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  #26  
Old 04-16-2018, 07:21 AM
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Not trying to be a *debbie downer* but......if this question was just one of those....If wishes were horses type post then.....
I'd want to be exactly where I am. With hub. Close to where we both grew up, and lived and loved our whole lives.
There are other areas of CA that I'd be interested in at some point but not yet.

Patrick is right however. If he's going to be on supervision he will go where he's told to go. Unless he applies for a transfer of supervision to someplace else, and is approved. Not really being a downer, just keeping it honest.

edit: Florida, NY, and Texas are not on my list at all! lol.
1200 a month? That would get you a closet here.
I'm talking a closet I couldn't afford to live anywhere decent once I sold my house. I had no idea until I started looking for rentals!!! I was looking at the beach and roads off the beach and forget about it 3-4 thousand a month. Just crazy. Plus first last and security!!!b It's cheaper to buy a house where I am now then to rent an apartment for 6 months in Florida!!!LOL
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  #27  
Old 04-16-2018, 07:22 AM
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Side walker I wish my rent was that cheap... I am in norther California where we pay over 2000 for a 1 bedroom . And yes this is a what if post lol just trying to have a little positivity through all the darkness and missing my LO
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  #28  
Old 04-16-2018, 07:44 AM
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Im in nor cal as well.
Up in the county that lost over 4000 homes.
So yeah...rentals are sky high.
upward of 3000.00 a month.
I couldnt afford to live here if my hub didnt buy this house back in the 80's.
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  #29  
Old 04-16-2018, 10:07 AM
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You guys make me so grateful to live in the areas I've been in. I won't go bug-eyed now when I see a 2 bedroom going for 1k a month. But I plan to move to upstate NY before he comes home. His mother and son are already established there and he did a short-term probation in NY before he had to turn himself back in. We've both agreed that it wouldn't be good for him or his son to come back to Montana.
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  #30  
Old 04-16-2018, 10:25 AM
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Im in nor cal as well.
Up in the county that lost over 4000 homes.
So yeah...rentals are sky high.
upward of 3000.00 a month.
I couldnt afford to live here if my hub didnt buy this house back in the 80's.


Yikes I hate California so much lol
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  #31  
Old 04-16-2018, 10:44 AM
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We have talked about it once or twice, but we'll see what happens when he's home. I think a fresh start somewhere far is a good thing...
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Old 04-16-2018, 11:30 AM
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So before you decide to relocate check out a place very well. See what same charges your loved on has in the new place would be.
You mean you don't recommend moving to a place you've only seen on the internet?

I'm trying to be funny because that's what I did. Sorta. I'm NOT advising this, but it's what I did.

When I moved states I flew to my "new town" for a long weekend, bought a house, flew back to Oregon, packed up my house, sold my parents home, packed them up and we ALL drove down here to live. Neither of my parents had ever been to Arizona and I'd been there about 10 days total in my life. Talk about a mind *$&%.

My husband, at the time, was still staring down another 15 years. So that wasn't much of a factor except that I wanted to be able to drive for visitation. A whole lot can change in 15 years. Or, in our case, two years as he's now eligible for earlier parole consideration due to a change in laws (pray for us!!).

But xolady is right-- really check into things that will be affected by your loved one's felony status. I did, even though we didn't expect him home anytime soon. A lot of the neighborhoods here are associations. His felony status could have been an issue so I chose a home not located in an association. I also bought slightly out of town so it would be a slower pace and less people/traffic/activity but close enough to town the an employment commute isn't unreasonable.
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  #33  
Old 04-16-2018, 11:45 AM
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I had lived in Birmingham about 15 years ago. Only for about 8 months I loved it, totally different from where I ended up moving to but had I been smarter then a 5th grader I would have again did a trip to see what was really up where I was moving. But not me I had to do it the hard way!!!LOL I'm happy now with where I live but it took about a year of looking then applying at about 10 different places. My husband never could have lived here and even with out his record he'd have gone crazy with all the stupid stuff here. We both lived in a 24-7 type life style so being in bum-f-d Alambama while extremely cheap to rent it's boring as hell, I can find legal things to occupy my time he'd have been back in a hellhole Alabama prison. If we had moved together we would have had to be in a big city because there is nothing to do in the country that would have interested my husband.
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  #34  
Old 04-16-2018, 10:21 PM
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I want to move a couple hours from where we are now, the houses are way cheaper and we would still be in California, the problem is his ex moved back here from Arizona and now I get my little son every other weekend and it would be too hard to commute like that. She moves alot though so we will see what happens.
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  #35  
Old 04-17-2018, 06:49 AM
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I fear a lot of wives are like me and can adapt to most any situation or place but the men aren't as adaptable as after prison most want to have some excitement and fun. The only reason I choose where I moved was my friends Father has a Cement company and he was going to hire Andy as he before all the prison stuff was a heavy equipment operator. Here he could have gotten a decent good paying job. But in Florida he'd have had to be licensed and certified and couldn't be with his back ground. Thanks to the Florida governor!!! That was a huge factor in why I picked Alabama, steady employment was one of the main reasons to get out of Florida.

