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  #1  
Old 12-24-2011, 05:27 PM
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Unhappy Need advice from the wives/gfs, we argue constantly(UPDATED)

okay me and my boyfriend been going through it TOUGH lately ..i known he since june/july so we been dating on& off with problems that a reg couple had/or haves..okay he got locked up in Oct 12th for Aggravated Burglary he is already a felon..and hes on PAPERs..so deep down inside i know he might get some jail time 9 out of 10...i love him so im willing to be FAITHFUL and WAIT IT OUT WITH HIM...but it seems like hes so anger and mad at the time.i visit him 2wice a week and i also visit him 2times the same day because hes at county so we talk through the lil tv/phone..at 1st he was doing okay i used to make him joke and smile..i actually LOVED coming to see him because he made my day but now when i go visit him hes always so anger,always wanting to pick a argument with me about NOTHING..its almost like im the one that piss him off or something..i dont know if its because hes locked up or if IM doing something..sometimes we argue so bad that he gets up and walk off from me and that really hurts.... i know in a relationship u have up and downs but how much longer can i take??? is this a phase?? i know he loves me but i dont want JAIL to break us up.. its like he writes me good/sweet letters but now at visits we always arguing about NOTHING ..what should i do?? i wrote him a letter breaking up with him because he walked off on me AGAIN thurs because i said something stupid i will admit it was my fault ..then i wrote him another telling him how much i love him and all that good stuff..i dont know what to do ..leave? stay? they say only the strong can survive but i dont know hw long hes going to keep this up..i mean im the ONLY person who has been visiting him,putting $$$ on his books,why act out on the one person who cares...or maybe im overreacting and this is just a jail phase??
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Old 12-24-2011, 05:37 PM
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He's just taking his anger out on you. Its not right but I can see from what your saying that he hasn't fully accepted the time that he has. My bf is going through that right now also. He's about to be shipped from here to va and he's soooooo upset. I can't lie , I'm very upset too. I went and saw him yesterday and we "tried" to call it quits bc of how upset we both are. I still have my doubts but there's NO ONE else id rather be with and when he calls I can't wait to tell him. As much as I think about leaving I'm not sure if I ever can bc I love him that much !

My point??

We all go through tough times with our men. But you know its REAL when the LOVE can get you through even the toughest times. Do what your heart tells you. Understand that being locked up isn't easy and he's going to have his days. They all do !! Feel free to PM me anytime good luck
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Old 12-24-2011, 05:37 PM
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How long is he looking at?

I say give him some room, cut down on the visits.
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Old 12-24-2011, 05:42 PM
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How long is he looking at?

I say give him some room, cut down on the visits.

same thing i said in the letter that i wasnt gne visit for a while..and i have no idea he is waiting to be indicted so he doesnt have a court date as of yet and that might take 30 days to a year or 2
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Old 12-24-2011, 05:45 PM
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He's just taking his anger out on you. Its not right but I can see from what your saying that he hasn't fully accepted the time that he has. My bf is going through that right now also. He's about to be shipped from here to va and he's soooooo upset. I can't lie , I'm very upset too. I went and saw him yesterday and we "tried" to call it quits bc of how upset we both are. I still have my doubts but there's NO ONE else id rather be with and when he calls I can't wait to tell him. As much as I think about leaving I'm not sure if I ever can bc I love him that much !

My point??

We all go through tough times with our men. But you know its REAL when the LOVE can get you through even the toughest times. Do what your heart tells you. Understand that being locked up isn't easy and he's going to have his days. They all do !! Feel free to PM me anytime good luck
i feel the same way as you ,i regret sending him that 1st letter but i was beyond pissed and i realized how much i love him and im willing to wait it out with him through the good and bad,sometimes its just hard =( and i agree with u i guess he do have his days some days he happy and joking around the next he act like i was the one that got him in jail..and thank u i will PM u !
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Old 12-24-2011, 05:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Mrs.taylor2011

