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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 01-08-2019, 11:35 PM
momof234 momof234 is offline
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Default He gave me an out

My LO has 4 months left of his sentence. I recently went to visit him where he is completing his sentence. It was a great visit, until the conversation about our relationship came up. He doesn’t want anything serious right now. We started off speaking in another language because I didn’t want to be overheard by the other inmate with his visitor, then I switched to English because I couldn’t find the words. So I think I missed a few key parts of the conversation. So then I just kind of went off on him. And I feel really bad because he’s a very sweet guy and did not deserve it. I was really tired and I just got emotional and spazzed out. Then I said I think we’re done and got up to leave. I left in a huff he tried to hug me and I just walked by and left without looking back. He looked totally defeated as I left and I felt horrible after. I got a letter from him he wrote that same day saying we don’t seem to be seeing eye to eye but he wants to continue our relationship when he’s released if I’ll allow it. He said how much he cares about me but hes leaving communication up to me. He’s planning on coming to see me we (were) long distance He said if I don’t respond he’ll still reach out to me when he’s released but he hopes to hear from me. So I’ve done nothing. I’m tired and sick of the prison bs I will never do it again for anyone. I have an out now. But I don’t want to abandon him. Also I would miss him. And worry about him. I’ve thought this before like what if I could just tell him I’m sorry I can’t deal with this call me when you’re released. I feel like that’s everyone’s worst fear in prison that the people they love will abandon them. Also, he seems to really love me. I went off on him kinda disrespected him in front of the other inmates and staff and still he reached out to me thanking me for coming and said that he enjoyed the visit. I’ve never had any man react in a loving compassionate gentle way like that. Like he didn’t run away. He seems to think that I’ve left already. So I don’t know what to do now. I don’t want to abandon him and it’s only 4 months to go I can deal with it. But I hate the prison bs it takes so much out of me. And he himself gave me the choice. Lastly I am not the only person supporting him in prison. He has a huge family and they are all behind him. He also has a lot of friends. He will be ok and also I know he’s not wanting me to stay because he doesn’t have anyone. He has lots of people

Last edited by momof234; 01-08-2019 at 11:53 PM..
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  #2  
Old 01-09-2019, 04:15 AM
Raf's Girl Raf's Girl is online now
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He likes you but doesn't love you in the way you love him, is that the problem??
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Old 01-09-2019, 09:36 AM
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Sorry to hear that things continue to be this way with him I wish I'd have a magic wand so that I could just make him love you the way you love him & want him to love you....but based on your previous posts & threads about your time with him, he's always been honest with you about not wanting anything serious with you.

Just like I've commented on your posts before I'll say it again: I wouldn't stick around for someone who isn't in love with me....but, you seem to believe things might change in four months and don't mind waiting -- so again, do what's best for you
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Old 01-09-2019, 03:03 PM
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Hi there it sounds like you are having a difficult time. We cant make people love us the way we want them to. If he is saying he isnt ready for anything serious with you, its because he doesnt want to be with you. Do you want to be with a man who isnt sure about you? Do you want to be with a man who doesnt know what he wants?

If you want to stick around thats your choice he isnt making you and he isnt leading you on. If you stay you know it may not happen as you want it to to me it sounds like setting yourself up for heartache.
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Old 01-11-2019, 01:01 AM
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Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
Hi there it sounds like you are having a difficult time. We cant make people love us the way we want them to. If he is saying he isnt ready for anything serious with you, its because he doesnt want to be with you. Do you want to be with a man who isnt sure about you? Do you want to be with a man who doesnt know what he wants?

