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  #1  
Old 01-06-2011, 05:57 PM
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Default I need advice on what to say to the judge tomorrow/Updated!

As you guys know my fiance has a reconsideration hearing tomorrow at 2:30pm and he just told me that him and his lawyer both want to put me on the stand to speak on his behalf. I'm really shy and get nervous in front of people and I'm having trouble putting together what i want to say. Do i bring up his past drug addictions? I know I want to let him know I'm going to do my best to keep him out of trouble if that means going to every AA or NA meetings. I'll be there for him every step of the way. What else should i say? I know I'll break down and cry but please any advice here is appreciated
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:04 PM
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I think you should stay away from talking about his drug convictions, and shouldn't give the impression that you are going to nanny him to accompanying him to AA and NA meetings. People who are successful in AA and NA are so because they have decided to do this, not because their girlfriends are making them. (And I know that is not what you are doing, I understand what you mean, but am afraid the Judge will misunderstand.)

I think you should you are disappointed with the choices he made in the past, but are proud of him for taking responsibility for his mistakes. But, say that you love and support him, and will have a stable and clean place for him to live. That you know the road will be long and hard, but you are willing to walk it with him, so he will never have to be alone.
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:06 PM
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thanks sooo much. this was all sprung on me like 45 mins ago
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:17 PM
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You going to meetings isn't going to help him. You need to list/show specific things he has done to prepare himself for reentry. Books he's read, classes he's taken, people he has contacted as far as job or recovery, If he worked on getting a birth certificate or his drivers license reinstated or any of that, add it in. Let them know what you are willing to provide, Housing, support, transportation, etc etc...be specific and make them Tangible things a person needs (For instance, He will be residing at my house, I intend to lend him my car when necessary (or if he has no license, rides back and forth), we will be attending couples counseling, etc etc). Also anything that you have done to prepare for him coming home. ( for instance: I have an extended family who is willing to assist when necessary to get him back and forth to meetings and or job interviews, we have a close knit church family, and I have been attending Al-Anon meetings to better prepare myself for his recovery). Personally, I wouldn't introduce the addiction, but if they bring it up, be open and honest. The most important thing, I think, is to look them in the eye, say Yes Sir and no sir, Dress appropriately all these things show respect for the authority they have. Be honest, let them ask the questions, and If you have notes regarding any particular books he's read, or classes he's taken or certificates he's earned, try to take them with you and refer to them if necessary, it shows that you guys are working on reentry, that you have been planning for his sucess, and that you pay attention to detail, and have worked together to document his pre-release activities. (Such as: In January Joe read the book How to make baskets so that he is more prepared to work as a basket maker when he gets out, he also worked thru the months of August thru December in a GED class, as the lack of a diploma was a barrier to his getting a job prior to incarcaration, Due to his incarcaration we haven't been able to attend any sort of counseling together, so we have been reading the book "how to make marriage work" together and working on the discussions by mail. ) Try not to fidget, sometimes when I am nervous, if I wear a certain piece of jewlery that is special to me, when I get nervous I run my finger over it, just as a reminder to be calm, all is well. Remember the worse they can do is say No. I know it is nerve racking but you'll will be ok. I truly doubt anything you say can make or break what's going to happen, If you find yourself stammering or stuttering, stop, take a deep breath, you might even say "I have a fear of speaking in front of a group, so I am nervous". When they ask a question, pause...sometimes counting to 3 or 10..helps you form the sentence in your head before you speak, it allows you time to put it together and then you can lessen any Ummms or tripping over words.
Anyhow, I hope things go well, be sure to update us on how you did, I'll be looking for it
Tonya
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:34 PM
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Talk with the attorney and find out what the attorney needs you to cover.

I know it's nerve wracking to talk to the judge, but you're not alone in that. The judge understands it's difficult to get on the stand and talk from the heart. If you get too nervous, tell the judge you're nervous. If you cry, that's ok, too. If necessary, the judge will give you Kleenex and the time you need to compose yourself. Trust me on this; the judge has seen really emotional people before, and the judge has seen really scared people before. You will survive the experience, and you'll do the best you can.

Answer the questions from both his attorney and the State honestly. Nobody's out to get you. The State will bring out your relationship with the Defendant, but that's ok. That your man is in a good, stable, supportive relationship says volumes. If you don't know the answer to something, it's ok, too. Just say you don't know the answer.

I know you'll think I'm crazy, but at this point, just relax. You're going on the stand and telling the truth. That can only help.
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:35 PM
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thank you hun! i will keep everyone posted on what happens. i do have requests where he tried to take classes in regional but they arent offered to him because hes doc now. hes currently taking a pre-parole class but since his class is tomorrow and he wont be there due to court and we wont have his certificates. we do have his papers where he tried to get into rehab and got denied due to no medical. when he went in he owed the jail money and we have gotten that taken of care so should i bring that up also? he has kids to take care of who miss him dearly and they are ages 2 and 3. i miss him soo much. his old employer wants him to come back to work so we have that lined up.

the lawyers have put a request to have him bring all of his property to court so they are telling us he should be home tomorrow. god i hope so but if not we only have 6 to 10 months left to go.
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yourself View Post
Talk with the attorney and find out what the attorney needs you to cover.

