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  #1  
Old 02-23-2008, 06:26 AM
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Default And now he's dying on me.......

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 1/2 years, through some very rough times and a few good ones. (He's been in and out of prison 3 times during our relationship. He's been out over a year now) He just told me the other night that 6 months ago when he was in a car accident, he went to the hospital. (Normally, he hates hospitals) He never told me that he went. Things have been really bad since then, he's been really tempermental & moody & we seem to fight more. We had a huge fight the other day which left me crying and not talking to him.

The next morning he tells me he's dying. That's what he found out when he went to the hospital. I know he's not lying, just by looking back at his recent actions and comments. He has not yet told me why he is dying. He said he didn't really want to tell me in the first place, which hurts that he would not share that with me.

I don't know what to do. I'm so very lost and confused and aching inside. I thought maybe someday we'd break up, go our seperate ways. But not this. I can't lose him like this. I just can't...........
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Old 02-23-2008, 06:32 AM
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Wow, Red - you drop back in to tell us that! I'm soooo sorry!

So this relationship never really got better, eh? And now . . .

Hugs, hon.
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Old 02-23-2008, 06:43 AM
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Your in my prayers...both of you!
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Old 02-23-2008, 07:26 AM
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(((((((((((Red))))))))))))
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Old 02-23-2008, 07:33 AM
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I am so sorry to read this. I wish you much peace and strength.
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Old 02-23-2008, 10:01 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear this (((HUGS)))
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Old 02-23-2008, 10:39 AM
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so sorry to hear about this (((hugs)) to you too.
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Old 02-23-2008, 10:48 AM
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Sorry, that's really hard. My hugs to you too.
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Old 02-23-2008, 11:00 AM
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Hugs And Prayers To You I Would Be Going Nuts Just The Thought Omg Many Prayers To Both...
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Old 02-23-2008, 11:34 AM
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I am so sorry ....... there are no words....

I worked for some years with dying people. so if I can be any help to you and you have questions, you can always pm me!
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Old 02-23-2008, 01:39 PM
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honey I lost my husband and soulmate of many years to cancer. We had 8 months from the time we found out. The road you are about to travel is a difficult one and I am sorry you must travel it. Please feel free to PM me anytime. I will keep the two of you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 02-23-2008, 01:55 PM
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Wow, im so sorry to read this. Sending you many hugs and prayers.
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Old 02-23-2008, 09:12 PM
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I'm so sorry. I am a hospice nurse, please let me know if I can do anything.
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Old 02-23-2008, 09:34 PM
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WOW...I am soo sorry to hear this...I don't even know what to say My thoughts are with you and your man Best wishes!!!!!!! Hugs
-Jackie
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Old 02-23-2008, 09:42 PM
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Are you legally allowed to view his medical paperwork? If you are, maybe you could call his dr. and find out what the problem is? I'm really sorry Red, I wish I had something more comforting to say.
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Old 02-23-2008, 10:19 PM
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Red...i am sorry you got this news. And its kind of hitting me because i just had my first day of training to be a Hospice volunteer today.
I read what the others posted and there are some that work in Hospice i see, and i dont know, but i just have this feeling that something is amiss here, and i dont mean to be insensitive or seem as though im not compassionate, but something does not seem to add up here.
I apologize in advance if i am way off track here, and i feel for you and i hope you do get the answers you need.
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Old 02-24-2008, 01:06 AM
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He still won't tell me what is going on. He said never to ask about it again. I know he's not lying. Looking back there are too many things he's said that make sense now. I can't understand why he won't tell me though. We've been together for so long, we're practically married. He's always calling me "his wife". I hate to push him to tell me, but I just think I have the right to know.

Oh yeah, he's not employed, so he has no health insurance. He also a great hatred against hospitals and a ***HUGE*** phobia of needles.
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Old 02-24-2008, 03:38 AM
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Red, you say you are practical married, in your first statement you say, you may one day walk a differnt path one day.... respect your feelings of wanting maybe to walk a differnt path! just in case: you can be there for him and walking a differnt path....

I understand you hate to push him.. but how to be there for somebody if not knowing what he goes trough?

and what reason can it have he does not want to speak about? did you think about that?

what do YOU suppose he has?

you dont have to answer... but like WEndy I feel there is more behind all this. I dont want to presume... but the other side I am a psychiatric nurse! and my question at the moment is more: how are YOU!
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Old 02-24-2008, 04:38 AM
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I'm so sorry for you and him. My prayers go out to you both.
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Old 02-24-2008, 05:25 AM
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I did ask him why he would not tell me, he said "I'm not discussing this with you. Don't bring it up again". I really have no idea what he has (other than he did say it was not AIDS). I'm guessing that when he went to the hospital, they must have done x-rays or an MRI or CT scan and seen something. What I have no idea.

I suffer from Major depression and anxiety, so this is just beyond hard for me anyway. It's only been 2 1/2 days since he told me. My world is falling apart. And he is a very secretive person (like alot of guys who have been in prison) and he doesn't want me to talk about it with friends or family. The only other person I have is my therapist. But that's only once every 3 weeks. I'd go to a support group, but I really just want to spend as much time with him as possible.
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Old 02-24-2008, 07:14 AM
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Red, that kind of secretiveness tends to come in two flavors - low self-esteem (if I tell you this thing about me it will show a weakness, a bad thing that I don't want you to know) and manipulative (I have a secret, you don't deserve to know it). From what I remember of your old posts, he's got a lot of flavor 2 to him, probably mixed with a little of flavor 1. You don't have to stand for it, you know. You have every right to know what is tearing your life apart.
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Old 02-24-2008, 07:23 AM
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red, you have this place and your man has to understand you also need things in your life! Aids is one thing, Hepatitis the other. for you it is an easy thing: ask him about. you CAN respect his privacy when you are certain there is no danger for yourself.
but you should watch out how YOU feel. you have needs to and there is no use in falling apart! it does not help anybody! remember always: if we want to be able to be ther for an other, we first have to take care for ourself!
however, you have the offer to pm me, whenever you need that. I will answer as soon I get on a pc, the next month this might be difficult, but I will do my best.
and you have a wonderful name here in the forum.... there is a deep power in the phoenix! also a phoenix is falling apart in some moments, but only to be reborn again and being even stronger then before! all feelings are FEELINGS and they have a reason why they are with us! there are many many times I am just crying!!!! and I guess crying is known by most of those they write here!
red... your man does have the right to not tell you, IF there is no danger coming from him for you. if you worry, let him know. just ask him to undestand your side as well.... often later on the path, the door gets open, so he may talk. but i have to say, sometimes this comes late....
get a hug and take care for you!
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Old 02-24-2008, 08:32 AM
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Red when i seen this post I was shocked. I thought that you were not with him anymore cause of the way he treated you. This is a sad situation. I'm so sorry that your heart is breaking and you are going though such a hard time. But my other side is like if he will not tell you then I would not believe him it is like a game and he has the upper hand in it. I could be wrong but he will not tell you what is killing him I would wonder if it is really in anything. My ex use to play with me like this. He was always dying of something. He is sick but not enough to die at least not yet. that might sound cold but you can cry for someone so much.. I really hope that he will be ok but I think that you really need to think about what he is saying to you.
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Old 02-24-2008, 01:46 PM
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Old 02-24-2008, 01:51 PM
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redd ~ I'm so sorry to hear of this. I hope you get the information you deserve. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through but I'm here for you honey.

Patty
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