Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

JerryB2012 · #1 05-05-2012, 04:28 AM

My story probably sounds like many others. My now 19 yr old son was arrested a little over a year ago and spent 4 months in jail before being convicted of a felony and sentenced to prison BUT he was allowed to be in a drug court program that if completed would allow for his sentence to be eliminated and even his felony conviction withheld. He was doing everything perfectly on schedule in this drug court program and in fact was scheduled to finish it next month. Friday afternoon we received a call from him in jail due to a violation of the terms of the program. My heart is now broken. He is looking at going to prison. He is a 19 yr old kid that got into drugs and now his life is basically over. He is devastated and I am completely and hopelessly lost. I do not know where to turn and in searching the internet I found this forum that hopefully can help to ease my suffering. I have never, ever experienced pain like this not even the first time he was arrested. Please pray for my son and my family. We are going to need it.

Sheryl P. · #2 05-05-2012, 04:46 AM

I will pray for your son and family.
I am so sorry a violation is sending your son to prison.
Many young men get sent to prison,survive and get out determined to make a better future for themselves.
He will have challenges and it will not be easy but with your love and support he will be fine.
He will still have a future.Maybe not the best one he could have had but many people bulid great lives after prison.

jim2705 · #3 05-05-2012, 06:02 AM

Jerry
I have written the same letter not but a few months ago since my 22 son is currently in jail without bond facing a series of felony charges and a DUI. He was free on bond and on probation for a unrelated wreckless driving. All he had to do was stay out of trouble and deal with his legal issues one by one but untreated alcoholism contributed to his continuing criminal behavior. This week he has landed back in jail because of some new charges, they revoked his bond and there he sits. It is the hardest thing I have had to endure. I have come to terms that he has done this to himself and while I want to be able to come in and fix everything as usual there are some things that need to play out by themselves. I have started going to a few al anon meetings that have helped me understand how I need to deal with what is going on. Its amazing how many people have been there before. I don't think my son would have ever been able to turn his life around on his own had the brakes not been put on and he end up in jail as horrible as that is. He was a runaway train. Getting locked up might have saved his life. I really believe this. Sometimes you need to honestly reflect on what is happening. Remember this is his life that has taken this turn and you have to be able to step back and "let the natural course of events play out". Trying to constantly "fix" things for him becomes too overwhelming and can be impossible to do. Things will settle down and while the sadness in your heart will be there you will learn to live with it. Do not feel guilty though, this is not about you. All my energy and resources over the last year have been spent dealing with my son and these problems and in the end everything I did and all the money I spent didn't fix anything. Eventually things will settle down and you will begin to move forward with your life instead of being consumed with his. He will survive this and so will you. Take care of your family now, they need you.
I don't know how long you have been dealing with this but I have just begun this journey of my son being incarcerated. He hasn't even gone to trial yet so I don't know what the ultimate outcome will be. But God has a plan for all of us and will never give us more than we can handle. Stay faithful and be a source of encouragement and strength to your son. This forum has been a great source of
solace for me. I havent posted much but I read a lot. There is good information and many caring compassionate people that are here to listen and offer a few words of encouragement. Sometimes that's all you need to get you through the next day. You and your family have our prayers.

God Bless

mandymoo · #4 05-05-2012, 09:11 AM

Jerry and Jim, we went through six years of our son's addiction,his loss of job, car, everything, resulting theft charges, arrests. He was older though, didn't start drugs until age 21. He ended up serving three and a half years for four felonies. The court process was horrendous, we were in our fifties/sixties then, my husband with a bad heart. We all survived, our son turned his life around, the sentence saved his life. He has a good job, having recently moved up to management (his employer is a former addict who was very willing to give him a chance) and he has his own place. Things can change. It feels so hopeless and heartbreaking and scary now, I know. Right now, Jerry is one day at a time for you,and don't take care of yourself. Jim, you are right, this has to play itself out. Good for both of you for seeking out support. I don't know what I would have done without this forum!

mandymoo · #5 05-05-2012, 09:13 AM

Of course I meant to say Don't FORGET to take care of yourself, no edit button!

dbd335 · #6 05-05-2012, 06:14 PM

the early days of shock, disappointment, fear, and regret can be overwhelming but as others have said being locked up is not the worst thing - the worst would be the pattern continuing and your son never even having a life - my son has said repeatedly that being arrested saved his life - he is looking forward to a full happy life - with a positive attitude and determination your son will have that same outlook hopefully sooner than later - my prayers are with you and your son - we all understand how difficult the situation is - please keep coming back - blessings

JerryB2012 · #7 05-06-2012, 04:07 AM

Thank you all for sharing your stories and your encouragement. It is so incredibly helpful and comforting.

beadingjaz · #8 05-06-2012, 02:38 PM

Your post truly touched my heart, I too am broken hearted. I am the mother of a 21 year old that has never been in trouble before and just transferred to Jackson Classification and Diagnostic Center. I miss him so much. I just wanted you to know you are not alone and I will pray for your family as well as mines and all of us who are walking this painful path.

