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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #1  
Old 09-20-2017, 12:58 AM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
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Default He divorced me... for his first love

I met him while he was incarcerated I thought he was the love of my life , we got married and had been together for 9 years , he did 23 total ... I thought I knew him he had been lying to me all these years, I feel so used, he said he had never stopped loving her , they had known each other since high school, before he got locked up and have always kept in touch, his mom even knew about her, now they are planning their wedding.. I am so heartbroken
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Old 09-20-2017, 02:39 AM
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I wish I had some amazing magic words to fix your heart. All I can do is give you some internet hugs.
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Old 09-20-2017, 02:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Fredslady5 View Post
I met him while he was incarcerated I thought he was the love of my life , we got married and had been together for 9 years , he did 23 total ... I thought I knew him he had been lying to me all these years, I feel so used, he said he had never stopped loving her , they had known each other since high school, before he got locked up and have always kept in touch, his mom even knew about her, now they are planning their wedding.. I am so heartbroken
UGH!!! I am so sorry you are going through this. All I can say is karma will take care of everything.

Be easy on yourself!
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Old 09-20-2017, 07:29 AM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is offline
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Ugh how horrible. I guess we take risks with every new person we meet on the inside or the outside of prison. I myself think it's a greater risk with men in prison. You don't really know whats happening you just have to trust. Most times it's a big lie. I've seen so much negativity with MWI relationships. But No One is to blame it's all the risk you decide to take. I wish you could of had one of those success stories. My husband says many men do this. And visiting my husband now for almost 26 months I see it in visits. Many men visit several different females. I'm shocked by how much. But I'm not allowed to tell them.
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Old 09-20-2017, 07:49 AM
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I am so terribly sorry! I really don't understand why he had a relationship and marriage with you if she was always there. That is so wrong
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Old 09-20-2017, 08:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Fredslady5 View Post
I met him while he was incarcerated I thought he was the love of my life , we got married and had been together for 9 years , he did 23 total ... I thought I knew him he had been lying to me all these years, I feel so used, he said he had never stopped loving her , they had known each other since high school, before he got locked up and have always kept in touch, his mom even knew about her, now they are planning their wedding.. I am so heartbroken
Well that sucks. I'm sorry. Is he out now?
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Old 09-20-2017, 08:33 AM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
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Well that sucks. I'm sorry. Is he out now?
Yes and they are together
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Old 09-20-2017, 10:08 AM
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Really a hard thing. I wish you the necessary emotional support from friends or/ and family!
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Old 09-20-2017, 11:29 AM
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I am very sorry to hear of your situation. You deserve so much better and he should have been honest and never married you if she was around and he wanted to be with her. You will find someone right for you so don't waste anymore time on this dishonest man.
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Old 09-20-2017, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by priceam View Post
I am so terribly sorry! I really don't understand why he had a relationship and marriage with you if she was always there. That is so wrong


Were you completely supporting him financially through your relationship? Were you able to visit or was it strictly phone, email,mail relationship? Looking back, are there any red flags that may help others? Who initiated the marriage and did all the planning?

I'm sorry.... I am a "details" person....and, if nothing else, maybe your story will help someone.
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Old 09-20-2017, 03:35 PM
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Were you completely supporting him financially through your relationship? Were you able to visit or was it strictly phone, email,mail relationship? Looking back, are there any red flags that may help others? Who initiated the marriage and did all the planning?

I'm sorry.... I am a "details" person....and, if nothing else, maybe your story will help someone.
I agree. I'm so sorry this happened to you but perhaps your story could help others.
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Old 09-20-2017, 04:11 PM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
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[quote=MrsDeeKay;7664324]Were you completely supporting him financially through your relationship? Were you able to visit or was it strictly phone, email,mail relationship? Looking back, are there any red flags that may help others? Who initiated the marriage and did all the planning?

I'm sorry.... I am a "details" person....and, if nothing else, maybe your story will help someone.[/QUOT

Yes, I was very supportive, he said she had always had his heart and that he was sorry , and he initiated the marriage but she wouldn't accept until he was divorced..im just shocked!!
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Old 09-20-2017, 04:26 PM
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i wish i had some amazing magic words to fix your heart. All i can do is give you some internet hugs.
thanks!!!
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Old 09-20-2017, 04:52 PM
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[quote=Fredslady5;7664335]
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsDeeKay View Post
Were you completely supporting him financially through your relationship? Were you able to visit or was it strictly phone, email,mail relationship? Looking back, are there any red flags that may help others? Who initiated the marriage and did all the planning?

