True life: my sister murdered my other sister.

CookOH · #1 10-18-2009, 05:10 PM

I am torn. My older sister age 22 -at the time- murdered my 3 year old sister. She got just sentenced to 36 to life. I do not accept her actions but I love her. She is always my sister. Any ideas? Should I write? When should I write? Urghhh

nimuay · #2 10-18-2009, 06:15 PM

Of course you should write. I don't know if you're dealing with her mental difficulties or emotional ones, but if you're not entirely negative about her, then you need to have some minimal contact, right? So go ahead. Write her. You can do it any time, as long as you know her inmate number.

Jules966 · #3 10-22-2009, 12:12 PM

Write her & tell her that you do not accept her actions but that you still love her. There's nothing wrong with the truth. May god give you serenity & strength to deal with all of this...

TedEBare · #4 10-22-2009, 01:49 PM

I read the story. I'm so very sorry that you are going thru this. Writing her may or may not be therapuetic to both of you.

godhonorschange · #5 10-24-2009, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CookOH

I am torn. My older sister age 22 -at the time- murdered my 3 year old sister. She got just sentenced to 36 to life. I do not accept her actions but I love her. She is always my sister. Any ideas? Should I write? When should I write? Urghhh

It depends I mean is she sorry was it on purpose?

matteroftime · #6 10-27-2009, 06:25 AM

your story relly touched me.I think you should write and tell her how u feel.
My brother killed a 15 year old and got off. 4 yrs later he killed some one elses
brother. I started out writing and putting money in his account. all he ever wanted
to write about was me getting him out and he said they never gave him the money
i became real frustrated and stopped writing and sending money. i really wish he would take responsibility for what he did so we could have some kind of relationship
he is my only sibbling and i miss him

addictsmom · #7 10-27-2009, 02:20 PM

I know that you still love your sister. My response on what kind of contact would have to hinge on whether she was remorseful and accepting of responsibility. I would still have mail contact but that condition would have to be a must if I were in your shoes. But, I am not. Good luck and please accept my most sincere apologies on the lost of your little baby sister. Know that she is playing in heaven now and will never ever be hurt again.

Diane

ricksbabe · #8 10-27-2009, 02:43 PM

i dont think you should be asking us if you should write or when. its all up to you and how you feel. when and if you are ready to write her, thats when you should not a day later or before.

Lesliezack · #9 10-27-2009, 02:51 PM

IMO this question is bigger than what anyone on a forum can tell you.
I suggest you see a therapist to work through this.
If you don't have Health Ins.
Try victim services or clergy.

I am so sorry for your loss.

CookOH · #10 10-27-2009, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by godhonorschange

It depends I mean is she sorry was it on purpose?

no during the trial she didn't show any emotion at all until she was convicted and i think she only cried because she was convicted.

everyday my feelings change.. its an emotional rollercoaster.

CookOH · #11 10-27-2009, 11:19 PM

some days, i feel sorry for her because her mom really beat the sh_t out of her when she was really little.

other days, i feel very angry that i am never going to see my baby sister again.

maybe if she had parenting growing up this wouldn't have happened. idk.

victim name; hope dawn cook if youre interested in reading it.

TedEBare · #12 10-28-2009, 07:00 AM

Sweetie, I've read the story online and I can certainly understand why you are asking opinions. I think the answer depends on you. Are you strong enough to take it when/if she shows no remorse? I have to agree with ricksbabe. When you are ready and not a day or moment sooner.

angelbaby72 · #13 11-15-2009, 03:30 AM

my sister was murdered back in 2002 by her husband and is yet to be charged,but with this being your sister,you should let her know although you do not accept her actions you do love her and such.she is still your sister.i don't know the whole story,but there is nothing my baby brother who just went to prison for drug charges could do to make me turn my back.

CookOH · #14 12-01-2009, 12:14 PM

sorry it takes me so long to find where i have posted. i still haven't wrote but am getting used to the forums here. i had read about other inmates in her jail and know basically the daily life. i have been writing my uncle who was very close with kimberly. i am going to ask him if he has written her and how that is going. i plan on sending a letter soon to test the waters... im not sure what to say but i figured i would start just with the basics. i don't agree with what she did. she caused our family a lot of pain but she deserves to be loved and know that she is loved. thanks for all your answers. i put her picture back on my wall and have started healing a bit. i'm not as angry with her as i was right after the trial ended. i never visited her in jail before her trial and am not sure if i ever could. things might change in the next 36 years though... one day at a time. one letter at a time.

SkysMom · #15 12-02-2009, 10:37 PM

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Life can be cruel and unjust and abuse does terrible things to a child's mind. Some harbor that anger for years. Especially if your mother beat the one sister, but was loving, sweet and attentive to the baby. Imagine the rage and disconnectedness your older sister may have felt.