RuthieBee · #9 05-06-2012, 02:47 PM

his life is not over. He is not dead. Just in trouble. Take a breath. His life is not over, but clearly it will be harder for him than it was for you. You will find support here, and I wish you nothing but peace. He is alive, and not high on drugs--there are two things right there to be thankful of.

tripsgirl · #10 05-06-2012, 02:48 PM

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I have personally put my family through the same thing.
I'm going through drug court right now & believe me it's not easy battling with addiction.
All you can do is pray for the best & when he's ready to change he will.

Olderthanmost · #11 05-06-2012, 03:01 PM

Jerry, folks here like Jim and the other's really care and they want to help you. They know the hurt and they have experienced the pain. Unless someone has walked in my moccasins, they can't feel what I am feeling. I know for a fact, that when my world started spinning out of control, I thought things would never get better. But they did! Yours will also. Your son will have time to think about what has happened! He can come out of this a stronger, wiser person. I hope that you can find peace! Don't forget to take care of yourself!

1bird2 · #12 05-06-2012, 08:12 PM

lBess your heart Jerry, I'm so sorry for your pain...and your son's pain...I can tell you for sure, there is still HOPE for the future.....there always is. I am thankful that you found your way to us...we understand, we know, and we care deeply and will walk with you every step of the way....and it won't always be as mind-numbing as it is right now....you are in the eye of the storm....where everything is painful and uncertain....and nothing feels good.....this will calm down in time. You will find MANY success stories contained in these forums.....and lots of HOPE...and things to be thankful for. I will trust God to take care of you and your son....He will do that.
You will make it THROUGH this.....your son WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS....we are here for you and we are praying for the very best....
Stay close and keep us up to date....and we'll keep praying our way THROUGH it all.
Love and prayers,
XXOO

tglsmom · #13 05-07-2012, 01:28 PM

Welcome, Jerry. Like many of the others here, we have been through the same things with our son. It really is sad to see our kids self-destruct, but we have all found out that the changes need to come from them, not us. Prison has saved my son's life. I don't want him to be where he is, but he is still alive, he is sober and he is growing up. I focus on the fact that he has another chance at life. With his addiction spinning out of control, that might not have been possible. Never give up hope that your son will learn from his mistakes and finally make the changes necessary to have a fulfilling life. It may take a while, but it is definitely possible.

Please come back often - we are here to encourage, support and let you know that you are not alone.

tglsmom · #14 05-07-2012, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tripsgirl

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I have personally put my family through the same thing.
I'm going through drug court right now & believe me it's not easy battling with addiction.
All you can do is pray for the best & when he's ready to change he will.

Thanks for posting, tripsgirl. I wish you all the best getting through drug court. I know from watching my son battle his addictions that it is not easy. I hope you make it and I hope that your life will get better and better. Good luck to you!

DannysFM · #15 05-07-2012, 08:00 PM

Jerry, I can so relate to what you are going through. My son, who just turned 18 a month ago, was arrested on a felony last year. He was given the chance to go through drug court and get treatment, and in return would not have a felony on his record. He only made it through a month of treatment before he absconded and spent some time as a fugitive, got found of course and was hauled back to jail to serve out his sentence. When he ran from treatment I was furious, brokenhearted, terrified, desperate...I could not understand how he could throw away such an opportunity, and I was so devastated I felt as though I could not breathe. I did not think I would ever feel okay again.

I thank God every day for the other parents here at PTO, because I could never have made it through that experience alone. You do not have to make it through alone, either. We have been where you are, and we understand, and we will get through this with you.

You will not feel this lost and terrible forever; it will get better with time. It doesn't seem possible now, but it will.

I will certainly keep you, your son, and your family in my prayers. Keep us posted on how things are going. We are here for you.

wickit · #16 05-08-2012, 11:03 PM

WELCOME TO PTO!
I am so sorry t o hear what you have been going through! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Be sure to check out our other forums for more support and information.

iminprisontoo · #17 05-10-2012, 01:37 PM

Welcome to this site. It has been very helpful to me. It has been 4 months since my son went to prison but 1 year and 4 months of court hearing and all that. I felt the same way as you, his life is ruined, and I don't know how long your son is in but try to take it one day at a time. If you can I know that is hard.

