Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Raising Children with Parents in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-07-2018, 12:59 PM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 107
Thanked 208 Times in 130 Posts
Unhappy Court ordered that she talks to him: hearing his voice brings bad memories.

My daughters bio father has been in jail since she was about 1 1/2 years she's now almost 4.... She doesn't really remember him, regardless of us(me and the person she actually calls daddy) showing her pictures and telling her about him. Also when he does write (only 7ish letters in the last 2 years). She says that's not my daddy, i don't like him. We have never said anything bad about him in front of her or really ever since we just don't really talk about him unless he writes. I have more letters from him...
Well he hasn't called... until today, we were napping though and my phone was on silent... He left a voice mail and just barely him speaking his name... brings back memories.... bad memories... she has mental issues from him.... im so scared that the voice will bring back memories that she's fighting so hard to get over back
any advice??
its also court ordered that she talks to him...

Last edited by jordan321; 04-07-2018 at 01:32 PM..
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 04-08-2018, 10:19 AM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is offline
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 24,659
Thanks: 7,154
Thanked 30,623 Times in 11,025 Posts
Default

Take your daughter to a therapist! Don't tell the therapist too much, just concentrate on the facts. Then see what the course of their conversation is. See if there's a way for the to work out a way to comply with the court order. Alternatively, if the therapist comes to a sense that the conversations with her father are not good for her right now, then you ask for a notarized statement, or possible in-person testimony in front of a family-court judge.
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
Fridyrr.Likn (04-09-2018), His_Queen13 (04-08-2018), mg81 (09-07-2018), priceam (04-09-2018)
  #3  
Old 04-08-2018, 11:01 AM
AndyS's Avatar
AndyS AndyS is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Texas US
Posts: 1,371
Thanks: 1,744
Thanked 2,758 Times in 957 Posts
Default

I find it so irresponsible and damaging for a judge to order that a small child of four that hasn’t even had a relationship with the father talk to him on the phone. How in the world did this happen? It’s unbelievable. Then add to that you have to fund the phone calls? Never mind that he has to reimburse you. How is that enforced?

If it were me I’d hire an attorney and put a quick stop to this. How could a child of this age even comprehend letters or phone calls from a stranger. I’m not saying terminate rights but is ridiculous that this is something that is court ordered for this young of a child.
__________________
A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of a sheep.

ďAbsorb what is useful, Discard what is not, Add what is uniquely your ownĒ
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to AndyS For This Useful Post:
ItsMe81 (04-08-2018), xolady (04-09-2018)
  #4  
Old 04-08-2018, 02:53 PM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 107
Thanked 208 Times in 130 Posts
Default

She does see a therapist, she has been for a while. However, the therapist says since she is so young and unable to pin point things, it will be very hard to "blame" him for her issues. Even though he said it's obvious, but that his attorney can easily fight it off. But we are going to record the conversation and see how she acts and everything like that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimuay View Post
Take your daughter to a therapist! Don't tell the therapist too much, just concentrate on the facts. Then see what the course of their conversation is. See if there's a way for the to work out a way to comply with the court order. Alternatively, if the therapist comes to a sense that the conversations with her father are not good for her right now, then you ask for a notarized statement, or possible in-person testimony in front of a family-court judge.

Last edited by jordan321; 04-08-2018 at 02:57 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-08-2018, 02:56 PM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 107
Thanked 208 Times in 130 Posts
Default

Our court order is all types of fucked up. We have an attorney now helping us get it changed. Because it also states that she can't call anyone else Dad or daddy besides him, we break that rules daily because wtf her daddy is the guy that is with her everyday and raising her. We are getting it fixed but since it is in a different state we have to get it transferred, if they don't want to transfer it or he puts up a fight then we have to go to court all over again, go back to arizona and everything. Our attorney says that until it's changed we have to comply. He did say we could chose to ignore it, BUT it will look super bad on us if we do and then theres a big change that it will not be changed. We have to show proof that it is not good for her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndyS View Post
I find it so irresponsible and damaging for a judge to order that a small child of four that hasnít even had a relationship with the father talk to him on the phone. How in the world did this happen? Itís unbelievable. Then add to that you have to fund the phone calls? Never mind that he has to reimburse you. How is that enforced?

