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  #1  
Old 05-09-2013, 10:06 PM
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dluvneg217 dluvneg217 is offline
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Default Jail brought us back together

I met my guy a few months after he was released from prison. We hit it off immediately. For months we had a beautiful relationship, we connected. I was good to him and he was good to me. Then one night he got a DWI while on parole and everything seemed to go downhill from there.

Parole never violated him for the DWI and while at the time I was happy they didn't, I really wish they would have. If they would have violated him I know his life would be so much different now.

He wasn't held for the DWI, he wasn't violated...so while going to court he will still on the streets. Eventually though he lost hope and Ben though he still kept both his jobs he wasn't living life right. I don't know exactly what was going on because eventually he left me. I was unaware of the life he was living.

And though it hurt so much to lose him, eventually I gave up and I tried my best to move on with my life. Then I got a call a few months after our breakup telling me he was shot and it didn't sound good. I was afraid he was dead, but thankfully that wasn't the case. The person who robbed him was trying to kill him but thankfully God didn't feel it was his time.

Since we weren't really on speaking terms I stayed in the background and got his progress updates from his mom and sister. Eventually one day he requested me to come see him. It was so hard. I seen him once at the hospital at his request and it was hard. He was still going through the DWI case so I took on the responsibility of dealing with the attorney since I already had been dealing with him. We got the court dates adjourned and then once he was released from the hospital, I went to his court dates with him until it was over.

After that we didn't talk for some months. That was last year. Then this year he reappeared in my life. Starting coming around more often. And of course I still loved him so I didn't push him away....but I also didn't stop my life for him. And I ended up meeting someone who I was really feeling so I told my ex about it and he was cool and said he would back off. That lasted a week and then he was back in my life. He told me that he would not let me go no matter what.

I was upset, yet at the same time flattered that he was finally fighting for me..so I decided to give him a chance. Some days he made me happy, but it wasn't enough and that day we argued. I truly thought that was the end of our saga....but I was wrong. Less than a week later he was arrested again for another DWI. And of course he called me...so now I'm back in his life.

I want him in my life, I really don't want him to leave....but I didn't want it this way and I'm on the fence because I don't know if he wants me back in his life because he knows ill stick by him during this rough time or because he just does truly love me like he says he does. You just never know when someone is in jail. You never know if their words are truth or lies.

I am sticking by his side...yet I'm still very cautious and afraid of how bad my heart will hurt if he disregards me whenever he does come home.
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  #2  
Old 05-10-2013, 08:35 AM
Mattys_Secret Mattys_Secret is offline
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Originally Posted by dluvneg217 View Post
You just never know when someone is in jail. You never know if their words are truth or lies.

I am sticking by his side...yet I'm still very cautious and afraid of how bad my heart will hurt if he disregards me whenever he does come home.
When reading this, this part of your post reminded me of me. I originally responded with "never a truer quote" but it got deleted as a junk post...So let me explain. When I was with my darlin' before he 'went away' he played this game where he would tell me one thing and then say something completely opposite later. I never knew if he was really into me...After he got locked up I wrote everyday for 4 months before he told my sister he had fallen inlove with me. I found myself wondering if he was telling her cause he knew she would tell me...and was playing a game..or if he really loved me. Then he told me he had fallen inlove with me. And that he wanted to start a relationship when he came home cause it was unfair to me for him to start a relationship while he was there...my response was "whenever you're ready to start a relationship, Im ready, Im waiting for you regardless...faithfully. Im inlove with you, I dont want anyone else" And with that being said, the next thing I knew, he was calling me his wife, calling me his girl, etc. See, I've been sending him money and visiting all along, so he didnt NEED to tell me these things to get them. But I wonder all the time if he knows that...

Now here's what I've decided for myself. I believe that if our love is true it is worth the risk of getting heart. Because a love like that only comes so often, and you're lucky if you find it. I trust in him, and if I get hurt in the end, if it all ends up being lies... I was atleast happy while we were together. And I will just have to build myself up and get over it. There are risks in every relationship you get into, Not just prison relationships. If I were to start dating someone who is free.... he could be playing me too. So, yeah, definitely you never know...

I know what you mean about the heartbreak though. It's one that will hurt tremendously.
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  #3  
Old 05-10-2013, 09:21 AM
Mickeygirl Mickeygirl is offline
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Originally Posted by dluvneg217 View Post
I met my guy a few months after he was released from prison. We hit it off immediately. For months we had a beautiful relationship, we connected. I was good to him and he was good to me. Then one night he got a DWI while on parole and everything seemed to go downhill from there.

Parole never violated him for the DWI and while at the time I was happy they didn't, I really wish they would have. If they would have violated him I know his life would be so much different now.

He wasn't held for the DWI, he wasn't violated...so while going to court he will still on the streets. Eventually though he lost hope and Ben though he still kept both his jobs he wasn't living life right. I don't know exactly what was going on because eventually he left me. I was unaware of the life he was living.

And though it hurt so much to lose him, eventually I gave up and I tried my best to move on with my life. Then I got a call a few months after our breakup telling me he was shot and it didn't sound good. I was afraid he was dead, but thankfully that wasn't the case. The person who robbed him was trying to kill him but thankfully God didn't feel it was his time.