Last edited by xolady; 04-17-2018 at 06:51 AM..
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  #36  
Old 04-17-2018, 07:16 AM
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Ive heard so many negative things about Florida, I'd never move there.
And truth?
I DO like CA but not so cal.
we have a upcoming election where someone got on the ballot to divide CA into three states. (stupid idea on some levels, but it almost makes some sense. So Cal and Nor Cal are really really different)
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Old 04-17-2018, 08:07 AM
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It does sound stupid there was talk about doing that in Florida at one time but it came down to South Florida being a highly populated area, and supporting tax wise most of the state. Like property taxes are way higher in the south of Florida so they have better schools, roads , hospitals, not prisons!!!
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  #38  
Old 04-17-2018, 08:46 AM
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Should be all about where will they have most chance to succeed. That to me means family, job opportunities, cost of living. The law does not seem to care, just send them to County they were prosecuted. Maybe that can work out by some circumstance, but not by design.

I think about someone coming out after 10 or 15 years. They came from some expensive place in Orange County or the Bay area. They have to go back there to report to a PO in the district. If they have no family support, no money, and facing $2 to $2K per month for a place to live, how's that going to work? They need about $5K per month job real quick to have a chance. More likely going to end up sleeping in a tent in a riverbed.

If they have family that has moved or wants to be somewhere else and wants to support, that is exactly what they need. I hope that would be strongly considered and allow them to go there instead of County of infraction which makes no sense. Don't know, I've never had the experience.
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  #39  
Old 04-19-2018, 11:11 AM
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I've been thinking of having our son move with us to Oregon and having his parole transferred there if it can be arranged. I want him to move away from California because of the 3 strikes law and Oregon doesn't have this law at this time. At any rate, when he gets out, I would not want him to live in the City the incident happened in, as I'm sure the Sherrifs will see him as a "marked man", and it's hard enough to get your life together when you finish a prison term.

One thing though, is that southern California is so expensive to live, that it will make it very hard on him to be able to afford rent. Maybe that might be a reason to let him leave for another state.
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Old 04-19-2018, 11:18 AM
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Should be all about where will they have most chance to succeed. That to me means family, job opportunities, cost of living. The law does not seem to care, just send them to County they were prosecuted. Maybe that can work out by some circumstance, but not by design.

I think about someone coming out after 10 or 15 years. They came from some expensive place in Orange County or the Bay area. They have to go back there to report to a PO in the district. If they have no family support, no money, and facing $2 to $2K per month for a place to live, how's that going to work? They need about $5K per month job real quick to have a chance. More likely going to end up sleeping in a tent in a riverbed.

If they have family that has moved or wants to be somewhere else and wants to support, that is exactly what they need. I hope that would be strongly considered and allow them to go there instead of County of infraction which makes no sense. Don't know, I've never had the experience.
My thoughts exactly. I think my sons incarceration is going to change our retirement plans too. If they had given him a shorter sentence, he could have easily had a job at our family business (the DA knew this too). But now it means delaying retirement for quite some time (and I was hoping to retire in a few years). I guess we will semi retire now, instead of stepping out completely.
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  #41  
Old 04-20-2018, 11:04 AM
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I think my sons incarceration is going to change our retirement plans too.

I guess we will semi retire now, instead of stepping out completely.
That is an interesting point. Relates to theme of the thread re moving. Both are impacts on family. Incarceration has already affected my retirement significantly and yeah, potential of moving.

I realize it is all a choice. You can step back from LO's incarceration and not make major changes like these in your life, I would not blame anyone who decided that way. I think about the impact it's already had on me and will continue to have and, I guess, hope it will be worth it.
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  #42  
Old 04-20-2018, 11:19 AM
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Yes we will be moving probably Utah but I do think of his parole most likely not allowing him to go right away so hopefully he behaves until he can move.
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  #43  
Old 04-20-2018, 03:28 PM
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Yes we will be moving probably Utah but I do think of his parole most likely not allowing him to go right away so hopefully he behaves until he can move.


I am in the same boat as you my LO is from Bakersfield and wants to move to San Diego so we have our fingers crossed
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Old 04-20-2018, 05:34 PM
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LOL this whole thread is funny because honestly until you move you really have no idea how things will be. Florida has turned into a giant cesspool of the scum of the earth!! Some area's are cheaper to live then say NY but not where anyone would want to live. My husband and I had planned on moving to Alabama and starting over here well he died and I moved anyway. Very hard decision to start over when your middle aged, but I who had grown up in a different Florida couldn't afford to live there any more. Where I was from Broward County (FT. Laud.) the average rental for a 1 bdrm apt is $1200. a month that's not even close to the beach!! Average pay for store clerk or receptionist is $8-10. an hour. Public assistance is an average of 5 year waiting list. So before you decide to relocate check out a place very well. See what same charges your loved on has in the new place would be. Florida all felons must register, the laws are extremely narrow minded there and you can end up in a whole new disaster. I knew where I was moving and it brought on so many new challenges that I wasn't prepared for. Thankfully I've gotten thru most with keeping a cool head and just keeping at it until I found a workable doable situation.
I used to live in Alabama....would not recommend that state to anyone looking to move. However, I am VERY UNHAPPY where I am in Florida too. The only think keeping us here is the fact that our house is paid for.
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Old 04-20-2018, 05:50 PM
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I never knew FL has a felon registry until I learned that on here. Now I'm starting to research more on what states have it. I wonder what the purpose is for it there in FL?
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Old 04-20-2018, 06:34 PM
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I never knew FL has a felon registry until I learned that on here. Now I'm starting to research more on what states have it. I wonder what the purpose is for it there in FL?
The county I live in is one of those "good ol boy" places. I honestly think that they have it so that the cops can keep tabs on the felons and harrass them. My husband has been in county lock up since the first part of January of this year. I have just got them to stop following me everywhere I go...I forced one over and told him since he followed me to church, he needed to come in for the service because I knew he needed it as much or more than I did. This woman has had all she can take of this county.
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