If it were me Iíd hire an attorney and put a quick stop to this. How could a child of this age even comprehend letters or phone calls from a stranger. Iím not saying terminate rights but is ridiculous that this is something that is court ordered for this young of a child.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-08-2018, 04:36 PM
AndyS's Avatar
AndyS AndyS is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Texas US
Posts: 1,371
Thanks: 1,744
Thanked 2,758 Times in 957 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jordan321 View Post
Our court order is all types of fucked up. We have an attorney now helping us get it changed. Because it also states that she can't call anyone else Dad or daddy besides him, we break that rules daily because wtf her daddy is the guy that is with her everyday and raising her. We are getting it fixed but since it is in a different state we have to get it transferred, if they don't want to transfer it or he puts up a fight then we have to go to court all over again, go back to arizona and everything. Our attorney says that until it's changed we have to comply. He did say we could chose to ignore it, BUT it will look super bad on us if we do and then theres a big change that it will not be changed. We have to show proof that it is not good for her.
Iíve never heard of a court stating a child canít call someone else Dad. How would they even enforce that?
__________________
A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of a sheep.

ďAbsorb what is useful, Discard what is not, Add what is uniquely your ownĒ
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-08-2018, 05:40 PM
CenTexLyn CenTexLyn is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: TX-US
Posts: 14,888
Thanks: 648
Thanked 11,062 Times in 5,992 Posts
Default

I can see a court directing that the child be made available for calls, but there is NO way that a Court can direct that a four-year old engage in a conversation. Let him call and let her say she doesn't want to talk. Then the Court Order has been satisfied by making the child available...
Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to CenTexLyn For This Useful Post:
4mychildrenonly (05-18-2018), AndyS (04-08-2018), fbopnomore (04-08-2018), Fridyrr.Likn (04-09-2018), His_Queen13 (04-08-2018), ItsMe81 (04-08-2018), Ms Sunny (04-09-2018), Nickel Timer (04-15-2018), nimuay (04-08-2018), sidewalker (04-09-2018)
  #8  
Old 04-08-2018, 05:55 PM
safran's Avatar
safran safran is offline
Owned
 

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Azkaban
Posts: 3,204
Thanks: 1,295
Thanked 4,014 Times in 1,835 Posts
Default

I'm 100% with Tex on this.

Every time I try to envision "making" a 4-year-old have a conversation I start laughing.
__________________
Owned
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to safran For This Useful Post:
CenTexLyn (04-08-2018), fbopnomore (04-08-2018), Fridyrr.Likn (04-09-2018), jordan321 (04-09-2018), sidewalker (04-09-2018), xolady (04-09-2018)
  #9  
Old 04-09-2018, 07:05 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is offline
CA, LASO, site sug. SUPER MOD

PTO Super Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ca usa
Posts: 30,771
Thanks: 54,099
Thanked 28,695 Times in 14,450 Posts
Default

**Every time I try to envision "making" a 4-year-old have a conversation I start laughing.***


so true! There are exceptions but not usually.
I dont understand the not calling your husband dad if he's the one doing most of the *dadding*
I would continue to not *bad mouth* the bio dad as you have been.