i feel the same way as you ,i regret sending him that 1st letter but i was beyond pissed and i realized how much i love him and im willing to wait it out with him through the good and bad,sometimes its just hard =( and i agree with u i guess he do have his days some days he happy and joking around the next he act like i was the one that got him in jail..and thank u i will PM u !
Yup ! Trust me I know how you feel. Some days its sooooooooo hard to stick by him and I gotta admit the days they act like assholes doesn't make it easier. But when its all said and done I love my man. Being without him would be harder than being with him in my eyes. Cut down on visits. Give him a little time to cool off and miss your face. Tell him your not going anywhere and that your in this with him. You guys will be fine and okayy feel free anytime !
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Old 12-24-2011, 10:51 PM
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Yup ! Trust me I know how you feel. Some days its sooooooooo hard to stick by him and I gotta admit the days they act like assholes doesn't make it easier. But when its all said and done I love my man. Being without him would be harder than being with him in my eyes. Cut down on visits. Give him a little time to cool off and miss your face. Tell him your not going anywhere and that your in this with him. You guys will be fine and okayy feel free anytime !
i will take your advice ! thank u
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Old 12-24-2011, 11:27 PM
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Hang n there like post true love can outcome all...they all have Those days...I know but its where they r at hang n there and always tell him how u feel
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Old 12-24-2011, 11:32 PM
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okay me and my boyfriend been going through it TOUGH lately ..i known he since june/july so we been dating on& off with problems that a reg couple had/or haves..okay he got locked up in Oct 12th for Aggravated Burglary he is already a felon..and hes on PAPERs..so deep down inside i know he might get some jail time 9 out of 10...i love him so im willing to be FAITHFUL and WAIT IT OUT WITH HIM...but it seems like hes so anger and mad at the time.i visit him 2wice a week and i also visit him 2times the same day because hes at county so we talk through the lil tv/phone..at 1st he was doing okay i used to make him joke and smile..i actually LOVED coming to see him because he made my day but now when i go visit him hes always so anger,always wanting to pick a argument with me about NOTHING..its almost like im the one that piss him off or something..i dont know if its because hes locked up or if IM doing something..sometimes we argue so bad that he gets up and walk off from me and that really hurts.... i know in a relationship u have up and downs but how much longer can i take??? is this a phase?? i know he loves me but i dont want JAIL to break us up.. its like he writes me good/sweet letters but now at visits we always arguing about NOTHING ..what should i do?? i wrote him a letter breaking up with him because he walked off on me AGAIN thurs because i said something stupid i will admit it was my fault ..then i wrote him another telling him how much i love him and all that good stuff..i dont know what to do ..leave? stay? they say only the strong can survive but i dont know hw long hes going to keep this up..i mean im the ONLY person who has been visiting him,putting $$$ on his books,why act out on the one person who cares...or maybe im overreacting and this is just a jail phase??

Anger is a stage of the grief process...it's also part of depression. He's probably looking at quite a few years, especially if there was a gun involved at all. He's screwing up his life, and even though he hasn't lost a loved one...he lost his freedom...again...let you down, let himself down and that's tough to face.

But on a side note, constant bickering, the "break up" cycle...that's not really normal for a healthy relationship. Everyone has their fights and their moments, but you don't "dump" each other everytime there's a disagreement or hurt feelings. It makes it seem like your love is "disposable" unless things are going your way all the time...or his way all the time otherwise "we're over." And you can't make a relationship successful or put your all in it if in the back of your mind you know at the drop of a hat, or for saying or doing something stupid it can be over just like that.

Trust, honesty and communication are essential to being successful in a relationship, on either side of the barbed wire. Just something to think about.
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  #10  
Old 12-25-2011, 01:09 AM
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Anger is a stage of the grief process...it's also part of depression. He's probably looking at quite a few years, especially if there was a gun involved at all. He's screwing up his life, and even though he hasn't lost a loved one...he lost his freedom...again...let you down, let himself down and that's tough to face.

But on a side note, constant bickering, the "break up" cycle...that's not really normal for a healthy relationship. Everyone has their fights and their moments, but you don't "dump" each other everytime there's a disagreement or hurt feelings. It makes it seem like your love is "disposable" unless things are going your way all the time...or his way all the time otherwise "we're over." And you can't make a relationship successful or put your all in it if in the back of your mind you know at the drop of a hat, or for saying or doing something stupid it can be over just like that.

Trust, honesty and communication are essential to being successful in a relationship, on either side of the barbed wire. Just something to think about.
i agree, i guess i was just thinking about me and not him too..thanks u gave some good advice
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Old 12-27-2011, 01:54 PM
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Default Am I wrong??

earlier this week i posted a threat about how lately all me and my boyfriend been doing is ARGUING back and forth,seems like he is taking his anger out on me so last thurs he walked off on me,and i wrote him a letter breaking up with him then i wrote him another letter telling him how much i love him,etc and im by his self through watever he just need to realize im on his side..and etc.
here is the post http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=580335

okay ladies am i wrong for NOT visiting him today or thursday?? i REALLY want to see him but then again im sick of all the arguments...