If you want to stick around thats your choice he isnt making you and he isnt leading you on. If you stay you know it may not happen as you want it to to me it sounds like setting yourself up for heartache.
Itís not that I expect him to change his mind while heís in prison, I donít think he will. Also heís in prison and to me thatís not the real world the way we communicate is restricted by the whole prison system and I feel like I wonít know anything for sure until weíre together in the free world. I realize people meet and fall in love with someone incarcerated and these become real relationships just for me I donít feel like I could plan my future with someone whoís not with me in the real world. Not saying this is not legitimate and doesnít work out for many couples i know it does itís just not for me. I donít feel right abandoning him as a friend because I care about him. And heís almost done with his sentence. I would rather not deal with the prison situation but if it were me I would want people that care about me around me and I would feel hurt if someone bailed out on me even if I gave them the choice to and said letís talk when Iím out. But im tempted to take him up on his offer because heís offering and not deal with the prison situation. I know he will miss me and maybe it will give him the opportunity to see how he feels without me there and maybe think he was an idiot. And I can live my own life without having to deal with the prison drama and know heíll reach out to me when heís released. So Iím conflicted. He deserves a response now I donít know what to say in the letter I canít find the words. Thatís where Iím at
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Old 01-11-2019, 03:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof234 View Post
Itís not that I expect him to change his mind while heís in prison, I donít think he will.

It was a great visit, until the conversation about our relationship came up. He doesnít want anything serious right now.

So then I just kind of went off on him.

I got a letter from him he wrote that same day saying we donít seem to be seeing eye to eye but he wants to continue our relationship when heís released if Iíll allow it
I am not sure what your argument with him was about, but if you do not want a relationship with him (anymore) while he is incarcerated and he hasn't changed his mind about wanting to be in a relationship with you...then what is there to argue about?

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Originally Posted by momof234 View Post
I donít feel right abandoning him as a friend because I care about him. And heís almost done with his sentence. I would rather not deal with the prison situation but if it were me I would want people that care about me around me and I would feel hurt if someone bailed out on me even if I gave them the choice to and said letís talk when Iím out.
To me this really doesn't look like something as dramatic as "abandonment"; you say he has a lot of support and friends, and as you say his time left inside is only four months, that's a tiny moment in a human life, just 120 days. He has said he will look you up when he gets out, so if you want to continue hooking up with him when he's free, you have that opportunity. If I were in your shoes though I would keep it in mind that his view of "continuing the relationship" might just mean continuing how he sees things with you now; nothing serious. If you are cool with that, all the power to you.

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But im tempted to take him up on his offer because heís offering and not deal with the prison situation. I know he will miss me and maybe it will give him the opportunity to see how he feels without me there and maybe think he was an idiot. And I can live my own life without having to deal with the prison drama and know heíll reach out to me when heís released. So Iím conflicted. He deserves a response now I donít know what to say in the letter I canít find the words. Thatís where Iím at
I would say take a time-out for the next four months, for your own sake. You have been posting about this situation since early spring 2018 and I can imagine it must be taking a toll on you. What happened to you dating other people and living your life, I think you were posting about that a couple of months ago in another thread? I don't know what he said about wanting a "response" (you say he deserves a response now?) --- but if you two discussed that something needs to be decided right now, why not just send him a friendly letter telling him you are here as a friend and for the next four months maybe send a card here and there, but leave it at that; take some distance with no visits and no calls, be strictly on a friend zone....and let him come to you once he is out....see where you two are then, since you are determined to see this through.
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Old 01-13-2019, 02:53 AM
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I don't know your history, but from reading what Sarianna typed and reading your actual post here - I'd have to say that I agree in that it sounds like you really do need to take some time for yourself. Step back and evaluate things. Take care of yourself.

Before even reading beyond your original post, I was going to say... Don't stay out of guilt. Don't stay because you'd feel awful for him if you left and made yourself happy. Staying when you can be free and happy is a miserable life.

I look at it this way... If he is not serious about you, why stay? You've got four months to draw back and work on yourself. If he contacts you when he is released and you'd still like to see where it goes, go for it! But don't ever make yourself miserable out of pity, guilt, fear... You deserve to live your best life. If he isn't committed when you desire commitment, I see no reason to ruin your state of mind for him.
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Old 01-13-2019, 10:33 AM
ambermarshall11 ambermarshall11 is offline
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I was with mine for 6 yrs and he left me after he got released met a female on Facebook for 2 weeks I will never do this prison stuff again they use women till they get home then when they get home it's a whole New story I'm over it already it's his loss he'll be back they all go back then they realize what they got when there sitting in there good luck to you and your man
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Old 01-13-2019, 01:05 PM
ktomlinson ktomlinson is offline
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You're worried about leaving him in prison but he is telling you there wont be a relationship when he gets out. If you desire marriage you are delaying your husband finding you...
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