I like centex's response......hand her the phone and if she hangs it up...oh well.
You cant make her talk to him.
__________________
My windows aren't dirty

That's my dog's nose art

Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to sidewalker For This Useful Post:
CenTexLyn (04-09-2018), Fridyrr.Likn (04-09-2018), jordan321 (04-09-2018), xolady (04-09-2018)
  #10  
Old 04-09-2018, 08:20 AM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 107
Thanked 208 Times in 130 Posts
Default

Thats what i said!!!! They can't enforce it unless he takes us to court i guess... i'm not really sure the judges thinking when he put that in there!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndyS View Post
Iíve never heard of a court stating a child canít call someone else Dad. How would they even enforce that?
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-09-2018, 08:22 AM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 107
Thanked 208 Times in 130 Posts
Default

we had to basically cry for the judge to not make it mandated that we take her to go see him... They cant FORCE but he can bring it up in court that we did not follow court orders and thatll just cost us more time and money

Quote:
Originally Posted by CenTexLyn View Post
I can see a court directing that the child be made available for calls, but there is NO way that a Court can direct that a four-year old engage in a conversation. Let him call and let her say she doesn't want to talk. Then the Court Order has been satisfied by making the child available...
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-09-2018, 08:24 AM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 107
Thanked 208 Times in 130 Posts
Default

RIGHT! I really dont understand why our court order is the way it is, maybe the judge has a thing for felons... who knows. i just hope our lawyer now makes the changes happen fast.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sidewalker View Post
**Every time I try to envision "making" a 4-year-old have a conversation I start laughing.***


so true! There are exceptions but not usually.
I dont understand the not calling your husband dad if he's the one doing most of the *dadding*
I would continue to not *bad mouth* the bio dad as you have been.

I like centex's response......hand her the phone and if she hangs it up...oh well.
You cant make her talk to him.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to jordan321 For This Useful Post:
xolady (04-09-2018)
  #13  
Old 04-09-2018, 09:55 AM
Fridyrr.Likn's Avatar
Fridyrr.Likn Fridyrr.Likn is offline
Heathen Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Casa Grande, AZ
Posts: 3,184
Thanks: 8,658
Thanked 3,983 Times in 1,742 Posts
Default

My nearly 4 year old has a WONDERFUL relationship with her father who's been locked up since she was 9 months old. She absolutely knows that he's her daddy and she visits twice a month....

Even with all that I can't make her talk to him on the phone. Some days she's in a bad mood and doesn't want to talk. You can't MAKE a 4 year old do anything!

So if the court order says he gets to call her (until you can get it changed)...let him call, hand her the phone and if she talks she talks, if not...nothing you can do. She can tell him that she doesn't want to talk and hang up.
__________________
KENDRA
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Fridyrr.Likn For This Useful Post:
bmoreicon (04-25-2018), fbopnomore (04-09-2018), jordan321 (04-09-2018), xolady (04-09-2018)
  #14  
Old 04-09-2018, 11:19 AM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,522
Thanks: 153
Thanked 2,932 Times in 1,790 Posts
Default

She doesn't remember him but she remembers his voice?? That just seems odd to me. But anyway my advice would be to encourage a relationship especially if it's court ordered. You might as well be positive about the situation because if your not she won't be. Good luck
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to nygirl17 For This Useful Post:
xolady (04-09-2018)
  #15  
Old 04-09-2018, 11:24 AM
Fridyrr.Likn's Avatar
Fridyrr.Likn Fridyrr.Likn is offline
Heathen Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Casa Grande, AZ
Posts: 3,184
Thanks: 8,658
Thanked 3,983 Times in 1,742 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nygirl17 View Post
She doesn't remember him but she remembers his voice?? That just seems odd to me. But anyway my advice would be to encourage a relationship especially if it's court ordered. You might as well be positive about the situation because if your not she won't be. Good luck
I would assume he was a part of something traumatic that happened to her. She may not remember him specifically but his voice brings back the traumatic feeling.

My daughter was 9 months old when my house got raided. She doesn't "remember" the event. Fast forward a year and a half from then and we were watching a show that had a raid scene in it and she starts screaming "nooo daddy noooo". So while she doesn't remember or know what happened. She remembers the trauma behind it.

My cousin doesn't know or remember her father....her only memory of him was when he raped her when she was 3. Trauma is a powerful thing.