i dont want him to think i dont care about him or w.e because i been visiting him faithfully since he went to county jail...i just need a break and want him to be able to get his self together before i go visiting him again,i mean i will keep intouch with him by writing and putting mins on the phone..
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:06 PM
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No your not wrong for wanting to take a break especially since yall argue alot. If I was you I would keep in touch with him and reassure him that you still love him but tell him how you feel about everything thats going on.
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:09 PM
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No your not wrong for wanting to take a break especially since yall argue alot. If I was you I would keep in touch with him and reassure him that you still love him but tell him how you feel about everything thats going on.
lol i knew i wasnt wrong...and yes i told him in a letter i sent how i felt about it and how i stil love him and stuff he should get it today or tomorrow since i sent it out saturday.. being with someone whose in prison can be soooo stressful at times i swear
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:10 PM
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I'm sorry you have to go through this I would just take a break and skip a few visits, and have a nice heart to heart through letters. Figure out the problem and find a resolution. If he's just letting his anger out on you, let him know that he can't do that. You're his support, not his punching bag! Y'all seem to need to tweak your communication. Its wiring may be a little off lol. If he's upset he just vents to you not let it out on you. Hopefully y'all can figure things out soon and get back to happy visits!!
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:12 PM
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Just a little story to see it from his angle. I once asked my boyfriend when he tells me we're over if he really means it and he said, never. Then I asked him how'd he feel if I tried to break up with him. He simply said, I'd believe you found someone else. Do I think you're wrong? Well a break up is hardly the way to deal with conflict. I think it'd be in both your best interests if you worked it through face to face.
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:22 PM
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Just a little story to see it from his angle. I once asked my boyfriend when he tells me we're over if he really means it and he said, never. Then I asked him how'd he feel if I tried to break up with him. He simply said, I'd believe you found someone else. Do I think you're wrong? Well a break up is hardly the way to deal with conflict. I think it'd be in both your best interests if you worked it through face to face.

i agree im not breaking up with him just staying away from visits for a little while ,i usually go because letters & visits are our only communication since i rarely put $$ on the phone..but i think i might just visit him thurs to see where his head is at...
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:24 PM
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I'm sorry you have to go through this I would just take a break and skip a few visits, and have a nice heart to heart through letters. Figure out the problem and find a resolution. If he's just letting his anger out on you, let him know that he can't do that. You're his support, not his punching bag! Y'all seem to need to tweak your communication. Its wiring may be a little off lol. If he's upset he just vents to you not let it out on you. Hopefully y'all can figure things out soon and get back to happy visits!!
thank u i told him the same thing .. but hopefully when he receives my letter he will understand where im coming from , i dont want to leave him,i just want us to stop fighting so much
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:45 PM
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I would go Thursday and then if its still the same let him know you are taking a break from the visits. That's what I personally would do.
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:49 PM
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I would go Thursday and then if its still the same let him know you are taking a break from the visits. That's what I personally would do.
thank u i will do just that ...
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Old 12-27-2011, 08:17 PM
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LOL okay i said i wasnt gne go..but his mother called and said he wanted to see me........... GUESS WHAT??? i asked him about our relationship ,and where was "we" going with this..and he made a BIG deal about me messing around and walked off again..and i refused to be treated any kind of way soo i threw them deuces
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Old 12-27-2011, 10:55 PM
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Even though it will be hard, I would not write or go visit him. Let him make the next move and see if he apologizes. If not, maybe you have to reflect on a few things. Being in prison is hard but taking it out on someone like yourself who is there to support him is wrong. My guy sends me letters venting all the time but he doesn't take it out on me. The day he does that is the day I will reconsider things. I hope things work out for you. Keep your chin up and focus on yourself for a bit.
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:13 AM
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Even though it will be hard, I would not write or go visit him. Let him make the next move and see if he apologizes. If not, maybe you have to reflect on a few things. Being in prison is hard but taking it out on someone like yourself who is there to support him is wrong. My guy sends me letters venting all the time but he doesn't take it out on me. The day he does that is the day I will reconsider things. I hope things work out for you. Keep your chin up and focus on yourself for a bit.
thank u i will most def take your advice and ignore him for a couple of weeks,im so sick of this back n forth stuff
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:19 AM
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thank u i will most def take your advice and ignore him for a couple of weeks,im so sick of this back n forth stuff
He also needs to be reminded that you are a good stand up woman for him and that he is lucky to have you. You also have to have faith in yourself that if it doesn't work out that you other men will be happy to be with you. I tell myself this everyday. Sometimes the men we are with even if they aren't in prison take us for granted. When you are absent from him, hopefully he will realize this.
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Old 12-28-2011, 05:49 AM
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Go see him. It's way past time to work it out. Yes he's treating you poorly but help him over his insecurities.
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Old 12-28-2011, 10:22 AM
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have you tried talking to him about how you feel? this kind of sounds like me an my fiancee a few months back. we were fighting about EVERYTHING you could imagine. it got to the point where it was dragging me down so bad i told him that when he started to pick an argument with me i'm hanging up or leaving the visit. & i went through with it. i'd say "baby i love you but i'm NOT doing this right now" & hang up so we'd end on a good note & wouldn't answer his phone calls until the next day. it gave us both a little time to cool off. & then when we were both over it we'd talk about trying to figure out what's making us fight so much. we found out for us it was just him stressing about coming home & about reconnecting with his daughter & my son. since then we've been doing pretty good. good luck!
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