I'm sorry.... I am a "details" person....and, if nothing else, maybe your story will help someone.[/QUOT

Yes, I was very supportive, he said she had always had his heart and that he was sorry , and he initiated the marriage but she wouldn't accept until he was divorced..im just shocked!!
So he married you and was with her all these years??? I wish I could say something to make you feel better but really there are no words. I'd be looking for revenge personally. I know its not right but I also would take his ass to the cleaners and demand he pay back every dime I ever spent, on his pathetic ass. Sorry I would get even and I'd drag him, her and his family into court as he certainly deceived you and they were in on this fraud.
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Old 09-20-2017, 04:54 PM
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I'm sorry he treated you so horribly. Take care of yourself now, and try to erase him from your life, and from your memory if that is ever possible.
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Old 09-20-2017, 07:56 PM
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This has to be one of the worst stories Ive heard in this forum.
wow.
I am so sorry he USED YOU for whatever.
And his family seems to have condoned it?

I am so so sorry this happened to you.
Very unfair.

But Im glad you were willing to give someone a chance (even tho they obviously did NOT deserve it)
Dont feel bad. You did nothing wrong. Him?
wow. No words.
Please be good to yourself. He? He can suck rocks.
I hope he chokes
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Old 09-21-2017, 02:02 AM
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I hate to suggest the possibility of this, but might the "first love" scenario be fictional? Do you know for a fact that she exists? If not, maybe he made up the story to get out of his marriage to you, after you did his time with him and supported him. Did this happen right around his release time? It just seems like over a period of 9 years (a very long time, almost a decade) there would have been something to alert you to her existence .. problems scheduling visitation, for example. Do you know any of his family? Did they attend your wedding? (Putting on my Sherlock Holmes hat here )
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Old 09-21-2017, 03:30 AM
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Yes, she's very real, it happened before he got released , and he said she was ALWAYS there for him, and that he loved me still, but was IN LOVE with her.. I just want to move on with my life , lesson learned but I wouldn't wish this hurt I feel on anyone
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Old 09-21-2017, 03:36 AM
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What an effing nightmare!
I'm with xolady on this, take him to the cleaners. It's not going to heal your heart but gives you at least some feeling and form of revenge. What he did to you is just horrible, disgusting and plain evil.
I hope Karma is going to come back and bite him in his ass!
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Old 09-21-2017, 06:24 AM
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Yes, she's very real, it happened before he got released , and he said she was ALWAYS there for him, and that he loved me still, but was IN LOVE with her.. I just want to move on with my life , lesson learned but I wouldn't wish this hurt I feel on anyone
I seriously would get even!!! Where was she when he was being supported by you?? It's time to get mad!!!
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Old 09-21-2017, 06:34 AM
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He is a very uncaring man why would he marry you when he had someone else he was in love with and who was there for him. What he has done is unforgiveable it sounds like he married you for support.

I really hope you can move on and not waste any further time on this selfish dishonorable man.

Now you are free to find happiness with someone who will give you their heart 100%
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Old 02-13-2018, 04:30 PM
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I am so sorry. There are so many liars in prison.
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Old 02-13-2018, 04:32 PM
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I am so sorry. There are so many liars in prison.
And in the free world as well. This isn't just a prison problem...but a people problem!
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Old 02-19-2018, 05:29 AM
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I am so sorry. There are so many liars in prison.
Yes... and the sad part is most women think "my man is not like that" ( I thought the same )... until it happens to them.
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Old 02-20-2018, 11:48 AM
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Yes... and the sad part is most women think "my man is not like that" ( I thought the same )... until it happens to them.
Yes this is unfortunately how it works. When you love someone in prison you’re giving them the benefit of the doubt, and you want to believe they are the wonderful men they show us that they are to us other than the obvious. But when they get out this is when you truly see who they are. Mine had me fooled too. It is very painful to go through something like this, and hard to understand until you’ve experienced such deceit and hurt. I feel for you and understand how it feels. We only hope that more men in prison can do the right things so more of us won’t be hurt. The way I see it is we live in the free world and took our time out to be with them and they should at least come out of those gates having worked on good behavior, good morals and good ethics, bring loving, kind and respectful towards all of us. Your guy was blessed to have you all these yrs
No one will stay with him.
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