The OP pointed out that her and her new partner show the child pictures of her father and talk to her about who he is adding that they never speak ill of him. However, if the father wasn't a positive part of her life, and her mother's new partner is, it makes a great deal of sense that the child would cling to the new daddy and dismiss her father. Children are incredibly adaptive and resilient.
__________________
KENDRA
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Fridyrr.Likn For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (04-09-2018), xolady (04-09-2018)
  #16  
Old 04-09-2018, 01:01 PM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 107
Thanked 208 Times in 130 Posts
Default

Yes, thank you! I too, thought it was weird when the therapist talks about "she doesnt know him, but she remembers him." But then I think about to, babies can hear their mothers voices while in the stomach so while they are young, their brains are working and all their senses are there.
Which is why we think she says he does not like him. She can't tell us why, all it is is "i don't like him mommy and daddy". and we leave it at that.

I am sorry your cousin went through that. That is such a terrible thing.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Fridyrr.Likn View Post
I would assume he was a part of something traumatic that happened to her. She may not remember him specifically but his voice brings back the traumatic feeling.

My daughter was 9 months old when my house got raided. She doesn't "remember" the event. Fast forward a year and a half from then and we were watching a show that had a raid scene in it and she starts screaming "nooo daddy noooo". So while she doesn't remember or know what happened. She remembers the trauma behind it.

My cousin doesn't know or remember her father....her only memory of him was when he raped her when she was 3. Trauma is a powerful thing.

The OP pointed out that her and her new partner show the child pictures of her father and talk to her about who he is adding that they never speak ill of him. However, if the father wasn't a positive part of her life, and her mother's new partner is, it makes a great deal of sense that the child would cling to the new daddy and dismiss her father. Children are incredibly adaptive and resilient.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to jordan321 For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (04-09-2018), Fridyrr.Likn (04-09-2018)
  #17  
Old 04-09-2018, 01:08 PM
Fridyrr.Likn's Avatar
Fridyrr.Likn Fridyrr.Likn is offline
Heathen Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Casa Grande, AZ
Posts: 3,184
Thanks: 8,658
Thanked 3,983 Times in 1,742 Posts
Default

As she gets older (maybe 8 or 9) she may be able to somewhat better work through her emotions and she may decide that she wants to get to know him, or not. Of course continue with therapy and comply with the court order (I'd still try to change it though). If it comes to going back to court have your attorney subpoena your therapist to testify at court. Be honest and open with her, tell her it's okay to have feelings. You're doing a great job! Good luck hun!
__________________
KENDRA
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Fridyrr.Likn For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (04-09-2018), safran (04-09-2018)
  #18  
Old 04-09-2018, 03:17 PM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is offline
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 24,659
Thanks: 7,154
Thanked 30,623 Times in 11,025 Posts
Default

A piece of a story....I left my husband when my son was 9 months old. He was an angry abusive addict (this all showed up after the marriage), and had done insane things like knock me into a closet when I was holding the baby, putting my tooth through my lip. We didn't see him again for many, many years, and he only ever called once.

At my son's 10th birthday party, my brother David was helping me wrangle active little boys in a pizza party (a make your own pizza thing). My son was absolutely brutal to him. After all the kids left, I called him downstairs and asked him what was going on. Little by little, we figured it out - my husband was also named David, and he associated the name with what he called "angry colors flying around the air"....clearly my husband, since my brother was as non-violent as a human can be.

10 years, and he had seen my brother David hundreds of times, seen his cousin David, seen my cousin David, heard my dad called David....but something put it together for him that night. It took a good while to separate the Davids and get the blame and shadow off my brother.

Even after my brother died, my son was still mourning the fact that he had been so vile to him. I had to assure him that brother Dave had understood and did not blame him.

