I never knew then that he had been in a relationship with my x gf, so finding out after he was arrested made me question our entire relationship, especially the past year bc 2016 was when the cheating was we have been back together since nov of 2016. Idk if these feelings of resentment, anger and betrayal towards him will go away and if they do will they stay away when he comes home? I love him with all my heart he is my cowboy, n regardless i would never walk away and leave him to deal with this alone even tho he had no issues leaving me when i needed him most. But Idk y i still love him so much, n idk how to deal with or project alot of the emotions and feelings going on in my head. I know my family is getting tired of hearing about it n none of them have ever been theu this with anyone either so the advice they can give me is just an approximate reaction to how they would react to it n of course its not all them telling me to stay focused n do what I feel is right n will make me happy they would rather me just wash my hands completely n focus on myself not giving him another thought. Anyone else been thru this or something similar or just have friendly advice to help ease my mind a bit?!? What do u think u would do in this mess? So lost and confused n just want answers that may never come......


I honestly made it through half of your post. I didn’t even need to read the second half.
I would send his stuff to a family member, completely block him from contacting me, and totally move on with my life, WITHOUT him.

Good luck! Sorry you’re going through this. He’s not worth the stress.
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Old 02-13-2018, 04:51 PM
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I have been cheated on and I have found out
Many times with many men in my life. I have stayed many times and they kept on cheating. I stayed because I too was confused so I got therapy. Abuse victims stay "confused" so they don't have to make a decision. I'm not saying this in a mean or rude way it's just what I learned in therapy and it rang true for me. good luck and take care of you first!
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Old 02-13-2018, 08:50 PM
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Sarancam416 Sarancam416 is offline
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My husband did this to me, i found out he was cheating when i was 6 months pregnant with our second child. I opted to work things out because i love him and want our family to be together. Its been over a year now and while i do love him and we have worked through most of those issues i can say it is always in the back of my mind and have made it very clear that if anything like that ever happens again we will not work it out. I know most people say why wait to see if it happens again but i chose to give him a chance. Call it blindness, stupidity, love makes u do crazy things, i dont care...i wasnt ready to give up on our marriage yet even though he did temporarily. I understand all of that but I chose to try and work things out and he vowed to work on things too. So far so good but he hasnt been released yet so we will see what happens then. I can tell you this, only you can decide whats best for you. Alot of people say if u take them back you are showing them that u will accept that behavior and i hate when people say that, i am not willing to accept that behavoir but i will give u a second chance and if you stomp on me again i will have no problem leaving and never looking back. Good luck, sorry you have to go through this i know it hurts especially having all the details right in front of you. My advice is dont keep rereading everything and try to move on from it and heal!
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Old 02-13-2018, 09:25 PM
Chaddersgirl Chaddersgirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fredslady5 View Post
Why are you confused?? If he's a cheater he's not gonna change , you know what to do ...you just don't have the strength to do it.. walk away and don't look back..God has better for you!
This is SO true at least with me it was. I was too weak to walk away and thought I could change him. I was dead wrong. I realized it, got the strength and left.... and then God sent me a man is is everything my ex was not. OP, Believe that you are enough to walk away and you will be ok... better off in the long run!
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Old 02-13-2018, 11:40 PM
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When Someone Cheats or Mistreats You, It’s About Them, Not You...so remember that!

I remember someone on my facebook posting this quote and I had to get it and share it in here for you: “Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future.” ~Unknown


I think you know what you need to do, you just have to finally summon up that courage which is the hardest part to do. Just keep repeating to yourself everyday, We are all born worthy, worthy of love and good enough. Keep in mind that your time on this earth is precious and you can not waste it on someone who is insecure and extremely selfish to the point that he blatantly cheats on you, literally right under your nose, like he knows you know and is absolutely is ok with it. He even doesn't care about you enough to really give a shit about your cancer, the possibility of your dying .... simply put your nothing to him, sorry to sound blunt, but to me if he cared enough he would at least be honest with you. He uses woman to boost his self-esteem, because he is trapped in a cycle of thinking he needs someone to make him feel happy, and if anything he is making you somehow feel bad enough to be responsible for his actions because you are still there hoping that maybe, just maybe there is a glimmer of hope, that hope he will see you for you and that you are all he needs. But you need to know that truly, in all honesty, your job is to make you happy and to put your best interests at heart and love yourself enough to walk away from anything that doesn't serve you or build you up. Discover your inner strength, walk away and you will realize later on why did you waste such precious life on a person who simply couldn't give two shits one way or the other .... he has his cake and he can eat it to because he has you and he has every other woman as well.

When someone cheats on you, remember you are good enough even when their actions may have you believe otherwise. His bad behavior doesn't reflect badly on you, it only highlights that they have issues they need to work on and your value and worth aren't to anyone or anything....not any men. Love is never bad; love is amazing, pure and simple. Cheating hurts, lies hurt, being heartbroken hurts, but these things are not love. Self-love depends on yourself. Set the standard for how people should love you by loving yourself wholeheartedly.
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