Since we weren't really on speaking terms I stayed in the background and got his progress updates from his mom and sister. Eventually one day he requested me to come see him. It was so hard. I seen him once at the hospital at his request and it was hard. He was still going through the DWI case so I took on the responsibility of dealing with the attorney since I already had been dealing with him. We got the court dates adjourned and then once he was released from the hospital, I went to his court dates with him until it was over.

After that we didn't talk for some months. That was last year. Then this year he reappeared in my life. Starting coming around more often. And of course I still loved him so I didn't push him away....but I also didn't stop my life for him. And I ended up meeting someone who I was really feeling so I told my ex about it and he was cool and said he would back off. That lasted a week and then he was back in my life. He told me that he would not let me go no matter what.

I was upset, yet at the same time flattered that he was finally fighting for me..so I decided to give him a chance. Some days he made me happy, but it wasn't enough and that day we argued. I truly thought that was the end of our saga....but I was wrong. Less than a week later he was arrested again for another DWI. And of course he called me...so now I'm back in his life.

I want him in my life, I really don't want him to leave....but I didn't want it this way and I'm on the fence because I don't know if he wants me back in his life because he knows ill stick by him during this rough time or because he just does truly love me like he says he does. You just never know when someone is in jail. You never know if their words are truth or lies.

I am sticking by his side...yet I'm still very cautious and afraid of how bad my heart will hurt if he disregards me whenever he does come home.
IMO, from what you said it sounds like he truly does care about you deeply but it also sounds like he has a problem with alchohol. from my experience until he deals with his "problem" he will never beable to love you like he wants and you need. so the decision is do you stick around till he figures it all out or not. I did and it was worth it but it took him hitting rock bottom and the courts forcing him to quit drinking but it was worth it because now he is the man i always knew he was and he loves me more than i ever expected from any man. but i could be completely wrong about ur man having a drinking problem and if that is the case, sorry no offense.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:02 AM
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I mean this more gently than I can express, and I will say this because I am concerned...

I know that what we post is hardly a summary of our relationships, but, after reading this, I was left with "what do you get from this relationship?"

Are you truly involved in a romantic relationship, or are you "saving" him? It sounds like you are his "go to" person when everything hits the fan. And that can be flattering, validating...and some stuff that isn't so healthy. He gets himself into these situations. He sounds like he has a serious problem with alcohol and needs help. You cannot be the source of that help.

Go to Alanon. Start to look at the disease and your role. Understand what you do and why... Consider seeing a counselor. It really is ok for you to be with someone who loves you, tries to meet your needs and gives himself freely to you. Your wants and needs matter and should not be the first thing to be back-burnered because he creates chaos. And if there is much more in this relationship than what I surmise, counseling and alanon will only make it stronger. I wish you the best!
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  #5  
Old 05-10-2013, 10:41 AM
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dluvneg217 dluvneg217 is offline
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Originally Posted by InsomniaCT View Post
I mean this more gently than I can express, and I will say this because I am concerned...

I know that what we post is hardly a summary of our relationships, but, after reading this, I was left with "what do you get from this relationship?"

Are you truly involved in a romantic relationship, or are you "saving" him? It sounds like you are his "go to" person when everything hits the fan. And that can be flattering, validating...and some stuff that isn't so healthy. He gets himself into these situations. He sounds like he has a serious problem with alcohol and needs help. You cannot be the source of that help.

Go to Alanon. Start to look at the disease and your role. Understand what you do and why... Consider seeing a counselor. It really is ok for you to be with someone who loves you, tries to meet your needs and gives himself freely to you. Your wants and needs matter and should not be the first thing to be back-burnered because he creates chaos. And if there is much more in this relationship than what I surmise, counseling and alanon will only make it stronger. I wish you the best!
You are correct he has a problem with alcohol and I know I can't help him, he must help himself. After his first DWI he voluntarily put himself in a program and he was doing good until he got shot. He fell back off the ladder.

And yes I have always been there when he needed me and never turned my back as a friend...but also kept going on with my life. But I can say this even with all his problems when I needed him he was there for me as well as a friend.

And yes he went back in and I write, I accept calls, I visit, I go to his court dates and I communicate with his family. I'm there for him. But I know he's not just taking advantage of me. He provides me with the money to be able to accept his calls. He doesn't ask anything monetary of me. He writes to me and doesn't call too often because he knows I have two jobs and other responsibilities. And the biggest thing is he has already made the first step by admitting his fault.

Yes I'm afraid that when he comes home he may back away from me, but not because he doesn't love me, but I sense he feels like he doesn't deserve me.

When I met him and was initially with him, I saw the beautiful man he truly is. I know I can't bring that man back out, that's something he must do...but I will be here by his side if he chooses to do that.
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  #6  
Old 05-10-2013, 10:47 AM
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dluvneg217 dluvneg217 is offline
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Oh and yea even though we became great friends, we've always had the romance. I know I can't save him and I don't try to. I just love him.
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