Hairy

tripsgirl · #18 05-10-2012, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tglsmom

Thanks for posting, tripsgirl. I wish you all the best getting through drug court. I know from watching my son battle his addictions that it is not easy. I hope you make it and I hope that your life will get better and better. Good luck to you!

Thank you so much. I've been doing a lot better. Especially with the encouragement from my fiancee & everyone on here.

tglsmom · #19 05-10-2012, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tripsgirl

Thank you so much. I've been doing a lot better. Especially with the encouragement from my fiancee & everyone on here.

You're very welcome, tripsgirl. Just remember - you CAN do this. Don't give up. Take it one day at a time. Lean on those who love you and everyone here. We're pulling for you!!

JerryB2012 · #20 06-16-2012, 07:57 AM

My son was transferred on Thursday from the local County Jail to the State Facility where he will be evaluated and ultimately moved to the boot camp program in a facility about 7 hours from our home. We knew that he would be going soon but it was still a shock. At least when he was here locally we could see him 3x per week and speak to him on the telephone daily. We have not heard from him since Wednesday night and each day that passes we get more and more worried. We've located him via the state's on-line inmate search tool so we're going to write to him but we expected that he'd get one call when he got there and he'd let us know he was ok. All I can think about is that my little boy is now officially a man at 19 yrs old and it's all on him now. I have tried to protect him his whole life, probably to his detriment, and now I can do nothing for him and I feel helpless. I hate this feeling.

sacesdad · #21 06-16-2012, 12:02 PM

Jerry, Jim, and anyone else going through all of this pain while watching your child be incarcerated, this forum continually gives us all hope and encouragement so that we can stay sane. I'm sorry that your child is incarcerated, but it is at this point that oftentimes we as parents need to step up. Our kids now feel sorry, guilty, and ashamed, as well as a host of other negative emotions that will serve to keep them in their addicted low self esteem mindsets. Try getting some education for your child in the way of GED, community college print based education, etc. Since they have time on their hands, let them be educated so that when they get out they will have accomplished something. Our children are not bad kids, but have made some poor decisions that have rocked their world. Their life is NOT over and they need to be reminded of that often. Maybe they have a skill that can help them start their own business? Depending on how long they will be incarcerated, there are people that will give them a second chance because they have been there. Check out social services to see who these people are. If they won't help you, start networking here on anywhere. Also, for many of us, is the addiction due to an undiagnosed mental health condition? Please have your child tested if there behavior has been erratic, they know right from wrong yet keep making these poor decisions. It could be that they are bipolar and have been in a manic state for a while. Meds can help here as well as rehab. Good luck to all of you. You will be in my prayers.

4ever love · #22 06-16-2012, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JerryB2012

My son was transferred on Thursday from the local County Jail to the State Facility where he will be evaluated and ultimately moved to the boot camp program in a facility about 7 hours from our home. We knew that he would be going soon but it was still a shock. At least when he was here locally we could see him 3x per week and speak to him on the telephone daily. We have not heard from him since Wednesday night and each day that passes we get more and more worried. We've located him via the state's on-line inmate search tool so we're going to write to him but we expected that he'd get one call when he got there and he'd let us know he was ok. All I can think about is that my little boy is now officially a man at 19 yrs old and it's all on him now. I have tried to protect him his whole life, probably to his detriment, and now I can do nothing for him and I feel helpless. I hate this feeling.

I am the fiance of a man who's incarcerated at a fire camp here in CA. He's much older than your son. Ditto with his father and mother too. They too felt so helpless and angry.

It was the best thing that could happen to him. He's learned how to be a wildland firefighter, cuts line right with the USFS/Cal Fire guys/gals. He learn to get up early Mon-Fri and work for $1.45 day, fight fires for $1/hr.

He is doing so well. He has accomplished so much. Everyone is excited. He has already filled out and sent to the Battalion Chief here, a State application for a career! Yes, one with overtime and benefits! I tell him he's right where God wants him to be. He's been sober for a good amount of time now, clear head, and is making great strides.

Hang in there! Your son might be adjusting to all this. You'll get that call and that letter. I also wanted to thank you for sharing. It's always refreshing to hear from the father's perspective on things too!

JerryB2012 · #23 06-20-2012, 10:04 PM

We finally got a phone call from our son who was transferred to the "reception" center last week. What an incredible relief to hear his voice and know he is ok. He is being assessed and will be transferred in the next week or two to the boot camp or the drug treatment program. Either way this is progress and he is dealing with it. No complaints just a realization he made some bad choices and ended up there all on his own. At least we will sleep tonight.

laneyb · #24 06-20-2012, 11:08 PM

it is always good to hear their voice! I'm so happy progress is being made! Will keep you in my prayers

innotime · #25 06-21-2012, 02:37 AM

Glad you were able to hear from your son.