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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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  #1  
Old 10-05-2009, 01:10 PM
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Default Has your long term sentenced boyfriends ever said things like this?

Hi everybody,

my boyfriend is serving life (with still two appeals left). Lately he said to me that if they´ll turn his appeals down he wants me to go ahead and search for somebody to be there for me the way I deserve it and no more to put my life on hold for him!!! Hell, he is my life and I don´t put anything on hold. Just this thought he had there "shocked" me. I told him to forget about this fast and that I fell in love with him when he was inside there already. Whenever I want to talk about the future he says, let us talk this over when I am once out. It is like he gave himself, his dreams and hope up. So I am also grateful for "chin up"-ideas.

Thank you all
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Old 10-05-2009, 02:45 PM
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My husband did something similar after he got his setnece and compared to some his wasn't that long (he has 6 years left) and he told me that he can't expect to me to wait I deserve better. I just flat out told him fine if thats the way he awants it he has t o end it (we are married so it makes ended it a bit more complicated) but it worked in my book after that letter he called and was like I don't want to end it I just want you to know that i would understand. I explained that it made me feel like i meant nothing to him. He said it was to hard for him to beg me to stay but if that was what I wanted he would. I told him no I just didn't want to hear anymore stupid talk.
My best advice keep writing your man and sending cards let him know that you are hear no matter what
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Old 10-05-2009, 03:51 PM
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Keep your head up love- you may want to repost something similar in the longterm or the lifers forums - i'm sure they've all heard it at one point in time or another.

My man was in there for two months and told me that he'd understand if i didnt stick around. I'm like love i'm not going anywhere. we dont know how long he'll get, or anything else yet. I'm positive it wont be life, BUT still-

I've heard it- I can relate to you on that end as far as time wise I cant help you there. IF I were in your situation though, and my man was facing that, I'd still stay with him. I love him WAY to much to let anything get in the way of our love

To ease your mind though I would say the best girls to go to are in the longterm or liferz threads
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Old 10-05-2009, 08:47 PM
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At first mine told me that. And I found out it was because he had been hurt so bad in the past. He told me we can be friends this will be hard on you and I understand that you have a life to live outside of here. And I want you to be happy. And I just woman slapped in the face and said listen her babe screw them other women I am not them I am not leaving you once I am in I am in end of story. So what you have a good little time left who cares not me I am here for you and for us. That really changed his oppion about things he started really opening up and being so emotional it really touched my heart. Cause for once in his life someone showed him the true meaning of love and someone loved him for him and not because he was this or that. Someone love him for his good and bad. They accepted him fully and wouldnt change anything about him. Now he babbles to his mother how god does have a someone specail for everyone and how god sent me and my daughter to him and now he believes in love and feeling love inside. i was shocked to see someone whom felt like they didnt belong like they wasnt worthy of love or anything. So when I woman slapped him he know see's...After 6 months of writing and talking he proposed to me..And were happily in love. I never give up on him and I always let him know how much he is loved and I am always their in spirt and on the front line for him.....I love my baby!
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Old 10-05-2009, 08:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mindtwin View Post
Hi everybody,

my boyfriend is serving life (with still two appeals left). Lately he said to me that if they´ll turn his appeals down he wants me to go ahead and search for somebody to be there for me the way I deserve it and no more to put my life on hold for him!!! Hell, he is my life and I don´t put anything on hold. Just this thought he had there "shocked" me. I told him to forget about this fast and that I fell in love with him when he was inside there already. Whenever I want to talk about the future he says, let us talk this over when I am once out. It is like he gave himself, his dreams and hope up. So I am also grateful for "chin up"-ideas.

Thank you all
It sounds to me that he loves and cares enough about you that he would want you to be with someone if his appeals don't work.....he is not being selfish like so many men would be and saying he wants you there no matter what......although I understand where you are coming from I think it is the ultimate love to be able to let someone go if you see there is no chance of getting out.....just my thoughts....sounds like a good man
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Old 05-19-2010, 03:41 AM
downundergirl downundergirl is offline
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My man says similar every now and again. He thinks he doesn't deserve me at times. We've talked about it and he's always glad i say i don't want no one else. Men get insecure too and need to hear it just as much as we do (although they don't admit it!)
It's hard for them to imagine the future at times, all they see is life in there. They live a whole other world...
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  #7  
Old 05-23-2010, 08:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mindtwin View Post
Hi everybody,

my boyfriend is serving life (with still two appeals left). Lately he said to me that if they´ll turn his appeals down he wants me to go ahead and search for somebody to be there for me the way I deserve it and no more to put my life on hold for him!!! Hell, he is my life and I don´t put anything on hold. Just this thought he had there "shocked" me. I told him to forget about this fast and that I fell in love with him when he was inside there already. Whenever I want to talk about the future he says, let us talk this over when I am once out. It is like he gave himself, his dreams and hope up. So I am also grateful for "chin up"-ideas.

Thank you all
oh yes,, every now and then.. but.. he don´t mean it! he say`s it if he gets frusrated and he he actually fears that i might meet someone else.. he explained to me that his biggest fear us that someone else could steel my heart- and he is very afraid.. see, my hubby and me doing this ride since about 11 years and- we are married- we just waived our rights to get divorced ever- it is notarized and legally worldwide.. so it made him feel more secure. and i did it- because i want him to believe that i will always be there for him! now- i can`t get divorced anymore- even if i wanted to.. soo- he( and me too) is feeling much more secure.. for me.. it wasn`t a big thing to sign this.. and get it notarized- Because IT IS EITHER HIM OR NO-ONE!! so . actually i felt like it , always, but now there is not change about it possible anymore.. feel me?? OUR men, live with the daily fear that we might meet somone else out here- and it scares the shit out of them, since they locked up in there! try and make him feel a little more secure about you.. i believe that he really cares about you- so why not making him feeling better if possible.. it is so damn hard for them in there, and at times to have a girlfriend/ wife on the outside is making a little harder for them, because they always worry about us out here..i hope you understand what I`M trying to say.. HANG IN THERE- i´m sure this is what he actually meant :-)
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  #8  
Old 05-23-2010, 09:08 AM
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My husband said the same thing when he got sentenced. He is serving 7 yrs. of a 9 yr. 4 month sentence. I told him "I married you for better or worse", I am not going anywhere and you were there for me when I was depressed and laying in bed all day and took care of our kids during that time. I am in this for the long haul. I admire the woman that are devoted to the lifers, even though I would do it, it would be trying at times. Good luck to you and I pray that the appeal turns out the way it is meant to.
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Old 05-24-2010, 05:30 AM
erinmichaels erinmichaels is offline
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I understand why you would take this hard. It wasnt an easy decision for him to make either I imagine. He hasnt given up hope, he probably never will no-matter how his appeals play out. But he HAS to look to the worst. Hope for the best, yes....just cant hope to hard. He see´s appeal denials all around him. He has heard the stories. Having your hopes smashed is an extremely traumatic experience. So he, at best, can only be "cautiously optimistic".

And if he is willing to let you go make a life for yourself.....hear "I love you" in his sentiment.
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  #10  
Old 05-28-2010, 01:46 PM
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Yes. He's said it in the sense that if you meet someone and decide it's something you want to pursue just be honest with me. He wants me to be happy no matter what that means to him. Makes me love him that much more! We've talked about it on numerous occasions, I don't want to be with anyone else. Realisticly I don't how I'll feel in the future, but the important part is we are very much in love and very happy right now. One day at a time!
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