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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 01-20-2019, 04:21 PM
Devoted79 Devoted79 is offline
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Default I may have outgrown him. What to do?

Hey Ladies,

So I have a question. Iíve been married for 20 years and my husband went back to jail after being free for 6 years. He hasnít always been the greatest husband. We went through years of many affairs and lies. We have three kids and things seem to be good in the last 6 months before he was locked up. My dilemma is I wonder if he is being faithful to me now that heís incarcerated and should I wait for him after all the mess he has put me through? My career is taking off and I honestly believe that I have outgrown him. I have so many goals and things I want to do but I honestly am unhappy. I feel like we are on different pages now. The young me did the jail thing with him on and off for 20 years but the older me questions of this is what I want to keep doing. He tells me this is the last time. But I just donít know if we are even seeing the same goals in life. What do you guys think I should do??
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  #2  
Old 01-20-2019, 04:28 PM
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You have time to figure yourself out now. You have time to focus on yourself. It's a shame he's locked up, but I'm assuming it was because of his choices...choices that were about him and not you. So while he's living the life HE'S chosen, create a life YOU choose.

If he ends up fitting into that life when he's out, that's awesome for you and your kiddos. If not? People grow apart and change. It's just the way life goes.

If you aren't sure what to do,you don't have to make any decisions right away. You don't have to promise to ride it out with him no matter what. You can just see how things go. If you want to walk away, no one can fault you.
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Old 01-20-2019, 04:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WeepingWillow View Post
You have time to figure yourself out now. You have time to focus on yourself. It's a shame he's locked up, but I'm assuming it was because of his choices...choices that were about him and not you. So while he's living the life HE'S chosen, create a life YOU choose.

If he ends up fitting into that life when he's out, that's awesome for you and your kiddos. If not? People grow apart and change. It's just the way life goes.

If you aren't sure what to do,you don't have to make any decisions right away. You don't have to promise to ride it out with him no matter what. You can just see how things go. If you want to walk away, no one can fault you.






Thank you weeping willow. I am backed in a corner. I am trying to buy a bigger home and continue to build up my life for me and my children but I just feel that he holds me down. I feel like I could find someone who can be my equal. Provide financially like I do not hold me down.
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Old 01-20-2019, 11:02 PM
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It sounds like you know what you want and he is a setback rather than a partner. It's not easy to admit that someone isn't right for us anymore. But once we've done it, the feeling of freedom is immense. As WW said, you don't have to decide right now. But allow yourself to feel what it's like to be on your own and if it feels like that right path, you have every right to take it.
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Old 01-21-2019, 02:05 PM
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May I ask how long his sentence is? I am guessing your children are in their teens. How do they feel about his incarceration? Do they have any idea you are thinking about moving on? If so, how do they feel about it? I don't expect you to answer all of these questions. I just think those are important for you deciding. Your children need a healthy environment to grow in. They need positive role models that they can follow. You will have a part in how often they can go visit, etc.

I guess my point is, this decision is not just about you, but also what is best for them. Like WW and Miamac said, you have a little time to figure this out, grow and determine if you can continue the road with him or not.
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Old 01-21-2019, 03:35 PM
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I say if a man can’t stop going to jail I should leave him his kids and his wife isn’t important enough
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Old 01-21-2019, 05:07 PM
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There comes a point where you cut your losses and move on. It sounds like maybe you have reached that point with him.


If you are not happy, if you don't want to wait anymore and if you don't think he's going to change (or even if he might change, that the change will not change your mind,) then I think your hunch that you have "outgrown" him is correct. There is nothing that obligates us to our LOs if we reach a point where we realize the relationship is not right for us.


Whatever you choose to do, I wish you luck.
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