10 years, folks. That's how long his sense of fear and anger, formed before he was 9 months old, stuck around.
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (04-09-2018), Fridyrr.Likn (04-09-2018), LifeTraveler (04-10-2018), xolady (04-09-2018)
  #19  
Old 04-10-2018, 08:39 AM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 107
Thanked 208 Times in 130 Posts
Default

Yes it is so true what they say "you will forget the words someone told you, but you will always remember how they made you feel.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nimuay View Post
A piece of a story....I left my husband when my son was 9 months old. He was an angry abusive addict (this all showed up after the marriage), and had done insane things like knock me into a closet when I was holding the baby, putting my tooth through my lip. We didn't see him again for many, many years, and he only ever called once.

At my son's 10th birthday party, my brother David was helping me wrangle active little boys in a pizza party (a make your own pizza thing). My son was absolutely brutal to him. After all the kids left, I called him downstairs and asked him what was going on. Little by little, we figured it out - my husband was also named David, and he associated the name with what he called "angry colors flying around the air"....clearly my husband, since my brother was as non-violent as a human can be.

10 years, and he had seen my brother David hundreds of times, seen his cousin David, seen my cousin David, heard my dad called David....but something put it together for him that night. It took a good while to separate the Davids and get the blame and shadow off my brother.

Even after my brother died, my son was still mourning the fact that he had been so vile to him. I had to assure him that brother Dave had understood and did not blame him.

10 years, folks. That's how long his sense of fear and anger, formed before he was 9 months old, stuck around.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to jordan321 For This Useful Post:
Fridyrr.Likn (04-10-2018), nimuay (04-10-2018)
  #20  
Old 04-14-2018, 06:22 PM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 107
Thanked 208 Times in 130 Posts
Default

UPDATE!!

well on Thursday I had a 15 minute phone call with him .. the first 3 minutes my heart was pounding so fast and I just wanted to hang up but for my daughter , I sucked it up and actually had a surprisingly decent convo.
he FINALLY talked about how he treated her and he's a fucked up father and how he's really trying to change. His voice was different, softer and words not slurred like it used to be daily. Yet to apologize to me however about all the abuse I went through. but that's neither here nor there.


Friday night he called again... this time for her. I was so scared but thankfully she did not have a bad reaction. she talked to him very little and he was trying to ask her questions but he was saying even though shes not really talking to him, hes thankful that he can hear her voice and it's now happy and no bad reaction as she did in the past.

my husband and I have had a long talk and discussion about him. My husband really wants to adopt her and I want him too. that's her daddy and boo dad to her is "tio" that is who he has become to her no matter what we say he is. she does not like him as her daddy. unfortunately the only way to do that is terminate bio dads rights. We are not to sad about doing that as , we want to protect her , he could always relapse once hes out, and this time she'll be old enough to know what's being said and going on. we are not doing this to keep him away, he will still be able to call her , write & visit a in our home if he & she want once hes out. hopefully once it gets to the point , IF his rights are terminated he will still try.

all I ever wanted was him to change, at least for her. I don't want her to not have her real dad in her life if he continues too try and actually change. but I have to protect my babygirl from the monster I know he can be.

plus her daddy deserves to be able to have rights as I do.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to jordan321 For This Useful Post:
Fridyrr.Likn (04-14-2018)
  #21  
Old 04-14-2018, 11:13 PM
Itshardtowait Itshardtowait is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Idaho-USA
Posts: 184
Thanks: 289
Thanked 126 Times in 61 Posts
Default

Can you terminate his rights? Doesn’t he have to agree to that? My ex daughter in law tried to terminate my sons parental rights, she couldn’t even though her new husband wanted to adopt them (My son was never violent) so I presume that could make a difference.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 04-15-2018, 08:00 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is offline
CA, LASO, site sug. SUPER MOD

PTO Super Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ca usa
Posts: 30,771
Thanks: 54,099
Thanked 28,695 Times in 14,450 Posts
Default

I just want to point out again......she is 4.(almost)
Her feelings will change often as to what she wants and does not want.
She may not understand at this point about having two daddy's.
I'd hold off on trying to terminate his rights. There really IS no rush
Plus her bio dad may actually get his sh** together, and be a good father.
It remains to be seen
Your husband can still be daddy too. Not unusual at all in these times to have a step dad and a bio dad.