You should seek out therapy through victim's services in your area. You are all victims, beginning with your mother's abuse through the murder. Deal with you and your feelings first before taking that next step. That should be a part of the process so that when you get to that point, you know just what you want and need to say.

You may love her, but the pain and sorrow must be unbearable. I am so very deeply for the loss of both your sisters. I hope you find some peace and comfort in the coming years.

CookOH · #16 12-07-2009, 04:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkysMom

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Life can be cruel and unjust and abuse does terrible things to a child's mind. Some harbor that anger for years. Especially if your mother beat the one sister, but was loving, sweet and attentive to the baby. Imagine the rage and disconnectedness your older sister may have felt.

You should seek out therapy through victim's services in your area. You are all victims, beginning with your mother's abuse through the murder. Deal with you and your feelings first before taking that next step. That should be a part of the process so that when you get to that point, you know just what you want and need to say.

You may love her, but the pain and sorrow must be unbearable. I am so very deeply for the loss of both your sisters. I hope you find some peace and comfort in the coming years.

We all had different mothers. Sister & brother have same mom, then it's just me with my mom, then 3 more after me with different mom.
Sister 1 killed sister 2 and they had diff mom.

My mom raised me on our own. I was never abused. Neither was my younger sister.

I am taking time to settle my feelings and get my head straight. I am going to send my sister a christmas card this christmas. I will also be sending her a birthday card in january even if i get no response between.

thank you for your kind words. this too shall pass.

CookOH · #17 12-07-2009, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by godhonorschange

It depends I mean is she sorry was it on purpose?

my sister had multiple impact points on her head. the first blow might have been an accident but those there after were not.

wickit · #18 12-07-2009, 09:32 PM

I could not go through what your family has gone through and I can't begin to say how sorry I am this has happened to you. I think if you feel the need to reach out to your sister you should not do it alone. Talk to a professional for advice, therapy could help you so much.

MikesWifey · #19 12-15-2009, 09:19 PM

I am sorry for you loss and I am sorry but i have no advise, I really dont know what I would do or how I would react in your shoes. I am more speechless than anything. I just dont know. try and keep you head up.

LGL1017 · #20 12-15-2009, 10:00 PM

hello, my name is Lisa from texas...I just read your story. I am so sorry for your loss.....my prayers are with you and your family.

greeneyedlady19 · #21 12-16-2009, 12:31 AM

i too don't know how to respond to this. i'm also at a loss for words. i do send my deepest sympathy to you and your family. this is just unimaginable

crazycasey183 · #22 12-17-2009, 03:10 PM

I am so so sorry for your loss, however anyone that can hurt a child doesn't deserve mail, doesn't deserve anything, thats just my opinion, sorry if it's harsh....

Mitch67 · #23 12-18-2009, 06:05 AM

Oh my I cannot even begin to think what you are going through right now. I have sisters myself and if one of them murdered another I know that I would be truely devestated. However I also believe that I could never turn my back on the murderer either. They are my family and I have grown up fighting and bitching but always loving each of them.

My only advice (and I feel totally inadequate in offering any) is do not do this alone. Find someone to support you through this very difficult time and decision making process.

Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Take care of you.

norjan · #24 12-18-2009, 08:02 AM

My brother is in prison, and although he did not murder a sibling, he DID harm family members. I certainly can appreciate the confusion of emotions you are feeling.

I can only tell you what I did to get through my own pain - I communicated with him and I was honest about my feelings about his crime! It was hard at first. I was very blunt and brutally honest. Sometimes sending multiple letters in a day because I had so much sadness and anger and hurt to pour out. And thankfully he read them and allowed me to state my feelings. But in addition to all of that, I also told him over and over that I loved him and would do what I could to support him as long as I felt he was being honest with me.

Thankfully, he HAS accepted responsibility for his actions and appears to be working on his own issues and is beginning to try and make amends with family members.

You can only do what is right for you - and you will decide what that is when the time is right. Listen to your heart and don't be in too much of a rush to try and make the "right" decision. it will come to you in it's own good time.

Rainbozz · #25 12-18-2009, 09:39 AM

God Bless you honey, how awful to feel caught in the middle of sibling vs sibling..... especially in this way. It sounds as if your sister has NO remorse at this point & time for whatever reasons & may NEVER have any. Then again the years behind bars she will have to serve, may change her heart forever. Until she shows remorse for her unjust actions, i dont see how it will do you or her any good to have contact, but sweety it's all up to you. Let your heart be your guide & whatever you decide to do, i just want to say im soo sorry that you lost BOTH sisters, just in different ways.
God Bless You!