I know it's nerve wracking to talk to the judge, but you're not alone in that. The judge understands it's difficult to get on the stand and talk from the heart. If you get too nervous, tell the judge you're nervous. If you cry, that's ok, too. If necessary, the judge will give you Kleenex and the time you need to compose yourself. Trust me on this; the judge has seen really emotional people before, and the judge has seen really scared people before. You will survive the experience, and you'll do the best you can.

Answer the questions from both his attorney and the State honestly. Nobody's out to get you. The State will bring out your relationship with the Defendant, but that's ok. That your man is in a good, stable, supportive relationship says volumes. If you don't know the answer to something, it's ok, too. Just say you don't know the answer.

I know you'll think I'm crazy, but at this point, just relax. You're going on the stand and telling the truth. That can only help.
thanks hun. i'm stressing soo much. its just that i'm ready for him to be home and all. i feel crazy and way too emotional. even though he will be in shackles i know hes there beside me and i will do this for him.
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:59 PM
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thanks hun. i'm stressing soo much. its just that i'm ready for him to be home and all. i feel crazy and way too emotional. even though he will be in shackles i know hes there beside me and i will do this for him.
Do whatever you can to get a good night's sleep. Go work out or whatever you like to do to destress (somebody I know loves doing puzzles). Take your mind off of it and leave it for the morning. You'll have plenty of time to stress then. In the meantime, be good to yourself so you can be good tomorrow.
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Old 01-06-2011, 07:28 PM
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You've gotten dynamite advice about what topics to cover- speak from your head, not your heart- The judge, while I'm sure s/he is a perfectly nice person, cannot be swayed by things like how cuddly your fiance's toes are or how much you've missed the adorable way he slurps his coffee. The judge needs to know what the guy has done to prepare for release, what realistic steps he plans to take to stay out and how those plans will play out.
The judge will need information not emotion.

As for the nerves-
Be sure you pee before you enter the courtroom. (trust me- you can be the most poised speaker in the world and still be rattled if your bladder is screaming at you.)

Do admit that you're nervous but keep it quick and smile when you say it.... Something like "Public speaking's never been my strong suit." or "This whole process is a little intimidating."

A sip of water buys you time to collect a thought without creating an unnatural pause in the flow.

If you look at the spot right above the bridge of a person's nose, directly between the eyebrows, it will appear (to them and everyone looking on) that you're making eye contact.

The judge is Your Honor, everyone else is Sir/Ma'am, Mr. Soandso or Ms. Thusandsuch. You want to sound as businesslike as possible - your goal is not to have anyone "like" you but to persuade them that you are credible and that you have a firm understanding of the serious nature of the procedings.

No cleavage,no sexy heels, no short skirts, no denim or funny T-shirts, light makeup,no noisy jewelry (especially multiple bangle bracelets) little or no perfume and your hair should be simple- off your face but not elaborately done.
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Last edited by LeBeau; 01-06-2011 at 07:30 PM..
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  #10  
Old 01-07-2011, 06:52 AM
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thank you . i've had a good nights sleep and prepared myself a little speech and what i would say to some of their questions. i will post as soon as i get home and update everyone . please pray for a successful hearing.
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Old 01-07-2011, 12:06 PM
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Talking Update: Reconsideration hearing!

First of all i want to thank everyone for the advice you gave me, i really appreciated it. they moved my fiances hearing up to this morning and i didnt get to go but both him and his attorney called me to let me know what happened. well everyone my love is coming home!!!! they gave him 28 days in rehab that is 20 mins away from me!! then when hes finished with that hes getting released on house arrest!!! i'm sad but happy at the same time. i miss him and want him home but this is whats best for him and i will be there for him every step of the way!!

we won the state lost!!!!! lol
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Old 01-07-2011, 12:27 PM
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28 days!! Congratulations....that's less than a month and he'll be home, plus he'll get the help he needs in the meantime.
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Old 01-07-2011, 12:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorado_Lawyer View Post
I think you should stay away from talking about his drug convictions, and shouldn't give the impression that you are going to nanny him to accompanying him to AA and NA meetings. People who are successful in AA and NA are so because they have decided to do this, not because their girlfriends are making them. (And I know that is not what you are doing, I understand what you mean, but am afraid the Judge will misunderstand.)

I think you should you are disappointed with the choices he made in the past, but are proud of him for taking responsibility for his mistakes. But, say that you love and support him, and will have a stable and clean place for him to live. That you know the road will be long and hard, but you are willing to walk it with him, so he will never have to be alone.
This is a great response!
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Old 01-07-2011, 12:59 PM
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28 days!! Congratulations....that's less than a month and he'll be home, plus he'll get the help he needs in the meantime.
thank you! i'm happy but crying at the same time lol. i'm too emotional today lol. it will be about 2 months due to waiting for a bed but hell thats better than 6 to 10 months any day!
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