(Im just thinking....it could come back to bite you in the butt later on in life...ya know? Think teenage years. If he does not get his act together and your daughter is open to the idea of her *daddy* being her legal, real daddy...then try)

Add: glad he and you talked and it went well.
__________________
My windows aren't dirty

That's my dog's nose art

Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sidewalker For This Useful Post:
Fridyrr.Likn (04-23-2018), Itshardtowait (04-16-2018)
  #23  
Old 04-15-2018, 08:18 AM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 107
Thanked 208 Times in 130 Posts
Default

yes we can because hell be in jail for over 4 years.
he doesn't have to agree, would it be easier if he agreed? yes but he is in for violent offenses and continues to get time added for violence
Quote:
Originally Posted by Itshardtowait View Post
Can you terminate his rights? Doesnít he have to agree to that? My ex daughter in law tried to terminate my sons parental rights, she couldnít even though her new husband wanted to adopt them (My son was never violent) so I presume that could make a difference.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to jordan321 For This Useful Post:
sidewalker (04-15-2018)
  #24  
Old 04-15-2018, 08:28 AM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 107
Thanked 208 Times in 130 Posts
Default

I see your point but there's also my point.
he can still be daddy just not legally. there's many violent parts to the story
my mother made the choice for me and I NEVER even met my father. but from what his family and my mom's family has said,
it was for a good reason and that he never changed like he said he would. I both thank my mom and resent her at the same time.

which is why I've thought so hard about this and TRIED to be unbiased about violent fathers. but he can still be her life , write to her , call her , see her when he does get out & all that. BUT knowing the type of man he is , once his rights are terminated he will never write her again. that will be the big thing to if hes truly changed.
even more that his family is the one who said we should terminate his rights (especially his brother in jail with him) brings me to believe he has not changed. but that will be for courts and family courts to decide.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sidewalker View Post
I just want to point out again......she is 4.(almost)
Her feelings will change often as to what she wants and does not want.
She may not understand at this point about having two daddy's.
I'd hold off on trying to terminate his rights. There really IS no rush
Plus her bio dad may actually get his sh** together, and be a good father.
It remains to be seen
Your husband can still be daddy too. Not unusual at all in these times to have a step dad and a bio dad.

(Im just thinking....it could come back to bite you in the butt later on in life...ya know? Think teenage years. If he does not get his act together and your daughter is open to the idea of her *daddy* being her legal, real daddy...then try)

Add: glad he and you talked and it went well.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to jordan321 For This Useful Post:
sidewalker (04-15-2018)
  #25  
Old 04-15-2018, 08:29 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is offline
CA, LASO, site sug. SUPER MOD

PTO Super Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ca usa
Posts: 30,771
Thanks: 54,099
Thanked 28,695 Times in 14,450 Posts
Default

* continues to get time added for violence*

well then it does not seem he's changed alot.
If he does have visitation its gotta be monitored. (like you said, at your home with others present, or another third party)
__________________
My windows aren't dirty

That's my dog's nose art

Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Inmate Hearing Brings Extra Fire Power Imani California Member Introductions & Bull in Session Lounge 0 05-21-2008 04:00 AM
To some jurists, high court rulings brings vindication Morris1 California Prison & Criminal Justice News & Events + 3 Strikes 0 12-11-2007 10:27 AM
Decades-Long Effort Brings Inmate To Top Court Imani California Prison & Criminal Justice News & Events + 3 Strikes 0 10-05-2007 03:27 AM
offer=X->trial->i got go hearing(ordered) pipi4444 Probation, Parole & Supervision 0 01-10-2007 04:10 AM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:34 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics