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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #26  
Old 02-14-2018, 10:45 AM
Juliette99 Juliette99 is offline
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Originally Posted by fbopnomore View Post
There are also the true con-men/scammers both inside and outside of prison. There was one guy in federal prison who had nearly as many men as women who were expecting him to be the love of their lives when he was released.

It's similar to Bernie Madoff, a world class scammer who was mistakenly trusted by lots of very competent people, many of whom lost massive amounts of money.
Yes thatís so true. You can be conned by people in and out of prison. I have been scammed by people on the outside but it happened quickly and I could feel the scam at an intuitive level. This experience blindsighted me. I also have a pen pal who is a lifer that I would like to see out on the flip side of things because he deserves a chance. He went through a breakup when I did so we helped each other though I think he did more for me than I did for him. He has reunited with his ex which I am so glad for them both as I know her too. But that fellow is different . Totally different. Hopefully he gets a chance at freedom. I havenít written him in a long time though.
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  #27  
Old 02-14-2018, 10:50 AM
Juliette99 Juliette99 is offline
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Originally Posted by fbopnomore View Post
There are also the true con-men/scammers both inside and outside of prison. There was one guy in federal prison who had nearly as many men as women who were expecting him to be the love of their lives when he was released.

It's similar to Bernie Madoff, a world class scammer who was mistakenly trusted by lots of very competent people, many of whom lost massive amounts of money.
I just wrote you a nice long post but looks like it didnít post. I have an appt but will try to remember what I said lol and repost later.
But yes you are right. People are scammed every day.
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  #28  
Old 02-15-2018, 10:12 PM
Juliette99 Juliette99 is offline
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I think I am blessed that this relationship ended so quickly and I realize there never really was a friendship. This very useless man who is a sociopath is not a real person and is a pitiable creature who has no real identity. I hope he does not hurt anyone physically in his future. I think The lord protected me. In reading some past posts it really helped me to see that things turn out the way they do for a reason. We donít know the future. I really had nothing in common with this man who I donít think respects women. He was just charming and full of nice words but in reality his words never reflected any real action. Perhaps since it was not real with this person there was nothing real I really lost. He had a dark evil spirit. I Pray for protection for all who come into his path. There is a whole world of better people to befriend. He was not bright enough to know he lost a true friend.
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  #29  
Old 02-16-2018, 12:47 AM
Kbsles Kbsles is offline
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My lifer has been inside for nearly 40 years, I knew him before he went to prison and have been with him for over 13 years now. There is no way that I would consider living with him after he got out until I saw what he was like outside the walls. This is for multiple reasons....I truly believe that the man I know now is exactly who he would be outside but it would be completely unrealistic to expect him to be ready for a full time serious relationship when he first got out after being imprisoned for such a long time besides being utterly unfair to both of us.
Being in a relationship is a challenge under any circumstances but throw long term incarceration into the picture and those challenges multiply exponentially. They are going to walk outside of those fences completely unprepared for life out here, and most likely with post incarceration syndrome. Then women in here act surprised when the relationship fails.....really????? Why put yourself in that situation, why not wait, let them attempt to get their feet on the ground, wait and see who they really are before having any expectations of setting up housekeeping with them, let them see who you are too....talking for 15 minutes on a phone, visiting for six or eight hours in a room full of people is not real life!!!! It’s not the every day grind of life out here. I’m not saying they are guaranteed to fail but the odds are not in our favor. Slow down....we all are going to have to get to know them all over again in the real world.
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  #30  
Old 02-16-2018, 09:54 AM
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He had a dark evil spirit. I Pray for protection for all who come into his path. There is a whole world of better people to befriend. He was not bright enough to know he lost a true friend.
Don't belittle what happened to you - you lost hopes and dreams, and that's a little death. Go ahead and mourn for it, and learn from it. Do pay attention to the charismatic - some are for real, and some really are sociopaths and just inherently destructive. Learn to distinguish.
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  #31  
Old 02-16-2018, 12:28 PM
Juliette99 Juliette99 is offline
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Originally Posted by Kbsles View Post
My lifer has been inside for nearly 40 years, I knew him before he went to prison and have been with him for over 13 years now. There is no way that I would consider living with him after he got out until I saw what he was like outside the walls. This is for multiple reasons....I truly believe that the man I know now is exactly who he would be outside but it would be completely unrealistic to expect him to be ready for a full time serious relationship when he first got out after being imprisoned for such a long time besides being utterly unfair to both of us.
Being in a relationship is a challenge under any circumstances but throw long term incarceration into the picture and those challenges multiply exponentially. They are going to walk outside of those fences completely unprepared for life out here, and most likely with post incarceration syndrome. Then women in here act surprised when the relationship fails.....really????? Why put yourself in that situation, why not wait, let them attempt to get their feet on the ground, wait and see who they really are before having any expectations of setting up housekeeping with them, let them see who you are too....talking for 15 minutes on a phone, visiting for six or eight hours in a room full of people is not real life!!!! Itís not the every day grind of life out here. Iím not saying they are guaranteed to fail but the odds are not in our favor. Slow down....we all are going to have to get to know them all over again in the real world.
You are absolutely 100 percent right,,,!,, I wish I would have known what you know back then. Yes I am finding that not many people understand what I have been saying. You are very very bright and knowllegabke . Itís a huge lesson when you learn the hard way. I agree with everything youíve said.
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  #32  
Old 02-16-2018, 12:30 PM
Juliette99 Juliette99 is offline
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Originally Posted by nimuay View Post
Don't belittle what happened to you - you lost hopes and dreams, and that's a little death. Go ahead and mourn for it, and learn from it. Do pay attention to the charismatic - some are for real, and some really are sociopaths and just inherently destructive. Learn to distinguish.
Very true itís like a death.
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  #33  
Old 02-16-2018, 12:34 PM
Juliette99 Juliette99 is offline
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Originally Posted by Kbsles View Post
My lifer has been inside for nearly 40 years, I knew him before he went to prison and have been with him for over 13 years now. There is no way that I would consider living with him after he got out until I saw what he was like outside the walls. This is for multiple reasons....I truly believe that the man I know now is exactly who he would be outside but it would be completely unrealistic to expect him to be ready for a full time serious relationship when he first got out after being imprisoned for such a long time besides being utterly unfair to both of us.
Being in a relationship is a challenge under any circumstances but throw long term incarceration into the picture and those challenges multiply exponentially. They are going to walk outside of those fences completely unprepared for life out here, and most likely with post incarceration syndrome. Then women in here act surprised when the relationship fails.....really????? Why put yourself in that situation, why not wait, let them attempt to get their feet on the ground, wait and see who they really are before having any expectations of setting up housekeeping with them, let them see who you are too....talking for 15 minutes on a phone, visiting for six or eight hours in a room full of people is not real life!!!! Itís not the every day grind of life out here. Iím not saying they are guaranteed to fail but the odds are not in our favor. Slow down....we all are going to have to get to know them all over again in the real world.
You are so smart I really appreciate you taking the time to write this. People in here donít get it.
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